Filius James Flitwick walked into the staffroom, curiously peering inside as all the teachers huddled around something. Something box-like.
"Oi, lets prod it!"
"No Snape, prodding is not the answer to everything."
"I know! We'll smash it-"
"Shut up Snape."
"Yes ma'am."
He jumped on top of Hagrid, climbing over the tall man and looking down at the strange thing sitting on the table in front of him. Abime Delame, the Ancient Runes teacher, tapped it lightly with his wand, everyone "Ooh"ing and "Ahh"ing as the box on top lit up and the bottom one started making sounds.
"See! I told you we should hav-"
"SHUT UP SNAPE!"
"Yes sir."
Flitwick felt himself slipping, landing on top of the little rectangle with buttons on it and causing the top box to start whizzing and doing stuff. He jumped off, looking curiously at the top box and seeing written in big letters across the screen.
"What the fuck is fanfiction?"
"Abime, Language."
"Yes mistress, I mean ma'am!"
"Oh dear god."
A new thing had popped up, this time was still written but there were loads of stories with familiar names. Much too familiar names. Snape pressed one of the buttons on the random thing that looked like a mouse, opening a new page.
"FLITWICK SLASH HERMIONE, WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT!"
Leaning closer, they all began to read the text on the page, before discovering that the little mouse thing moved a random pointy thingy that did stuff. Clicking on the down link, they read more and more of the disgusting text.
"Eww, gross Filius."
"Yuck man."
"I DID NOTHING!"
"Dammit, that sluts a two timer."
Everyone glared at Snape, ignoring his comments and trying to get out of the random text thingy. Soon they had figured out the basics. You click the mouse shaped thing, it moves and does stuff on the box. The box knows all.
"DISGUSTING!"
"EWWW!"
"Oooh, I like the sound of that."
"SEVERUS!"
"Oh. My. God. I can't believe you'd do that to me Irma! We had a bond!"
"Don't come near me Hoochy! Same with you McGonagall!"
"THEY DID WHAT ON MY WHATNOW!"
"Hey! I didn't know we have a fifth house!"
"We don't."
"THE TEXT LIES!"
Some of the teachers left, some ran away to scrub their classroom floors until they fell through to the next floor. Soon enough it was only Flitwick, Hagrid, Dumbledore and Delame left. They clicked and moved the random mousey thing with enthusiasm, laughing at each of the stories.
"Hey Albus, I never knew you liked Harry."
"Oh sure Flitwick, didn't you know? We're having an illicit affair!"
"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"
Taking a sip of his tea, he saw some text labelled "Harry/Severus." Bursting out into hysterical laughter, he sprayed tea all over the rectangle with buttons, the mousey thing and the two boxes. Sparks began flying from the boxes and the rectangle, and soon the top box went black.
"WHAT DID YOU DO FLITWICK!"
"I done nothing!"
Sitting around the broken box, they looked at each other, for the first time in all their lives wondering who the other one was screwing and where.