Series: True/Troubled Beauty
Series tagline: How do you love someone who believes they don't deserve your love?
Chapter: 11. Much Angst About Nothing
Fandom: Doctor Who (10th)
Chapter Summary: no plot as such. I just thought I'd like to do a chapter not driven by plot but by character interaction, it does tie up a few loose ends though.
Rating: PG-13.
Word Count: around 8,500. Yikes!
Warning: unbelievable coincidences and possible dullness.
Spoilers: The usual but some strong ones for Season 2: Satan's Pit and the Impossible Planet. And quite a bit of movie talk. Please forgive me.
Disclaimer: sigh I have no claim to pretty much anything, least of all Doctor Who. sigh
AN: If you think this is dull, the next two chapters are also kind of slow-paced. Hmm… I think this has got to the point where it's completely indulgent for me. I have planted little seeds so hopefully it doesn't seem to come too out of the blue. Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll talk about that next chapter but I don't know when that's going to be…
11. Much Angst About Nothing
The Doctor rushes to the library but when he sees Jack, he freezes. He has to force himself not to break down and cry; Jack looks a mess, both physically and mentally. The Doctor winces at the deep gash on Jack's forehead; it's obvious his right arm is broken and his left shoulder looks dislocated; Jack's shirt is blood-soaked and the Doctor can see dark bruises still forming through the rips of the shirt; and Jack's legs are dangerously crippled, the denim burned into the back of his leg muscles. TARDIS shakes as she feels the pains he's in. The Doctor soothes her and tries to collect himself, before going to try and help Jack.
But that's easier said than done. The Doctor can barely bring himself any closer, Jack looks so bad. The Doctor feels sick. Jack looks lost in his own world. A violent movie is playing on the screen in front of him but Jack doesn't flinch, he doesn't even close his eyes because he sees worse things when his eyes are closed. Instead, he inches closer to the screen and tilts his head slightly. He's still shaking from the ordeal he's been through, his knees tucked close to his chest and the Doctor knows he'd be hugging himself if he could, if either of his arms were working properly.
"What are you watching?" The Doctor asks, sitting next to Jack on the floor. Jack doesn't acknowledge him, he doesn't even take his eyes off the screen. The Doctor can't help but wince at the film, a film the TARDIS telepathically tells him is a 20th Century Earth film called 'Event Horizon.' He can't understand why Jack is so engrossed.
"You're pretty badly injured." Jack doesn't respond. "How about you let me fix you up?" Still no reply, but when the Doctor tries to get his sonic screwdriver out Jack suddenly explodes to life. He scrambles to his feet. He shakes his head, to almost collapse from the pain the movement causes. He moves over and sits down on the settee, huddled so small in one corner of it.
"I won't hurt you." The Doctor can't bear to see Jack in pain. "It's me. The Doctor. Jack?" Jack gives no sign he recognises the other man's presence, let alone who he is. "Talk to me, Jack. Please?"
"I'm fine." Jack insists, even as silent tears fall down his face. "Doctor." Jack speaks the name softly, a slight smile on his face, reassuring the Doctor he hasn't forgotten him. But then he completely withdraws again. Every time the Doctor tries to tend to Jack's wounds, Jack lashes out and every time the Doctor stops, Jack withdraws again. The Doctor doesn't know what to do and after what seems like forever, the Doctor is on the verge of giving up.
"I do wish you'd watch something more pleasant. This is bringing back some very bad memories. I actually had an experience like this 'fictional' film once, recently in fact. Black hole. Beast- Devil thing. Not very nice."
"I'm sorry." And the Doctor is taken by surprise because Jack's only spoken three words to him since he got back.
"Yeah. So was I." The Doctor admits. "Only a few of them got out alive. Rose would be dead Zach hadn't forced her to go with them." Jack doesn't say a word but the concerned look on his face says it all. "It's a long story but we both came out of it alright. Can't say the same for the crew of the Space Station though. Scooti, and Mr. Jefferson. That other girl, don't know her name. 50 Ood. And Tobi." The Doctor recalls. "You're not the only one suffering from 'survivor's guilt'." Jack trembles at the Doctor's words. "Why won't you tell me what happened out there?" The Doctor sighs, as Jack remains mute.
Jack's only response is to put on another movie. This time one starring a bunch of kids. There's one kid in particular, who seems to fascinate the Captain. The Doctor will ask Sarah-Jane about it later and she'll explain how the kid's name is River Phoenix, who died young from a drugs overdose. Jack is holding the DVD case of 'Event Horizon', carefully tracing the names of the actors whose characters die in the movie with his fingertips.
"Aye, it is common." Jack mutters under his breath. The Doctor has very good hearing though and he recognises the slightly altered quote.
"If it be, why seems it so particular with thee?" The Doctor asks, making Jack jump. Jack winces in pain before giving a harsh and honest answer in his own words.
"Because it is. It always is." And suddenly, it is the Doctor who is shocked into silence. He doesn't know how to help Jack any more and he knows Jack wouldn't let him even if he did. Then Mickey strolls in and breaks the tension.
"Hey! 'The Ruskies!' Nice film!" Mickey notes before getting his first real glimpse at Jack. "Bloody hell Jack! You look awful! Why haven't you let the Doctor fix you up?" Mickey sees Jack shaking and knows he's in shock. "Well, would you let me fix you up? I've gotten quite good with a sonic screwdriver." Mickey gestures for the Doctor to lend him his sonic screwdriver. He does so reluctantly.
