It was just Emmeline and Alice at Hogsmeade. To save Alice the long trip on the train, Emmeline offered to apparate her to Hogsmeade where a carriage was waiting. Alice had said goodbye to their father at home. He'd given her a hug and told her he loved her though Alice could tell he was in a daze — he had been ever since his wife died.
Alice watched with sparked curiosity as her sister petted thin air and then a different feeling took over. Something that was dark and gut wrenching. How many times had Emmeline seen someone die?
Alice had no illusions about how the carriages 'rode themselves'. Threstrals pulled them along and the only way to see a threstral was if you saw someone die.
The question at the front of her brain seemed to die on the way down to her mouth and instead Alice said, "Promise me you'll be safe," because it didn't matter how many times Emmeline had seen someone die as long as she was still alive. Maybe that made her a terrible person but Alice didn't care because at the very least it made her a good sister.
"It's not an easy world to be safe in," Emmeline mused. "Just promise me you'll be safe. No more sneaking out to see Frank."
The things Emmeline knew never failed to amaze Alice. "I'll promise if you promise."
Emmeline smiled sadly and said, "Just be cautious." She pulled her younger sister into a tight hug.
"Back at you," Alice returned the sentiment and the hug just as fiercely. "Look after dad," Alice whispered before she let go.
"I will," Emmeline smiled shakily, pulling out of the hug, "You should get up to school. If you change your mind about Easter holidays you can always come home."
"I know," Alice said, pulling her bag off the floor and opening the carriage door, "But I won't."
The ride up to the castle was a mixture of too long and not long enough. It was too long trapped in her thoughts of worries and concerns but not long enough to compose herself for when she finally had to step out of the carriage.
They were waiting for her. Adaline, Marlene, Ella, Lily and the boys. The girls didn't surprise her so much, she'd expected them but Sirius, Peter, Remus and Nate did.
"Welcome back," Marlene exclaimed, cheer trying and failing to reach her voice but it didn't really matter. Alice understood that no one knew what to say to the girl who's mum died. There wasn't much time for words anyways when a moment later the girls all converged on her in a sweet group hug that Alice could never admit she needed.
Sirius nudged Peter to scarper as they saw Lily's dot approaching the common room on the map. Peter quickly folded up the map, making the words disappear with a tap of his wand and just as quickly, scarpered up the stairs to the boys dormitory, tripping on his laces at the fourth step.
Sirius waited at his rather lonely looking table that stared out a window as Remus did homework with Marlene and Adaline two tables away. He picked at a spare bit of parchment, tossing balls at the window seal, trying to get them in the crack between the window and the seal.
"What're you so glum about?" Lily pulled a face, plonking into the seat opposite him.
"McGonagall said that the Auror program won't accept me because of my family."
"Didn't know you wanted to be an Auror."
"It's the only way to fight, isn't it?" Sirius asked before sighing.
Lily frowned though. "But surely they can't discriminate against you because of your family."
"Lily, my family's loyalty to the Dark Arts, whilst not officially declared is well known. Any self respecting family won't come within a mile of a Black simply because we're Blacks." Sirius threw another ball of parchment. "The Blacks social circle is that of the Lestranges, the Malfoys, the Carrows, the Bulstrodes, the Flints, the Yaxleys — the Slytherins," Sirius hissed. "Nothing pure ever came out of that house." His eyes went dark for a moment and Lily thought she saw a glimpse of the man Sirius could have become if he'd followed the path laid out by his family for him.
"You're not in Slytherin," Lily reminded him softly, placing her hand over his. "And screw them. You'd rather date Moaning Myrtle than meddle with the Dark Arts."
"I suppose it doesn't matter," Sirius sighed. "We'll all be dead in five years anyhow." With that, he stood abruptly and walked away passing a confused Remus who'd heard the entire conversation and went up to the boys dormitory.
Remus followed, questioning him as soon as they were out of earshot.
"Lily's having an existential crisis," Sirius informed him, "And I'm snapping her out of it. You know, you could help since you're so concerned."
"Oh, how's that?"
"Fail an assignment and when she asks you about it say, 'doesn't matter, we'll all be dead in five years'."
"I fail to see how that is effective."
"Just throwing her own logic back in her face and hoping that she cares more about our futures than hers. I've already failed a Transfiguration assignment." Sirius fell onto his bed, leaning on his elbows to prop him up.
Remus furrowed his brows. "Which one?"
"The one we handed in today."
"But you handed something in."
"An essay," Sirius informed him, "Discussing the pros and cons of being able to walk. I'd've sent it to James if he didn't seem as self destructive as Lily at the moment."
"Please don't tell me you're in on this Peter?"
"I haven't eaten since breakfast," Peter admitted.
"You're starving him!" Remus accused outraged.
"No, he's not eating from the stress of his imminent and unstoppable death. So are you gonna fail an assignment or you could get belligerently drunk every day and say its about the stress of your imminent and unstoppable death. Oh! You could even throw in the incurability of your wolfish ways!" Sirius clicked his fingers, "Why didn't I think of that sooner?"
"Because it's moronic, not to mention manipulative."
"Genius not to mention reverse psychology," Sirius corrected.
Remus rolled his eyes. "Peter, there's chocolate under the bed if you want some. Sirius, just have a proper conversation with her, yeah?"
Despite Remus' lack of faith, Sirius rather thought day one of his plan to knock sense into Lily was going rather well.
Lily waved at Mia as Lily and Alice passed Mia in the corridor and asked, "Do you want to join me for breakfast?"
"I-" Mia started, staring uncertainly at Alice who had raised an eyebrow at Lily. "Er, n-no. No, thank you."
"Are you sure?" Lily asked and Alice nudged her with a grimace and pointed look. A few odd students glanced at the awkward encounter before slowly moving on, trying to catch as much of the conversation without making it obvious that they were eavesdropping.
"I'm fine, thanks, Lily." Mia scarpered off and Lily frowned at Alice.
"That wasn't very nice,"
"I thought we were to scorn at the sight of Mia Scott until the end of eternity?"
Lily winced. "Yes, well, Marlene's always been a little, er, dramatic and Mia and I are friends … sort of."
"Friends? Since when?"
"I must admit it's a rather new development."
"I feel like I took a year off school, not a week."
Lily laughed and patted Alice's shoulder. "You haven't missed that much."
"Oh please, Ella and Sirius."
Lily frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Seriously? They're like always together!" They sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Peter, Remus and Sirius with Ella and Adaline sitting opposite them and started piling their plates with food.
"I — they're friends," Lily shrugged. The real truth was, Lily hadn't noticed it. In fact, she was finding Sirius rather annoying. It started yesterday when he was telling her about how he wouldn't be accepted into the Auror Office because of his family and he just brushed it off saying he was going to be dead in five years anyways.
She wasn't stupid. She knew what he was doing and it wasn't going to work. She doubted McGonagall even said that about Sirius' prospects of becoming an Auror. It was more likely something Sirius said to try and get Lily to go back to normal. A prank. Well, Lily would not be pranked into being happy. She was miserable and she would like to stay that way until she felt like the world wasn't going to crush the life out of her, thank you very much.
"Who are friends?" Sirius asked through a mouthful of food.
"No one," Alice and Lily said at the same time.
"So, I've heard a rumour that you're friends with Mia Slut," Marlene accused sitting in the seat next to Lily's at breakfast. Lily glanced over at Alice who shrugged. How did gossip travel so fast?
"Not exactly a rumour," Lily corrected. "And I know that you're not particularly fond of her-"
"If hating her little fifth year guts is not particularly fond of her than yes!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, she needs a friend right now."
"Great. Why does it have to be you?" Marlene asked.
