Series: True/Troubled Beauty

Series tagline: How do you love someone who believes they don't deserve your love?

Chapter: 03. Costumes and Crushes

Fandom: Doctor Who (10th)

Chapter Summary: Just a little fun with the dressing-up box but it turns serious when Jack wants to leave. The Doctor resorts to low means to stop him.

Rating: PG

Word Count: 3, 500ish

Warning: over the series there are a lot of references to other shows, actors, movies, games etc. so there may be spoilers for them. There may be the odd spoiler for Doctor Who episodes as well but I think I'm being rather cryptic. Also, I apologise for trying to write the Scottish accent phonetically. I'm not Scottish but I love David Tennant and John Barrowman and various Scottish actors. Once again, I apologise for butchering the accent. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I am a lowly fan. This is FANfiction.

Costumes and Crushes

The Doctor finds the Captain in a disused part of the TARDIS, underneath some panelling and undoing all the work the shower has just done to him. He's so busy fiddling with the TARDIS that he doesn't notice the Doctor come in, and watch him.

The Doctor could watch Jack forever; this is Jack at his finest. This is Jack at his happiest. Man working seamlessly with Machine. Jack is so skilled, so talented; it is such a beautiful sight to watch. Jack is so gifted, so clever, so brilliant but he's also so brittle, so frail and so fragile.

The temperature controls in the room are slightly kaput and it's extremely cold in there. The Doctor doesn't feel it much and Jack's too lost in his own world to notice. It isn't until he's shaking so much he can barely hold the tools and almost collapses in a coughing fit that the Doctor finally makes his presence known.

"Jack, you're frozen." The Doctor sits down, his legs dangling off the edge off the panel, Jack still beneath him. "Put this on." The Doctor tells Jack, passing him his long brown coat, which he doesn't accept.

"You've been neglecting her." Jack chatters, refusing to look at the man he is talking to. Instead he gulps down the rest of his coffee, even though it's cold and he has to force his hands to cooperate. The Doctor watches as Jack tortures himself trying to help the TARDIS. It's too much to bear and the Doctor jumps down and covers Jack's hands with his own, trying to steady them and warm them up but mainly just to hold them and feel them in his own.

Jack is looking at him with deep, confused and questioning eyes and the Doctor is lost. But then Jack suffers another coughing fit and the Doctor has to hold him so he doesn't fall. He's forced into action and the Doctor fixes the thermostat with ease using his sonic screwdriver and then he turns his attention to Jack. Jack: who has sunk to the floor, his head in his hands.

"Please, tell me you don't love me." Jack pleads, his voice muffled because he's talking to the floor, can't even raise his head. The Doctor finds he can't reply because Jack is still shaking, so instead he tries to cover Jack with his coat but Jack moves, stands up and climbs out of underneath the panels. The Doctor thinks he sees Jack wiping away tears but he can only see the back of Jack so he can't be too sure.

Jack is almost at the door but then he pauses, then he turns. His entire manner has changed, just in a matter of microseconds. What was scared, worried and insecure is now brazen, loud and cocky. Shame it's just an act but Jack plays the part oh so well. Jack walks over to the Doctor who is still beneath the panelling, kneels down and offers the Doctor a helping hand. The Doctor just stares. He's confused and concerned but most of all he's intrigued.

"I know you don't love me." Jack smiles, sure he's stating a fact. Or rather, hoping that stating it like a fact will make it come true. But nevertheless, Jack has a determined look in his eye, which looks as though he's just begging the Doctor to challenge him. And it's a challenge the Doctor can't seem to refuse.

"Oh yeah? And how is that then?" The Doctor asks, accepting Jack's hand, which pulls him up easily. And as Jack stands up he refuses to let go of the Doctor, even pulling him closer so that their faces are mere millimetres apart and the Doctor is twitching with the effort not to close the gap.

"Because you've got a crush on me. That's all." Jack's voice is kind of gravely and obviously put-on, trying to be sexy. It's very effective. The Doctor is breathing rather heavily but all he can breathe is Jack, all he can see is Jack, all he can taste and feel and hear is Jack and the Doctor should be concerned by that but he can't find it in himself to care because this feels so good, so right. "You may think you're in love but what you're feeling is too intense to be love. It's a crush. Just a crush."

"Yes." The Doctor gasps, rasps even though he doesn't really know what he's saying yes to. All he knows is that this feels SO good and he wants to get closer. He needs to.