"I think I've lost Rose for good." Mickey says lightly, using the sonic screwdriver to heal the skull-deep cut in Jack's forehead. "She's changed. Or maybe she hasn't changed, maybe she's just showing who she was all along. I know I'm too boring for her but I can't change who I am. I've always been steady and reliable. But I like stability and maybe I live my life a little in the slow lane but that's who I am. And that's not her." Mickey moves to heal Jack's broken arm. "Sorry." He mutters as Jack grits his teeth in pain.
"You shouldn't have to change who you are. You made it work once. But I guess, since the differences in your personalities have been highlighted so much lately, it's pretty hard to ignore. But you're both really sweet and I care about you both so much." Jack smiles but it hurts to smile. "Are you sure you're ready to call it quits?"
"It isn't working any more." Mickey admits, still tending to Jack's wounds. "She's only with me out of habit and, as much as I love her, I'm not willing to be a habit she wants to break. That's not much better than being a tin dog." Mickey jokes, but regrets it as Jack's in too much pain to laugh. He moves the sonic screwdriver to help reconnect Jack's dislocated shoulder. "There's too much distance between us. I've even tried to woo her by singing 'If I Can't Love Her' like you suggested. She just shoved me out of the way and told me not to be so gay.
"She's lashing out at everybody and I feel so damn helpless. She even told Sarah-Jay to stop being so gay, when she was drooling all over that Krieno dude, the sports one, she was gushing about him, pretty much like you did when you realised who he was. Believe me, it stopped Sarah-Jay mid-rant. But Rose is out of control. She even told TARDIS to stop being so gay when all TARDIS was trying to do was comfort her! I get that Rose is bored and lonely and not very happy but whenever we try to help her she tells us to get lost. She hates it here. That's another difference between us. I love it here. I just don't understand."
"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." Jack quotes.
"Another pearl of wisdom from Shakespeare." Mickey mutters. "But that's my point exactly. I don't understand the way she thinks. One example: She was mad at me because I made her take part in the Murder Mystery game and now she's mad because she didn't get to finish it."
"Why didn't you get to finish it?" Jack enquires, weakly but genuinely curious.
"You came back. It was only filler until you got back. It was practically done anyway. Sarah-Jay was just getting ready to announce the murderer…"
"Was I on the suspect list?" Jack asks.
"Of course not. You should have been. You're character was blackmailing Mr. Snuggles to fund one of your anthropological expeditions. Everybody had a motive, you designed it that way, didn't you?" Mickey's tone is slightly accusing.
"Uhoh. Busted." Jack admits.
"What? What do you mean?" The Doctor is clueless.
"He fixed it so everybody had a motive. So whoever Sarah-Jay determined as the killer, the programme was designed to make her right, no matter who she said." Mickey informs him with a smug smile on his face.
"It wasn't that I couldn't trust Sarah-Jay to get it right it's just because I couldn't decide myself." Jack is quick to add.
"Yeah, well, the reason I'm here is nothing to do with you." Mickey reassures Jack, who wouldn't want to see him if he was. "Rose is copping off with Flash Dan." Mickey explodes but pauses to question, "Just how realistic did you make them hyperholograms, Jack?"
"Isn't Flash Dan one of your creations?" Jack asks, stretching out his legs, wincing in pain, allowing Mickey to use the sonic screwdriver and heal the severe burns.
"Yeah. It is rather ironic Rose chose to cop off with a character based on the guy I want to be." Mickey's tone makes it clear he does not appreciate the irony. "But I used the basic hyperholographic matrix you designed and just altered the characteristics and aesthetics programme. She couldn't actually get off with him, could she?"
"They're solid enough to the touch. 'Fully functional' as 'The Naked Now' put it. Hypothetically, it's possible but I never… I really hoped you two could work…" Jack suddenly doubles over in pain, spluttering and choking on the blood that is pouring out of his mouth.
"Bloody hell Jack! You must have broken your ribs, it must have punctured your lung!" Mickey can't fix what he can't see but he can feel the Doctor's jealousy as he rips open Jack's shirt. Mickey can't help but flinch at the bruises and the ribs poking out of his skin. He doesn't know where to begin and can't bear to look any longer so he hands the sonic screwdriver over to the Doctor.
The Doctor works fast, tears blurring his vision, bile burning his throat. Jack is drowning in his own blood so the Doctor's first job is to repair the tear in Jack's lung, then remove the blood from where there should only be air. Dissolve the broken ribs before creating new ones to form the protective cage around his vital organs. Finally, repair the holes and bruising of his skin. Jack is gasping for his breathe, but at least he's still alive.
"Goddamit Jack!" Mickey is frantic with worry, voicing what the Doctor can't. "I'm scared about you. Why are you so suicidal? It's a miracle you're still alive!"
"Tell me about it." Jack complains. "I think being suicidal is the only thing which keeps me alive. I deserve the pain. It's the minute I want to live you should really get scared. Why is it only the good people who die?" Jack puts on his shredded shirt, a few of the buttons now missing. He's hugging himself tightly and rocking gently.
"What the hell happened out there Jack?" Mickey asks, with tears in his eyes. The Doctor's are already flowing freely down his face. Jack silently hands Mickey a letter he's had crumpled in the pocket of his jeans. It's barely legible as it's stained with Jack's blood and tears.
