Toshi: Tacos!
Stephano: Homosexuals will one day take over the world!
xTMEx: Ok then...Um, I think that will settle for a hello...Anyways, como Đ˜stas everybody?
Everybody: Bien, y tu?
xTMEx: Muy muy bien...(takes a huge breath) ME GUSTA TACOS MUY MUY MUCHO! Si...si...
Stephano: ME GUSTA TACOS MUY MUY MUCHO, TAMBIEN! Dunno if I said that right or not, but who gives a crap?
xTMEx: Not me! Yeah. Yaya. Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya...Ya...I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK! (Looks at Sasuke with puppy eyes) Sasuke, can you get me a gwass of chocowate milk? Pweeeeeeeease?
Toshi: I like chocolate milk, but I'm lactose intolerant, so GIVE ME JUICE!
Sasuke: (Looks at Kiyo and Toshi weird) Uh...Sssssure...I'm just gonna go get that glass of chocolate milk and juice for ya...(runs off, never to return)
xTMEx: He's not coming back...Is he?
Stephano and Toshi: (Shakes head) Nuh-uh.
xTMEx: Hmm. I sense a chasing montage...GET BACK HERE SASUKE! I'M GONNA BEAT YOU LIKE A DRUM, BOY!
Sasuke: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELP ME SOMEBODY! (Bumps into someone) Sorry...(Looks up) ITACHI?
Itachi: ...
xTMEx, Stephano, and Toshi: (Skids to a stop to see Sasuke "with" Itachi)
xTMEx: (gasps) INCEST! INCEST!
Sasuke: WHAT?
Itachi: (Yells) What the HELL are you talking about, woman?
xTMEx: Oh, I think you know very well what I'm talking about Itachi...
Itachi: WHAT THE -beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-?
xTMEx: (gasps) Such LANGUAGE! Say you're sorry, Mr. Potty mouth! (throws a bar of soap at Itachi, which hits him in the head) WASH YOU'RE MOUTH OUT NOW MISTER!
Itachi: Make me!
xTMEx: Is that so huh? Oh, I have ways of making you...(shoves bar of soap into Itachi's mouth)
Itachi: AHHH! AHHH! AHHH-- Ooh, it tastes like strawberries!
Stephano: (sighs) As Kiyo and the incestuous duo-
Sasuke and Itachi: SHUT UP!
Stephano: Ahem...and the brothers on crack settle this, here is Chapter Threeeeeeeeee...
Toshi: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Disclaimer! (drags Barett in) Read the disclaimer!
Disclaimer: xXxTickleMeEmoxXx doesn't own anything but her happiness, insanity, and her tacos. And Kiyone. ALSO, Stephano Hungary owns Ryoko and Hakari...And her notion that homosexuals will take over the world. Yep, that's how it is, readers.
--------------------------------------------------
- Chapter 3: The Ultimate Showdown! -
"So, anyways, who is he?" Kiyone asked, curious about the boy leaning against the tree.
"That's Sasuke Uchiha, of the renowned Uchiha clan. His brother, Itachi, whom I know personally, killed the whole clan except for Sasuke." Ryoko explained.
"That's harsh." Inuyasha commented.
"You betcha. Hey, he's coming over here." Ryoko said.
Sasuke had seen them and decided to find out who they were, since they seemed suspicious to him, and he had never seen them before. Sasuke looked the three over when he spotted Kiyone. He walked over to her and looked her straight in the eye. Kiyone gave him a defiant look and a cold stare.
"You...What's your name?" Sasuke questioned. Kiyone closed her eyes and laughed a little.
"It's common courtesy to state your own name before asking of another's." She said with a smirk.
"Hmph. Aren't you the smart one?"
"Yep. Yeesh, this guy's attitude is almost as bad as yours, Inuyasha." Kiyone said. Inuyasha crossed his arms and looked away.
"Psh..."
Sakura and Ino, who were about 50 feet away from Sasuke, were fuming. (A/N - Haha, I love to make Sakura and Ino jealous)
"H-He actually approached that girl! And he asked for her name! That never happened to us. She must be disposed of!" Ino rambled.