"Another portkey to France has been intercepted. Fifteen people missing."
"Fifteen?" Peter asked. "That's a lot. Are you going to eat that?" Peter pointed to the bacon Lily had placed on her plate and she shook her head. Peter took it gratefully as Marlene continued to scowl at Lily.
"Because I offered."
Marlene rolled her eyes. "What if I said I don't want you to be?"
"Marly," Lily sighed, exasperated.
"Lily, she tried to kiss Nate!"
Lily placed a hand on Marlene's. "I know but she's given up on that and let's face it, she never really had a chance in the first place."
"Given up on that?" Marlene echoed. "Do you hear yourself?"
"Marlene, please. You don't have to interact with her but just let me do this."
"Lily, seriously?"
"Yes."
Marlene gave her one last incredulous look before standing up and storming out of the Great Hall, snagging Nate who was coming in at the time and redirecting him back out of the Great Hall with her.
Lily sighed. "She's always got to make things difficult."
"I mean, Scott is a slag and you don't owe her anything so why?" Ella asked with a quirked eyebrow. Lowering her eyebrow, Ella answered her own question, "You've a soft spot for her because she was attacked by Brown, like you were."
"So what if I do?"
"Nothing — makes sense even."
They fell into silence after that until Lily, sick of the silence asked, "So another fifteen people missing?"
"Yeah, last night's seven o'clock portkey. No one realised until eleven o'clock last night."
"Do you think they're dead?"
"Most likely," Ella frowned. "In other news, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black are getting married in August."
"I thought Alice said they got engaged at Christmas," Lily frowned. It seemed awfully fast.
"They did," Alice agreed. "But pureblood engagements aren't very long."
"Oh," was Lily's only reply. "We better get to class." Lily stood and at the rumble of her stomach looked down at the full plate she hadn't eaten. She shrugged to herself and stepped out of the bench, pulling her bag onto her shoulder. There'd always be lunch.
Sirius and Peter hijacked Marlene and Ella's seats next to Lily in Transfiguration and Lily was rightly annoyed with him, of course, this just fuelled Sirius' intentions of being as infuriating as possible and he wasted no time getting started.
"Can't you lot find somewhere else to sit?"
"Nope. Might die in five years," Sirius said casually, "Gotta spend all the time I can with you."
"Clock is ticking," Peter agreed.
Lily clicked her tongue as Sirius rested his head on his hand on her side of the table, invading her personal space. "So, you gonna take out your quill? Some parchment maybe? I'd say the textbook but I don't wanna stretch it."
"What do you want?"
"Why do you always think I'm after something?" Sirius asked, batting his god damned eyelashes in what he thought was an innocent way but really proved to Lily just the opposite. "I mean if you get the quill and parchment out, I'll get the textbook out."
"Piss off, Black."
"Are you really going to make me do all the work?" Sirius pouted. "We're not a very good team if I'm doing all the work."
"Shut up, Sirius."
"How about you just get your quill out?"
"Sirius," Lily snapped exasperated, "Will you shut up?"
"Only if you get your stuff out."
"Peter," she turned to her left where Peter was seated, "Swap seats with me? Please!"
"No can do, Lils."
Lily glared at him before rolling her eyes and with a wave of her wand, her quill, ink pot, parchment and textbook flew out of her bag and arranged themselves in a pile on her desk.
"Happy?"
"Ecstatic." A few moments of peace passed them by and then, "You know, you should probably start writing down what McGonagall's saying, you know since you didn't do the chapter reading and all."
"You didn't do the chapter reading either," Lily hissed.
"Yes, but as an accomplished animagus, I think I'm pretty familiar with the process of becoming one already, wouldn't you agree, Wormtail?"
"We studied that for two years," Peter agreed.
Lily scowled and Sirius asked, "So are you going to start writing something down?" tapping at her parchment.
"She is literally talking about last weeks assignment."
"Oh, so you're listening?" Sirius said gleefully. "That's good. I was just testing you."
"Lord, Sirius give me strength. I am going to murder you!"
"I'm not a Lord. Just plan old Sirius."
He laughed as she breathed in deeply, clenching her fists.
"Something wrong, Lily?" Peter asked. "You're seem a little … stressed."
"Not at all," she replied in a false sweet voice. "Just, if you two don't bloody well shut up in the next five seconds you'll be visiting James in St Mungo's!"
Professor McGonagall was walking through the aisles of tables, placing last weeks assignment on everyone's desk. It was a small one, only worth five percent and Lily didn't expect to get more than an 'A' on it. She'd only started the essay six hours before it was due after all. Anyways, lately Acceptable was becoming familiar to her.
"Very poor, Mr Black," McGonagall placed Sirius' essay on the table and Lily looked over curiously to see a 'T' sprawled on top in bright red ink. "I expected better. You too, Miss Evans," and she placed Lily's essay. "Though at least you wrote about the specified topic." After a meaningful glance at Sirius, McGonagall moved on.
The bright 'P' stood out. Lily's very first failing mark and she couldn't really find it in herself to care.
"At least we're failing together," Sirius grinned.
"Seriously, Sirius? A 'T'."
"Seriously, Evans? A 'P'. Besides, what's one 'T' going to matter when we could all be dead tomorrow. Really, I was reading about the muggle war the one with those weapons, the big ones that could wipe out whole cities-"
"Nuclear," Lily provided and Sirius clicked his fingers.
"That's the one! Anyway I was reading about them and you know, if Voldemort gets a whiff of them he might just decide to drop one on Hogwarts and do us all a favour."
"Har har. What'd you write about anyways?"
Sirius snatched it away before Lily could grab it and said, "The benefits of being a troll. Number one of course being that they don't have to write transfiguration essays."
"Sirius!" Lily scolded.
"What? It's just some stupid essay. It's not like it matters what NEWTs I get. No one will want to hire me."
"But it's, it's," Lily struggled for a minute. "It's NEWTs!"
"So? We're all going to die soon anyways, right Miss Poor?"
Lily scowled. "Fine be like that and by the way, I didn't say all of us. I just said me."
"And what makes you so special? I reckon I've a bigger target on my back."
"Muggle-born," she pointed to herself.
"Blood-traitor."
"Dating a pure-blood."
"Disowned from family."
"Muggle family."
"Cousin and brother from said family have or will join Death Eater ranks."
"Ginger," Lily countered without thinking and Sirius snickered.
"Ah yes, Voldemort has started a war against gingers. Somebody warn the Weasleys!"
Lily bit her lips to stop laughing as Professor McGonagall eyed them sternly and said, "Evans, Black! Perhaps if you paid more attention you would have received passing marks!"
Lily apologised quickly but the laughter still threatened to pour out as Sirius used his hand to cover his own bit down grin. Eventually though, Sirius nudged Remus because Lily had picked up a quill and was writing notes.
It seemed Sirius plan was working.
A parchment was shoved in front of him.
They'll kill me. They'll keep you alive and like, torture you or something.
Okay so she wasn't exactly writing Transfiguration notes.
Sirius scribbled back.
I think I'd rather die than be tortured thanks.
What would the world be without Sirius Black?
Helpless, surely. If you were to die I think we'd throw a party.
Thanks.
Well, you seem so adamant on dying, the world doesn't have time for people who don't want to be in it.
Bugger off.
Only if you write notes for me to copy later.
Fine.
Ah, there was the progress he was looking for.
Alice watched as Ella caught up to a bickering Lily and Sirius after class. Sirius smiled at her and high fived Ella no doubt for her Exceeds Expectations mark on the latest assignment and Alice nudged Marlene. "Since when was that a thing?" Alice nodded her head over to where Sirius and Ella had fallen behind Lily, Remus and Peter and were talking and laughing with each other.