"Good." Jack says moving away leaving the Doctor bereft, alone and confused. "Now, I'll just get on my ship and leave you alone. Tell Sarah-Jane she's better off without me and better off with you. I know you'll look after her and Rose for me."

"Wait! You can't just go!" the Doctor calls out with such a force that it stops Jack in his tracks. It also surprises the Doctor too. "I mean… your ship…" his tone turns serious and is weighted with sadness, although deep down a part of him isn't sad because it means Jack has no choice but to stay. "She's stripped completely bare. You won't be able to get her going again." And the Doctor flinches internally because the pain in Jack's eyes is so clear at that and suddenly the Doctor gets it. That ship was a work of art in the past, practically hand-built. It was the work of a lifetime, Jack's life and it made the pacifist Doctor angry to think how anybody could rape her and hurt Jack that way.

"I know my ship, Doctor. There are secret rooms, secret panels and there are a lot of them. They couldn't have found them all. I can repair her, fix the bare essentials at least. There are some things I will never be able to replace… but I will be able to get her to go. It won't take long, a few hours, a day at the most if I work real hard. I'll be gone soon enough, don't worry."

'And you'll be alone.' The Doctor thinks but knows better than to say it out loud. Only Jack is moving again, leaving, and all the Doctor can think is that he's got to get Jack to stay because as trite as this sounds he doesn't want to go on if he doesn't know Jack is there with him. He tried, he tried to live his life without Jack before and he doesn't want to go back to that. He never wants to go back to that.

"The TARDIS wants you to stay." The Doctor blurts out, hating how pathetic he sounds but soon not caring because it works. Jack turns around, looking guilty. "I assume that's why she didn't give you any real clothes, just boxer shorts. Although she should have known that practically being naked wouldn't stop you." Jack laughs at that and the Doctor can't help but smile but then the mood turn serious.

"She'll survive without me, you all will. You'll survive better without me. You're all better off without me." The Doctor can see Jack sincerely believes what he's saying but the Doctor can't see how. He doesn't want to survive without Jack and he's not so sure he could. Yet, right at this moment Jack is walking out of his life and the Doctor can't let that happen.

"Wait!" The Doctor exclaims so suddenly that it makes Jack jump. "Follow me!" The Doctor grabs Jack's hand and drags him through the TARDIS' rooms and corridors rather swiftly and quickly.

"Where are we going?" Jack laughs because the Doctor looks so enthusiastic. It's sweet really, but that's just another reason for him not to stay.

"I promise you'll like it."

"Where are we going?" Jack asks again, more serious this time but the Doctor still doesn't go of his hand. He does answer the question though.

"The TARDIS' wardrobe department. It's like a huge dressing-up box, an amazing range of outfits. You'll love it." The Doctor insists, still dragging Jack along, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

"We're going to get me some clothes? You don't have to do that." Jack tells him whilst still following him. "I'm fine." Jack insists.

"Yeah, well you may be perfectly happy just in your boxer-short but I'm…" the Doctor chose that moment to turn around and Jack collides into him. "…not." The Doctor gulps, forcing himself to move away from Jack. "It's just a crush, just a crush." The Doctor mutters this mantra whilst Jack scoffs bitterly, shaking his head.

"Don't worry Doc. The best way to resist temptation is to remove it. You'll forget me once I'm gone." Jack flashes a weak smile and gestures for the Doctor to lead the way. It takes the Doctor a few moments to eventually find his legs but soon enough they are at the wardrobe department.

"Here we are!" The Doctor grins and Jack is wide-eyed and open-mouthed in awe.

"This place is…"

"Big. Yeah, I know." The Doctor laughs.

"Are all these clothes yours?" Jack asks, his voice full of amazement.

"Mine, past selves, past companions but most of it is just the TARDIS showing off. Actually, some of Sarah-Jane's old clothes should be here…"

"Past selves?" Jack questions. "This is where you come when you…" Jack trails off, not sure of how to bring up the subject of death and new life which comes with being a Time Lord.

"Regenerate?" the Doctor completes the sentence for Jack. "Yes. Actually, I haven't had a chance to ask you what you think about my new look. Rose thinks I look old and geeky, she doesn't say it but she thinks it. She did say I looked 'stuffy' once though. I don't think I look stuffy though. Do you think I look stuffy?"

"Not in them plimsolls, no." Jack replies, chuckling to himself slightly and this only encourages the Doctor.

"And what about the glasses?" the Doctor asks, putting them on. "I can easily fix my eyes so I don't need them but I kinda like them. But if Rose or Mickey tease me just one more time about these glasses I might just get rid of them."