"I agree Ino-pig!" Sakura agreed.
"Wouldja stop calling me that, billboard brow?" Kiyone's ear twitched and she looked over Sasuke's shoulder. Her eyes widened at the sight of Sakura's forehead.
'Wow, that pink haired girl's forehead is huge! I mean, holy crap, it's enourmous!' She thought. She kept listening to what they were saying and figured that they were complete idiots.
"INO, THAT GIRL MUST DIE!" Sakura said in a demonic voice.
'Jesus, I wouldn't be surprised if this girl was the friggin' Anti-Christ!' Kiyone thought.
Kiyone pondered a bit on what to do when an evil smile appeared on her face.
'I'll just humiliate the hell outta her...'
"I'd like to see you try Sakura!" She taunted. Everyone turned their attention to Sakura, even Sasuke who looked at her weird.
"H-How did she know my name? And she heard us! How'd she hear us?" Sakura frantically asked Ino. Kiyone drew her sword, and pointed it at Sakura.
"You want me to die so badly, huh? Well, I'll take you on right now, billboard bitch! Or...are you scared?" Kiyone said with a smirk on her face.
"Eep! Ino! She scares me! Let's run away and make waffles in a fireplace!" Sakura said while running in place really fast. (A/N - Picture it for a minute...Motor-mouth Sakura running in place reeeaally fast...There you go!)
"Yes! Let's, Sakura! RUN AWAYYYY!" Ino screamed. And so they ran for their lives, but accidentally tripped and fell in the fireplace.
"Wow that's gonna take a looooot of plastic surgery..." Ryoko said. Hakari nodded her head in agreement.
"You act like you have a bad attitude, but can you back it up?" Inuyasha asked. Sasuke turned to Inuyasha and looked at him.
"I was about to ask the same thing."
"Hey! I have an idea! How about you two have a 3-round contest?" Ryoko suggested.
"Yeah, good idea Ryoko. How about it guys? ...Guys?" Kiyone looked at Inuyasha and saw that the two were staring each other down.
"Fine by me. I'll kick this pipsqueak's ass."
"Hmph." Sasuke snorted. "Bring it on from anywhere!"
"My pleasure!"
"Uh guys, you okay?" Ryoko asked. They were staring each other down so badly, you could actually see the lightning coming from their eyes causing sparks. (A/N - You know like that one episode were Naruto and Sasuke stared each other down, and Naruto accidentally kissed him?)
Now Inuyasha and Sasuke looked too close for comfort, and Ryoko pushed Inuyasha to Sasuke, and they kissed. Kiyone's eye started twitching and she turned away in disgust.
"Aw, that's disgusting! God, I can't look..." Kiyone groaned. Inuyasha and Sasuke separated and started choking and spitting.
"Damn it! That's the second kiss stolen from me!" Sasuke exclaimed.
"Hah! You've never even kissed a girl? That's pitiful, from all the attention you were getting from those two harlots a while ago! -cough-" Inuyasha gloated, and coughed.
"Oh, and you have?" Sasuke retorted.
"Hey what about me!" Naruto complained.
"Oh, Naruto I forgot you were there. Hey, do you wanna help me narrate the contest Sasuke and Inuyasha are gonna have?" Ryoko said.
"Yeah sure! Prepare to lose, Sasuke!" Naruto screamed.
"Yeah whatever." Sasuke cooly replied.
"Alright guys, your first round is an eating contest. You guys need to eat all of this without throwing up. If both of you do, we'll give the win to whoever threw up less." Ryoko explained.
"Sasuke you're so screwed! This guy looks like a real eater!" Naruto joked.
"Alright ready? Set! GO!" Ryoko yelled.
"And they're off! Inuyasha and Sasuke are off to a good start, but it looks like Inuyasha's slowing down but still pacing himself!" Ryoko screamed into the microphone.
'Inuyasha must still be a little full, from all that ramen he ate. Which reminds me, did I pay that guy at the bar? Oh well, he won't miss it.' Ryoko thought.