Dear Captain Jack Harkness,
I knew you wouldn't let me go when you were awake but you were injured so badly. You've been a good friend to me and I hope you understand why I had to give you the medication, I hope you understand why I have to face them. I'm willing for it to cost me my life if it spares yours.
"Do you only ever sleep when you've collapsed, been drugged or knocked unconscious?" Mickey tries to joke.
I am sorry for any grief I have caused you. Some people are just not meant to be saved, but thank you for trying. This isn't a failure. You have not failed me or anybody else. The only failure would be if you failed to try. You are a good man Jack, I beg you to remember that.
"He's right Jack. You ARE a good man." Mickey reinforces but Jack gives no sign he's heard.
I do have one humble request of you, my friend. That is to find my family on Paffandor. I was taken from them as a child and trained by the pirate fleet. My family know nothing of my life, nor my death. My life was sinful, I believed unforgivable until you forgave me, so tell them the story of my death instead.
And I plead with you Jack, not to blame yourself. I would have been dead a lot sooner if I hadn't met you for the second time. Or I would have lived a long, criminal and immoral existence if I had not meant you the first time. You rescued me Jack. In more ways than one.
Your loyal friend, who is now finally at peace,
Fralisamunido. (Sam)
The silence is so heavy, filled so much with sorrow and sympathy. But Mickey has to break that with his curiosity.
"Wasn't one of the aliens who attacked you and Sarah-Jay a Paffandian? Big blue guy with spikes? From the planet Paffandor?" The Doctor gives Mickey a look that dismisses him as a geek. Jack gives Mickey a look of admiration and approval with a little bit of surprise and curiosity. "It wasn't all that hard. TARDIS did all the work 'cos she's a genius and knows everything." The TARDIS purrs in reply to that. "Sarah-Jay helped though, let TARDIS scan her memories so she could use them to ID the aliens. We needed to know to help heal you, get the antidote and stuff. I was bored so I watched. And lately, I read up on them, just for fun 'cos it's proper interesting."
"That's very impressive, Mickey." Jack smiles. "Pretty soon you'll know more than me. You won't need me to teach you any more." Mickey may not need Jack as a teacher, but he'll always need Jack as a friend. It's a shame Mickey doesn't tell him that though. "Here, take a look at the post-script."
PS: Jack, my biggest regret is what we did to your ship. I'm afraid I cannot restore what was lost to you. I hate to inform you that the mechanical canine you were so concerned about was sold weeks ago. I'm afraid I do not have better news. I cannot express the sorrow I feel. I am so sorry. Goodbye, and good luck. Stay good Jack. Stay true. Stay you.
"Only you Jack, only you." Mickey laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. "But damn, we love you for it." Mickey smiles, trying to maintain Jack's eye contact even though they're both blushing. "The pirates couldn't have chosen a better species to kidnap though." Mickey changes the subject, only to become genuinely passionate about it. "On Paffandor their tough skin protects them from their suns. They have poisonous spikes in their arms to protect them from far more violent species because predators don't like the taste of it. Sometimes they use them for hunting but that's only in extreme cases of starvation as Paffandians are vegetarians, there's so much vegetation they don't have to eat meat. But trained as a warrior, their skin is like armour and their weapons are already built into their arms."
"Mickey, we'll make an extraterrestrialologist of you yet." Jack beams with pride.
"He's got to learn how to spell it first." The Doctor bitches.
"I'm not as stupid as you think!" Mickey protests. "I'm fed up of you having a go at me. Just because you're 900 years old you think you know everything and I know nothing. That is not true! You don't even know who Sarah Michelle Gellar is!" Jack suddenly bursts into a giggle, which he quickly corrects into a chuckle, making Mickey and the Doctor stop mid-argument.
"I'm sorry but I love it how you two bicker." Jack laughs.
"Excuse me, we don't bicker!"
"No, we don't!" The Doctor agrees.
"We argue but that's different. Only old grannies bicker!" That makes Jack hysterical.
"Hey, we've actually fought each other. Proper punches were thrown and everything!" The Doctor protests but Jack is howling with laughter. He tries to calm himself down enough to speak.
"Yeah, and look how that turned out. You were beaten by Mickey. Old grannies fight better. Seriously, they must have rocks in their handbags or something but anyway…" he trails off. "I like how you two bicker, it's funny." Then suddenly there's a frown on his face. "I missed it." And that's a bad thing.
"If it's okay, can you use TARDIS to take me to Paffandor?" Jack asks the Doctor because the Doctor has the symbiotic nuclei needed. "My ship is kind of crippled, otherwise I'd take that."
"Do you want me to go with you?" The Doctor responds. "To break the bad news."
"I want to go on my own." Jack insists and that's what they feared. Jack tries to lighten the mood. "I vant to be alone." Jack mimics a Greta Garbo, and only now realises how false that is. He doesn't want to be on his own any more. And therefore, as soon as his ship is fixed, he's leaving. And hopefully he'll manage to stay away for more than 24 hours this time.
"Are you sure you don't want to take Sarah-Jay, for support?" Mickey offers. "Are you sure you don't want to take me, so we can study the species and learn more. I've read up on it and I wouldn't mind it for real." He sheepishly admits.
"Sorry Mickey, some other time." Jack silently kicks himself for making the promise, making it harder for him to leave when the time is finally right. "But I don't think it's a good time for field trip. I've got a job to do. And I've got to do this by myself."