"Hmm?"
"Ella and Sirius," Alice spelled out. "Since when have they been a thing?"
"They're not," Marlene said confused. "Why would you think that they're a thing?"
"Oh, well when Sirius isn't with Peter or Remus, he's with Ella." She frowned. "You seriously didn't notice?"
Marlene shook her head. "Black is just helping her with a thing."
"What thing?"
Marlene shrugged. "A thing. I had my career guidance meeting with McGonagall."
"And?"
Marlene grinned. "She's going to have St Mungo's owl me a healer training application. She said that I'd be a great healer."
"That's wonderful, Marls!"
"Did you know it takes six years of training before you're a full healer?"
"No," Alice said surprised, "I didn't."
"First two years is classes and then for two years we shadow different healers before choosing a specialty in our fifth year."
"And I thought Auror training was long. You should ask if they have a fast tracked program. It'll be more work, less holidays but if you finish a year or two earlier, it's worth it."
"Well, from what McGonagall said, during the first two years, I can still volunteer at the hospital but it'll be unpaid."
"Unpaid?"
"Yeah, I know," Marlene wrinkled her nose. "But mum and dad won't mind if I don't move out — mum would love it actually. She's been dropping hints since summer ended. Anyways, experience is experience."
"I suppose."
"Now, Miss Evans, any thoughts on what you would like to do after Hogwarts?"
"A lobbyist."
Lily could tell from Professor McGonagall's expression that she had no idea what a lobbyist was.
"It's a person or group that uses media and public opinion to persuade the Ministry into passing or rejecting legislation."
McGonagall pursed her lips. "A profession like that would require a great social network. Perhaps you should start with a job in the Ministry."
"I'll consider it." She wouldn't.
"You know, Lily," McGonagall started, resting her elbows on the desk. "Whilst you are trying to do something noble for our community, I must say that I feel your talents would be wasted there. Professor Flitwick has expressed many times that you would do great in the charms development sector of the Ministry. Not to mention, Professor Slughorn thinks you could become the next Laverne de Montmorency." McGonagall paused. "I rather thought you would have chosen something in those fields."
Lily rather thought McGonagall had finished and had opened her mouth to say something pacifying but McGonagall cut across her.
"What's even more astounding is that in the last two weeks you've received more A's and P's in your entire career at Hogwarts. If you want to receive high NEWTs you cannot continue down that path."
"Yes, of course," Lily said automatically. "I've just, er, been distracted lately."
"I understand how the circumstances of Mr Potter being at St Mungo's can be distracting with the nature of your relationship. However, Miss Evans, worse things have happened and it's time to get your head out of the clouds. You need to focus on what is important right now and that is your future."
If I have one, Lily thought bitterly. "Yes, of course, Professor."
"All right, off you go."
Lily left the office gladly. She hated the idea of career guidance. Your teachers putting all of their hopes and dreams on the lives of students who will most likely end up in an average job with an average life.
Seriously? Charms or Potions development? Only the best of the best got into those programs and sure, Lily worked hard, at least she used to, but she wasn't the best of the best.
"How'd the meeting go?" Sirius fell into step with her and she groaned. She needed to get that blasted map off of him. He was bloody everywhere.
"Fantastic," Lily said.
"What'd she say?"
"That I'm doomed to fail in life."
"Damn," Sirius said, "She said the same to me too. But it's not like it really matters. You can just marry James after school, live off his money until you die, which according to you, will be in the near future."
Lily breathed in heavily. "Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"This! Whatever you're doing. It's infuriating!"
"I'm not doing anything."
"Sirius," Lily all but growled. "I have zero patience for this so just stop."
"I will if you pull yourself out of this little depression you've got going on."
"I'm not depressed!" Lily exclaimed.
"Not eating, not thinking about your future, thinking you're going to die soon," Sirius listed off, "I don't know about you but to me that sounds like someone with depression."
"I'm not depressed!" Lily shouted.
"Prove it."
"You want me to prove that I'm not depressed?" Lily asked incredulously. "Sirius, I really don't have time for your antics."
"Busy doing homework?" he asked and Lily glowered at him.
"Leave me alone and stop stalking me on that bloody map!"
Before he could say anything else she escaped into the girls bathroom and left him in the corridor.
She could eat and pull up her marks if she wanted to. She could, she told herself. She just didn't want to. There was a difference. Sirius didn't know what the hell he was on about. She wasn't depressed, she just didn't see the point anymore.
It was his second lap around the floor. The healers had given him a walker because his legs felt like jelly and they said his legs were weak from the inactivity. He hated that every step made him sweat. He hated that it had taken him a half hour to do a lap of one floor even if the healers were telling him he was recovering well and faster than they expected. He almost hated it more than not moving at all.
At least not moving at all was relaxing and he could still pretend that he could get up at any second and run the length of the Quidditch pitch. Now, now the healers were telling him he wouldn't be able to run for a while and he hated it.
Of course, the healers telling him that he wouldn't be able to run for at least four weeks gave James a challenge that simplified down to, be able to run a lap of the floor by Lily's birthday. That had given him two weeks and now he was up to day seven.
The first day had been the worst. He'd barely made it to the corner of the corridor before the healer had to levitate him back in because James simply could not get his legs to hold his weight. That's when they brought in the walker. The second day, James walked to the length of his corridor three times with two to three hour breaks between.
By the fifth day he was doing a whole laps of the floor but it was slow and agonising and it frustrated James that something that should only take ten to fifteen minutes took him almost double the time. Not to mention again, that between each lap he did, he rested for at least an hour.
Now, he was on the seventh day and having just finished lap one, was going for lap two. The Healer at the station pursed her lips and asked, "Are you sure you want to do another lap?"
James ignored her and started for lap two. The pain in his legs was manageable and with every step taken, it was one less step to take so James counted each step as a small victory.
He was at the corner of his hall. It was only thirty or so steps to his room, feeling bold, he pushed his walker forward and walked to it without any help. It was painful and slower than three steps should be but it was a victory. Three steps without the blasted walker. So he did it again. And again. And again until he was at his room and James wished Lily were here to see his small victory.
The healer behind the station smiled at him, "Well done, Mr Potter. Now, bed."
"I want to go one more lap," James pleaded.
"You can try again after lunch. Remember what Healer Lane said about over exerting your muscles. You're doing great but lets not push it. You can try again after lunch besides, your parents usually come in around this time."
Defeated, James sighed, "Can I at least try walking to my bed without the walker?"
"Go on, I'll be right next to you in case you want to take the weight off."
"I won't," James said determined.
He pushed the walker away letting it hit the wall and managed the seven steps to his bed before collapsing onto the bed, face first and heaving.
"Rest!" she demanded, helping James move into a more comfortable position.
"Yes, m'am," he saluted with a grin on his face because despite his sweaty body and racing heart, he'd made real progress. He'd done two laps and then without his walker, made it to his bed.
She went to move his legs for him but he shook his head. How were his muscles supposed to regain their strength when the healers wouldn't even let him reposition his legs on the bed?
He closed his eyes with the promise that after lunch he would do another two laps chasing his walker instead of using it to take the weight off.
Lily was reading the Daily Prophet peacefully at the Gryffindor table, reading an article about the possibility of Aurors being green lighted to use unforgiveables in the line of duty. She had almost finished said article when the unmistakeable laughter of Sirius Black could be heard.
"Marlene," Lily mumbled, pulling the newspaper higher to hide from a certain person.
Marlene leaned over and whispered into Nate's ear, who said, "She's not talking to you."
"Oh come on, Marly! I'm in need!"