"Oh, it looks like they're almost done Ryoko." Naruto spoke.
"Oh Naruto, I'm amazed at you're stupidity, because they're only halfway done you dumbass." Ryoko replied.
"Coming up next, Ryoko's weight."
"Go to hell, Naruto."
"Already there, Ryoko."
...Inuyasha and Sasuke just stopped...
"BLEEECH!" The both of them had finally hurled.
"You guys should've known you'd throw it all back up sooner or later! But noooooo, you men and your 'Oh I can take a little eating contest.' Just pitiful." Kiyone said. And when she took a breath, she practically died.
"OH MY GOD, THAT SMELLS!" Kiyone groaned.
"Ewwww, that's disgusting!" Ryoko moaned.
"Ahh! Hakari!" Hakari was in a corner flipped over on her backside with a flower in between her paws.
"Don't worry she didn't die." Kiyone said.
"Oh. Hey, uh, why don't you look to see who won?" Ryoko asked, pinching her nose.
"Can't...I'm gonna die..." Kiyone choked out.
"Oh come on, it's not gonna kill you."
"What did I just say?" Kiyone retorted as she took one huge breath and looked over.
"Holy cow, Inuyasha! You even threw up your ramen!" Kiyone shouted.
"Too...much...to...eat..." Inuyasha dazedly said. Then Kiyone looked over to Sasuke and saw that he definitely won the contest because he didn't have all that much.
"Ugh, Sasuke wins." Kiyone announced.
"Oh boy..." Kiyone had passed out and fallen over from the smell.
"I don't blame her for fainting becaausss-uh..." Ryoko had fainted too. -Thump- Naruto as well.
"Hey look, can we stop talking and get back to business guys?...Guys?" Sasuke said to himself.
"Ahhh great."
After recovering from their agonizing experience, everyone was getting ready for the second round of the contest.
"Ok people! The second round of the contest is...a race through the Forest of Death!" Ryoko cheerfully announced.
"Wow, it sounds so welcoming." Inuyasha said sarcastically as he looked up at the towering trees in the forest.
"No kidding...Goddamn, those trees are tall." Kiyone said, gaping at the scenery. "What are the rules for this round?" Sasuke asked.
"Weeeeelll...The first one to make it to the tower on the other side wins. Also, try not to die. Ok?" Ryoko chirped. Sasuke and Inuyasha looked at each other in fear from Ryoko's last remark when a giant blast of smoke covered the area.
"WHAT THE HELL?" Inuyasha exclaimed. The mass of smoke had finally disappeared to reveal a man on the back of a giant red toad.
"Jiraiya, the man who isn't a mountain hermit is HERE!" The man announced.
"Pervy Sage!" Naruto yelled.
"...Who?" Kiyone asked. Inuyasha slowly pointed up at the toad with his eye twitching up a storm.
"Is that a giant frog?" He asked in bewilderment.
"Of course I'm a frog! What did you expect?" The frog spoke.
"AHH! It can talk!" Inuyasha said, backing up so quickly, he accidentally fell over.
"Gamabunta." Jiraiya said.
"Got it." Gamabunta then disappeared and Jiraiya touched the ground, then walked over to Naruto.
"Naruto! How've ya been?"
"Pretty good, Pervy Sage." Naruto jokingly replied.
Kiyone and Inuyasha looked at each other with distressed looks on their faces.
"Oh no, not another one!" Kiyone yelled to the sky, being reminded of Miroku.
"Why? WHY?" Jiraiya noticed Kiyone while she was mindlessly ranting and walked over to her.
"Why, hello there miss." Kiyone cocked her head to the side and looked at him weird.
"Heh?" Jiraiya put his arm around her and was starting to freak her out.
"Erm..."
"How about we ditch these guys and go back to my place so we can get down...doggy style?" He said as he slowly lowered his hand towards -cough cough- Kiyo's "you-know-whats." Kiyone immediately started growling, then grabbed his arm and flipped him over her shoulder, sending him flying until he hit a nearby tree. She walked over to him and drew her sword, growling as she put the blade to Jiraiya's throat.
