Chapter 14: Sleepless in LA

A little while later, the two boys settled Buffy down on the bed. They'd got into the girls room only to find no girls there. "Well at least I don't have to sleep in pink fuzzy sheets," Xander joked, trying to elevate the tension.

"Harris," Spike said after a brief silence, "could you give us a minute?" He looked at his friend with pleading eyes. Xander nodded and backed slowly out of the room and across the corridor. He swiped his key card and as he pushed the door open. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" He muttered as he found Willow and Cordelia both crashed out on his bed snoring and drooling their little hearts out. Careful not to wake them, he proceeded to Spike's bed. There was no chance that Spike and Buffy's conversation was going to last a minute. Spike could just crash in their room, what harm would it do. The instant his head hit the pillow Xander was out like a light, dreaming of the end of year exam that was being supervised by Kermit the frog.

Meanwhile, Spike knelt on the floor in front of Buffy and took her hands gently in his. He couldn't measure the pain he felt when she pulled away. She practically flinched at his touch. She'd never done that before. He took a deep breath, "Buffy… Buffy please look at me," he begged but she didn't move, "I'm sorry, " he continued, "I'm sorry about what I said, I'm sorry I shouted at you...both times...but you scared me."

This time Buffy did look at him and he continued with slightly more confidence, as she let him take her hands, "when I saw you in front of that car…I felt so helpless, I was too far away, I thought...I thought that I'd lost you, that I might never get to see you, talk to you, hell even argue with you again."

Spike was rewarded with a glimpse of a smile for the last comment, "and it broke me Buffy, the truth is you're the best friend I've ever had and I couldn't bare my life if you weren't in it, and to think that the last thing we did was argue I..."

Buffy was crying once more, so much that Spike stopped mid-sentence and sat beside her, tentatively offering her his shoulder. She accepted it gratefully as she fought through her tears so she could speak, "you were right…about everything..."

Spike held her tightly, "I didn't want to be," he whispered. Buffy spoke openly about everything that had happened since she had left that morning, while Spike listened as if he were Jekyll and Hyde; with one hand he stroked Buffy's arm soothingly and supportively. With the other, he clenched it into a fist on multiple occasions imagining it slamming into her waste of space father, her good for nothing boyfriend, basically anyone who didn't see the goldmine that was Buffy.

"...and you," Buffy continued bringing him back to reality, " after everything that had gone wrong, all I wanted to do was tell you, but I couldn't because I'd lost you, I was so horrible to you... I drove you away. Spike, I'm so sorry for all those nasty things I said... I didn't mean..."

Buffy's sobs over-powered her and she started to tremble. Spike's fist stopped clenching and he adjusted himself to wrap Buffy in a hug, "I know you didn't, it's ok… we're ok."

The two held each other for a long while in a comfortable silence before Buffy spoke again, "Spike?" she asked, almost as if she were afraid of the answer, "why does everyone I care about leave me?"

"Because they're all idiots who can't see how special you are," Spike answered softly.

Buffy lifted her head off his chest and looked him in the eyes. God he had such beautiful eyes, "I'm special?" she questioned.

Spike smiled at her and brushed a stray hair out of her red, sticky face, "you are to me" he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

By way of a thank you Buffy leaned forward and gave Spike a small, soft kiss on the cheek. As she pulled away their eyes locked again. Spike slowly cupped her face in the palm of his hand and began stroking her cheek with his thumb. He started to lean in towards her, 'God she's beautiful, she's...she's your best friend, and she's just been through hell, she's hurting and confused, stop...abort...abort!'

Buffy felt the warm caress of his skin as his hand slid up her jawline and wiped away her tears and she melted into it. In that moment, she felt no pain or worry, no anger or heartache only the calm stillness he surrounded her with. Her eyelids flickered shut as he leaned closer. 'This feels so good, he thinks you're special... he's...he's your best friend, he's been drinking, he might regret this in the morning, he might not remember in the morning...oh god!'

Spike diverted right at the last moment much to Buffy's dismay, placing a gentle loving kiss on her forehead, he looked away from her and caught the clock, "it's late, you should get some sleep," he said using all his will power to stand. As he did, he felt her grab his arm, "don't go," Buffy blurted, and blushed beetroot at the intensity of the questioning gaze he fixed her with. Thankfully her skin was already red and blotchy and so her embarrassment went unnoticed. Her mind was a pool of thoughts that didn't want to be caught as she fished around for a valid reason, "I mean would you wait… just until I fall asleep, please, I don't want to be alone," she pleaded deciding the truth was probably the best. There had been enough deceit for one night. To her great relief he started to sit back down.

She manoeuvred herself so he could sit fully on the bed and then she lay down beside him and rested her head on his chest. The events of the night had finally taken their toll on Buffy and it wasn't long before she was lulled to sleep by the comforting beat of his heart. Had she not been so exhausted she might have realised how fast it was beating.

Spike stroked her golden hair and took in the smell of her perfume. He lay awake for what felt like hours, just watching her. She looked so peaceful and perfect in his arms that he never wanted the moment to end. His eyes widened at the thought. 'Damn it, I'm in trouble!'