Title: Enemies of the Heart (working title)

Author: Neldluva

Fandom: Samurai Champloo

Rating: R

Pairing: Jin/Mugen

Warnings: yaoi, naughty language, liberties taken with the show's timeline, PWP-ish, ANGST

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to those who created Samurai Champloo ... and made it so delightfully slashy.

Summary: Mugen speaks. First person.

Jin has the most beautiful body in the world, and I'm completely fucking obsessed with it. Not that I'd ever tell him … the fucker would probably use it against me in a fight, show up naked or something. And that would totally throw me off.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like tits and pussy as much as the next guy, maybe more than the next guy. There are some girls that can just drive me nuts, and I'd never say no to sex. But Jin's got something about him that's irresistible. That first night we fucked, he just blew my mind. To tell the truth, I hadn't even thought about fucking Fuu. She was like Kohza – cute, but you don't have sex with your sister, no matter how cute she is. Kohza wasn't even my real sister, though she might as well have been, even with that crush she had on me. Anyway, Fuu's tits were too small for my tastes. If I'm gonna fuck a woman, she's got to have something I can cling to. So Jin was my next choice, and boy was he a good choice.

See, he's got these wonderful long legs and arms. It gives him great reach with his swords, and he can get his legs all the way around me when I'm fucking him, and that's really hot. He's definitely a skinny guy – I mean, we all are, seeing as how we don't always have money for food. But Jin is really skinny, and he doesn't have huge muscles either. He's strong, though. Sometimes he'll tackle me down just to show how strong he is, and I have to submit or else I get something dislocated, and that would hurt like a bitch.

He has lovely hair, too, all soft and shiny and shit. When I got it down the other day, he looked so fucking beautiful I thought I might cry. That's why I'm sort of glad he doesn't like to have it down much, because if I had to see him like that all the time, I swear I'd go completely nuts. I remember feeling the same the first time I got his glasses off, too.

Damn, his eyes! I could hardly look at him that night, because without the specs, it felt like he could see my soul, and I know there's all sorts of shit in there that he wouldn't like. I've done lots of pretty stupid stuff and lots of really bad stuff, and I don't really regret it, but I know it isn't really the kinds of stuff I should be proud of. Guys don't get prison tattoos for leading good lives.

Even with all the shit I've been through my entire life, though, it still hurt pretty bad when he turned me down the other night. I didn't want to let him see me get upset because I knew he'd just soak it up that he'd finally gotten to me, the asshole. He had the sort of look in his eyes sometimes that he wanted to break me down, but I couldn't let him win. So I picked up that whore.

I guess I wanted to get back at him, let him know what he was missing. But he left too quick, and the whore was pretty lousy, and my mind just wasn't in it. Yeah, I got the job done, but it didn't feel quite right afterwards. She curled right up to me, that bitch, and all I could smell was her perfume, something sticky and flowery. I tried to hold my breath until I fell asleep, and I missed Jin's clean, rainy scent.

Somehow, beneath that hurt, I knew he'd come back, though. He's gotten to like me more than he lets on, but I know about how he felt. Jin's a tough guy to read, mostly because he's so quiet, but I can tell how he's feeling sometimes. Believe it or not, it's most difficult when I'm fucking him. I mean, I can tell he likes it, but beyond that he shuts down. I've taken it as a challenge to crack him open, and I was nearly there that morning when Fuu found us. And it's always right after sex that I can read him best, I guess because he gets so worn out keeping those shields up that he has to let them down and rest. Those are the times when he lets his tiny Jin smile slip or when he lets me snuggle up close.

I decided to take advantage one of these times to inspect him. He had just finished fucking me, so we were both pretty sleepy, and he didn't fight at all when I pulled him into my arms. He had his back to my chest and his head under my chin, which was a position he liked. I slid my hand down his arm and started inspecting his bracelet. He told me about it once, that it was prayer beads or something about marking his way to nirvana, and I thought that was pretty impressive. Anyway, the beads were shiny and pretty. I liked to play with them.

That day, I noticed something I hadn't seen before, a little white scar on the inside of his wrist, right at the base of his hand. It was small and neat and straight, and the bracelet covered it most of the time. I frowned and picked up his other wrist, and there was the same scar! I ran my thumbs over them, and all of a sudden he jerked away.

"Jin, what're those?" I asked quietly. I knew, though. If a guy wanted to off himself and he couldn't get the guts up to commit seppuku, there were other places to cut. I didn't expect Jin to answer quickly, so when he started talking, I was pretty surprised.

"My parents were killed when I was only five years old," he began, so quietly I had to lean in close to hear. "But I still remember them so clearly. They were always very honorable. Both were from old samurai families, but for many reasons, they were shunned. The main reason for this was that they opposed the Shogunate – not merely opposed it, they loathed it, and all of the samurai who followed it, of which there were many in my family.

"When they died, my younger sister and I were sent to the dojo where my older brother had been studying, and my brother took over the management of my parents' estate. I fought at the dojo under Master Enshirou, who had been a close friend to my father. I respected him and trusted him immensely, and I learned a great deal from him."

He took a deep breath as though this part of the story was difficult for him. I kept quiet and still; he talked so little that, once he began, I didn't want to shut him up.

"My admiration of him made what I had to do all the more difficult," he continued at last. "I was nearing the end of my training at the dojo when Master told me some bad news. He was planning to turn the dojo over to the Shogunate, to submit to the corrupt government that my parents had opposed so fervently. He wanted to turn the dojo into a training ground for assassins. I couldn't let that happen. So … I killed him."