"Try that crap on me again, and I swear to you, blood will be shed, and it's not going to be mine, I can assure you that." Kiyone said in a tone that even Gaara would be scared of.
"Ok!" Jiraiya said in a small voice. Kiyone scoffed as she put her sword back in its sheath on her back and walked away.
As Jiraiya was starting to get back up, he was immediately pinned to the tree by the collar of his shirt, 2 feet off of ground.
"Touch her or say something to her like that again and you're a dead man, got it?" Inuyasha snarled. (A/N - Hmm...Someone's a little protective, don't you agree? Suspicious...) Jiraiya nodded his head really fast, hoping to god that he wasn't gonna kill him.
"Good." Inuyasha let go of Jiraiya's collar and walked back towards the others.
"See what you get yourself into?" Naruto asked. Jiraiya sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
"God, it never pays to be a pervert..."
"Super pervert." Naruto corrected him.
"That too." Jiraiya said.
"Uhhh...Now that that's settled, let's go ahead and get started, shall we?" Ryoko said in an English accent. Inuyasha and Sasuke started off at a mild sprint, but before they could get to full speed, Ryoko had intervened for another moment.
"Hey guys, wait!" Sasuke and Inuyasha had skidded to a stop, and had one earphone headset put on their heads.
"These are so Kiyone and I can make sure where you are, and we can talk to you on separate lines." Ryoko explained.
"Okay now, ready, steady...GO!" This time it was full on sprint through the gate.
"Come on, I'll take us to the tower at the end." Ryoko said. "Transportation Jutsu!"
And so they poofed (-poof-) all the way to the tower. When they got there, Ryoko paged both Inuyasha and Sasuke.
"Hey guys, just to let you know, if you'll look behind you you'll see four tigers chasing after you, willing to rip you limb from limb."
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Uh guys? Is everything okay?" Ryoko asked.
"Yeah, I think it came from somewhere else."
Somewhere else...
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sakura screamed.
"Ino, we burned our waffles!"
"I know!" Ino sobbed.
"Wait. Maybe there's still some time left to rescue them!"
"Right, let's save 'em!" Sakura agreed. So they jumped in the fireplace, they burned, no one helped them, and they died a horrible death...just kidding. They'll be in the hospital for a few weeks...dumbasses.
Back with Ryoko and Kiyone...
Ryoko and Kiyone were bending over the banister of the highest part of the tower, conversing with each other, not knowing that it greatly exposed their asses -cough cough-. Jiraiya noticed this and started to take advantage of the moment, he slowly walked over, and grabbed both of Kiyone and Ryoko's butts and they weren't very happy. Ryoko, Kiyone, and Hakari got up and hauntingly advanced towards Jiraiya.
"You know perv, I've had enough of your lecherous ways, and we'll be putting a stop to it, right...now."Kiyone said darkly while cracking her knuckles.
"Ohhh My GAWD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Somebody help me, dear Lord! I hate you Karma!" As you can clearly tell, that was Jiraiya.
Let's check out the damage!
He had 2 black eyes, a bloody nose, a bruised lip, a torn ear (courtesy of Hakari), 2 different shoes up his ass, a bruised stomach, 2 broken legs, and possibly internal bleeding.
"Damn that pesky perv!" Ryoko groaned. And for added measure, Ryoko stomped on Jiraiya's family jewels to how old he was...which is 50.
"My precious...No my precious!" Jiraiya moaned in pain.
"Hmph, now even I might feel sorry for the guy...Nah." Kiyone commented.
"Don't you think you should tell Inuyasha about Jiraiya's little 'endeavor?'" Ryoko asked.
"Uh...In English please?" Kiyone asked. "Should you tell Inuyasha about what Jiraiya did."
"Oh. Uh...Nah, I really don't think he could have done any better." Kiyone said while looking at a very damaged Jiraiya in a fetal position. -Flush-
"-sigh- Sorry I wasn't here for the first few minutes guys, I was in theeeeEEEE Holy crap! What the -BEEP- did you do to him?" Naruto exclaimed.
