Series: True/Troubled Beauty
Series tagline: How do you love someone who believes they don't deserve your love?
Chapter: 06. Easing the Tension part two
Fandom: Doctor Who (10th)
Chapter Summary: A massage is supposed to ease the tension, isn't it?
Rating: PG. It's a lot more mild than the summary suggests.
Word Count: justabout 4, 500
Warning: over the series there are a lot of references to other shows, actors, movies, games etc. so there may be spoilers for them. There may be the odd spoiler for Doctor Who episodes as well but as I litter my work with so many obscure references it's hard to keep track of them all. Also, this chapter is very déjà vu so please let me know if you find it too boring.
Disclaimer: I am a lowly fan. This is FANfiction. Maria is all my own imagination though:-)
Easing the Tension part two
"Sarah-Jay, I don't suppose you know how to sew, do you?" Jack asks hesitantly.
"What, dear?" she responds, lost in a daydream.
"Nothing." He replies. There are a few seconds of silence before he has to talk again. "It's just that I've been trying to sew and apart from stabbing holes in my fingers I haven't really succeeded." He laughs nervously.
"What do you want doing?" the Doctor asks lightly. Jack, Mickey, Sarah-Jane and Rose look at him with various looks ranging from confused, scoffing, questioning and mocking. "Sonic screwdriver." The Doctor explains, flippantly. "Give it to me, whatever it is and I'll fix it." Jack pauses. He'd much rather do it himself but the Doctor has made an offer and he can't decline it. Jack disappears into his room.
"You could have just given him the sonic screwdriver." Sarah-Jane tells the Doctor.
"He should have just asked for it." Rose huffs. "Are we going someplace soon? Someplace we can have fun. Someplace you won't drag me away from."
"Where do you want to go?" the Doctor asks distractedly.
"I dunno. Anywhere! It just feels like I've been stuck in this blue box forever and I need…"
"It is a pretty big box though." Mickey interrupts.
"Yeah, but it gets SO boring after a while! I just… I need to get out. I want some fresh air. Doctor? Doctor!" she screams but Jack has just entered the room and Rose realises the Doctor hasn't heard a word she's said. She storms off to her room and Mickey half-heartedly tries to get her to stay but he knows better than to get in her way when she's in this mood so in the end he eventually lets her leave.
"There you go." Jack shyly hands the Doctor a decapitated teddy bear and the head to go along with it. The Doctor breaks out into a grin at Jack's adorableness.
"What happened to Mr. Snuggles?" Sarah-Jane can't help but ask.
"Mr. Snuggles?" Mickey can't help but scoff.
"I didn't name him!" Jack defends but then his voice turns softer, fonder. "he was given to me. By a little girl: Maria." The Doctor's ears prick up at that name, the jealousy flaring up inside him. "She hid me, kept me safe. I was 16 and new to the 21st Century. She was only 5 years old and could quote Shakespeare. She's amazing. She's like a little sister me. We were family, all each other had for two years until…" Jack falters. The Doctor doesn't push him "…until I had to leave. She gave me Mr. Snuggles as a goodbye gift. Told me to hug him whenever I felt sad, said it always worked for her but I needed him more than she did. The truth was she'd put a long-range communicator in there. Every time I hugged the bear it sent a signal to her. And she was seven when she gave me that teddy."
"Smart girl." The Doctor says almost bitterly. "This the same girl who supports The UK Colony point four even though that's over 6 millennia in her future?"
"She's adapted her radio so she gets the commentary from their games. She's a genius, works wonders with time. Understands it better than me and I used to be a Time Agent! She even gets take-out from the future and from other parts of the Galaxy. In the two years we were together she learned so much about the future and the galaxy just from watching me, and she taught me more than anybody else, Until I had to go. Leaving her. All alone and only seven years old. That was about ten and a half years ago." TARDIS is filled with an emotional silence. The Doctor clears his voice before speaking.
"He's all fixed now." The Doctor hands the fixed teddy back to a very grateful Jack, no longer feeling jealous of Maria.
"Thank you." Jack replies with such sincerity and so much warmth that the Doctor finds he can't make a sound, so he just smiles and nods. "Actually, I was thinking about letting Rose borrow him for a while, she's been looking kind of depressed lately." Jack frowns. "Where is she?"
"She's sulking in her room. It's more 'interesting' in there." Mickey moans.
"is she alright?" Jack's concern makes him question.
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be okay once you've given her another massage. That seemed to calm her down before." Is Mickey's half-serious, half-snarky retort.
"Massage!" The Doctor can't resist asking, any attempt to appear uninterested failing miserably. He sounds VERY intrigued.
