author's notes: remember a while back when i said that i would use "---" to indicate a change in point-of-view? i do that towards the end of this chapter. i hope it isn't too jarring.

---
---

He had to shut his heart. There was no other choice. He had to accept it—not only that she would never love him, but that he didn't deserve her. He needed to keep repeating that to himself until he stopped wanting her.

---

Cree and Maurice sat at a familiar booth at Romantic Burger. Their food had finally arrived, and Cree was rather glad to have an ostensible reason for their lack of conversation. Lately their dates were filled with long stretches of silence wherein they both brooded, together but separate.

Cree sometimes wondered what it was exactly that her boyfriend dwelled on during their times together. She asked him a couple of times, but he just said it was nothing, and that he was tired, or thinking about upcoming exams or something. Plausible reasons, but Cree doubted he was saying what had really been on his mind. He never asked her what she had been occupied with, and she didn't supply any answers.

She absently scraped the mayonnaise off her hamburger bun. It had been over a week since she had seen Chad. It wasn't as if she missed him, it was just…weird not seeing him in so long. They usually saw each other in school every day, and he often dropped by her house for some reason or other. His constant visits used to get on her nerves, especially when he came by when she was trying to get cozy with Maurice. But now…well, it was just weird. She reassembled her lunch and took a bite, chewing slowly.

He was probably just moping, or avoiding her out of petulance. He could be such a baby sometimes. She was still mad at him, the way he treated Maurice.

Cree put down her burger. It was good, but she wasn't very hungry. Even Maurice was picking at his food, not really eating it. Cree watched as he pushed the fries around on his plate.

"How is your food?"

Cree looked up to see that same sympathetic waiter from last time. He always seemed to catch her on bad days.

"We're fine," she said a little defensively.

He smiled and nodded, which shouldn't have annoyed her, but it did.

She moved closer to Maurice, but he didn't look at her. It was only when she rested her head against his shoulder that he glanced at her, giving her a brief, perfunctory smile. As she stared up into his face, she wondered again why he was even quieter than usual these days. And lately when she kissed him…well, she might as well be kissing a wall.

Not that I ever get much of a response from him anyways….

She sat up and moved away from him, stifling a sigh. "I haven't seen Chad in a while. Have you?"

Maurice turned to look at her, almost surprised, as if he hadn't realized that she had been sitting next to him all this time.

"Huh? Chad? No, I haven't seen him."

"He's such a jerkface."

Maurice mumbled absently in reply.

"I still can't believe he didn't even thank you after you saved his life."

He was silent, and Cree began to think he hadn't been listening. But then he seemed to pull himself back into the current situation. "What? Chad? He did, actually. He thanked me that day, after you left."

Cree stared at Maurice, wide-eyed. "He did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered."

And then they were silent again, each lost in their separate thoughts.

---

Cree rang the doorbell and nervously played with her hair. Several seconds later the door opened, and a blond, middle-aged woman answered the door.

"Hello, Mrs. Dickson," said Cree, sounding a little over-enthusiastic.

"Oh…hello, there…uh…."

"Cree."

"Oh, yes, Cree. How nice to see you. Did Chad invite you over?" She seemed more than a little surprised.

"No, I just wanted to drop by. I haven't seen him in a while."

"Yes, the poor dear hasn't been feeling well. Oh, how rude of me, come in." She stood aside and let Cree into her impeccably clean entrance hall then motioned her into her impeccably clean living room.

"Thank you. Er…should I take off my shoes?"

They both stared at her far-from-impeccably clean shoes, which contrasted against the pale-hued carpet.

"Oh, that's okay," Mrs. Dickson answered hesitantly. "I'll tell Chad you're here."

She headed up the stairs and down a short hall, pausing at a closed door. She knocked on it lightly.

"Chad? You have a visitor. Chris, I think…?"

"Cree," she corrected directly behind her.

"Oh!" Mrs. Dickson whipped around. "I thought you were going to wait downstairs."

"Should I have?" she asked, embarrassed.

"Oh…well, since you're here." She opened the door. "I'm sorry it's a mess, Chad hasn't had the energy to clean lately," she said in a low voice.

Cree peered inside. The room was neater than her room had ever been. She looked to the left where there were two small desks, one with a computer on it, one without. Seated at the desk without the computer with his back to them was Chad. He was sort of slumped in his chair, and hadn't reacted to their entrance at all.

"Chad, dear," Mrs. Dickson repeated louder, "you have a guest."

"Hi, Chad," Cree greeted.

He seemed to sit up straighter, but didn't turn around.

Mrs. Dickson sighed and looked at Cree. "I'm afraid he's been like this for days," she said as if Chad weren't there. "He goes to school, but when he's not there he shuts himself in his room and doesn't come out. He's even been neglecting his violin lessons and Young High Society Society Meetings." She shook her head disapprovingly. "Well, I'll let you two talk." Her tone made it clear that she doubted Cree would get a word out of him. She left the room.