"He was feelin' us up again, so we showed him how Karma comes back 10 times worse as his actions!" Kiyone spoke.
"Bark!" Hakari said in agreement.
"Si." Ryoko said. "Oh boy, I feel a song coming on!" Ryoko shouted happily.
I live in Mexico
I work at Texico
I earn a dollar a day, ole!
I go to Wal-Mart
To buy a Pop tart
And then they take my dollar away, ole!
Kiyone and Ryoko had finished their song they had made up earlier. (A/N- You know, this reminds me of when Sora sings in Kingdom Hearts 2...Don't know why though.)
- Sasuke's POV -
"HOLY CRAP, IT'S GONNA KILL ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed. Two of the giant fur balls were chasing after him, obviously looking as if they were gonna tear him limb from limb.
"-crrrrsh(static)- Hey Sasuke? Are you dead yet?" Ryoko asked childishly from over the headset.
"What kind of a question is that?" Kiyone yelled from the background.
"No, but if I don't get to the tower soon, I will be! AAAAAAHHHHH! Sasuke out. -click- AHHHHHHH!"
- Inuyasha's POV -
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Good GOD, that kid can yell! He's gonna make me deaf if he doesn't shut up!" Inuyasha said angrily.
"-crrrsh- Hey, Inuyasha! How's everything going for ya?" Kiyone asked from over the headset.
"Just fine. I'm way ahead of those damn cats. They might not be able to catch up to me. Haha!"
"Well, I'm glad your doing good. Seems Sasuke isn't. He's gonna have a nervous breakdown from what I think, you know?"
"Yeah, he's gonna make me--"
"R-Ryoko, wouldja stop tryin to listen in on our conversation? Now what?"
"Nevermind...Oh damn it all! I slacked off so now those tigers caught up to me! That's it, I'm getting pissed off! WIND SCAR!"
"Reowwwwwwr..." The cats cried in agony.
"Inuyasha? Did you just do what I think you did? Where are you?" Kiyone asked.
"Uhhhhh...Look for a couple of falling trees...RUN AWAYYY!"
Kiyone ran over to the south side of the tower to see 5 trees fall down in a circle, then a white and black blob shoot up into the air.
"Hey, guys there's Inuyasha!" Kiyone started waving at him and he waved back. A bright light blinded Kiyone from his direction.
"Agh. Inuyasha couldja put the Tetsusaiga back in its sheath? You're blinding me!"
"Oh...Sorry. Hehe."
"Hey Ryoko, where's Sasuke?"
"I don't know, I tried paging him, but he won't answer me..." Ryoko said with a hint of worry in her voice.
"Hmm...Hey Inuyasha, could you see if you can sniff out Sasuke? We think something happened to him." Kiyone said into her headset.
"Yeah, I'm on it." He replied.
- 5 minutes later... -
"Hey guys, I think I got a bead on him...There he is, the little weakling." Inuyasha sighed and rubbed his temples as he looked down at an unconscious Sasuke.
"And to think, this kid is supposed to be part of one of the most prestigious clans in Konoha. Jeez. Come on, ya freak." Inuyasha said as he picked Sasuke up and threw him over his shoulder.
Inuyasha brought Sasuke to the tower and set him down on the floor.
"Hmm. I wonder what happened out there." Ryoko pondered, stroking her imaginary goatee.
"Dunno. I just found him like this over a tree branch." Inuyasha replied. Kiyone kneeled by Sasuke and checked his pulse.
"Well, his vital signs seem normal. You think maybe he passed out from lack of strength?" She asked. Hakari licked Sasuke's face in hopes that he would wake up. Right then, Sasuke groaned and opened his eyes, putting a hand on his forehead.
"Hey, it's about time you woke up, ya lazy bum!" Ryoko said with her hands on her hips.
"Finally. Now we can get this thing over with. Oh yeah, who won?" Inuyasha wondered.
"Well, since Sasuke blacked out, and even if he didn't, you still would have made it here before then so in that case, you win." Inuyasha smirked and crossed his arms.
