Disclaimer: Just playin'. Honest, i'll put him back.
Written for the Discombobulation Challenge devised by WitchyWanda and Llewlyn
1. Can be written in cartoon or movie Beetleverse
2. Must inconvenience BJ in some extreme way-- body switch him, strip him of his powers, send him to the Living, put him in a magic lamp-- be creative!
3. Any genre, any rating-- do something you are great at, or something you have never done before!.
That's it!
So, without further ado, my take on the Discombobulation Challenge: Life Sentence
Chapter 1: How the Other Half Lives
Beetlejuice waited . And waited. He paced. He spent several days trying to return his head to normal size. He paced some more. He swore. He learned French so that he could curse in more than one language. And then Sanskrit, which had all sorts of interesting curses that involved elephants, dhotis, and self-immolation. He translated the entire works of Shakespeare into Kikuyu, using a brush the width of a single hair and ink pressed from deadly nightshade berries. And when his number was finally called, he was staring into space, and almost missed it.
"Numberninemillionfourhundredandfortythreethousandninehunderedandtwentythree?" The receptionist peered at Beetlejuice, who was blearily focused on the middle distance between the tip of his miniaturized nose and the airplane plant hanging from the ceiling above the water fountain. She shrugged, and was moving onto the next number, when he roused his tiny little head, blinking sleepily.
"Eh? Whazzat?" He squinted at her, and she rolled her eyes and pointed at the number readout. He unearthed his number from the piles of parchment and quill pens and crushed berry skins, and compared them blearily. "Huh. And I was just getting to the good part." He stretched, scattering everything in all directions, and shuffled through the door, leaving the disgruntled receptionist scowling at the toppled stacks of papers.
Once in the Hallway, Juno fell in beside him, for once not sucking on a cigarette. She was quiet, and even the sight of her old partner's head shrunk to the size of a wizened grapefruit couldn't draw a smile from her. Neither of them spoke until they reached her office, and she closed the door with a finality that made Beetlejuice realize that this was much more serious than he had originally thought. He sat down with a sense of foreboding and did his level best to scowl. "What?" Damn his voice for squeaking. He growled in disgust but it came out like a chirpy kitten purr.
Juno stared at the notorious poltergeist for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face. Then she reached into her desk and pulled out an envelope made from fine ivory parchment and handed it to him. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Are we not talking? Is this some secret society thing I don't know about? Vow of silence? Political statement?"
"Beetlejuice, you have really screwed up this time. I did my best, but there is no defending you sometimes. You never had a chance, after that incident with the little girl." Juno finally lit a cigarette, and settled back in her chair.
"Little girl?" He fingered the envelope nervously. It was heavy.
Juno looked exasperated. "Lydia? You tried to force a human girl to marry you?"
His tiny brow furrowed in thought. "I might recall something about it, maybe. But hey, no harm done, eh?" He attempted a casual smirk, but Juno would have none of it. She gestured to the envelope.
"You might as well open it. It's from the Administration. You know they'll get you to read it eventually." Something about the bleakness in her eyes gave Beetlejuice a shiver. He reluctantly broke the seal on the envelope and unfolded it. And read it. And read it again.
There was a long silence. And then, in a squeaky voice, as if his throat had constricted even tighter, he read it.
"The Administration has found you, Betelgeuse, guilty of gross negligence and the endangerment of the carefully guarded secrets of life after death. You, Betelgeuse, have been sentenced to life, to be executed immediately, and to continue for one year and one day, or until such time as you have made adequate reparations to the injured parties of the Administration, and to the living human, Lydia Deetz." He crumpled the parchment savagely. "A life sentence, eh?"
"You'll get your wish, Beetlejuice," said Juno, and was that a twinge of sadness in her voice? He couldn't tell, because his hearing was strangely muffled. "You get to get out." He grabbed on to the edge of her desk. This was definitely not what he wanted.
"Juno! Don't let them do this! I'll do anything! This is extreme! I didn't get due process! I demand a recount!" He felt himself slipping, but Juno just took a deep drag from her cigarette and watched him fade out. Odd, but she didn't feel as satisfied as she thought she would. A life sentence for such a ghost as he… well, it really didn't bear thinking about. She switched on her computer, and tried to concentrate on the latest incoming suicides that needed placement on the clerical staff. Ah well, what was a year and a day? He would be back annoying her before she got her office aired out.