"Will you come back?" Mickey asks.
"I'll have to. I need to fix my ship."
"And what about me?" Mickey blurts out before realising he sounds like the Doctor. "Actually, go. But you're not allowed to come back all angsty. I've got enough of that with the Doctor." The Doctor begins to protest but Jack and Mickey conspire to not let him.
"How do you expect me to go to Paffandor… with the sole purpose of finding Sam's family… and telling them he's dead… and not get all angsty?" Mickey can't think of a reply. "Thought so. So will you drive me there Doctor?"
"You've only just got back. And you were beaten up pretty bad. Don't you think you should rest first?" The Doctor pleads.
"Or at least have a cup of coffee." Mickey isn't above exploiting Jack's greatest weakness, smiling as Jack pauses. "It's just… we've missed you. Both of us." Mickey feels the need to confess.
"You missed me?" Jack scoffs, only to have two pairs of puppy dog eyes looking rather helplessly at him. "Oh. You did." He realises, shocked. "Well, I don't plan on being there all that long. And erm… when I get back I'll spend some quality time with you guys. Mickey, you and I will drink beer and eat pizza and watch 'From Dawn Till Dusk', please don't comment on my Quentin Tarantino obsession, because it's not really an obsession it's just an admiration." Mickey shoots the Doctor a look whilst the Doctor tries to appear not too envious. "And Doctor, you and I can… we can… I don't know but I'm sure I'll think of something." Mickey glances at the Doctor and from the look on the Doctor's face, he can think of something to do with the Captain. Mickey rolls his eyes.
"So you ARE coming back?" The Doctor asks, desperately.
"Haven't we already been through this?" Jack laughs softly. "I'm coming back. Just until my ship is fixed." He pauses before adding with a hesitant smile, "but she's pretty messed up. I'll be here for a while yet."
"Good." Mickey grins.
"Good? That's great!" The Doctor exclaims. "Fantastic!"
"Yeah." Jack whispers, still unsure. "So will you drive me to Paffandor, Doctor?"
"You don't need me." The Doctor answers. "I'm just the middle man. You need to go straight to the girl herself."
"But you've got the symbiotic nuclei…" Jack points out.
"Oh, I'm sure she'll make an exception for you." The Doctor tries to keep the jealousy out of his voice. "She likes you. A lot." Who can blame her? "She'll take you wherever you want to go. As long as she knows you're coming back."
"Cripes, I'm being held prisoner!" Jack laughs even as his heart is beating twice its normal pace. "But I'm not worried. I'm a regular Houdini. There hasn't been a prison built which I can't escape from and believe you and me, I've escaped from a few prisons in my time." Jack pauses. "But TARDIS is something special. She's so beautiful. I could easy..." Jack shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the thought. He's not going to stay. "What's to stop me from taking the TARDIS, dumping all youse and leaving?"
"I'm sure she'd let you." The Doctor accepts. "I'm sure even a part of you wants to. But you won't. You're not a conman anymore."
"I don't know who I am." Jack replies. The sombre moment is soon broken by Mickey though as he just has to reply,
"Obviously a man who's been watching too many mafia films. 'all youse'? Since when do you talk like that?" They laugh but Jack suddenly stops.
"See you soon, guys." He leaves. Mickey and the Doctor turn to each other, wondering what they'll do now.
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"Hi Rose."
"Hey Jack." She grunts her reply. "Look, I'm just of to Bailé and just drink and dance my head off. But it's good for the others that you're back."
"Mickey still loves you, you know?" Jack can't help but blurt out.
"I know." Rose admits, feeling very blunt and honest. "But I don't love him. And it isn't fair on either of us to pretend any more."
"I guess not." Jack grudgingly accepts. "Mickey's kind of down but we're going to watch some movies together later, probably talk right through them so I'll put the subtitles on. The only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time but hopefully it won't hurt as bad if he's got his friends around him and I intend on being there for him." Jack sighs as he realises how hard he's making it to leave. "How are you doing, Rose?"
"I'm fine." Her head is tilted to the ground and she's playing with a few strands of her hair. She's not the best liar in the world. He wouldn't want her to be. "Or at least I will be once I've had a dance. Only the hyper holo-thingy is still programmed for that murder thing. Can you change it back for me, Jack?" She puts on a look she knows he can't refuse.
"You know, partying is not a long term solution. The problems will still be there once you're sober." Jack is speaking from experience. "I hate seeing you so upset." Rose laughs bitterly at that, a laugh that pains Jack to hear.
"Will you fix the damn club or not?" She snaps. Jack nods silently. They walk to the club, no words pass between them. Jack starts to reset the hyperholographical programme.
"Do you want me to leave Flash Dan? I heard you quite like him." Jack's tone is a mixture of disapproval, anger, disappointment, sincerity and teasing.
"Oh, you heard that did you?" Rose slightly blushes with guilt. "I was just bored. I got fed up with being ignored."
"You are not ignored Rose." Jack exclaims. "I love you, Mickey loves you. And you and Sarah-Jay are like birds of a feather. We all love you."
"He doesn't though." Rose sulks.
"Oh I'm sure he does. I'm sure the Doctor loves you. He used to love you so much. I remember when I first met you two. Your love was so strong; I couldn't see anything breaking through that. I was so in awe of you two. So inspired. What happened, huh?"