"Oh yeah." Sarah-Jane smiles. "Jack is quite the masseuse. Isn't he, Mickey?"
"I… I wouldn't know, would I Sarah-Jay!" Mickey says through gritted teeth.
"Mickey's too butch for a massage." Jack sarcastically explains. "Because even if I did kind of cripple his shoulder when we were playing soccer…"
"Football." Mickey interjects.
"Penalty shoot-outs, whatever you call it. He was goal-keeping and I must have hit the ball at an awkward angle for him, drove his shoulder right back and…" Jack winces. "I'm still eternally sorry for that by the way."
"So you told me at the time. Repeated it so much you almost drove me mad. An' you're still doing it!"
"Sorry." Is Jack's instinctive response and when Mickey shoots him an angry glance Jack almost apologises again but manages to bite his tongue in time. "But even in all that agony Mickey was still a 'man'. He didn't need painkillers because 'men' can take pain. Refusing pleasurable massages and enduring needless pain is what being a 'man' is all about." Jack scoffs.
"And what are you, Jack?" Mickey challenges. "Because me and Rose have been debating it. And because of the films you watch we've decided you're not 18 since the number of 18's you've watched can be counted in single digits, and you've only watched them because they're classics or they've got actors you love in them. We both managed to agree on that but as to your gender the jury's still out on that one."
"I'm beyond such gender-stereotyping. I'm just me!" Jack grins, before curiosity makes him ask, "Did you and Rose reach any kind of conclusion?"
"Only that you're extremely flexible. Rose thought you'd be all red-blooded, like her. She watches 'Evita' for Antonio Banderas, right? She drools over him! You love him for his voice and find him 'sweet' but when he gets injured you go all nursemaid and mothering. Rose finds the whole 'in pain' thing sexy, you've turned so empathic you find the whole 'in pain' thing painful." Mickey realises he could go on for decades about Jack's complexities so he cuts to the chase. "But for the main part we've decided you're usually a 10 year old boy or a 14 year old lesbian." Mickey laughs as Jack's eyes go wide and he splutters, unable to form a coherent response because whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that.
"So Doctor, do you think you're man enough to handle one of Jack's massages?" Sarah-Jane blurts out, trying to change the subject. It works as now everybody is looking at the Doctor, eagerly awaiting his response. His eyes have gone wide; his mouth is open yet no words are coming out of it.
"He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to." Jack insists. "I mean, I'm not very good at it anyway. I just thought… I don't know what I thought. I guess I just thought it gave me a right to be here. I mean, being a masseuse is a lousy way of paying my way but it's about the only positive thing I can do and maybe I can't even do that all that well…"
"Jack!" Mickey tries to correct him, comfort him but Jack is having none of it.
"No. It's okay. It's understandable. It's fine. Massages aren't everyone's cup of tea. Mind you, the Doctor likes tea. I can't make tea. I can make coffee but the Doctor doesn't drink coffee…"
"Yes I do." The Doctor interrupts Jack's rambling without thinking.
"Since when?" Jack asks before feeling guilty for questioning the Doctor.
"Since …" since I left you behind, since I missed you, since it reminded me of you. "Actually, my muscles are a bit sore. I don't suppose you'd give me a massage, would you Jack?" The Doctor requests, as nonchalantly as he can manage. He almost regrets asking but then Jack gives him the most brilliant smile and all the Doctor's regrets are forgotten.
"Are you sure you could survive a massage from Jack?" Mickey questions, not completely in jest.
"I'm not that bad, am I?" Jack asks, insecure and Mickey lets out a sigh. It's a frustrated sigh yet also remarkably tender too.
"What I mean is, when you gave Rose that massage she didn't complain for days. She didn't leave her room for two days you blissed her out that much! And whatever you've been doing to Sarah-Jane you've most definitely put a smile on her face."
"He certainly has very talented hands." She teases.
"I think her smile is a result of Sarah's sunny disposition rather than me." is Jack's self-depreciating response. Mickey rolls his eyes and fights the urge to strangle Jack, so he pats him on the shoulder instead. Then he puts a hand on each of Jack's shoulders, faces him and makes sure that Jack doesn't break eye-contact, just so Jack knows he's telling the truth.
"What I mean is, and I'll say this so you can't misinterpret me, you worked miracles with my shoulder. And if a big, tough, butch guy like me can reluctantly enjoy your massage then the Doctor doesn't have a hope in hell of resisting. He'll melt into the TARDIS floor. He'll be putty in your hands. You'll make him relax." Jack smiles at that. His brilliant, honest, white, beautiful and blinding smile.