Marlene whispered something into Nate's ear who said, "She said 'go ask your new bestie.'"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Nate just pretend we're talking."
"We are," he pointed out.
"Look more engaged. Black's been more annoying than a bloody fly lately."
Nate chuckled and Marlene whispered into his ear. "She said, maybe if you studied he wouldn't be more annoying than a bloody fly."
"Tell Marlene, that I'm not listening to anything she says unless she actually talks to me."
The two girls glared at each other — Marlene with a scowl, Lily with a raised eyebrow as if to say, 'well?' Marlene crossed her arms and Lily rolled her eyes.
Nate looked between the two, feeling very put out with the silent conversation the two seemed to be having. Fortunately, Sirius solved the issue by sitting exceptionally close to Lily, swinging an arm around her shoulders and saying, "How're you feeling today, Evans? I don't know about you but today just feels like a day for getting work done."
"No, I don't feel that," Lily said.
"No?"
"Nope. It does, however feel like a day for murder which will happen if you don't take your bloody arm off of me in the next ten seconds."
"Always so quick to threaten. Does James know about this reflex of yours to threaten when someone calls you out on your bullshit?"
"I don't think he'll much care if I tell him you tried to feel me up," Lily grumbled.
"See, I know you're trying to scare me but scaring me by trying to get a man who can't even walk to beat me up or something isn't your smartest move."
"Black," Lily said.
"Yes?"
"Get the hell off me."
"Did you do last night's homework?"
Lily remained silent and then, "Yes."
"Show me."
"What are you, my father?"
"If you did it, I don't see why I can't see it."
"You'll copy."
"Liar, liar," Sirius accused.
"Sod off, Sirius," Lily grumbled. "I'm trying to eat in peace."
"There's literally nothing on your plate."
Lily stood up abruptly, shaking Sirius' arm off of her and stormed out of the Great Hall. She could hear him following her and she groaned. "Oh my god what do I have to do to get you to leave me the hell alone!" she shouted at him, whirling around. People slowed down to stare at the two older students. "What?" she snapped at the side glancers who quickly scarpered at Lily's furious tone. She whirled on Sirius not a moment later. "I get it you want me to study and to eat and be happy but I can't!"
"Why?"
"Because I don't care about any of this anymore! I don't care for it!"
"You don't care for what? Living?" Sirius fired at her. "What, are you just going to roam around like a zombie until something does you in?"
"Who gives a shit!" Lily shouted. "We're all going to die one day! I've almost died twice already who's to say I'm not meant to die and I'm just biding my time?"
"Who's to say you didn't get two second chances because you're meant to live and do great things with your life?" Sirius asked her. "What if you're meant to live and be? What if you're meant to do something!"
"Something? What something! The world's gone to shit! There's nothing to do!" Lily shouted.
"I don't know something! What if you're meant to save the world or — or maybe it doesn't have to be the world," Sirius ran his hand over his face. "Maybe you're just supposed to save one person or three or four or maybe you create a charm that builds houses or a potion that cures Dragon Pox! I don't know, Lily but something with a god damned capital 'S'!"
Lily stayed silent and then, "I don't want to have this conversation." She turned to walk away.
"You know I'm right, Lily!"
"Fuck off, Black!"
She didn't know where to go. She couldn't possibly go to class. Not like this, on the verge of tears and so angry her body was shaking not to mention it would give Sirius another chance to have a go at her.
Making a quick decision she headed up the stairs, blindly walking as long as it was up until she was in the highest, deepest crevice of the castle that she was sure she'd never been to before. She sank against the wall and sobbed because he was right, of course Sirius was right.
She should want to live and she'd been given second chances and she should want to do something but she just couldn't find it in her. She couldn't find that will to do something. Hell, she couldn't find it in her to make it to the end of the day let alone do something great.
As childish as it sounded she wanted James. She wanted him to hug her and tell her everything was going to be all right and yet at the same time, the thought of him pained her. In a way, he had become a reminder of everything wrong with the world because her James shouldn't be stuck in a stupid hospital bed somewhere. He should be here at school with her and all their friends making study timetables and training every second night for the Quidditch final.
He should be thinking about what he wanted to do when school finished not about whether or not he was going to walk again.
Everything was just so screwed up and it felt like her body was wrapped in a sheet of concrete. She couldn't shake it off the only thing left was to let it crumble.
My dear Ella,
I'm truly sorry for what happened at Christmas and so is your dad. He has not taken this situation lightly and gone as far as to stop drinking. I know that we failed you but please know we love you very, very much and we do hope you'll come home for the Easter holidays so we can make amends properly.
With love always, Mum
Ella rolled her eyes and scrunched the letter up. She would not be joining them for Easter, had her mother completely lost her mind? It seemed she had. Gone as far as to stop drinking. Ella wanted to laugh, if anything that was the least he could do.
Evidently, she couldn't help herself and a bewildered laugh escaped her lips.
"I know I'm hilarious but I just sat down," Sirius said, mocking astonishment and Ella rolled her eyes.
"So you spoke to James?" She'd given up on asking him about Lily.
"Yep," he confirmed popping the 'p'.
Ella looked at him expectantly, "Well?" She had also given up on asking him how he spoke to James so quickly — she'd never seen him receive or send of letters so it was a true mystery, perhaps as infuriating as her brother's occupation — but Sirius was tight lipped on the whole thing telling her it was a Marauder secret. Of course, she told him that was the lamest thing she'd ever heard so he threw a grape at her and that had been the end of that conversation as a grape war took place in the middle of the Gryffindor table — one she won.
"He's walking without the walker."
"That's great! Lily must be thrilled!"
"She doesn't know yet. James wants to surprise her on her birthday, he wants to be able to run before he tells her."
"That's still a week away," Ella frowned.
"Yeah, I know but anyway, what were you laughing about?"
Ella pulled a face. "My mother sent a letter."
"What did it say?"
" 'Hi Ella, I'm sorry your dad hit you but at least he's stopped drinking now.'" Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "I know," Ella shook her head and then, "Well it had more sincerity but that was the gist of it. Oh and she wants me to go home for the Easter holidays." Ella snorted, "Right, like I would want to do that after Christmas."
"Screw 'em," Sirius agreed. "Heard anything from Doc?"
Ella frowned, a slight crease in her forehead. She hadn't heard from her brother in a week and it had her worried. What if his lack of letters was due to something connected to the New Years Eve attack. Ella wasn't stupid, she knew her brother wasn't there by accident and she knew he was hiding something. Why else would he have been there with Emmeline? In Ella's mind, her brother and Alice's sister didn't even exist on the same freaking page.
"He's probably just busy with work," Ella shrugged.
"If you're worried," Sirius said, "You should just write him."
Ella scowled, "I'm not."
"Uh huh."
"I'm not!" Ella insisted before changing the subject to Transfiguration homework. He'd been helping her out lately and Ella's marks had improved so much that McGonagall was giving her approving nods now when she handed back Ella's assignments and homework.
Sirius waved her off. "I did that the night she assigned it. It was a piece of cake."
"Oh sure, if a three foot essay on how to become an animagus is a piece of cake," Ella muttered.
Sirius laughed, "I'll help you," he promised, "Just start."
It was odd how suddenly things had changed between Sirius and Ella but she also couldn't find it in her to care. He gave her something that perhaps no one else could, or maybe they could and Ella just secretly liked the fact that it was Sirius.
He didn't treat her like she was delicate. He didn't coddle her or tell her what she should do. He just listened, something Marlene, Merlin love her, had never been able to do. To get Marlene to just listen, you'd have to put her under a silencing charm and even then she'd pick up a quill and start writing what she wanted to say so you'd probably have to put a body-binding spell on her too.