"You did." Rose states simply. She's surprised by the lack of hatred she feels now she's admitted it out loud. She feels the resentment physically drain from her body as she continues. "I know he loved me. But it's different. What me and the Doctor had was instant and spectacular but there wasn't anything much beyond that. With you and the Doctor, it was like a slow burn, he didn't even like you that much at first. But you grew on him. You got under his skin. You got deeper than I ever did and you're still going. He's falling and nothing can stop him. He loved you more than he ever thought possible. And he's still loving you, more and more with every passing second."
"Yeah, well he's a fool." Jack spits out. "Anyone who loves me is a fool." Rose can see Jack honestly believe what he's saying and suddenly Rose doesn't. Maybe it's like reverse psychology or maybe it's because she's seeing the real Jack for once and not the villain she's painted in her mind, but she doesn't blame him any more. She stops seeing Jack as her rival and instead she sees the myriad of reasons the Doctor loves him.
She sees that, although her and the Doctor would have been a good couple, the Doctor and Jack are a GREAT couple. They fit together perfectly, although you might not expect them to. The Captain has a battle-scarred soul, and is regretting the loss of his innocence. The Captain has a soul that is old beyond his years. The Doctor has a soul every bit as old as his age but Jack makes him feel young again. They both are familiar with the taste of sorrow but together it doesn't seem so bitter. They need each other. Two lonely survivors, missing something that only the other seems to be able to give them.
Rose may have become too dependant on the Doctor, she needed him to see the Universe. In a way she needed him to survive because what she did for the 19 years before she met him could not be called living. But Sarah-Jane had to survive without the Doctor, and she coped. She should be grateful for the time she's spent with him.
Everybody needs the Doctor. That's just the way he is. And the Doctor has always needed people. But his companions come and go and the Doctor has always let them. But Jack is different. The Doctor needs him. The Doctor needs him. He's all and everything the Doctor needs: a fellow traveller, a fellow outcast, a good man with a somewhat lost soul, passionate and eager, haunted, talented and so much more. The Doctor needs the weaknesses as much as the strengths and there's nothing about Jack he doesn't love. And Rose knows that she is no one to stand in the way of that. But she still can't help but wish it was her.
"Okay, you've got your rave club up and running." Jack informs her before turning to leave.
"Wait! Won't you stay? Will you dance with me?" Rose asks, meekly, her way of apologising and asking for forgiveness.
"I… I'm sorry but I can't. I've got to find the family of an alien friend of mine and explain how he died, to save me."
"Oh." Rose's eyes widen. She knows nothing about what happened to Jack whilst he was away. She feels ashamed. "But you're coming back, right? And you won't let it get you down too much?"
"Mickey asked me the same thing…" Jack's brow furrows.
"Yeah well, he's just worried about you. And I'm worried about the Doctor 'cos he's not happy unless you are. But you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine now. And I'll apologise to Mickey later. He's still a good friend and I don't want to lose him. If I haven't already, that is."
"You haven't." Jack reassures her. "We're a funny little bunch, aren't we?" he laughs
"How's that?"
"Everybody's always worrying about everybody else. Sarah-Jay's a sweetheart that way. I guess all of you are. Everybody here cares more about each other than they do themselves." Jack isn't including himself in that even though it's clear to anybody but him that's he's most guilty of all.
"I guess that's just what a family does." Rose smiles, even as Jack's heart quickens pace again. He doesn't respond. "You should go. I'll be fine. But you've got to promise me one thing."
"I'll try my best." Jack agrees.
"Spend some time with the boys when you get back. They've both been missing you." Jack grins at that, pulling her into a great big bear hug. Once he's released her he places a sloppy kiss on her head.
"It's good to have you back, Rose." And Rose's smile is so big it feels as though it'll break her face in two but she's too happy to care. She feels remarkably proud of herself. And Jack has the ability to make anybody happy about themselves. Apart from himself, frustratingly enough. But then he leaves; off to break his heart again, add another scar to his soul and beat himself up probably; Rose sighs, before switching on the rave holo-programme and dance away all her profound thoughts.
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"Do you think I'm pathetic?" The Doctor just has to ask. Mickey's response is immediate.
"Yes."
"Oh." The Doctor's mouth forms a perfect 'o'. "Is there any way I could not be?"
"Probably not." Mickey shrugs. They revert back to their comfortable silence.
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Jack feels slightly guilty about not taking Mickey or Sarah-Jane; they'd both love it here. It's beautiful. It's a little hotter than they're used to though, but with some clothing designed to keep them cool it wouldn't be a problem. Jack should have thought of that because he never even bothered to change. The back bottom half of his jeans are completely gone, thankfully his thick boots are still intact but his shirt is just a bloody torn rag. He wishes he brought some sunscreen, he knows he's going to burn.
But he can't bring himself to care too much though because the planet is absolutely teeming with vegetation and wildlife: species of the sky; animals amongst the foliage; creatures in the ground. Huge, dinosaur-like aliens as friendly as puppy dogs. Small, silky animals that turn out to be meanest of predators. Every organism seems to smell the blood on his shirt and comes to check him out. Thankfully, most of them don't view him as a meal option and those that have taken a nibble on him don't seem to like the taste; too alien. Jack doesn't take it personally.