"I am going to give him the best massage ever!" Jack vows, coming to life with enthusiasm. "Doctor, I am seriously going to give you the best. The candles, music and oils I'll use will make you think you're in the gardens of Zeusadron. I am gonna make you so relaxed you won't wanna do anything for a week and you won't have to. I will be at your beck and call. But for now… please follow me to the Paradise Pleasure Palace, Rose came up with the name, and I will give you the best massage I have ever given anybody in my life!" Jack beams whilst Mickey, Sarah-Jane and the Doctor are silent. Mickey is the first one to regain his voice and he starts chuckling, Sarah-Jane starts to smile.
"What are you waiting for, Doctor?" Sarah-Jane tries to ask innocently but she can't keep a straight face as Mickey is laughing wildly; the Doctor's eyes are wide open, the pupils largely dilated and his skin is very pale; and in contrast Jack is almost hopping up and down with eagerness.
"Well, if I'm not back in a couple of days I've probably died and gone to heaven." The Doctor sighs, tugging at his hair. "Probable cause of death: spontaneous combustion."
"Nah…" Mickey wipes away his tears from laughing. "You'll be too relaxed to spontaneously combust."
"Trust us!" Mickey and Sarah-Jane add simultaneously and the Doctor isn't so sure he does. Jack's making his way to the Paradise Pleasure Palace but he glances back and looks at the Doctor, his eyes so bright and hopeful and full of life. The Doctor follows him.
And that's how he's here: lying flat on his stomach; no long brown coat; no pinstripe suit jacket; no shirt. He flat out refuses to take off his trousers and no matter how much Jack protests he will only be giving the Doctor a back and shoulder massage, not that Jack protests too much because the Doctor's word is final.
"You do seem rather tense." Jack tells him. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."
"Well if I'm tense, don't you think I could do with a massage?" the Doctor laughs nervously. Jack waits until the Doctor appears relaxed before putting his hands on the Doctor's back. The Doctor tenses right back up again.
"Look, I'm not going to be able to do this if you don't RELAX!" Jack stresses before sighing. He grabs a chair and sits down, just looking at him, making it clear he isn't moving until the Doctor is completely at ease. They both have a feeling it is going to be a while. Then Jack starts singing.
His voice is soft and absent-minded. The Doctor's not even sure Jack realises he's singing. He can't make out the song. Jack is barely humming the tune, only singing the occasional word or two. The Doctor is mesmerised.
He watches, as Jack seems to get lost in the sensation of singing. His eyes are closed and as he sings/hums a smile develops on his face. He grows in confidence and the melody becomes stronger, the words become clearer. He sings a whole range of songs, mainly from 1950's musicals oddly enough, all upbeat and entertaining. The Doctor sits up, listens and watches in awe until Jack finishes his set and opens his eyes. Jack's eyes narrow in realisation.
"I'm sorry. I was singing, wasn't I?" He apologises before shuffling his feet and gazing at the floor.
"No." the Doctor is still reeling from what he's just seen and heard and it is quite possible that he's fallen even MORE in love! "I mean yeah, but no." okay, he needs to start making sense. "Don't be sorry. That was… amazing! You've got a really good voice. Really, really good."
"Thank you." Jack accepts the compliment without believing it. "Sarah-Jane seems to enjoy it. I sometimes sing for her. Rose sometimes makes me sing the odd punk song. Mickey's actually got good taste for a kid. Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and the like. But it was really Maria who got me into." That name again.
"Maria?" the Doctor asks before lying back down on his stomach, willing himself to relax so Jack can do the massage.
"Yeah. My pseudo-sister." Jack replies, liberally applying the sweet-smelling oil to the Doctor's back.
"The five year old who saved your life?"
"And gave me Mr. Snuggles, yeah that's her. It's the early 1990's and she's watching 'The Wizard of Oz' on a loop. She's fascinated by it! Loves the transition from black-and-white to colour. Loves a lot of black and white movies. Loves a lot of musicals. Enraptured by 'The Wizard of Oz.' A little scared of the Munchkins perhaps but absolutely in love with Judy Garland."
"Judy Garland!" The Doctor snickers.
"She's the one in love with her, not me!" Jack insists. "Okay, I know she was five when we first met but she was VERY advanced for her age.
"I was lying half-dead in the street after my ship had crashed and I'd managed to climb out and look for help. She was the only one who stopped to help me. She was all by herself too, on the way to the library. She fixed me up, and told me where to hide my space ship. Then she hid me in her dad's house, though her dad was never there, and looked after me.