Sirius, though, he wasn't scared to ask, wasn't scared to hear the answer and that meant more to her than anything because Marlene asked but Ella couldn't really tell her what was going on because it was so obvious — she was scared to hear the answer. She didn't know how to react and what to say and it was just all around awkward. Sirius was blunt and unafraid and she liked it and somewhere along the line she realised she liked him.
Not just his inability to be unafraid and his bluntness but his humour and that he would help his best friend's girl study even though he hated studying. She liked how he listened and how he threw his head back when he laughed. She liked his wit. He was all the things a Black should be, cold and calculating, cruel and crass but never to his friends. No, there he was Gryffindor through and through because he was all the things a Gryffindor should be when it came to the people he cared about — loyal and he would go to the end of the world for them.
He was an enigma and Ella found him refreshing.
She had a plan. Everyone was in class so it wasn't like anyone could stop her. She would climb down all the stairs she had climbed up and into the Gryffindor boys dormitory. She'd find James' cloak and the map — she knew James had given it to Sirius because there was no way he was just that good at sneaking up on her — and she'd sneak out and apparate to London. It was still visiting hours and she could see James.
With a plan in her head she stood up, wiped the tears from her face and started her descent. She got lost more than once which threw her timeline off because by the time she'd made it to a familiar part of the castle, the bell rung signalling the end of a class which meant the halls got crowded quickly.
Things got stickier when she saw Remus and Alice walking down the hall together but they hadn't spotted her yet so she ducked behind a tapestry that she knew hid a passage to the Great Hall but she could've sworn Remus had seen a flicker of her. So she raced down the passage way coming out behind a portrait in the first floor corridor.
By then, the halls had cleared and Lily ran up the seven flights of stairs to the Gryffindor common room. It was empty — thankfully — and she easily made it up into the boys dormitory. She dug around Sirius' trunk and found the invisibility cloak almost straight away but the map proved more difficult to search for.
She searched all three trunks before giving up and simply summoning it. It took a second, but the map came flying in through the door and Lily gulped. One of the boys had had it on them. They'd know she had it now — she was after all the only other person outside the Marauders who knew about the map.
She shook her head. They were all in class. They wouldn't have time to chase after her especially if she were invisible and they didn't know where she was going.
With that in mind, she activated the map and slipped the coat around her shoulders and over her head. She hastily left the boys dormitory, and sucked in a breath when the portrait hole opened and in stumbled Sirius Black. She edged her way around him and slipped out of the portrait hole before it closed.
"Lily?" he called out. "Lily, I know you took the map!" he called but the portrait hole clicked shut. She didn't look back, didn't even look at the map that's why it came as a shock as a hand grabbed her arm and whirled her around, knocking the hood off her head.
"How'd you know?" she asked.
"I felt you slip pass me," he said. "Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Out where?" he questioned but she stayed silent. She wasn't going to give up her plan if she could help it. "You're going to see James, aren't you?"
She didn't say anything. She shrugged her arm out of his grasp and pulled the hood up, rendering her completely invisible.
"I'll see you later, Sirius."
"Lily, Lil! Don't," he shouted after her. "If the teachers find out-"
"They won't," she promised and with that she whirled around and made her way down the stairs.
Sirius don't know how he did it but he somehow made up an excuse good enough to pull Remus and Peter out of class and he pulled them into an empty classroom.
"Lily's sneaking out to go see, James in St Mungo's."
"What? Why?" Peter asked.
"I told you not to push her," Remus breathed in deeply. "Where is she?"
"I don't know."
"Where's the map?"
"She has it," Sirius told them, "And the cloak."
"So we're on our own," Peter frowned. "How're we supposed to find her if she's invisible and she can see us coming?"
"We've got to slow her down," Remus frowned. "There are seven passages out of the school."
"But James has only taken her through the statue one and the mirror on the fourth floor," Sirius pointed out.
"Okay so we need a distraction to slow her down," Peter said.
Sirius glanced at both of them, "I think it's time."
"You're not thinking…" Peter squinted suspiciously.
"Oh, I am," Sirius assured.
"We said we'd never do that!" Remus protested.
"It's either we do that or Lily gets suspended or worse expelled for sneaking out during class times and to London of all places! She wants to sneak to London! Someone is going to notice she's missing and she'll get in trouble when they find out where she went. So not only are we going to do it. We're doing it now. It's the only thing that would cancel classes and pull everyone into the corridors. No way she makes it to a passage way with all those people in the halls."
"All right," Remus agreed. "You've got everything?"
A bag suddenly appeared in Sirius' hand, "I'm not a rookie, Moony."
"All right, Wormy. It's me and you," Remus said. "Sirius, Padfoot is the only one who can sneak up on her and you can sniff her out. Once everyone is out in the corridors, the dots will be too muddled and you're the only one she won't be able to see coming."
"Remus, if a teacher catches me!"
"Make sure that doesn't happen," Peter suggested.
"Stellar advice, Pete. Thanks," Sirius frowned and then he straightened his shoulder, cracked his neck and said, "Let's go."
The bad thing about the cloak was how slow you had to walk to make sure every part of you remained invisible and she wasn't up to taking any chances. She was going to get out of this school and see her boyfriend.
But suddenly, rain started falling from the ceiling and not a moment later an alarm started ringing. The alarm that meant everyone was to go to their common rooms. Lily cursed, this had Sirius written all over it. The rain made things difficult. For one she had to tuck away the map so it wouldn't get water damaged which meant she was blind, not that the map would've been much help now that the corridors were filling up with shrieking students, like honestly it was only water, people were so dramatic.
The only good thing about the rain was that it made the cloak stick to her or else there were quite a few bad things. Like the fact that she now had to cling to the walls as she fought against the crowd.
She could feel her heart picking up speed. The plan was diminishing. No, no, no. She just needed a new plan. Everyone was in the corridors but they'd clear out after five minutes which meant she just had to stay hidden from teacher, Remus, Peter and Sirius. Piece of cake.
What chance did they really have? She had the map and the cloak and they had nothing but their wits and their ability to do extravagantly stupid things like make it rain inside an entire castle.
She was on the fifth floor now which meant she was one floor away from the fourth floor mirror passage which was her aim … but if she hid in the passage behind the portrait of Bartholomew the Great, she'd be in perfect positioning to end up on the third floor and only thirty meters away from the statue of the humpback witch. Extra bonus the portrait of Bartholomew the Great was right next to her.
She slipped inside it sleekly so no one around her noticed and closed it back in place. These damn passages were always so dark, she lit her wand and started walking down the steep steps.
She was halfway down when she heard a door opened and then a patter of footsteps chasing after her and a moment later the cloak ripped off her and she whirled around to see a dog transforming into a man.
"Damn it, Sirius!" she shouted.
"Me? Me?" he shouted right back, "Don't pretend like I'm the unreasonable one here! Come on, we're going back to the common room now!"
"No," Lily folded her arms across her chest. "I don't want to be here in this stupid castle!"
"Lily, you can't sneak out to London! Are you fucking insane! If they found out you'd be expelled and-"
"AND WHO GIVES A SHIT! I don't want to be here anymore!"
"You don't mean that," Sirius waved off. "You're just angry at the world and you're angry at James."
"I'm not angry at James."
"Don't lie to me," Sirius called her out. "You're angry because he was an idiot and he could have died."
"Fine so maybe I am! What's that got to do with anything?"
"Lily, you don't want to be this person. You're saying you don't care but that's a load of bullshit because if you didn't care you wouldn't be crying right now."