It's hard to differentiate from the most intelligent species to the basest of creatures but Jack's in awe of it all. It's all new and different and therefore Jack is fascinated by everything. Even when some kind of scorpion-like creature manages to sting his ankle, passing straight through his thick boots, he picks up the animal and examines it closely. He tries to soothe it, calm it down and prove he's not a threat, then he lets it go and watches it scurry off into an orange shrub.
"Don't worry, I don't think it'll kill you. Saying that, you're not from round here so I can't be sure. But your foot should be fine. Just rest it, and a cold compress might help." The voice is female, alien and yet oddly familiar. Jack turns around to see an adult Paffandian, in the very blue flesh. Her spikes are slightly larger than Sam's were and if Jack's right that meant she's a mother.
"You're a Paffandian." Jack announces out loud, slightly shocked. "You're the dominant species of this planet."
"I don't about that." She smiles slightly. "But yes, I am a Paffandian. And where are you from, young man?"
"An Earth colony, very far away but that's not important." Jack dismisses. "This planet is amazing!" He hates to act like such a tourist but he's always been one to appreciate beauty. His mouth is open so wide it's surprising he doesn't catch bugs. The woman chuckles.
"It is, but it's also kind of dangerous. You should come indoors." She instructs.
"Back to your house?" he flirts.
"Yeah. My husband's a healer; he'll take a look at the several bites you've acquired and that sting. And my daughter is young but she's smart. I bet she could answer any questions you have about this place. I think you'll like my family." It's her way of telling him she's taken but a little harmless flirting never hurt anybody.
"Oh, I like them already." Jack replies. "And what about you? What's your job?"
"I'm a teacher. Biology, chemistry, physics…"
"You're a scientist! Sweet!" Jack approves. "I'm seriously looking forward to meeting your family. They sound as cool as you are." And her smile widens because it's been a long time since anyone viewed her as 'cool'. There's just something about this stranger that makes him special and she's already grown rather fond of him.
"Come on. You can walk me home." She tells him before becoming concerned. "You can walk, can't you? How's your ankle?"
"I'm fine to walk." Jack insists. Then he tries to put some weight on it and finds he falls straight to the floor. The woman helps him up and puts her arm around his waist to help keep him there, wary her spikes don't hurt him. "I might have to lean on you just a little. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is." She tells him. "What are friends for?" They walk balk to the village. "My name's KaLatya, by the way."
"Hiya KaLatya. I'm Captain Jack Harkness. Pleased to meet ya."
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"He is coming back, isn't he?" the Doctor asks and Mickey fights the urge to punch him. Then he sighs.
"I hope so." He admits quietly. "I think so. He did promise and I trust him." He's silent for a few seconds. "And even if he doesn't come back for us, he'll come back for his ship."
"Oh that's very comforting." The Doctor's tells him before sighing. "Do you think if I wasn't so keen, so desperate, so…"
"Needy?" Mickey offers, giving the Doctor a smirk that doesn't quite reach his eyes. Then he turns serious. "You're not the only one who needs him: I need a best friend, TARDIS needs an engineer. Don't worry, it's not that we need him to stay, it's that he wants to stay which makes him so eager to leave." Perhaps it's okay that Mickey's so smart because he knows what the Doctor means without him actually having to say it.
"It's all like some stupid tragedy, all leading to one inevitable, inescapable conclusion. But I won't let it happen. Surely there's got to be some way we can make him stay." The Doctor has always been stubborn, in all thirteen of his regenerations. But it has never been about something this important to him before.
"Aren't you getting tired of all of this? Of fighting him?" Mickey asks softly, carefully. "Why not just enjoy the time you have with him. We all need to stop worrying and fretting, we might actually be able to have some fun that way. And give him a good time too. It's been so tense, ever since we found him. I think we should try and relax. Everybody's too highly strung. We should take things slow for a change. No drama, no angst, no horror. Just kick back and chill out."
"Rose won't like it." The Doctor points out.
"I think it sounds an excellent idea." Rose interrupts, silencing the Doctor and Mickey. "And I'm sure I can entertain myself whilst you're taking things slow. You don't need to worry about me, not any more." Mickey hugs her, as wildly and enthusiastically as Jack did before.
"I am so glad to hear that." He kisses her on the forehead. "I've been worried about you."
"I know you have. I know everybody has and I'm sorry." She genuinely is and the guys can see that. "I just was acting out of boredom, and frustration. I was just being stupid."
"What's to stop you from becoming bored again?" The Doctor asks, still sitting on the settee, never having moved.
"I don't know." Rose admits. "But I'm going to get back to my dancing. I just had to take time out to apologise to you guys. As George Michael once sang, 'guilty feet have no rhythm.' Actually the song was titled 'Careless Whisper' but that was part of the lyrics and you get my drift." They do and they appreciate it.
"We're about to get some beer and pizza and watch a movie." Mickey tells her. It's the first time the Doctor's heard of it. "It's either that or TARDIS is going to start playing 'I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself.' So a mindless movie should stave off the boredom for a while. One from Jack's collection should do. I'm thinking 'Grindhouse', the infamous Robert Rodriguez-Quentin Tarantino double feature. Foul language, blood guts and gore and sexy women. Jack says it's a classic. Well, it is about as long as 'Hamlet.' So what do you say?" The Doctor's sold.
"I think I'll leave you boys to it. I wanna get back to the party." Rose laughs, turning away.
