Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J. K. Rowling does.
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Italics: thought or emphasis
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Chapter 5: Silent Refuse
Draco read the note over and over, ignoring the cries and spells in the background of his Transfiguration class.
Seemed more human? He wondered, barely managing to keep from gaping. That's all it took to trigger his love for me?
"Mr. Malfoy!" Draco looked up at the call of his name, the voice uncomfortably close, which was due to the fact that Professor McGonagall was standing just in front of him. Her eyes were slightly narrowed and her nose was flared. "Will you please pay less attention to your love notes and more to the statue in front of you that's supposed to be a tree!" It was more of a demand than a question. Draco shrugged and pulled out his wand.
McGonagall turned away, and Draco performed the spell. He returned to the letter in his hands.
He sighed. He didn't read the entire note anymore, just the name Harry Potter signed at the bottom. His signature has a lot of curves and trails. A lot like his handwriting. And his body. That made his face contort in confusion and disgust at his own thoughts! What the fuck am I thinking!
"Mr. Malfoy." Draco looked up at Professor McGonagall who was hovering over him again. Her lips were pursed and her eyes were no more than mere slits; she was annoyed. "It's still gray, in case you're color blind." Draco looked at it. She was right. Imagine that.
"It's dead," he replied, returning to the note.There were a few mutters of laughter from his fellow Slytherins, but the Ravenclaws paid him hardly any mind. The bell rang with McGonagall still hovering and huffing over Draco.
"Another comment like that will earn you a detention, Mr. Malfoy. Five points from Slytherin." She turned and walked towards the front, her posture regained and ready to greet her next class. His hand twitched ever so slightly, but he otherwise ignored the professor as he gathered his things and headed to the dungeons for Potions class.
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Draco smirked as dinner ended and the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were filing out of the Great Hall. He stood and walked swiftly just beyond the doors of the Great Hall to the Entrance Hall behind Harry Potter, Crabbe and Goyle following. "Potter."
Though the blonde had barely spoken above a whisper, Harry whipped around to face Draco with a loving smile. Draco's shoulders slumped and his smug smirk vanished.
"I wish you wouldn't do that," Draco stated bluntly. Harry looked at him curiously. "Do you know it confuses your enemies when you flirt with them?" Draco asked, exasperated. The emerald eyes darkened to a dark acid green: the color they turned when he was sad or disappointed, as Draco knew. Strangely, Draco felt a stab of guilt and regret as those green eyes parted with his gray ones to be directed to the stone floor.
"Why must we continue to be enemies, Draco...?" he asked softly. People had cleared a circle around them, suprisingly courteous. Draco inwardly sighed.
"Because I hate you," he stated emptily. With a stab of pain at the words, he suddenly realized they weren't true. Not that that would keep him from saying it. There was no way in Hell he would end his feud with Potter, ever. Harry, meanwhile, winced at the words, his eyes growing misty. Draco felt another stab of guilt. Granger put an arm around Harry, making Draco want to lurch at another stab of emotion: not regret, not guilt, but jealousy.
"You have no reason to hate him, you bloody git!" Ron exclaimed, launching himself in to defend his friend.
"Oh, but I do," Malfoy responded, his mind retreating in lies as he spoke these words: "We are enemies by default! My father is the Dark Lord's right hand man, Potter is the Dark Lord's worst enemy, therefore my father's. The enemy of my father is my enemy as well." Those words stung for one, simple reason: he hated his father; as a matter of fact, come to think of it, that would be the first thing to drive him to end his feud with Harry: just to infuriate his father.
"And," he continued, "he refused my friendship when I so generously offered it that fateful day." He smirked and leaned down to mutter in Harry's ear. "Do you regret it now, Potter? Do you wish you had taken my hand that night? Wow, to think that was probably the only chance you ever had of taking my heart, or my hand, for that matter."
Tears trailed down Harry's face. "I regret it," he whispered. "I regret every time I turned you down... Every time I insulted you... Every time I scowled at you, yelled at you, glared at you, cursed you, every time I tried to get you in touble... But most of all, I regret pretending to be your enemy when I could have been showing my love...even if you did andalways willhate me..." Tears were still trailing down his cheeks, but his eyes were piercing into Draco's now.
Draco held that gaze, stunned by his words.
Harry straightened up when he noted that Draco was leaning towards his lips. "But I won't regret another moment of that, for I'll never hide my love for you again, no matter how hard you try to stomp it to nonexistance." Draco had frozen, yet even more stunned by the fact that Harry Potter had just silently refused a kiss from him, Draco Malfoy. Harry pulled his chin up so Draco was staring directly into his now bright and determined green eyes and Harry into his shocked silver-gray ones. "I love you, Draco. I always will, like it or not."
He restraightened and walked away. Hermione walked after him, followed by Ron after he shot Malfoy a heated glare. Draco hardly noticed, busy staring and gaping open-mouthed at Harry Potter's retreating back.
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Draco sighed and plopped onto his bed in the Slytherin boys' dormitory. How could he have done that? How could he have turned away from his kiss? Anyone in their right mind wouldn't turn down a kiss from the one they love!
Does he really love me then?
He sighed. He couldn't possibly if he refused... He tried to place himself in Harry's shoes.
What if he was in love with Potter? What if he knew Potter hated him, but couldn't help love him anyway? What he had just confessed his love for the umpteenth time among everyone and still he had responded with hate? Then...what ifPotterhadtried to kiss him?
But I would accept it!
Unless...
Draco sat bolt upright in his bed. "He didn't think I meant it..." he bursted into the empty room.
That's it! he thought. An insincere kiss is worse than no kiss! That's it, he thought I didn't mean it. He was easing himself down again, reassuring himself.
Suddenly, he sat bolt upright again. "I did mean it!" He blinked, suprising even himself with his emotions and words. "I meant it... I was...really touched...with his words... I really wanted to kiss him..."
He jumped up, knowing what he had to do. He was a little uneasy, however. Two things were most important to the Malfoy family: never showing emotion and maintaining pride. Now he found himself caught between the two. He wasn't supposed to love, especially openly! He wasn't supposed to love a guy, let alone Golden Boy! However, pride told him to be proud of his love and not deny it.
But it's Harry Potter He thought. That was the worst fact of all.
Draco sighed and sat back on the edge of the bed. He burried his head in his hands, unsure of what to do.
How could he possibly have been touched by three, simple words? How could he be touched, and warmed, and loved so much, that he wanted to love back?
He stood again. He set all 'Malfoy Rules' to the back of his complex mind. He was supposed to hate Harry Potter. And a part of him still persisted that he did. But he had a feeling that he wouldn't hate the Golden Boy much longer, or even think he did...
He walked out the door and straight out of the common room precisely and quickly, without hesitation. For the first time in his life, Draco Malfoy was acting on pure instinct.
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The next chapter will be longer, however won't come in a while. A week, I'd say. I don't have a computer at home, so bear with me. Please review! I like comments, questions, and suggestions from my readers.
Next Chapter: Draco's instinctive actions come to a halt as he runs into someone before he reaches Harry. Has he found someone to confide in? Well, Draco only hopes he/she can be trusted after he's stupid enough to pour his heart out to him/her in the heat of instinct! Later on in the chapter, Draco finds out just how much Harry knows about him!