Harry attempts to enrol the boys in the nearest muggle primary school and then the school just straight up disappears, like the building is gone and all the students and staff are going to different schools and-
"That's a little extreme," Harry says, currently standing on the sidewalk where the school gate used to be.
"Is it?" Gellert muses.
Tom hums. "Because if you think about it, it could have really been a lot worse."
Harry points aggressively at the two. "Everything will be put back and park visits will double because you need socialisation."
"Or," Gellert begins. "We could play with the magical kids we know."
"You don't know any magical kids."
"We met some in Diagon a few weeks ago," Tom says. Or, rather, they met an adult Yaxley and realised they could use the children to cut off Harry's socialisation nonsense. Tom starts listing off; "Avery, Yaxley, Carrow, Parkinson, Rosier-"
"What are their first names?" Harry deadpans.
Gellert blinks. "Uhhh…"
Tom rolls his eyes. "I never said we were making friends with the little idiots."
Harry frowns. "I want to meet their parents first and make sure you'll be safe. Probably also warn them about you two, depending on how much pity I feel and how easy they are to manipulate."
"Very easy," Gellert admits. "Really it's almost concerning just how stupid they are. But then again, that also applies to the general populace so I don't think you should be too worried."
Tom nods along. "It's not like they were doing anything worth-while with their lives."
Harry looks away with a grimace. "Shit, I'm twenty-two and I never finished Hogwarts. I should get a proper job. Do I need a girlfriend?"
"No, no, it doesn't apply to you," Gellert says quickly. "You're so young, you have your whole life to decide."
"We are your job," Tom offers. "We're a very important job. A career, I would say."
Harry rubs his cheek with a hand, eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe just a part-time job?"
Gellert throws up his hands. "Okay, well you can leave, and I can finally move my people into the Department of Magical Law Enforcement so…that's up to you."
"Maybe I'll be an Auror," Harry muses.
"Harry!" Tom complains.
Harry laughs and waves the kids off. "Okay, fine. I was just thinking to myself."
Gellert moves some of his people into the administration of Magical Law Enforcement anyway, just in case Harry decides he's serious about the whole Auror job thing.
"Do you think you're hiding?" Harry asks, sleeves rolled up and slightly soapy hands hovering over his hips because he doesn't want to get his clothes wet but he needs the authority the stance gives him.
The frankly huge snake flopped behind the couch (half of its tail sticking out) hisses at him.
"You are having a bath," Harry orders. "Everyone else is in there, you're going in too. That's what you get for tracking mud all over the floors."
The snake's front half wiggles up the back of the couch, falls forward and petulantly face plants into the pillow like a melodramatic teenager. It hisses, half muffled.
Harry gasps, exaggeratedly outraged. "Don't you use those words! Tom, cover your ears!"
Tom, sitting on the part of the couch not currently occupied by the snake, gives Harry a deadpan stare over the edge of the book he's reading because the snake just called Harry a butt.
Harry huffs and goes back to frowning at the snake. "Fine. Whatever. I will go upstairs and have fun with the other snakes in our bubble bath while you stay down here and be filthy."
Harry turns on a heel and stomps off.
The snake waits a moment and then cautiously raises its head. It looks at Tom, pitiful.
"You brought this on yourself," Tom dismisses and goes back to his book.
The snake rolls over a few times and then slithers off the couch and heads towards the bathroom.
Gellert passes by and pokes his head into the living room. "Your snakes are domesticated," he observes.
Tom's eyebrow twitches. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you not there when Harry taught Mooney how to roll over?"
"I was just stating a fact," Gellert muses. "No need to get defensive. I mean it's not like you brought those snakes home to guard your things, because that would be quite embarrassing, how easily they give in for scratches."
Tom turns a page angrily. "Yes, well, they only do that for Harry, so there."
Gellert hums and walks off.
Tom snaps his book shut and rushes off to get some paper and a pen. He needs to start up a training regime.
Harry did in fact have a reason for speeding around the house getting things together and cleaning the various animals and such, because the nice muggle neighbours are coming over!
Harry hasn't seen them in a while because they've been away on a business trip but he's become quite good friends and he missed them. Harry is also very aware that the boys don't like company so he keeps it as a surprise until it's too late for them to talk him out of it.
The front door is knocked on.
Gellert and Tom look up from their contract, peering across the dining table at Harry with such an expression of betrayal that Harry starts laughing.
"Head upstairs," Harry says fondly, standing from his chair. "Unless you want to hang around and be sociable."
The boys scramble to collect their stationery and contract before scurrying upstairs. Spider-Death stretching over the cupboards then turns into a much smaller dragonfly and lands on Harry's shoulder, on the metal plate placed under the shirt and jumper combo, so Harry doesn't die.
Death will still end up wearing away at the cloth but Harry's gotten very good at repairing charms.