7

She tried to control her excitement when she realized Grissom had come back. She almost jerked the door off the hinges when she opened it. "I thought you'd left."

"No. I was going to. But…I…uh…I changed my mind. I brought my bag from my car." He held up a small overnight bag. "I'd…uh…like to stay. If that's okay with you?"

"I believe I asked you to stay."

"Ah, yes, yes you did."

"Come in."

"The guest room is that way." Grissom walked to the guest room without a word and Sara went to change in her room. When she came out, he was lounging on her loveseat and she could smell the coffee from the kitchen. He was wearing just lounging pants again. She wanted to reach out and run her fingers thru the hair on his chest, but controlled her urges. She didn't want to scare him away.

When he looked up, he saw she was wearing a pair of silk pants with a matching top. Again, she took his breath away. "Will you sit with me?"

Sara curled up next to him and put her head on his shoulder. Then she did the strangest thing; she started to cry. When he felt the warm liquid hit his shoulder, he lifted her chin. When he saw she was crying, he pulled her onto his lap. "Sara, what's wrong? Please talk to me. Are these happy tears again? Sara?"

She curled herself tighter against him. "You know, I'm not sure I know."

"What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about how glad I was that you stayed and how afraid I was that you weren't."

"Sara, I needed you to stay last night and you stayed. You needed me to stay tonight and I'm staying. I'm sorry that it took me a few minutes to come back, but, honestly, I was afraid of staying."

"Why?"

"Because…because I'm afraid of getting used to something that can be taken away from me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't want to get used to spending nights and mornings with you when I can't control when that will stop. What if I'm used to it and tomorrow night you decide you'd rather be alone? Then what?"

"Then you'd be talking to someone else. Grissom, you're rationalizing."

"Yes, I guess I am."

"Neither one of us can control the other; I think we've learned that. Which means there's a possibility that one of us will get hurt from time to time. But this is about trusting each other. It's about knowing what to expect from one another. One part of me says that we shouldn't be spending this much time together. Especially, we shouldn't spend nights together, but the other part of me says that I've waited for this for years and as long as I can have it, I'm not giving it up."

"What do you mean 'as long as you can have it'?"

"I mean that, one day you may reach your breaking point, again, and you won't be able to handle this anymore. Like, when we go back to work. I don't know if you'll be able to handle this in front of everyone else."

"Sara, is that what you think?" Grissom pushed her away so he could look into her eyes. "God, I've hurt you so much. I'd give anything to take that hurt out of your eyes. I don't know how you can even see me through all those wounds. How can you forgive me for what I've done to you?"

"I love you, Grissom." He just stared at her, silently. "I've loved you for a long time. I don't need you to tell me you love me too. I've come to terms with the fact that you may never love me. Just promise me this. If you do decide that this is too much for you and you need to end this again, please just be honest with me. Because I'm way past gone, Grissom. I tried to keep my feet on the ground. I tried to not let myself fall so fast, but I realized that I fell a long time ago. All it took was that little push from you and I fell right over the cliff. So, just…think."

"Sara, don't worry. Every decision I make is in your best interest."

"Grissom? Will you tell me something about yourself?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. A story…a story about you. Something I don't already know."

"Okay. How about this? About ten years ago, there was this man."

"You?"

"This is my story. There was this man. He gave lectures at a college in San Francisco."

"It's you."

She giggled when he poked her side and then she curled herself back up and laid her cheek on his chest. He continued, "These lectures brought in large crowds of students, that got in for free, and even CSI's and detectives from all over, which paid a great deal. Now, this man started doing the lectures, for the joy of doing them and because it was a good income. But he continued doing them for a different reason. You see, he had a crush on a certain young lady that attended his seminars."

"I know this story already."

"Not all of it. Where was I? Oh, the young lady. He always made sure this certain young lady knew about each of his lectures so that she would attend. She was gorgeous, still is. But you see, this man was very afraid of becoming involved with this young lady because she had a promising future ahead of her, and he did not want to hinder it. So, instead of showing his interest in a romantic way, he settled with being fascinated by her mind and intelligence. They started spending time together talking about his lectures and getting to know each other. Then one day the two met on the beach during the sunrise and the romance won him over. Their time spent together changed to candlelit dinners and midnight walks on the beach. This relationship seemed to work for them, except this man's schedule got very busy after he became a level three CSI at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. He stopped giving so many of his lectures then, and suggested the two of them should keep in touch. He buried himself in his job as CSI. These two people did keep in touch, but the relationship between them fell apart. Finally, one day he realized that part of his life was empty without her; part of him needed her. But he didn't understand, because he'd learned never to need anything he couldn't control, because he could lose it. But, one day, he let his urges control him and he called her. He needed her to help him. He thought that being around her for a while would cure his need. But when it came time for her to leave, he couldn't let her go. So he asked her to stay. He realized then that she was the one thing in life he needed that he couldn't control. Then his need turned into fear. Fore how could a beautiful young woman ever love an old man like him? So, instead of trying to charm the girl, and draw her back into his life, he pushed her away. He dated a few women, but no one gave him the spark. So, one day, after years of saying no, he said yes. And that, my Dear, was the best decision he ever made."

"I love you Gil Grissom."

Grissom lifted Sara's face to his, "I love you too, Sara Sidle." He kissed her then. With all the passion he could find in his soul, he kissed her. He knew he was in love with her and that he was ready to share his life with the woman he loved. "Sara? Sara?"

She stopped kissing him long enough to look in his eyes, "What?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"What?"

"I mean…I'd like to sleep with you. Clothes on. I'm not asking you for anything other than to hold you. I just want to know what is feels like to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up the same way."

"Okay."

He reached over, turned out the lamp beside him and stood with her in his arms. He carried her into the bedroom and they curled up together underneath the covers. He took a deep, relaxing breath. "Good night, Sara."

"Good night, Grissom."