Cree approached him slowly, eyes roving around the room. The bed was neatly made, the walls were bare except for a calendar over one of the desks.

"So…how are you feeling?" she ventured.

He didn't reply, and Cree sighed. It looked like she'd be talking to another wall.

But then he answered in a voice that was almost a whisper. "Fine."

Well, it was something.

She continued to look around the room with curiosity. There were two bookshelves, one filled with books, the other with awards and trophies. Cree had noticed a similar display of trophies in the living room; she presumed that he must have so many that the overflow ended up here.

"You sure have a lot of trophies."

Again there was a delay before the response. "They're a pain. I have to dust them every week."

Cree laughed lightly. "I guess it's always something."

There was a pause as she tried to think of something else to say.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked.

Cree frowned. That wasn't much of a 'happy to see you' thing to say. "I haven't seen you around, not even in school, so I came by to visit. Your mom says you haven't been feeling well."

Silence.

"If this is a bad time, I could come back later," she said, stating to feel somewhat offended.

"…no."

Cree pondered over his answer. "'No' as in 'don't go,' or 'no' as in 'don't come back'?"

Still without looking at her, he murmured, "don't go."

She decided his response was satisfactory and walked over to sit on his bed, where she had an excellent view of the back of his head. "So why haven't I seen you at school?"

"I've been there."

"So your mom says, but I haven't seen you."

"It's not like we have any classes together or anything."

Cree could tell this conversation was going nowhere. Searching her brain for another topic, she said, "Did you see the news reports on the fire?"

He said nothing in reply and she suddenly wondered—is he angry with me? In our last interaction, I….

She continued quickly. "They don't have any solid leads or suspects. I just wanted to say 'good job' on hacking into their security cameras beforehand."

Chad only shrugged. He still hadn't turned to look at her this entire time.

Maybe he is angry.

"So, I was thinking," she began again, eager to change the subject, "the three of us don't hang out enough. We should all go to the mall or something. You know, just spend time with each other when we're not on a mission. I think—"

"Cree," he interrupted.

She stopped and watched him.

Slowly, and with apparent difficulty, he continued. "I…don't think I should be part of the team anymore."

---

He had finally said what he had been mulling over for the past week and more. It would be better if he stopped seeing her. Then maybe he could finally move on. He didn't deserve her love, and he couldn't stand just being friends. So he had been avoiding her at school. In truth, the only reason they saw so much of each other at school was because he knew her schedule, and had used to purposely use the hallways that he knew she would be taking to get from one class to another, even if it was out of his way. Lately he had been doing the opposite in order to steer clear of her. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It was getting better already; he was already thinking of her less. He came home directly after school each day, and sat in his room, and did not think of her. Her showing up was completely unexpected, and threatened to ruin everything. But he thought maybe if he didn't look at her, not even a peek, then maybe he would be okay.

Cree had been silent since his resignation announcement. But not for long. "What? Why?"

"I just…don't see the point. You don't need me around anyway." It's true. I'm useless. You're better off without me.

"What are you talking about? How can you even think that—"

"I completely messed up on that last mission. I don't want—"

"No you didn't. It wasn't your fault. It was those stupid Kids Next—"

"I just don't want…."

He heard Cree stand from the bed and approach him. He stiffened and turned away slightly. He would not look at her. He wouldn't.

"Chad, I know that last mission went badly. But it wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself."

Why are you trying to make me feel better? Stop it. Just stop.

She was standing right next to him now. "And…about what happened afterwards…" she faltered. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have—"

"It's okay," he cut her off brusquely. Please, stop. Just leave me alone.

"But it's not," she said, her voice wavering. "Especially after…you came in to rescue me. You risked your life…and all I did to repay you was…."

"But I failed, didn't I?" he growled. "I didn't save you. All I did was nearly get us both killed." Why don't you understand? All that stupid situation did was prove that I don't deserve you.

"That's not the point. When I was in there by myself…I was scared. I didn't know what to do. Seeing you gave me courage. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up. Thank you."

Chad sat rigidly in his chair, eyes burning. The wrenching pain in his chest wouldn't go away.

Cree was trying to look him in the face, but he wouldn't let her. So she reached out instead with open arms to hug him.

He cringed away. Don't touch me. I don't know what I'd do….

Her arms dropped, and he refused to look at her hurt expression.

"Fine," he said hoarsely. "I won't quit the team." It didn't make a difference either way. It was stupid of me to think that I was getting over her. It was stupid of me to think I could ever stop wanting her.

He heard her take in a breath then let it out slowly. "I'm glad."

---
---

author's notes: Cree and Chad keep getting closer and then pushing each other away. hence the chapter title, which was stolen from Evangelion, by the way.