"I knew I had that round in the bag. Oh yeah!" He bragged.
"Don't get so cocky just yet, Inuyasha. We still have the last round to go before the overall winner is decided." Kiyone reminded him.
"Yeah, yeah I know..."
Naruto walked over and looked down at Sasuke strange.
"What are you looking at?" Sasuke said. Naruto hesitated for a minute.
"God, you suck, Sasuke. He completely owned you, man!" Naruto commented.
"Shut up, loser. You of all people shouldn't be talking." Sasuke retorted.
"Now I remember why I hate you so much. Loser." Naruto said in a mocking voice.
"Alrighty, let's get crack-a-lackin'!" Ryoko exclaimed. Inuyasha and Kiyone stared at Ryoko with a confused look on their faces.
"...Say what now?"
"Oh. Yeah. That's right. Neeeeeeeeeevermind..." Ryoko said, remembering about the fact that the two were from the Feudal Era.
"Whatever. Anyways, what do we have to do for the third round?" Inuyasha asked.
"Glad you asked. (insert suspenseful music) The third round will be..." Ryoko said with shifty eyes.
"...Yyyyes?"
"It will be..."
"Uh-huh?"
"Prepare yourselves for the ulti--"
"Spit it out already!" Inuyasha said impatiently.
"Ok, ok, sheesh. The third round is a...YO MOMMA CONTEST!" Ryoko exclaimed.
"...A what?"
Ryoko explained to them what a yo momma contest was, when Kiyone started snapping her fingers.
"Now why does that sound so familiar? Wait a second...I remember now! Inuyasha, do you remember when we were younger and we used to have face offs against the other kids?" She asked. Inuyasha thought for a few seconds when an imaginary light bulb lit up over his head.
"You mean when we used to hate on their moms, and the person with the best line won?"
"Exactly! That's basically what a yo momma contest is!" Ryoko excitedly said.
"Hah, this kid is so screwed! I used to be the best at this!" Inuyasha gloated.
"His head is bloated, which is why he just gloated..." Kiyone said as if she were a poet. Ryoko giggled.
"Yep, ya got that ri--...HEY!" Inuyasha yelled. Kiyone and Ryoko laughed at him.
"Guys? Can we go ahead and start now?" Naruto asked.
"Huh? Oh yeah, sure!" Ryoko said. Inuyasha and Sasuke stood across from each other, Ryoko in between, and Kiyone and Naruto behind her.
"Ok you two. Give it your best shot! Alright? Let's bully!" She yelled, karate chopping the air.
"Yo momma so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said, 'TO BE CONTINUED...'" Sasuke said.
"Hah. Yo momma so skinny she has to be faxed to the hospital!" Inuyasha replied.
"Ohhhh!"
"Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Sea World!"
"Oh, crap!" Naruto commented.
"Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!" Kiyone snickered a bit, and Ryoko stuck her tongue out and made a retarded face.
"Oh yeah? Well, yo momma so stupid she put cheese on my dad. He's a cracker!" Sasuke said triumphantly.
"NO! No no no no no...I'm sorry but...That one sucked." Ryoko pointed out.
"Yo momma so short she committed suicide by stepping off a street curb!" Inuyasha said. Ryoko and the others 'Oh'ed'. (A/N- I'm not sure how to describe it, but you know what I mean, right? RIGHT?)
"Ok, ok, ok, stop! Stop!" Ryoko said half laughing.
"It is now time for the final joke! Give your best one yet, because this is what's going to decide the winner, alright? Go!" She signaled. Sasuke cracked his knuckles as he thought of his best joke.
"Yo momma so fat, instead of giving me an STD, she gave me cholesterol!" He said.
"Oh snap!" Kiyone yelled.
"Heyyyyyy, that's what happened to me! No wonder my doctor put me on Lipitor!" Came a voice.
"Hu? Who said that?" Ryoko asked, looking frantically around the room. In a puff of smoke Jiraiya appeared behind Ryoko and Kiyone.