Her hand touched her cheek and sure enough there were hot tears streaming down. The thing was he was right, well sort of. She wasn't angry at James but at what could have happened to him and she wasn't angry at the world. She was terrified of it. It made her want to hide under a rock and never crawl out from under it.
"Fuck you, Sirius," she mumbled. "You couldn't just let me go."
Sirius smiled. "What kind of friend would I be if I let you do something stupid?"
"The kind you've been for the past seven years."
"I'm down for stupid things, Evans, just not when it's dangerous. Not when it can cost you your future."
She slid down the wall and sat on the stair, Sirius taking a seat next to her. The passage was narrow so their shoulders and knees touched.
"Do you want to tell me what's really going on in your head?"
"I — there's a battle going on in me," she admitted, licking her lips. "There's this part of me that wants to fight and do great things and kick ass and do something with a capital 'S'." She smiled softly at him before looking down at the floor again. "And then there's this part of me telling me that I should keep my head down and don't make too much noise because they'll notice you and if they notice you, you're dead but no one is going to care about a girl who failed her NEWTs. No one's going to care about a girl who doesn't do anything."
"James cares. I care. Pete, Remus, Marlene, Alice, Ella, Adaline, Nate … they all care too."
"I know."
"Don't let them control your life, Lily. You were meant to do something with a capital 'S' and to do anything less would be a disservice to yourself. Now, map?"
Lily pulled a face but pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to him.
"How'd you make it rain?"
"James and Pete came up with it in fourth year. Remus forbade us from using it, said it was too extreme but today, extreme measures were needed."
Lily nodded slowly and though she didn't know if she meant it, she thanked him and together they walked back, sopping wet, to the common room. Before they went in, Sirius turned, "Agree to never tell James about this?"
Lily considered, "Agreed."
Sirius had had enough. It had been eight bloody days and the woman still hadn't cracked. He had though that after their heart to heart in the passage the other day, she'd fix herself up but nope. She was still failing her classes though she was less irritable toward him and though it was something, it wasn't enough.
He grabbed her by the arm after fifth period on Wednesday and dragged her as she pushed and pulled against him, swatting at him and calling him every curse she knew. He didn't let her go until they were sat down at the library.
He'd considered doing this somewhere private but under the stern gaze of Madam Pince, Lily would be less likely to shout at him. He sat her down, forcefully and opened a book in front of her.
"Study!" He demanded.
"Piss off," she scoffed.
"Study," he repeated.
"Sirius," she hissed.
"Merlin's sake, Lily just study!"
"I can't," she slammed the book shut and banged her head onto the book. "Every time I try to read, my brain just doesn't soak anything in. I just keep thinking that none of this matters. You think I haven't tried?" she whispered at him furiously. "You think I want to be this - this failure? I can't!"
"Evans, for the billionth time, you aren't going to die! You and James will get married and have beautiful babies and you'll threaten him with divorce every time he swaps the sugar out for salt."
"You don't know that! I mean can he even get it up?"
"Of course he can!"
"You don't know that either," Lily wagged her finger.
"You doubting my prophetic sight?"
"First, I'd like to comment on the fact that you failed divination and second, are you telling me you have prophetic visions of James getting it up?"
"Nothing is out of bounds in brotherhood."
"You know, every time I think your friendship is normal you go on and say something borderline cult."
He was about to retort but shook his head. She was good at getting him off topic if she wanted to avoid a subject.
"Look, you're missing the point."
"Am I?"
"Evans!"
"Black."
"You are! You're not going to die and even if you do, who says NEWTs aren't important in the afterlife?"
"I really want to see where you're going with this."
"Binns!" Sirius clicked his fingers. "If he didn't get high NEWTs they wouldn't have let him stay on as Professor after he turned ghost. Bam! NEWTs being useful in the afterlife! Case and point!"
Lily threw her head back and laughed. "Seriously? If I end up like Binns you have full permission to perform an exorcism and banish me to anywhere."
"Okay, fine! I really didn't want to do this but you've now lost mirror privileges. No James unless you start getting E's or higher."
Lily tsked. "Is that really necessary?"
"Well, you're infallible in James' eyes so it's my ass who's going to be kicked when he comes back and sees that you're failing all your classes."
"Hey, I'm not failing Herbology!"
"Peter's not failing Herbology, Evans, doesn't make you smart."
"Mean."
"Truth."
"I just can't," Lily said after a while.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, boo hoo! The world is in a war against muggle-borns and you're a muggle-born, blah blah blah! Get over it and buck the hell up. We all know that every single one of us is going to find a way to fight and you're not going to win if you already think you've lost. None of us will let them touch you, Evans and you're crazy if you think that we would, even more so if you think James would. So when I say that you and James are going to get married and have a bunch of kids, I mean it because you will! You have to … it's what we're fighting for." He paused, breathing heavy for a second.
"So you're going to snap out of this. You're going to start eating again and you're going to go to all of your Professors and ask for extra credit assignments and you're going to smash them. You're going to stop thinking about this stupid war and you're going to stop thinking you're going to die. What you are going to do, is study. You're going to study for NEWTs and you're going to beat all of us and you're going to get some kick ass job in charms development or potions development and one day this feeling, this war, will feel like a bad dream."
"I don't want a kick ass job," she murmured, "I just want to kick ass."
"And we'll find a way," Sirius promised. "But for now, you've got to focus on what's important."
Lily nodded. "You can come with me to McGonagall … make up for your bogus essay."
Sirius snorted. "Please, I handed the proper essay in a day early."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "She was a part of your ruse?"
"I know, I was surprised too. I got full marks for that essay."
Before Sirius could stop her, she flicked a stream of water out of her wand and onto his face. "That is for making me feel guilty, you git!"
Sirius wiped the water out of his eyes. "Is this throwing liquid on people thing becoming a habit because I must say, I don't like it."
Lily just squirted more water at him until her name being called out halted her, saving Sirius from the wrath of water.
"Lily!" Mia sighed, sitting into the seat next to Lily.
Madam Pince eyed their table disapprovingly.
"Hey, Mia," Lily said much more quietly. "Might want to lower your voice."
"Oh, right," Mia dropped her voice lower, "I've been running."
She certainly had. Her face was red and fine beads of sweat were on her nose.
"Are you okay?"
"Perfect," Mia told her with a happy grin. "Can we talk later?"
"Yeah — yeah of course," Lily agreed. "Tonight-" Sirius coughed pointedly and Lily rolled her eyes. It was Study Group night. "Tomorrow we can have breakfast together?"
"Perfect," Mia grinned and she stood up, the chair scraping against the stone. Lily winced. "Oh, sorry. See you tomorrow," and with that she was off just as quickly as she'd come.
"I made her cry you know," Sirius said haughtily.
"I'm aware."
"I told her McKinnon used to say Adams name in his sleep when they were together."
Lily gaped, "Sirius, that's awful!"
"Didn't make it any less true and she's stopped trying to split McKinnon and Adams up so you're welcome."
"There are nicer ways to do things," Lily said adamantly.
"Sure, in another life, if I were Remus." Lily rolled her eyes but Sirius clicked his fingers in front of her face, "Don't get distracted, study. We're not leaving until you can recite the twenty-six steps of becoming an animagus by heart."
So reluctantly but knowing there was really no way around it, she opened her Transfiguration text book and dipped her quill into the ink pot and started reading, writing detailed notes as she went until, as Sirius had vowed, Lily could recite the twenty-six steps by heart.
Mia was waiting by the doors of the Great Hall when Lily entered and Lily, bid goodbye to Marlene, Ella and Sirius, the last of whom shouted after her, "You better actually eat something!"
Lily rolled her eyes as she approached Mia with a smile. "Your table then?" she asked and Mia nodded.