"You don't know what you're missing." Mickey shakes his head as Rose leaves. Mickey then heads off to get ridiculous amounts of beer and pizza and only once he's filled the library with enough to feed a small country, he switches off the lights and puts on the movie.
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KaLatya's family are intrigued by Jack's wild anecdotes, laugh loudly at the punch lines of his jokes, and make him feel more accepted and welcome than he's felt in a long time. Then he lets out a breath, sadly.
"What's the matter?" the daughter, Aldamar, ask. She doesn't miss a thing. Her concern touches him and he tries to put it at ease.
"I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me. It's just…" he sighs again "I've got some very bad news to break to somebody on Paffandor, a family, but I don't know who and I don't know how. Any suggestions?"
"What is this 'bad news' you speak of?" Dehamun, KaLatya's husband, enquires.
"A Paffandian… died recently. He died protecting me." Jack's voice is barely a whisper and filled with guilt.
"What was his name?"
"Fralisamunido." The family recognise the name.
"It means 'the stolen one'." Dehamun informs him.
"Your brother." KaLatya consoles her husband, who has turned so pale and so still. Aldamar explains.
"When my father was just a child, his family were pioneers, the first to explore space. He remembers his parents telling him to hide and he did as he was told. Nobody told him it was safe to come out and when he did, he only found corpses. And no sign of his baby brother. He had to wait for a week until another Paffandian ship found him. He still has nightmares about that time."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jack empathises.
"Nonsense!" Dehamun tells him. "It wasn't your fault. You had no part in it. I don't need your pity. I just need answers. Please. Tell me everything you know."
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"Ah, so this is where you boys are hanging out. You know, for two people who seemed so unwilling to let me leave, I thought you'd have welcomed me back sooner. I… is that the closing credits of 'Four Rooms'? You watched it without me?"
"Oh, hi Jack. Take a seat." Mickey moves over and Jack sits down between Mickey and the Doctor.
"You watched 'Four Rooms' without me!" It's a statement and the Doctor smiles to see that Jack is pouting ever so slightly. Mickey smirks.
"Yep. We sure did." He confirms. "We watched 'Grindhouse' first. Wanna beer?" Jack declines. "Then we watched 'Jackie Brown.'"
"Then we watched 'Desperado'." The Doctor joins in the teasing with the truth.
"Then it was 'Pulp Fiction'"
"'Sin City'"
"'Reservoir Dogs'"
"And we watched 'From Dawn Till Dusk'."
"The sound system was slightly too good though for my taste." Mickey shudders. "But we watched 'True Romance' after that."
"And THEN we watched 'Four Rooms.' Do you want some pizza?" The Doctor offers but Jack doesn't reply. For several seconds he can't say a word. Eventually, he manages to speak.
"I wasn't gone that long. Was I?" Mickey doesn't even dignify that with a response. He just glares and points out the empty beer cans and empty pizza boxes.
"Didn't you sleep?" Jack asks, astonished.
"Did you?" Mickey shoots back, knowing very well Jack didn't.
"Where are the girls?" Jack changes the subject but he hasn't seen them at all since he's got back. However, the guys neglected to check on anything during their Tarantino-Rodriguez marathon so TARDIS has to tell the Doctor telepathically.
"Well… Rose partied, took a time out to apologise to us and freshen up. She partied, slept and now she's partying again. She's gone through the entire rave collection of the 21st century and now she's onto the 22nd. She's enjoying herself too. Speaking of enjoyment, Sarah's in the Paradise Pleasure Palace room right now."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Mickey laughs suddenly, before realising that Jack and the Doctor are staring at him, waiting for an explanation. "Using your hyperholographical matrix she designed a hyperholographical stud to act as her masseur. Lacking in personality but I don't think she created him for his dazzling conversational skills." They laugh.
"I could do that for you, you know?" Jack offers. "How would you like to receive a massage from Uma Thurman? Or her alter ego: Ulla Inga Hansen Benson Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden Svonson?"
"You just like saying that, don't you?" Mickey grins.
"What? Ulla Inga Hansen Benson Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden Svonson?"
"Yeah."
"Yep, I do." Jack grins right back. "But I could do it for you, if you want."
"Nah. I just want to watch a movie." Mickey concludes.
"What? Another one?" Jack teases.
"We could watch Ulla Inga… we could watch 'The Producers' if you want." Mickey offers.
"We could watch 'Sin City 2'" Jack counters.
"You're turning down a musical?" Mickey's amazed. "But you're addicted to musicals like you're addicted to coffee and angst. And I bet you had enough angst on Paffandor."
"No I didn't. They wouldn't let me!" Jack bursts out. "It's a long story but I met the family of the brother of Fralisamunido. Actually, I met his wife first. She's a scientist, and a good woman. When I got stung in the foot, she helped carry me to her house. Her husband and Sam's brother, Dehamun, is a healer. Very good as well. And their daughter is just the sweetest thing. Aldamar's only 9 years old but she's a genius. Their whole family is the best, and they made me feel really welcome."
"How did they take the news?" Mickey asks softly, his voice full of concern.
"They took it better than me, actually." Jack admits. "They comforted me. Dehamun got me high. I don't know if he did it on purpose or if it was just a side effect of the medicine but they refused to let me be anything other than happy. Aldamar showed me her playhouse, KaLatya showed me her thesis. We talked about Sam, drank to him and celebrated him. We partied. Time flies when you're having fun. And it doesn't look like anybody missed me here."