"Who, the glasses or Rose and Mickey?" Jack quips before quickly adding his honest answer. "No, I like your glasses. They make you look sophisticated. They make you look cute."

"Then the glasses are definitely staying… wait! Cute? You mean geeky don't you?" the Doctor teases.

"Cute… geeky, what's the difference? Actually, what is the difference?" Jack genuinely asks before bringing himself back on-topic. "Nah, I like your new look. It makes you look smart. Dress-wise and Intelligence-wise." The Doctor and Jack share a sweet smile before Jack cynically adds, "Although, you can't actually be that smart if you've got a crush on me."

"Oh I wouldn't say that." The Doctor defends. "Okay, so I admit it might not be the most clever thing I've ever done but I still think it's a good thing."

"Well, all I can say is that it's good you've got two hearts because if you like me you are inevitably going to get one broken." Jack shakes his head because even though he doesn't want it to happen the Doctor is bound to realise he's too good for Jack. Jack just has to wait. "Especially when you see who I really am."

"Ah yes, and who ARE you exactly?" the Doctor asks, his voice slightly higher through curiosity and the attempt to sound light even though it is such a loaded question, which Jack can't answer. He doesn't know who he is only what and in his eyes what he is is lowly, cruel, heart-breaking and bad news. Anticipating this reply the Doctor is quick to respond with, "Well now you can be who you want to be. Reinvent yourself."

"Clothes don't make the man." Jack replies. "I should know. I've worn plenty of costumes in my time." And the Doctor is reminded of when they were first introduced. 1941. London Blitz. The Captain wore that costume, wore that uniform very well. Even the hair. But nevertheless, it was still just a role. Just another role.

"Every outfit is a costume." The Doctor concedes. "But you get to choose the character." The Doctor grins, leaning into Jack just a little and Jack smiles at that idea. He knows what he wants to be; he just doesn't know how to achieve it. He could never be all he wants… but that's no reason to stop him trying.

Before the Doctor's astonished eyes Jack sprints down the rails and rails of clothes, trying to comprehend the sheer size of the room. He runs around wildly for about ten minutes before eventually slowing down to take a closer look. He soon runs back to the Doctor, who hasn't moved, carrying a completely Scottish outfit. Kilt, sporran, everything!

"Is this yours?" Jack asks in a distinctly Scottish accent.

"Ach no. It belonged to Jamie; he's an old companion of mine. That was a long time ago." The Doctor replies in an equally Scottish accent, which seems to throw both men.

"I didnae know…" Jack clears his voice, trying to quit speaking in the Scottish accent and switch back to the American one but it is more difficult than he'd anticipated. "I ne'er knew you could…" cough, "speak with a Scot accent."

"I ne'er knew you could!" It seems the Doctor is also having problems shuffling off the Scottish accent too.

"Aye, well I'm from the United Kingdom Colony dash two. The Scottish part. It's just the rest of the Universe speak American so I had to learn. Universal translators and the likes dunnae decipher the Scottish accent and we dunnae all have psychic ships to translate for us." Jack explains, revelling in the Scottish now.

"I dunnae know where I got it from." The Doctor's brow creases. "I mustae got it from ma Ma's side. She was human."

"Scottish?"

"Not particularly, no." The Doctor says and there are a few moments of silence as they try to work it out but then another outfit catches Jack's eyes so he throws the tartan in the direction of the Doctor before running off. He returns seconds later in a Humphrey Bogart style hat and overcoat, looking every part the movie star.

"You know Doctor, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship." He quotes using Bogart's voice. The Doctor gives a weak smile, which grows as he realises his plan is working. Jack dumps the hat and the overcoat at the Doctor's feet before rushing off to find more.

The Doctor makes a mental note to the TARDIS to add all the clothes he likes into Jack's bedroom, the Doctor has had the TARDIS keep it exactly the same since… since, and whilst she was at it she could recreate Sarah-Jane's old bedroom too. Jack seems particularly fond of Sarah-Jane but the Doctor doesn't have time to question that now because Jack is running towards him, looking very excited and holding a shirt in his hands.

"I want this shirt! Please can I have this shirt? I love this shirt! This is an amazing shirt! Please, please can I have this shirt? It's so… I love it! please? Pretty please? Pretty please with slices of retingato on top?" Jack pleads like a little kid. How could the Doctor refuse him? He can't and the grin Jack gives him in return is blinding.

