A/N: If there are any huge Pokemon-related errors or suggestions, let me know. I'm just having fun writing this.

Episode 3: Starter Pokemon

When I played the original Red and Blue versions, I played to complete the story, not to complete the Pokedex. Like most people, I played through to catch the Legendary birds, defeat Elite Four, Gary, catch Mewtwo, defeat Elite Four and Gary again, and then moved on to other games. I might have battled a friend or two, but that's about it.

My favorite part of the game, therefore, was not catching every single Pokemon out there, but grinding levels up on the rare, strong Pokemon, then obliterating NPC's in battle with one-hit knockouts due to the stats difference. I felt like a god.

I figured, if I'm going to achieve this, in this real, physical world, then I was going to have to get a leg up, a head start. I was going to Deadpool the living bejesus out of this world, using my fourth-wall knowledge to gain every advantage. And the first goal was to get all three starters.

I wasn't about to let the script of the original game force me to choose just one, then have Gary pick the EXACT COUNTER to my pick, like a douche (this was actually my chosen nickname for Gary when I played the games. "Douche." Haha, don't judge me).

So here's the situation: there are three of Professor Oak's aides in the front of the lab building. They seem to be quite busy with their work, and their line of sight to the lab table with the Pokeballs seemed to be obstructed by the bookcases, so as long as I keep to the blindspots, they can't see me take anything. I didn't know if the authorities in this world could legally try a ten year-old with Pokemon theft, but I didn't want to find out.

The problem was Gary. He was too close to the lab table, and he would definitely see me take the Pokeballs. If only there was a way to distract him somehow. Jeez, he wasn't even pacing the room! I have to admit, he was damn patient for a ten year-old. That cocky son of a… WAIT. Cocky! He was the cockiest, most arrogant character in the entire game! Even after you beat him in every battle in the game, he's still cocky, never coming to terms that the main character could beat him, could be better than him… Aha! I had an idea.

I walked around to the front of the lab, and pushed open the door as naturally as I could. One of the Professor's aides looked up at me from his computer screen, but only for a second, and then went back to his work. Similar reactions from the other two aides. Good. So it was just like the game. Without stopping to say to say anything, I walked to the back of the lab, where Gary and the Pokeballs were.

And there he was! Gary, up close, looked less like the "cool" kid that was designed to be the protagonist's rival in the game. He just seemed like a kid to me. But then again, so was I. Especially in Gary's eyes, I was the uncool kid, the kid that would never measure up to him.

And as if to confirm this:

"Yo, Ash! Gramps isn't here!" Gary said, in the utterly condescending tone only he could muster.

I turned on my act. I gotta play the naive and inferior ten year-old he expects me to be. I didn't tell you I took Drama for four years in high school in my previous life, did I?

"Oh no, I- I see," I stuttered on purpose. "That's too bad." I put on my most helpless face.

Gary took the bait.

"What's the matter?"

To be clear, the tone he used was not of concern, but one of condescendence, and sounded more like "What's the matter, loser? Gonna cry?"

"Well, I was going to go off on my Pokemon journey, but when I got near the North edge of Town, I was attacked by a monster! It looked like a rat, but it was much bigger and had really big, sharp teeth. I think it was one of those Poke-the-mons?"

Gary bursted out laughing, mockingly. Perfect.

"Poke-the-mons? POKE-THE-MONS? Hahaha, you idiot! It's Pokemons! And the one you saw is called a Rattata!"

I put on my best "wow-very-impressive" face.

"Wow, Gary, you know so much!"

I was afraid he might call me out on overacting, but he didn't.

"OF COURSE I do, I know everything there is to know about Pokemon! Definitely more than you!"

Oh, only if you knew.

"Oh, I, yes, of course," I acted flustered. "Anyways, I didn't know what to do, so I ran back here, looking for Professor Oak. But I see he isn't here. Oh jeez, I guess we BOTH have to wait for him here, since WE can't do anything about that big Rattatata, or whatever you said it was."

There. I threw my dice. I didn't know how this Gary NPC would react to this.

Talking to my mom and failing to get any clear answers about my dad and to get her to "cancel" my Pokemon journey (which, of course, was just a test, because who WOULDN'T want to go on a Pokemon journey) revealed that there were restrictions to what the NPCs would/could say or do.

What if I could not get Gary to leave the lab, because he was scripted to stay there? In the game, Gary never left the lab until Professor OAK brought the main character and handed out the starter Pokemon.

So here was the moment of truth.

"What did you just say?" Gary shouted in anger. "What do you mean, 'WE'? Don't think for a second that I'm anything like you, you loser. I was born to be a winner, to be a Pokemon master! Just because you can't catch a Rattata, doesn't mean that I can't either."

Almost there.

"You- You mean you know how to catch the Rattatatata?"

Just a little more...

"IT'S CALLED A RATTATA, YOU FOOL," he was livid. "And OF COURSE I know how to catch a stupid little Rattata, you just goad it a bit and throw a Pokeball, it's easy!"

Time to bring it home. This time, I slightly dropped the shy tone and enunciated each word with emphasis.

"I. Bet. You. Can't. Catch. The. Rattatata."

This threw him over his arrogant edge.

Not knowing what I had planned to do once he left, he gave me an angry shove, and stormed out of the lab (undoubtedly to go catch the imaginary Rattata), all the while muttering angry claims of superiority at me.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you manipulate a ten year-old. Wow, that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean.

This also supported my theory: the NPCs will act in ways that are acceptably in line with their scripted personality. And as a derivative of this rule, NPCs will most likely not act or travel outside of their original scripted area. For example, mom couldn't or wouldn't give me any clear answers about dad because in the original game, that was never a big area of gameplay, but Gary reacted when I pushed his pompous buttons, AND he could storm out of the lab because he was always an arrogant character who roamed the Pokemon world, albeit off-screen. There was no doubt that knowing these unwritten rules would come in handy for me in the future. But for now, there was no time to waste.

I glanced into the front part of the lab, and after confirming no one was watching, I grabbed the Pokeballs off the lab table. Their metal surface was cool and smooth to the touch. No alarm went off, and though tempted, I didn't take the risk of inspecting them in awe. I shoved them deep inside my backpack and as casually as I could, walked out of the lab.

It was time to begin my Pokemon journey.