As I look back on my child hood, I can smile. Most people think that I am not able too, because I was raised by them. The people who most people think were the worst mother and father in the world. But they weren't. To me they were the best, because they were mine, and I am proud to say that. Never will I deny it because they made me who I am and I am proud of that person. For all the sins I have committed I have turned out a better person. And I think they started that off. Especially mother…
Memory – five years old
"Mama, look a butterfly!" I said to her altering her to the pretty animal I had in the palm of my hand.
Remembering how I was when I as that old, I can draw similarities between me and my own son now. He is so naive and is so innocent. I am not going to let him lose that. As much as my own father had tried to defend me from losing it, he had not been able to and I now see I grew up far too quickly.
"Yes my dear, a butterfly." Mother said back to me gently. She was always gently when I was that young. I think it was because there was no threat to us then. Father was for the time being his own master and he answered to no one and that made mother happy.
I remember when I let the frail insect go, how she had picked me up on her lap and hugged me tight. She was always doing that my mother, just holding me for no reason but when I was five and I was young and I was naive, I liked it and would snuggled in to her warmth. But it was not ordained that I was going to stay that happy and safe for ever.
My mother was a jewel of a woman. She was beautiful and she was gracefully and she was good mannered. Every thing a women of her social standing should be….and blood line.
I remember how she used to dance.
Memory – seven years old…
I knew I should be in bed and I knew if my father caught me up I was going to be in trouble, but I had had a bad dream and even though I knew I was getting a bit too old for it, I wanted my mama to come and comfort me.
That particular night though, my mama was going to be in the ball room, with the many finelly dressed wizards and witches that always came to my mama and papas parties when they through them. To be honest, some times the amount of people was so great that it scared me.
Going in to the ballroom I don't think I had realised before how late it was because there were not many people left now.
My mama and my father saw me as soon as I entered the grand hall for this reason. My father seemed to have had a drink so instead of telling me to stop being so stupid and to go back to bed he took me in his arms and with one round me, and one round mamas we danced till I feel back in to my sleep.
That was the best feeling in the world. To know my mama and papa loved me and as he held me I felt so warm and safe.
But time was not going to treat any of us so kind and soon enough I was eleven and going off to school. I had a great first year. It was exciting and I made many friends, and twice as many enemies. Many people thought I was more like my father than I had ever been before. I didn't think I was like him at all, though the sorting hat must have, because it put me in the same house as he had been when he had been in Hogwarts.
It was an important year for me, for that was the year though I didn't know it at the time, I met my wife to be.
Memory - Eleven years old
She ran in to the common room in floods of tears. Looking up from the table where I had been working, she caught my eyes.
I had always thought she had had a strange beauty about her. Not like my mother. Mother was clear and pure…but her beauty was dark and it enthralled me.
"What is it?" I asked as I rose from here he had been sitting and went over to comfort her.
"Nothing important." She snapped at me but I knew her better than that. We were more than friends, even then.
"Come here." I said to her as he took her in my arms. For a moment the girl who I had always viewed as so cold fought me, trying to get out of my arms, but I held tighter.
She looked in to my eyes and I saw her well up again.
Collapsing in to my embrace she held on to me tight. And that I think is when I started to truly feel for her.
From what I had gathered once I had calmed her down that day people had been bulling her, and so I made sure no one was ever going to hurt her again. She was my charge now and I was protective of her.
So first year past. I had made enemies, friends and met the woman who was to be the love of my life.
But home life was very different for me from then on wards.
From now on my parents were addressed as mother and father. From now on only when father was not in the room could mother give me any sign of affection. And from then on when I went on walks in the gardens I went alone. I didn't blame them. They were trying to make me in to the man I was going to be one day. Beside father was shown no affection and he was a great man (or so I thought in my naivety which still clung to me). In time I came to agree with the way I was being treated.
What I did not know at the time was that behind close doors my mother and father couldn't be more affectionate together.
Her beauty was waning though, even then. What is important to know about my mother was she had always been a deep worrier. Father had said it had been part of her charm.
So I went on in to my second year and I made my house Quidditch team. What I didn't know to begin with was that father had brought me on to the team. It had not been my talent. But happily unaware of this fact I went around Hogwarts becoming my father's son and growing further from my dear mothers reach.
Years processed, until the year of my fourth at school came. The year of the Tri-wizard tournament and the year I was going to begin my journey in to the dark.
Memory – fourteen years old
"Father," I said as I went in to my fathers study.
"Son, " He greeted me. "You know why I have asked you to come. it is time to decided. To join, or to flee. If you choose the later my son I will understand. Perhaps I will be proud of you in a strange sense even if this is the life you choose for yourself." He said to me.
But no it was not. I was going to e a death eater just as father had been before me and I was going to up hold my families honour…what I didn't understand is there were other ways of holding up honour…
How ever one person who was not going to agree with choice was the women I loved.
Memory – beginning of fifth year
"Don't do this my lord, I beg you." She said to me her voice full of loyalty to me. She was already so good at playing the dutiful wife in private.
"No my mind is made up and you can not change it my love. You are either with me or you are not."
Looking back I wish I had not said those words to her for I think they were the words that made her follow me in to the death eaters, but we were together at least and that was a comfort.
We trained together. We talked together. We were one another's every things. My flower and me.
But then at the end of the news I got the worst news ever, I couldn't even turn to her about it and certainly not my mother. She was distraught enough as it was. Father had screwed up on a mission for our lord. In his place I had to be punished and I was given an impossible task to do before the end of my sixth year was out. I didn't complete it and I felt like a failure.
What I didn't realise was yet another beloved friend had put their neck on the line for me. This time my uncle and when he did what I what should of, he fled with me and he wrecked his reputation.
We ran together and I was afraid but he gave me strength and he told me he was glad he had done what he did. He had no regrets for protecting a beloved nephew.
A year past it was a blur. A cold blur where I pushed every thing away from me. My lover, my mother, all help offered. It broke my heart. Life had got so fast and confusing and then suddenly, bang! One day the dark lord fell and it was over.
I was taken in for questioning, but was deemed a victim of my times. I was let go. But the hard work was only just beginning.
My relationships were broken and one of them was never going to be put right. My precious, beautiful mother had died in the war, and the legend that was Narcissa Malfoy was going to go in to myth but eventually she was going to be forgotten. But my mother had fought and she had been a good woman and for that I was always going to remember her. I knew father was too.
He never remarried. He said no one could take her place. I hadn't been able to agreed with him more on that score.
But there was one I could repair and would if it killed me…
Memory – eighteen years old…
"Marry me?" I said as I got down on one knew in front of the women I had hurt so much in the past.
"All is to have a son?" she asked me. It was true I had demanded she give me sons when we had been younger, when I had been in a strange on madness. When I had been so wrapped in myself I had not realisde I had been hurting her. I thought I had keep the men in my family surviving my lord, for many years. I had been wrong.
"No, Pansy for your love. God take mercy on me for your love." I said to and she let out a small laugh. I knew why. The great Draco on his knees, hiving been brought to them by a woman.
"If I love you will I be safe?" she asked me, she was so scared about trusting me again. That was clear.
"I'll protect you o matter what. With y body, my soul, and my life."
Three months after we married. My father didn't life long after that, certainly not long enough to see my wonderful son whom we name for him.
As I stand in the moon light of the manor where I was raised I remember the main parts of my life. My loves, my loses, and what made me who I am. But mostly as I said at the beginning or hinted, it was my parents. I miss them awfully, but they are not gone and they never will be completely, as long as I, Draco Malfoy, live, love and remember them.