"Not really." Mickey says lightly. The Doctor is shocked Mickey can lie so well. "Do you want a coffee? I'm buying."
"I can make it." The Doctor offers but both Jack and Mickey shoot him down.
"Stick to making tea, Doctor." Mickey advises. "I'll get an iced mocha for Jack, extra espresso; I'll make myself a hot chocolate. Doc, do you want anything?" The Doctor shrugs. "Pick out a movie, I don't want to come back to see a blank TV screen." And then Mickey leaves them, leaving the Doctor all alone with Jack.
"Can we watch 'Kill Bill'?" Jack requests, not even noticing the uncomfortable silence.
"I thought you hate violence!" The Doctor's surprised.
"Oh, I do." Jack agrees. "And believe it or not, so does Quentin Tarantino." Jack smirks because it's clear the Doctor doesn't believe him. "Violence is an unfortunate part of human nature. Sex and aggression, Freud was right about that much at least. The trick is keeping those vices in control. TV and film is actually a good outlet for them. As long as you manage to distinguish between reality and illusion, that is." And this really isn't the Jack the Doctor remembers. But he is interesting.
"When did you grow so smart?" The Doctor smiles fondly.
"I've always been this way. I just tend not to show it." Jack confides. "Ever since I was a wee tyke I loved studying. Everybody else thought I was a waste of space, so shy, never did anything, never said anything, just read all the time. My family loved me though, and they could bring me out of my shell a bit, but I was still more Greek than Roman, if you get my meaning.
"But then they died and I had to look after myself. I met Maria, and she helped me. She helped build my confidence, she challenged my knowledge, she kept me sharp. We had long and seriously profound conversations, even though she was just a kid. She wanted to hear my thoughts on things. She taught me how to charm, debate and convince.
"Then the Time Agency came and took me away. I did what they wanted me to, became who they wanted me to be. I became cocky, loud and extrovert. I stole, seduced and whatever else they wanted. It seems I can only ever be things in extremes. Maria helped me to not be so introvert. And Anne…" he speaks that word with such reverence, "I met her after I was part of the Time Agency. She helped me settle down. I became a father. But then… then…" he breaks off. "They were gone and just after that there's a two-year gap in my memories. That's when you met me and you know what I was like then. But with you and Rose I was getting better."
"Until I got you killed." The Doctor continues for him. "Until I left you behind." The Doctor will never be able to forgive himself for that. "Then you became an introvert again. I am so sorry, Jack."
"Don't be. I met Sarah-Jane and she's helped me a lot. I love her to pieces." And the Doctor nods in understanding.
"But you're still rather shy." He can't help but add.
"No I'm not!" Jack scoffs, but can't quite look the Doctor in the eyes. "I just… I never want to be as cocky and as selfish and as stupid as I was when you knew me. I need to get the balance right, that's all."
"Does that go for age too?" The Doctor asks. "You keep changing from a kid to an old man, no in-between. Seriously, one minute you're like Sean Astin in 'The Goonies' and the next minute you're as wise as Gandalf, or Yoda." Jack is ecstatic at the movie references. And once he's finished laughing he answers the Doctor.
"I don't want to be a teenager. As long as I'm not a teenager I'm very happy. Teenagers are evil. No offence to Rose, she's actually not a teenager anymore, but teenagers are moody and angsty and intense! Okay, so I'm probably stereotyping but to me being a teenager just drags out the saga of growing up. Well, I'm all growned up now and if I ever turn into a hormonal teenager again, like I was when I first met you, URGH, it isn't even worth contemplating." Jack punctuates the end of his rant with a deep breath. The Doctor doesn't mention how much he misses the teenage Jack, the horny Jack.
Mickey enters, carrying three mugs and trying desperately not to yawn.
"The screen's still blank." Mickey points out, resting the mugs on the coffee table. "Here's your iced mocha with 5 shots of espresso, Jack." Jack takes his drink. "Here's your iced mocha, Doctor, but I only gave you two shots of espresso since you're not a hardened coffee connoisseur like Jack" The Doctor thanks Mickey and takes it. Mickey then collapses onto the settee next to Jack, letting his own drink cool down. "My vote is for a musical. As much as I like Quentin Tarantino…"
"Quentin Zastoupil!" Jack interrupts, loving that last name and almost going off onto a rant about Quentin Zastoupil, aka Quentin Jerome Tarantino but he somehow forces himself to be quiet.
"And as much as you love him," Mickey continues. "I seriously can't close my eyes without seeing some gory image." He closes his eyes and rests his head on Jack's shoulder, already half-asleep. Only then does he realise that Jack's dressed in some kind of Paffandian clothing. It makes for a very comfy pillow.
"We could watch 'Sleep With Me'" Jack suggests.
"Na-Uh." Mickey declines, not even bothering to open his eyes or lift his head. "You just want to watch that for Quentin's speech on the gay subtext of 'Top Gun'."
"We could watch 'Top Gun.'" Jack laughs. It's a nice sound for Mickey and the Doctor to hear.
"I vote for 'Love Labours Lost." Mickey yawns. "That way Jack can get his fix of Nathan Lane, Kenneth Branagh and Geraldine McEwan and Richard Briers. And help satisfy his addiction to musicals and Shakespeare. And I can get some sleep." Mickey begins to snore softly. Jack looks to the Doctor.
"Whatever you want, Jack."
FIN