HEYA FOLKS! Wooow, took long to update. Things have been rather bumpy lately. I had to rewrite chapters for Amnesia and Link's Many Faces of Death countless times, but they're still not right! Anyway, here's a double deal: two chapters in one. Yay!

"Julia says: me no ownz LOZ, me ownz story, no sue, no steal!"

Bored.

Bored.

Bored.

Still bored?

Yep. Still bored.

Those were the thoughts crawling through Julia's head. It had been a whole day at Lon Lon Ranch. Link had left not long after dropping her off, presumably telling Malon who she was (for Malon knew her name) and departing for the Forest Temple. Hylian was just a bunch of gibberish to her, but there was at least some basic communication. Namely, charades, drawings and pointing at stuff.

Julia learned how to play Epona's Song on her bass, which was kinda cool. She spent a lot of her spare time- that is, ALL of her time- playing random songs, avoiding anything magical should she create a storm or turn back time on accident or anything of the sort.. And she played, and played until her fingers got sore. Now she was waiting for dinner and watching the horses run around the field.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do... She hummed to herself, her head dropping. She wondered where Link was now. She wished she could talk to him...

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spied a Cucco. Delusional with boredom, Julia did what stupid girls like her tend to do. She ran after the Cucco intent on inflicting pain on the poor critter, even though she knew what would happen next.

It didn't take long for about a dozen Cuccos to fly after her, defending their comrade. She wasn't remarkably fast, but she could outrun the Cuccos allright- by jumping on a horse and running around the pasture, magically forgetting her fear of galloping (not really). She was in a fit of hysterical laughter, desperately trying to hold on to the horse, when Malon came out running, having heard the commotion. She was shouting, no doubt scolding Julia for being such a troublemaker. But Julia was laughing too hard to hear any of it, not that she could actually understand it.

Once the Cuccos and Julia were all calmed down, Malon proceeded to yell at her, which sent Julia back into her state of hysteria, laughing so hard she rolled around the ground. Suddenly, Malon stopped yelling, and consequently Julia stopped laughing, and looking up she saw why.

Link had returned!

Julia, the hyper little critter, ran straight up to Link (siiiiigh!) and bounced around him, positively enthusiastic to see him again. Malon walked up to her looking quite dejected. She mumbled something to Link, and they both rolled their eyes. Julia was too dense to notice anything, though.

And Julia pranced happily, humming a random song, as Malon told Link about Julia, and most certainly pleaded for him to take the blasted girl away. Julia skipped around Link again, naturally drunk, and Link saw he had no other choice but to take her along.

Who knew, she might actually be useful?

...Not likely, but he could use some company besides Navi. And so they headed off once again, to a very wild adventure... OF DOOM!

Now, I suppose you're wondering just how Julia stumbled upon the BASS of TIME in the first place.

But that's a story for another chapter!

NEXT CHAPTER! What? In the same document? Yeah, live with it!

Last chapter, we left our hero and the delusional leech headed for the next temple. And we also left a question hanging.

Just how did Julia end up with the BASS of TIME anyway?

Way back when, the world was nothing but chaos, and the three goddesses bla bla bla bla bla, you know the drill. Well, after they left the Triforce down on Hyrule, they started their projects on the magic instrument they would leave behind also. Before they considered the Ocarina, they went through many choices: the flute, the bongos, the violin... Until, that is, one of the Goddesses, namely Farore, came up with her brilliant new instrument.

(Insert dramatic music here)

The BASS!1111ONEONE

Din looked at Nayru.

Nayru looked at Din.

They both looked at the bass.

They both looked at Farore.

They both burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Farore, dear, you're not seriously considering THAT," said Din, as best as she could without busting a gut.

"The BASS? No, seriously, there's no instrument more useless than a BASS," chirped Nayru, doubling over.

"I mean, You can't even hear it over the other instruments!"

"Pointless, purposeless, meaningless, USELESS!"

"The world would be a better place without it!"

"Indeed!"

Furious, Farore stomped out dragging her precious instrument with her to her private sanctuary.

"FINE! If they don't appreciate it, then maybe they don't deserve its greatness! Henceforth, this invaluable bass guitar shall be known as the BASS of TIME, and it shall contain all the magic of time and royal holiness, and it will only be activated by someone who TRULY values its magnitude and power!"

Meanwhile, Nayru held up a pretty blue ocarina.

"Waddaya think?"

"Pretty."

"Makes a sound like this," she said, and blew a few notes.

"Pretty."

"So? Should we?"

"Pretty."

"Ok! Henceforth, this shall be known as the OCARINA of TIME!"

"w00t."

"So?"

"It's pretty. And blue."

"PERFECT!"

And thus, The Ocarina of Time and the BASS of TIME were born.

Well, the Ocarina got passed down through the generations of the Royal Family of Hyrule, but Farore never told the others what she did. She knew that nobody would appreciate the greatness of the bass in Hyrule, so she sent it to a parallel dimension.

February 2005. A man, owner of a music store, rummages through the many boxes, doing the monthly inventory assessment. He finds a guitar case he didn't remember purchasing. He opens it up and...

Da da da DAAAAA!

A shiny, prettyfull red bass guitar is lying there, brand new. The man shakes his head.

"BWAHAHAHA! A BASS? The most useless instrument on the face of the planet? Why would I even buy such a thing? Ebay, here I come! I doubt anyone will buy it though... but surely there's someone out there crazy enough to buy a BASS!" He closes the case, shaking with laughter.

And somewhere a few miles away, a certain girl named Julia, who's about to become 13, is commenting certain things with her mother.

"You know mom? Wouldn't it be cool if I could play the bass?"

This is what her mother thought.

"WAHAHAHA! THE BASS? The most useless instrument on the face of the planet? She's gotta be kidding!"

But of course, as a mother, this is what she said.

"Oh dearie! That's soooo nice!"

Heh.

A few days later, Julia wakes up on her birthday and receives a big package, and when she opens it up...

A SHINY NEW RED BASS! YAY!

And that, friends, is how the BASS of TIME came into Julia's possession.

Unfortunately, there's no more time to continue this chapter. So long, suckers!

All of you bass players share the torture of never being recognized xX UNITE AND CONQUER! BASS PLAYERS SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

Oh yeah. Don't forget to review. Bye bye!

-Julia
Signing off