"She was so smart, so young. Used to read me her books. Reading proper stuff. Enid Blyton adventures. And her imagination! She used to make up these adventures. She loved my ship, we used to play in there all the time but by the time she was six and a half she'd figured out how to fly it so I couldn't let her in there anymore. She made do with pretend instead. I was always the Captain: she was the pilot; the engineer; the communications officer, like Uhura. She loves it whenever I use technical terms but no matter how hard I try I can never find one she can't say." He laughs fondly.
"I was 16 hanging around with a 5 year old but it was probably, definitely the best time of my life. She introduced me to musicals, Television and film. To her, everything was fantastical. She introduced me to Cole Porter's music, to Irvin Berlin. She was in love with Bing Crosby's voice and I used to tease her mercilessly about it. She always used to get me back though, she wouldn't talk to me until I begged for forgiveness. I usually caved after an hour, half an hour. 10 minutes." He laughs once more before cutting himself short. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want me to hear me rattle on. I have a tendency to talk too much, you can tell me to shut up…"
"I don't want you to stop." Is the Doctor's honest, rapid and heartfelt reply, said with enough power to make Jack pause, his hands still on the Doctor's back. "I… It's relaxing. Comforting."
"Not annoying?" Jack has to ask.
"Not annoying." The Doctor reassures. "Tell me more about her. You sound happy when you talk about her."
"She's the only good thing that's been constant in my life." Jack sighs, focussing on kneading the Doctor's muscles rather than on his painful past. Then he laughs. "I remember when she used to make me read her Shakespeare as her bedtime story. When she was 5 her reading was advanced but not that advanced, but she's always loved Shakespeare and the way it sounds. But it's hard to perform a play all by yourself so she very wisely suggested that I read her the sonnets instead. She understood them more than I did, she explained them to me most of the time. And she made me blush.
"She became my family. My only family. And I tried looking after her as best I could but she is so independent. She ended up looking after me. I don't know about her parents but for two years it was pretty much just me and her but then… I had to go. But we kept in touch. Or rather she did. Using Mr. Snuggles she knew where I was and when I was, tapped into the frequency and adapted it for two-way communication. Even I couldn't do that until she taught me. She's so smart. She knows everything about me, all that I know. Those missing two years had her worried because I had no contact with her during that time. I contacted her as soon as I could though. It's nice to know somebody missed me." he smiles.
"Have you visited her recently?" the Doctor's voice is soft and gentle
"Yeah." Jack's tone is weighted. "Just before her 18th birthday, a few months ago, just before I met Sarah-Jay. She's doing her A-levels, working so hard and not even using the money she earns to eat. She travels a lot, saves the universe, protects the timeline and rescues the planet from malicious aliens and devices the world doesn't even know exists. But she does and she can't ignore it. Yet she does it all and doesn't even complain, she's amazing but she shouldn't have to do it all on her own. She's grown up, all by herself no body there for her. No longer a child and busy saving the Earth. So serious. It's such a shame." Jack complains and the irony of Jack's words isn't lost on the Doctor.
"I think she's definitely earned the right to be called your sister." The Doctor mutters under his breath.
"She's the first person I visited after I got off of Satellite 5. Whoa! Wait! Relax! Relax. There's no reason to get so tense so just relax." The Doctor forces himself to do so. "Mickey's right, you really do need this. I'm just not sure I'm doing a very good job." Jack gives a meek smile and even though the Doctor can't see it, he can certainly sense it.
"No. You're doing a very good job." The Doctor reassures him. "It's just … you shouldn't have to do this, you know?"
"I want to. I want to feel useful. I want to earn my keep." He adds the last part under his breath. "Even if I don't intend on being here for that long." The Doctor sits upright at hearing that, fear gripping his hearts.
"You don't have to. I want you to be here. That should be enough! You don't have to try so hard to be everybody's best friend. You just have to be yourself." The Doctor insists.
"I don't know who that is!" Jack screams before a wave of guilt engulfs him. "I just want everybody to be happy." He adds quietly.
"And what about you?"
"I don't matter."
"Yes you do! You deserve to relax too."
"No I don't. There's still work to be done."
"Take a break, Jack." The Doctor jumps off the table and gathers his clothes. "That's an order. You've helped TARDIS, so let her pay you back. Take a relaxing shower or something. A long one." The Doctor hangs in the doorway, glancing back at Jack. "That's an order."
"Yes sir." He can't refuse a direct order.
"And get some sleep!" the Doctor barks before leaving.
"I just ordered Jack to relax." He tells Sarah-Jane as soon as she opens the door, then he pushes past her and enters her room to collapse on her bed.
"How is that supposed to work exactly?" She sighs before closing the door.
"He tries too hard." The Doctor whines.
"That's just who he is." she tells him.