The shirt in question is a bright pink shirt with silver question marks all over it. The shirt is made from a silk-like material and suits Jack perfectly and with permission from the Doctor, Jack slowly puts it on, revelling in the way the material feels against his skin. It feels wonderful! And the Doctor can't help but revel in the way the shirt clings to Jack in all the right places.

"Whose shirt did this used to be?" Jack smiles, whilst finding some tight white trousers to put on. "Doctor?" It isn't until Jack has gotten the trousers on and then a few moments after that that the Doctor even remembers what the question was. A few seconds later before he remembers how to speak.

"Erm… actually it's an old shirt of mine. A LONG time ago, several lifetimes ago."

"Huh." Jack huffs as he finds some black shoes with a small silver heel just his size. "Colourful character."

"You don't think I'm colourful?" the Doctor asks playfully but the sombre look on Jack's face makes his blood run cold.

"I don't know. And I don't intend to find out." Jack severely tells him, keeping his face expressionless and his words cold even as his heart is breaking. "I've got an outfit now. I'm ready to go."

"No." the Doctor whispers but Jack still hears him.

"I have to. You know that. You know it's for the best." Jack insists and the Doctor wants to argue because he knows it isn't for the best, it's for the worst, for everybody. But the Doctor can't say a word. "Say goodbye to Rose and Sarah-Jay for me, and tell Sarah-Jay that I will get K-9 back to her."

"How will you be able to find us?"

"This is K-9's home. He'll be able to track you. I'll just point him in the right direction, then go the opposite way." Jack says finitely. Before leaving. He gets as far as the door but the door won't open.

"She won't let you go. She doesn't want you to go." The Doctor tells him, silently adding that he doesn't want Jack to go either. "Where will you go? What will you do?"

"What does it matter to you! Just let me go! Make her let me go! She'll listen to you." Jack lashes out but the Doctor knows he's lashing out of fear and doesn't even flinch, his hands planted firmly in his pockets.

"She's a good judge of character. And she'll need a good mechanic onboard. She wants you do stay."

"She's got you! You can't make me stay against my will!" Jack screams and when the Doctor doesn't reply he opens up a panel in the wall and starts to open the door manually. The Doctor hadn't replied because he's busy thinking and he's still thinking when the door is opened and Jack is walking out for good.

"Take Sarah-Jane with you." The Doctor explodes, hating the words as soon as they're out of his mouth but he is desperate and it's worked. Jack has stopped, and is turning around.

"Excuse me?"

"Take Sarah-Jane with you." The Doctor repeats, refusing to show any emotion and keep his voice steady and the tone even.

"But she loves TARDIS! This is her home! She belongs here!" Jacks pleads whilst the Doctor forces himself not to say the words, 'So do you.'

"She's your responsibility, you brought her here. She stopped being my responsibility the day I left her on Earth. Either she goes with you or you stay here with her. It's your choice but I really think she deserves better than that shell of a ship of yours." Jack turns white.

The Doctor knows he has hurt Jack, especially with his comment about Jack's ship. The Doctor hates that he can stoop so low but he's doing this for Jack's sake too. He can't bare the thought of Jack being alone again. He wants to help Jack but to do that he's got to get Jack to stay first. That is how the Doctor rationalises his behaviour. It doesn't make him feel any prouder though, and it doesn't erase the pain in Jack's beautiful blue eyes.

With a resigned sigh Jack turns and tries the door again which the TARDIS has now closed. And she's keeping it closed. "Relax. I'm just going to salvage what I can from the ship then I'll come straight back." He insists and it isn't until the TARDIS has scanned his mind and knows he's telling the truth that she eventually opens the door.

The Doctor doesn't know but Jack has actually convinced TARDIS to store his ship. She did so reluctantly, knowing he intends to leave as soon as he has fixed her, but she has read his mind and knew how much this means to him. She couldn't deny him and besides, the ship is so badly damaged that it will take even a mechanic as gifted as Jack some time to fix her.

A few hours later Jack trudges through the TARDIS control room with a box full of books and machinery. And sitting on top is a decapitated teddy bear that the monsters beheaded to get at the data chips inside, but Jack is keeping the teddy, hoping to fix it when he gets the chance.

The box is rather large and although Jack is strong enough it is hard to manoeuvre a box that big. He trips over the uneven panels on the floor and the box spills its load. The Doctor helps put the miscellaneous objects back in the box. Jack gives a weak smile before retreating back to his bedroom with the box. The Doctor knows that although Jack is being polite, he is still being kept here against his will, and he isn't speaking to the Doctor.

End of Chapter 3