Chapter Nineteen

(WARNING!! A secret is revealed!!!!) *my version anyways*

Starscream dreamed of his home. He dreamed of his Cybertron the way it used to be before the war. When he awoke the next day, it was quiet. Starscream opened his optics and sat up to look for his minicon or Ratchet. When he seen noone around, he got off the med berth and left the med bay. He was going to see if anyone would talk with him again like yesterday.

What Starscream didn't know was that everyone but Arcee and Swindle were gone.

When Starscream reached the common room, to see if anyone was there, he was surprised that only Arcee and Swindle were there.

He spoke up. "Where is everyone?"

Arcee looked over her shoulder and went back to watching the monitor. "Out."

Starscream gulped and clicked his servos together nervously. "Do... do you know when they'll be back?" He asked almost stuttering. He was terrified that Arcee would hurt him.

Arcee didn't look at him. "They'll be back, when they get back."

Starscream took a step back looking down at his pedes. "O...ooh.."

Arcee frowned, vented quietly and abruptly turned around facing Starscream. "Why are you even here Starscream?"

Starscream flinched at her voice while keeping his helm down. "I don't... I don't understand what you are asking Arcee."

Arcee growled and launched at him, grabbing his throat and pinning him to the wall behind him. "I asked What. ARE YOU. Doing in the autobot base? What are you planning?"

Starscream was forced to meet her blazing optics. He saw a flash of red instead of blue. A mech instead of a femme. He saw Megatron instead of Arcee grabbing his throat. He whimpered as he trembled in Arcee's grasp. His venting escalating into panic.

Arcee saw the pure terror in his dull red optics and realized immediately her mistake. She quickly let go and watched as he fell to his knee joints. She took a step back as she watched Starscream curl up into a fetal position, wings lowered in pure fear and submission, crying while protectively keepingbhis servos over his helm and pedes to his chest.

Arcee knew she couldn't call Ratchet to help as he was busy with the others. So she calmed her anger and slowly kneeled down and sat in front of her greatest enemy besides Airachnid.

Starscream's optics were closed as she gently peeled one servo free and held it in her own. Arcee vented softly and rubbed one digit across Starscream's before speaking. "It's okay Starscream. It's okay. Noone's going to hurt you. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Starscream flinched when she grabbed his hand and almost pulled away thinking Megatron was trying something again. His optics opened though when he heard Arcee's voice pierce through his helm instead. He was still crying and trembling but he looked up slightly to see Arcee in front of him. He forced himself to try and calm down and even his breathing. What Arcee said didn't hit him so he just focused on her coloring and voice.

When he was calm enough Starscream loosened his fetal position and gently tugged his servo away from Arcee as he sobbed. Tears falling from his optics, down his faceplate, dripping into his lap, before finally falling to the floor below him.

Arcee let him cry, not knowing what else to do.

Swindle walked up to the two and gently beeped and chirped at Starscream's pede amd gently hugged his ankle joint.

Starscream tensed for a few second but moved enough to let Swindle climb up to his knee. He allowed the minicon to hug his faceplate as he cradled the small con in one servo to hug him back.

Once Starscream was calmed down enough, Arcee spoke up. "Starscream? What... what exactly happened and why did you become so... terrified when I grabbed you?"

Starscream's wings hitched up, tensed from the question. He replied with a question of his own. "Have you ever... wished that you could turn back time and kill someone before they could hurt you?"

Arcee nodded once. She narrowed her optics. "Why do you ask?"

Starscream delicately wiped his optics of his tears looking down at his servos. "Have you ever regretted... living?" He dared to ask.

Arcee frowned. "Sometimes I wish it was me instead of my friends."

Starscream nodded slightly. "Then you have half your answer." He mumbled softly. His body was still slightly trembling. "Many vorns ago, I wished I had died before the war. It should've been me. It would've been better that way."

Arcee watched Starscream's wide dull red optics stare past her like she wasn't there.

Starscream's optics dripped with tears that he couldn't stop. "I'm not supposed to exist. Yet here I am. My... my creators," he gulped, "ha... hated me. No one liked me. A disgrace. That's what they called me." He scoffed. "Everything they did for me to be something I wasn't... I hated them. I became a scientist. Mostly to spite them." He chuckled softly. "Worked well enough. They disowned me. Yet I'm still thier sparkling."

Arcee bite her lip component. Where was he going with all this? She didn't know why but she was regretting asking anything. But she had to know this one thing. "What... did they do to you?"

Starscream shuttered his optics and shivered in disgust. He didn't meet her optics yet. "That's the thing..." He looked down at his servo before looking at Arcee with a broken look and dull optics. "They couldn't make me what they wanted. No matter what, I know deep down I..." He smiled sadly and broken sparked as he looked down again hugging himself as Swindle tried to comfort him. "I, Starscream of Vos, am a femme at my core. They couldn't take that away from me." He broke down sobbing.

Arcee gasped and stared in shock at Starscream as he, no, she finally told someone the most valuable information that noone's ever known to be possible. "You... your a femme?! But you... you look like a mech!"

Starscream tried to stop crying but couldn't. "I... I didnt... ask to be... like this... They took away my... free... freedom of choice! *sniff* They didn't wa... want a femme... They wanted a... a mech!" She started wailing.

Arcee's optics widened and she mentally sighed and tried to comfort Starscream by hugging her and rubbing her spinal cabling.

Starscream let her, slightly leaning against her seeking warmth and comfort. "Don't... make me... go back... I can't... I can't take it... I can't... No more... Please..." Starscream whimpered repeating it.

Arcee shuttered her optics not believing she was saying this but she knew she couldn't let the decepticons have Starscream anymore. If they found out... who knew what would happen to Starscream. "I won't. I promise. You're safe here with the autobots."

They stayed that way until Starscream nodded off from her crying.

Arcee had no idea what she was going to tell the others.