"Jiraiya...How are you able to stand...?" Ryoko asked him slowly.
"It must have been my incredible smexiness (gropes Ryoko and Kiyone) that healed me." He said strangely.
-BAM!-
Both girls punched Jiraiya in the face knocking him on the ground. Ryoko walked over to him and raised her foot, ready to stomp on his family jewels, when Kiyone stopped her.
"Hey, it's my turn! You did it last time!" She complained.
"Oh, I'm sorry, knock yourself out. Or Jiraiya for that matter."
"Oh, I'm gonna make sure that this hurts. A LOT!" Kiyone said with an evil smile on her face.
"Wait, how old is he again?" She asked.
"50." Ryoko replied.
"Ah. The more fun."
"Mommy!" Jiraiya squeaked.
"ONE!"
"AHHH!"
"TWO!"
"OH MY GAWD!"
"THREE!"
"HOLY --beeep--!"
"FOUR!"
"OH MY --beeep--in' GOD!"
"FIVE"
"WAFFLES!" Jiraiya screamed. Kiyone paused for a minute and looked at Jiraiya in puzzlement.
"What the hell are waffles?" She asked.
"They are only the bestest breakfast in the whole wide world!" Ryoko chirped.
"Oh. I still have no idea what waffles are...Ok, now where was I?"
"Five."
"Oh yeah. SIX!"
-5 minutes later...-
"There. All done!" Kiyone said, dusting her hands off.
"Dear god Kiyone! I could never do that much damage. Wow, now I know for sure to never get on your bad side..." Inuyasha said.
"Good advice for yourself." She replied. Jiraiya was on the ground holding his balls in extreme pain, whimpering.
"I'll never be able to have babies again...YOU HAVE SCARRED ME FOR LIFE, DAMN YOU!" He yelled at Kiyone.
"Good. Now I know it worked!"
"You know, I keep thinking we're forgetting something..." Ryoko pondered.
"I HAVEN'T SAID MY JOKE YET!" Inuyasha yelled.
"Oh yeah! Ok, continue."
"Ahem. Yo momma so stupid, I told her to do the robot, now R2-D2 has A.I.D.S!" Inuyasha exclaimed. Everyone burst out laughing and started rolling on the floor at Inuyasha's joke. Sasuke started twitching all over and he stared at Inuyasha.
"Hey, Sasuke, you don't look so good. You ok?" Inuyasha asked, half laughing.
"You...You've gone TOO FAR! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Sasuke screamed as he went for Inuyasha's throat.
"Gah! Can't...breath! Gerroffame, ya -cough- little freak!" Inuyasha choked out.
"Sa-Sasuke! SASUKE! Get offa him! Sto-Stop! Stooooopp..." Ryoko yelled as she pulled a thrashing Sasuke off of Inuyasha.
"Well, looks like Inuyasha won!" Kiyone proclaimed.
"-cough- Oh yeah! I rock! Better luck next time kid!" Inuyasha bragged.
"Inuyasha...Shut up. Look what you've done to the poor kid." Kiyone pointed at Sasuke, whose eye was feverishly twitching, along with this neck every once in a while.
"Eh, he'll get over it...eventually." Inuyasha shrugged.
"Guys! I just remembered! We have to go to the hideou--..." Ryoko stopped her sentence short when Sasuke looked at her questionably.
"I mean...We have to go hide! Frrrrrom the evil albino weasels!" Ryoko said hastily. (A/N - Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge. -cough- Itachi! Weasels! Ya get it? Eh...I shouldn't have said anything.)
"Oh! Um, ok...Yeah, we gotta find a good hiding place from those albino weasels! They've got really bad rabies..." Kiyone said.
"Awwww, you have to leave? Will you come back? Plleeeeeaaaassssee?" Naruto asked Ryoko with chibi eyes.
"Oh, who could resist a face like that? Of course we'll come back, Naruto! Don't know when, but I promise, we'll come back." Ryoko assured him.
"Yay!" He cheered.
"See ya, Sasuke. Hope you get over your crack overdose moment." Kiyone said to Sasuke.