They found the most secluded area of the Ravenclaw table before sitting and Lily placed a piece of toast and some eggs on her plate before turning to Mia, "What is it you wanted to talk about?"
"I kissed someone," Mia said slowly, "Someone I probably shouldn't have kissed."
Lily paused mid-chew. "Mia, if you're telling me you kissed Nate McKinnon I-"
"Not Nate!" Mia swore immediately.
"Okay," Lily said slowly and resumed chewing before asking, "Than who?"
"I can't say."
"So you wanted to tell me you kissed someone but you can't tell me who." Lily processed that and then, "Is he fit?"
"Yeah."
"Is he in your year?"
"No." Before Lily could ask another question, Mia ranted on. "I mean, he's been trying after me secretly since we got back to school and yesterday we were alone and he kissed me and everything just felt right you know?"
Lily smiled softly, sadly because she did know. She had that person, he was just sitting in a hospital a thousand miles away. "Yeah, I do. So if he's so great, why can't I get a name?" Lily asked.
"We want to keep it on the down low for a while, see where it goes before we start snogging in corridors."
Lily laughed, "Well, I better not find you in any broom cupboards with him."
Mia grinned and then awkwardly side hugged Lily. "Thank you for listening," she whispered. "It's like Nate was the last good thing in my life and it seems like this could be something good, maybe even better — I just wanted someone to tell."
"You can tell me anything, good or bad."
Mia grinned, "Okay well, this can't all be one sided then. How about you? I haven't seen Potter around lately and Black sticks to you like glue."
"Yeah," Lily said, "James was injured in the attack on New Year's — I just assumed everyone knew. That awful Skeeter reporter wrote an article and James was mentioned."
"That's - that's terrible! Is he going to be okay?"
"Yeah, of course," Lily said and maybe for the first time she truly believed it. "It's just going to take a bit of time."
"I'll put him in my prayers," Mia offered.
"You pray?"
"Yeah," Mia admitted, her cheeks flushing red. "My family are Catholic and we're pretty religious — I went to Bible school until Hogwarts."
Lily smiled, "That's wonderful — my family isn't very religious and when Hogwarts started, well, I don't really think about religion unless I go home for Easter." Lily meant every word she said, she rather liked the idea that someone was praying for the people in this old, crazy castle. It felt settling, like God hadn't forgotten about this little section of the world that often felt so isolated compared to the rest of the world.
Mia relaxed her shoulders in relief and started piling food onto her own plate as they started a conversation on their studies. Lily found herself laughing quite a bit as they made fun of things purebloods were completely clueless about in the muggle world. By the end of breakfast, Lily was not only dedicated to helping Mia, but also to being her friend.
"Guess who got their first 'O' since coming back from holidays!" Marlene shouted entering the girl's dormitory where Ella, Alice and Adaline sat on their beds.
"Marly!" Lily complained, "Don't make a big deal-" But it was too late the girls were cheering and clapping and Lily flushed a furious shade of red. "It's not a big deal," she mumbled.
"Yes it is," Alice countered, "And we must celebrate!"
"We really don't have to," Lily pleaded.
"Nothing big," Alice promised, "Just us girls and a bottle or two of firewhiskey."
"I'm down for that," Ella bounced on her bed.
"Slumber party time!" Adaline shouted. "Everyone pyjamas on and music up!"
"Muggle or wizard?" Marlene asked looking through her collection of vinyls.
"Oh, put on August Green's new album," Lily moved her hand in a circular motion, "What's it called-"
"Catching Dragons?" Ella asked and Lily clicked and exclaimed, "Yes!"
Marlene put the music on and after the girls were in their pyjamas they pulled out all their sweets and alcohol and spread out across the floor bringing with them blankets and pillows. The girls laughed and sang and chatted and it was like a war didn't exist anymore.
"Okay, okay, okay!" Lily shouted, calling order to the chaos, "Kiss, marry and kill … Dumbledore, Slughorn and Flitwick."
"Ew! Lily gross!" Marlene laughed. "But kill the slug, marry Dumbledore and kiss Flitwick."
The girls burst out laughing, "You can't marry Dumbledore he's like a hundred and ten!" Ella exclaimed.
"But come on, think of all the wisdom and he's a hundred years old, dude that old has gotta have money," Marlene shrugged. "Kiss, marry or kill … Avery, Yaxely or Carrow."
"Kill them all," Adaline declared.
"Nope you've got to marry or kiss one. Choose!"
"Nuh uh," Adaline countered. "Kill one via poison on lips when I kiss them. Marry one and stab him in his sleep. The other just dies right?"
Lily laughed, "Excellent strategy, Bennett. New rule, no Slytherin mentions."
"Fine!" Marlene groaned.
"Okay I have one for Ella," Alice wagged her eyebrows.
"Have at it then," Ella encouraged.
"Sirius, Putley and Walker."
"Seriously, Walker? We like dated in Fifth Year!" Ella complained.
"Not my fault your love life is sad," Alice retorted.
"My love life is not sad and why is Black included in my love life?"
The girls glanced at each other and smirked. "Come on, Ella don't act like you don't have the hots for him."
"He's just a friend."
"Oh, Merlin," Adaline gasped, "Alice help me!" she clutched her chest. "This is Marlene and Nate all over again."
"Oi!" Ella complained. "It is not!"
"It so is," Alice agreed.
"I hate both of you."
"Well answer the question," Lily prompted.
"Kill Putley, kiss Black, marry Walker."
The girls uproared. "As if!"
"You hate Walker! You threw a textbook at his head last year!"
"I've grown and in the process of growing I conclude that despite the nasty break-up, Walker's a pretty decent bloke."
"Nasty break-up?" Lily echoed. "You shouted in front of the entire common room that you'd rather be eaten by a hippogriff than give him a second chance."
"He responded by yelling that he'd rather see you be eaten by a hippogriff than get back with you," Marlene finished.
"Like I said, nasty."
"It's okay she's only saying she'd kiss Black and marry Walker to cover up the fact that she actually does fancy Black," Alice sighed. "You, Ella, are officially Marlene the Second."
The night went on in the same fashion and the girls couldn't remember a time where they'd laugh so hard in a while. It was like everything bad that had happened in the last year — Lily being attacked, Alice's mum dying, James being in hospital — it was like all of that lifted off them.
So they drank and played stupid games late into the night and early into the morning until they all retreated back into their beds and their voices got low as their eyes became tired.
"Al, is Doc in danger?" Ella asked, her voice barely above a whisper but in the quiet of the room, she needn't have spoken much louder.
Alice didn't reply for a while and Ella thought she'd fallen asleep like Marlene and Adaline, but just as Ella had rolled over to sleep herself, Alice replied.
"Yeah, a little bit. I can't tell you why or how but-"
"I can," Lily interrupted. She played with the edge of her quilt as she said, "Dumbledore … he must've — I mean that is, I think."
"Think what?" Alice asked curiously.
"A while back, September maybe October I was out late one night and there were people in the castle."
"People?" Ella asked.
"Not bad people. They were with Dumbledore," Lily explained. "Dumbledore was putting on some sort of gathering and from what I heard, they're were a lot of people involved. A lot of families. I, after New Year's, Emmeline and Doc being at that party together, I think, I think Dumbledore's leading some kind of rebellion."
"A rebellion?" Ella asked sceptically.
"I mean, the Ministry wasn't doing anything about You-Know-Who but Dumbledore did defeat Grindelwald and what other reason could Dumbledore have to host a secret meeting at Hogwarts at eleven o'clock at night?" Lily paused and then, "Am I right, Alice?"
Alice stayed silent.