He shook like he was trying to hold back tears, and I rested my face against his hair. After a little while, he calmed, and the story began again.

"My disgrace was consuming," he admitted, and his voice got even quieter. "I knew that, despite what I had done to save the dojo, I had shamed my family beyond redemption. I felt seppuku would have been too good for me, for I knew that I would find no solace in the next life, even with the ritual suicide. So I … I slashed my wrists. It didn't work, though, because the cuts weren't deep enough. But it did hurt a great deal and I was ill for a long time. After that, I decided that I could not use death as an escape. What I had done was right, and to kill myself would be to admit that I had been wrong. However, I had disgraced my family too much to return to them, so I started wandering."

He was quiet for a long time, so I guess that was the end of the story, or at least the end of what he wanted to tell me. I couldn't think of anything to say. I had expected something evasive like, "My sword slipped," not his whole fucking life story. He threw me off, just like he always does. I guess he must have sensed how weird I was feeling, because he rolled over to face me.

"You don't have to say anything," he told me. "I have never told the entire story to anyone before, and strange as it sounds, I wanted you to be the first, Mugen. I don't think you know me well enough to judge me, at least."

I stared at him for a minute, then wrapped my arms around him. "You asshole," I muttered. "We've both done so much shit, you think I care about that? Sounds to me like that Enshirou guy had it coming. Now, shut up and let me sleep."

He smiled that little tiny smile and closed his eyes. "Thank you, Mugen," he whispered before he nodded off.

I found out the other day why Jin smells the way he does, all fresh and rainy. It was while we were stuck in that little shit-hole of a village with the rain. I was coming back from where I spent my days gambling, trying to win us some more money. I just happened to look down the alleyway between our inn and another building, and there he was.

He had his head tilted back to the rain, and I could tell he was drenched. The water dripped off his face and that fucking beautiful hair, and all I could do was watch. At first I thought he had just forgotten his umbrella, but when he didn't move, I knew that wasn't right.

He had this mind-blowing look on his face that I'd only seen after we'd finished fucking or after a really good fight, and he looked so fucking beautiful that I was about to run over and fuck him right there in the rain, that's how good he looked. When I get wet, I look like a drowned rat, but Jin just looks sexy when he's all drenched. Maybe that's why he wouldn't let me see him in the bath the other day … he totally goes somewhere else, somewhere really nice. But it was the middle of the day in the middle of town, and I knew he'd kick my ass if I were to try anything, so I had to lick my lips and adjust my gi and get on with things.

He said later, as he was hanging his clothes up to dry, that he'd forgotten his umbrella. I knew better, though, and told him so. He glared at me, and at first I thought I had just talked myself out of a fucking, but I guess remembering the rain just got him horny or something because he was all over me that night.

See, the Japanese have this weird custom of matching people with elements. Everyone's supposed to have all of them, but most people are ruled by one. Jin is definitely a water soul, and that's really sexy. Me, I don't know. Maybe I'm ruled by fire. That would be pretty awesome.

It's so hard sometimes to remember that Jin's only a year older than I am. He acts like an old man, what with his tradition and bushido and shit … he even dresses like an old guy, with the kimono and hakama and obi and everything. It takes a fucking lot of time to undress him, let me tell you that. But sometimes he just gets this look in his eyes like he's so old and tired that he could lay down and die, and I have to smack him and call him names so he remembers that he isn't old. We're both not that much more than kids, damn it! I can tell you, I've been keeping a closer watch on him since he told me what happened with that Enshirou guy. I always thought Jin was so strong, I need him to be that strong thing in my life, and I get pretty scared when I think he might try to off himself again.

My favorite thing to do with Jin is to kiss him. We didn't even get to kissing the first time we fucked, but I made sure to do it the next night. I wanted so bad to find out what he tastes like, I couldn't think about anything else that day except tasting all of him that I could reach. He fought me at first, of course – it was never easy to get him to do anything, the stubborn asshole. But then I finally got in his mouth, and it was like fucking heaven. He went all loose in my arms and let me all the way in, and I tasted him until I couldn't taste anymore.

I was serious when I asked him where he learned how to kiss. People don't kiss like that naturally, especially not with all the uke shit Jin was pulling on my brain. That night, he just let me in and in until I couldn't go in any further, and he was so fucking flexible that he got his legs open wide and I was just gone. I could have stayed there for the rest of my life. Then I noticed he'd never answered my question. So I dropped it. Fuck it, he was right, who really cares?

I love looking at Jin when he sleeps. That little frown he always wears just fades away, and all that's left is pretty Jin. He doesn't smile, exactly, he saves that for right after we're done fucking and when he wants a cuddle, which is pretty much all the time. But he does get this sweet look on his face like he's forgotten all his shit. I get the feeling sometimes that he's carrying so much baggage that he isn't going to tell me or anyone. I want to crack that stupid armor of his and get in there.

Then sometimes I wonder what he sees in a guy like me. Maybe he's stupider than he lets on. He could kick me away any time, and I'd go without much fuss, but he lets me stay around. And yeah, we've both done our share of bad shit, we've killed lots of people, but Jin still has his training and bushido to fall back on. Me, I don't do it for honor or anything, I kill to survive or if someone pisses me off. There isn't much honor in that. Jin is probably the first good thing I've done with my life. That doesn't say much of me.