"Huh? Y-yeah, sure..." He replied. Inuyasha walked over to Sasuke and held out his hand.
"Sasuke...I just have to say this man, your...momma so tall, when she did a cartwheel, she hit Jesus!" Inuyasha joked.
"AGGGHHHH! DIE, LOSER!" Sasuke yelled, coming at Inuyasha with a kunai in hand. Inuyasha ran behind Kiyone, laughing his head off.
"Inuyasha, be nice for once..." She sighed.
"You know, I'm glad you're not Kagome. Otherwise, she would have made me sit, which would have caused me great and terrible back pain." Inuyasha commented.
"Uh, thanks...I think."
"Well guys, it was fun, but we gotta go. See ya later!" Ryoko exclaimed. Hakari barked happily in agreement.
The four walked through the gates leading out of Konoha, waving good-bye. Naruto and Sasuke came to see them off, but of course, Naruto was the only one waving.
"Hey, Ryoko, what did you mean about the weasels? Are we really going to hide from them?" Inuyasha asked stupidly.
"No, dumbass! We're going to the Akatsuki hideout to see Itachi, b-duh!" Ryoko said, flicking Inuyasha on the forehead.
"Ow...Hey, that hurt! Anyways, who is this Itachi guy again?" He asked. Kiyone sighed.
"You never listen do you? Itachi is Sasuke's older brother, and he's not as schizophrenic. Also, he's kinda like the leader of the Akatsuki or something, right?" Kiyone asked.
"Got it. So, we're going back to get my next mission. I just hope he isn't too mad at me for staying away so long...Oh well, who cares." Ryoko shrugged.
"Hmm. Welp, off we go, yet on another quest for the last shard of the Shikon Jewel!" Kiyone announced, pointing to the sky.
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xTMEx: Alrighty, so that's the end of the Chapter Three revamp! Whooo hoo! I thought I should make it long to make up for the shorter, previous chapters...
Unknown person: WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
xTMEx: What was that?
(A streaking Toshi accompanied by a streaking Ryoko were running across the place, but Toshi tripped over a shrubbery and accidentally fell in a stream.)
Toshi: Ow! My buttocks!
Ryoko: Hahahahahaha...You fell!
(Hungry looking piranhas swim up to Toshi in the stream)
Stephano: What the HELL? Piranhas in a stream? What is the world coming to these days?
Toshi: Uh oh...(piranhas start eating her...and killing her) AHH! AHH! AHHH! NO! NO! GO AWAYYYYY! OUCH, IT BIT MY BUTTOCKS!
Ryoko: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE PHIRANAS ARE EATING YOU! FUNNY, FUNNY!
Lee: Notice how I perfectly pronounce every word I say and do not use contractions!
xTMEx: Ok, that was TOTALLY random...
Toshi: HELLO? I'm kinda DYING here! A little help!
Ryoko: Oooh...Pretty colorful red water!
Stephano: That's not red water, STUPID! That's her goddamn BLOOD!
Toshi: Blood? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gaara: (whacks what's left of Toshi upside the...half-head) SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP! (From Monty Python and the Holy Grail...do not sue please! I don't have that much money...Let alone twenty bazillion dollars...)
xTMEx: I swear, I choose the strangest friends...And my friends make up the strangest characters...And my friends and me make up the strangest jokes about Naruto characters...
Stephano: Yyyyyyep!
xTMEx: Well, anyways, stay tuned for Chapter 4 of...NINJAS AND DEMONS AND DOG EARS, OH MY! Oh and one more thing...REVIEW!
Toshi: (dead)
Ryoko: (pokes what's left of Toshi with a stick) Ummm...WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD! WAKE UP! I COMMAND YE! GRARR! I SAID WAKE UP DAMN YE!
xTMEx: Steph, where's Ryoko's straight jacket?
Stephano: ...Uh oh.
Ryoko: WHEEEEEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO! (runs around endlessly in circles)
xTMEx: Until next time! Try not to die while you wait for the 4th chapter!
xTMEx and Stephano: BYYYYEEE!