"Al?" Ella prodded.
"It's called the Order of The Phoenix. Emmeline and Doc are in it. I can't believe you put that together after hiding from a few people after curfew!"
"How much do you know about it?" Lily asked not caring to explain that James and her had crashed the meeting under an invisibility cloak. "Your sister seemed all for it."
"Not much. Em hardly tells me anything. She only told me because, well," Alice tittered nervously, "Bellatrix tried to recruit me to their side."
"Merlin, she's crazy," Ella muttered. "You're not even out of school!"
"Makes you wonder how many Slytherins have already been recruited," Alice murmured.
"How do you join then? The Order?"
"Em never said but I wager that you would get an invite from Dumbledore."
"Merlin," Adaline groaned, "Will you three shut up? Trying to sleep off my hangover."
Lily smirked. "I don't think it's a hangover if you're still drunk."
"Murmph, you lot still," A yawn interrupted Marlene's sentence as she stretched out, "Up?"
"No, the ghosts decided to throw a party in our dorm," Ella lied.
"That's nice," Marlene rolled over, ready to fall back asleep.
"See, now that's hungover," Lily commented as Adaline sat up and threw a pillow across the room to hit Marlene.
"Hmph, what?"
"Wake up," Adaline insisted.
"Sleep time."
"You're missing all the good gossip," Alice sung softly and that had Marlene rolling onto her back and rubbing her eyes.
"You have ten minutes."
The three girls quickly filled in Adaline and Marlene about the Order and then they moved onto the hard questions.
"We're fighting, right?" Adaline asked softly.
"If we can find a way to join," Marlene agreed. "It'll be a little scary though, won't it? Fighting people like Bellatrix Lestrange."
"We just have to make sure we're better than them," Ella murmured.
"And if we're not?"
"We die," Lily said simply, "We just have to take as many down with us as we can."
"I feel like I could kill them all," Alice murmured, "Just with my rage."
"Aurors can't kill."
"The way the Ministry's going, it won't be far off," Marlene muttered. "Did you hear they're considering letting Aurors use unforgiveables? And they've been given permission to shoot first, ask questions later."
"Can't really blame them," Adaline sighed. "War Amendments. At least they're doing something."
"It's not enough," Lily said.
"Well, of course not but it's a start in the right direction."
"I suppose," Lily conceded. "I told McGonagall I want to be a lobbyist."
"A what?" Ella asked.
"Someone who uses public interest to sway the Ministry into what laws should be passed, who should go into positions of power, stuff like that."
"Like M.A.E?"
Lily smiled softly. "I'd forgotten about that. Mia never sends us the newsletters."
"Is that the only thing you want to do after Hogwarts?" Marlene asked, "That's such a waste of-"
"Do not say talent."
"-Talent."
"I hate you."
"Well, it's true."
"I know. McGonagall said I would do well in charms development or in something to do with potions."
"You would," Ella agreed.
"You know, you could do a bit of both if you become a healer like me," Marlene suggested. "Applications are still open."
"No," Lily shook her head. "Too much sadness, I mean the world is a sad place but I don't need a front seat."
"I owled my application for the Auror training program," Alice said. "The accelerated one where you do it in two years instead of three and it's more hands on and field work."
"They'll be dumb not to accept you," Adaline exclaimed.
"You think?"
"Yeah," the girls agreed.
"I hate not knowing what to do," Lily murmured.
"It'll work itself out," Adaline assured.
Or it won't, Lily couldn't help but think.
It was her birthday. Everything was loud and noisy — Sirius had gone ahead and thrown a stupid party, in the library of all places, despite her telling him that she didn't want to do anything for her birthday.
The Sunday had been quite normal. She woke up and Sirius intercepted her on her way to breakfast. He watched her eat two slices of toast before hauling her into the library where they did the Potions assignment that was due on Tuesday together — his insistence to be sat next to her in every class had ensured that they were partnered for any and every group assignment that had come up in the past week.
At lunch an owl came from James — a letter wishing her a happy birthday, which was really sweet and made her smile and he promised he would see her soon.
"See Evans, he's doing fine," Sirius said.
"Nowhere in this letter does it say that," Lily deadpanned.
"Prongs is always fine," Sirius waved off. "Have I ever told you about the time Moony threw him in the lake?"
"Who's Moony?" Ella asked, leaning over to reach the pumpkin juice.
"James' pet hippogriff," Sirius said easily. Ella raised an eyebrow. "James has a pet hippogriff?"
"It's Hagrid's," Lily corrected Sirius. "James is just overly attached to it."
Sirius launched into the story that took them through lunch and then they trudged to an empty Potions lab to work on their theory, which was actually quite fun as they got to blow up a few things in the name of science.
At around six, Sirius dumped her with Remus who asked after her panic attacks which she was quick to brush off. Then it was weird, everyone was missing. It was literally just her and Remus in the common room until he suggested a walk at nine. Before they even reached the party, she knew.
So she pulled on her best surprise face and happiest smile, just because she wasn't in the mood for a party they still went through all this effort for her and so she pretended to smile and laugh and drink. She danced with the girls and sung along to the songs and no one suspected that she didn't want to be there.
The clock had just hit midnight and it was her birthday. She was no longer seventeen and she didn't feel any older or anymore wiser. This didn't feel like her birthday party despite the banner telling her otherwise. It just felt like another day, another party. She supposed all birthdays felt like that.
"Now, what would a pretty girl like you be doing alone at a party like this?" a voice said in her ear and she jumped, spinning around to see him for herself.
There he was. All smirking and eyes shining, hair a mess and standing.
"You're — you're standing," a strangled laugh escaped her lips as her lips slid into a slow grin, the only real one she'd smiled all night.
"I am," he confirmed, "All better."
Lily couldn't help the tear that fell, it was a happy one though and she stepped closer and brought him down in a bone crushing hug.
"Miss me?" he whispered in her ear sending chills down her spine as his arms tightened around her and he pulled her up so her toes were just touching the floor.
She breathed him in and Merlin she missed that smell. It was woodsy and peppermint at the same time and it was James. She closed her eyes, just soaking in this moment. Nothing else mattered, not the music, not the alcohol, not the people. The only thing that mattered was James.
"Never, ever leave me again," she whispered.
"I missed you, too." She pulled back, cupping his face in her hands and just looked at him. "Happy birthday, love."
She giggled with a goofy grin, not believing her own eyes that he was back because she'd been missing him for so long that now it all just felt a lot like happiness and she couldn't believe it. She leaned up on her tip toes and planted a kiss on his lips. "Let's get out of here."
"We have to stay for the cake," James said scandalised. "Besides, I want to enjoy the party I planned."
"You planned?" Lily asked.
"I mean, Sirius did all the heavy lifting with Remus and Pete but I told him to throw a party and made the plan for how to do it in the library."
Lily laughed, "Of course you did and did you just get here? It's midnight."
"I got here around seven. I had to hide, you know make it a birthday wish come true for you."
Lily kissed him, "God, you're an idiot sometimes."
"I love you, too, dear. Now, lets go join the party."
He slung an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head as the ventured off into the party to find their friends.
Author's Note:
Hello everyone who is bothered to read this :) As always thanks for reading and if you like it please, review, fav and follow!
Sorry for the late update - in all honesty this would have been up last week but I was away from home for a few days in a place with no wifi, which is as depressing as it sounds. (Not really, my friends and I compensated with alocohol). The next chapter is ready (and I like it much more than this chapter tbh) but the chapter after is not so I probably won't be updating until the next chapter is at least halfway done which probably won't be for another week, depending on how motivated I'm feeling.
Please let me know about you thoughts on the story so far :D
-Natalie xx