"He doesn't know who he is!" The Doctor lets out a frustrated scream. "And I was hoping if I could get him to relax, I could get him to stay."
"Oh Doctor," She sits on the bed, next to him. He puts his head on her lap and she strokes his hair, trying to soothe him. "We all want him to stay."
"I don't want him to, I NEED him to." The Doctor fights the urge to cry because the thought of life without Jack is terrifying and every second he spends with that man makes it even more so.
"We'll make him stay." Sarah-Jane tries to reassure him but it only serves to make the Doctor feel guilty.
"He's only here for you." The Doctor confides in her. "Right at the start I told him I'd kick you out if he didn't stay too." Sarah-Jane's eyes widen at the revelation and her hands stop stroking the Doctor's hair. But she can see the Doctor feels lousy about it so she easily forgives him. Besides, Jack DOES belong in TARDIS and he's not going to realise it unless he's in TARDIS with all his friends continuingly telling him so.
"I think you made the right decision." She states and continues playing with the Doctor's hair. He smiles with relief.
"I have a habit of ordering him about." The Doctor sighs. "I shouldn't have ordered him to relax just now, I just sort of snapped."
"That's understandable." Accepts a very understanding Sarah-Jane. "He DOES work too hard. But there is a way of getting him to do what you want."
"Asking him?" the Doctor jokes. Except, it's the truth.
"I meant making him do what's good for him." Sarah-Jane grins. "I'm surprised you haven't figured it out. Mickey's figured it out. The trick is…"
"Sarah-Jay, are you awake?" Jack interrupts, whispering. He opens the door slightly, just enough so the Doctor can get a glimpse of him. He's wearing powder blue silk pyjamas, his hair is still wet from the shower. The Doctor sits up. "Oh, I'm sorry. You're busy. I'll come back later."
"No, come in." the Doctor rapidly tells him. "There's plenty of room on the bed. Hop on."
"I don't want to intrude."
"That's an order." The Doctor says without thinking. After a sharp elbow in his ribs, courtesy of Sarah-Jane, the Doctor adds. "It's not an order, it's a request. Sit, stay, talk." The Doctor asks of him, moving down the bed so there's room. Jack tentatively sits down and puts his head on Sarah-Jane's lap and she immediately starts smoothing down his damp hair with her hands.
"I really shouldn't be here, I should make some more coffee or something…"
"You need to sleep, Jack." She tells him softly as his eyes start fluttering closed. He still fights it.
"No, I can't. I don't want to sleep. There's so much I could be doing. I could be reading, I could be working…"
"Jack, I know you're scared." The Doctor tells him, moving closer to Sarah-Jane so he can run his hands through Jack's hair. "And I know we can't protect you from your dreams, I wish we could." The Doctor caresses Jack's cheek with his hand and Jack is really tired because he's nuzzling into that caress. "You've got to sleep, Jack. Your body needs it. Your brain needs it."
"I can't. I can't close my eyes because I'm too afraid." Jack admits, even as exhaustion is attacking his mind and body.
"Just think of happy things." Sarah-Jane tells him, reaching into her bedside cupboard. She pulls out Mr. Snuggles and gives it to him. Jack hold the teddy bear very close. "Think of us. Think of Maria."
"No, because then I'll lose you too! I can't go to sleep!"
"Jack, I know you don't want to but you NEED to." The Doctor tells him, trying to keep his voice steady and smooth and comforting even as unshed tears are prickling his eyes. His hand is still on Jack's cheek. "Please, don't fight it. Just relax. Relax." And Jack does relax. The Doctor and Sarah-Jane move him so he's lying in the centre of the bed, Mr. Snuggles still tightly in his grip, Sarah-Jane and the Doctor either side of him.
"Is he asleep yet?" Sarah-Jane dares to whisper.
"No, I'm not." Jack replies, not opening his eyes though because he doesn't have THAT much energy.
"Why not!" The Doctor screams in a way which makes him and Sarah-Jane laugh. Jack giggles. "Dammit Jack, you're giggling! That's how tired you are!" And Jack giggles even harder at that.
"I am so tired." He eventually concedes. "But if I sleep, I'll dream."
"If you don't sleep, you'll collapse." The Doctor counters.
"I'm scared."
"I know." And the Doctor DOES know, he understands. So does Sarah-Jane, who snuggles up to him and falls asleep. The Doctor puts a hand on Jack's stomach, underneath the pyjama silk top and on his skin. Jack's so tired he doesn't even flinch. He falls asleep moments after. The Doctor doesn't.
3 hours later Jack wakes up screaming in terror. The Doctor is still there beside him.
END of Chapter