Disclaimer: not mine
A/N: ryro and reviews make my freaking day. i think there will be at least one more chapter.
It occurs to him, as he hears a crescendo of halfheartedly concealed whispers rise around him as he sits at Marie's assigned table for the reception, that coming to Bobby Drake's wedding was probably a bad idea. It would have probably been a bad idea for him to show up on the premises of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters again in his life at all, much less on the so-called most important day of two of it's star pupils lives.
They sat in the back of the small chapel, nestled in the trees behind the gardens, for the ceremony. A tactical move on Marie's part. The whole time John watched, alternating between a sinking dread that Bobby would notice him and amusement at the sight of not just Peter, who was colossal as ever, but also the Wolverine, dressed in tux's as Bobby's best men. He just needed some kind of sign from any of them. Something to show that his presence was a welcome one, or at the very least, a tolerated one.
It wasn't until May I Present To You:Robert and Katherine Drake and they came bounding down the aisle with blind joy, Kitty so overwhelmed that she kept phasing through the floor, that he saw him. Bobby's steps faltered and for a moment it looked like he might trip, but he was able to right himself, still walking, his gaze never leaving that of his former best friend. And then he saw just who John was sitting with, just whose shoulders his arm was around, and his hold on Kitty's hand tightened, and he pulled her close to him as they exited the church.
And that was it, no yelling, no screaming, no turning him into ablock of ice and then shattering him all over the chapel floors. He was gone, not to reappear until the reception, and in the mean time, leaving John to the glares and whispers of his former teachers and peers.
The audacity of him. To show up here. To show up here with her.
Violence would have been better than that. But other than a brief run in with Logan ("If you hurt her..." the older man snarled as he pinned John up against the wall near where Marie was going to the bathroom. "I know, Wolfman," he answered tiredly, "It'll be slow and painful.") everyone was keeping their hands to themselves, it was maddening.
He's broken from his musings by a sympathetic hand on his knee from under the table. It squeezes and she smiles at him warmly.
"You're bein' a very good boy."
"Will I get a reward later?" he asks, sulking.
She rolls her eyes at him and begins to say something, but it's lost in the roar of applause that's spreading towards them.
"They're comin' out," Marie leans into his ear and warns him.
"And I'm going to take a walk," he tells her once it's quiet enough to talk again. She sends him a disapproving look, but by then he's already making his way into the intimidating structure of the mansion, telling himself that he's imagining the icy glare that he can feel on his back.
It's dark inside, silent, all the kids gone home for summer, all the sedentary inhabitants outside enjoying the festivities. He pauses by the kitchen and isn't at all surprised that it still doesn't contain alcohol, instantly regretting not grabbing a beer on his way out of the reception. He brushes his fingers over the foos ball table that was probably the genesis of his rivalry with Drake. That thought makes him want to torch the thing, but he swiftly and forcefully crushes that desire. He's not that kind of man anymore, he can control his temper. She helping with that, his want to be the kind of man whose worth it. The kind of man who will prove the Wolverine wrong.
He's thinking all these things, stopped, staring at the wall and it's several minutes before he realizes what he's staring at. It that trick panel, the one that opens up to reveal a secret tunnel to the garages. The one he, Marie, Bobby, and Logan had used to escape the attack some six years earlier. It's a night that plays over in his head a lot, the real beginning of his descent. He stares at the wall and feels that panic and terror again. The confusion and heart stopping knowledge that he's not safe in the one place he could always be safe. He stares at the wall because he's scared that if he looks anywhere else, there'll be a masked man aiming a gun at him. He frowns sourly at himself. Here he is, a man of 24, still fighting the fears of a boy.
"I still have nightmares about that night," a voice says from somewhere in the twilight behind him. He doesn't need to turn around to see who it is, but he does anyone, he figures he owes him that. He's still in his tux, but the bow tie is off, wrapped around the fingers of his left hand. In his right hand is a mostly full bottle of champagne.
"Congratulations, Iceman, it was a really nice ceremony," he says it sincerely, because he is sincere, which is something new for both of them.
"Thanks, Allerdyce." Bobby replies. John can't help the small smile that cracks his lips apart. Allerdyce. Sure it's not John, but it's not Pyro either. Bobby moves closer to him, so he can hand him the bottle and he swigs out of it thankfully.
"So...there's like thirty people out there who want to kick your ass for showing up here, with my ex-girlfriend to boot." Bobby informs him, smiling crookedly. John snorts contemptuously, not surprised.
"I kinda saw that coming. And I know, you know, that this wasn't the best of ways for you to find out, about me and her. And it wasn't planned or anything, I didn't go looking for her. She was just there all of a sudden, it just happened."
"How long?" He wants Bobby to look jealous and in a way, he does think he is.
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters."
"Almost two months."
He nods. "When we were young, I thought I was going to marry her."
"And I thought I would be your best man," he murmurs, his throat constricting so it hurts for him to breathe, from the naked honesty of the statement and the sudden knowledge that he and the man sitting next to him will never, ever get the things they wanted when they were young. Yes, they have new desires now, but it's never all the same.
Bobby looks at him contemplatively and sadly, like he's waiting for John to say more. "Why did you show up here, Allerdyce?"
"I had some things to say to you."
The blonde shrugs, and says genuinely, "I'm not interested in your apology, I forgave you a long time ago. And I'm not interested in your excuses either, they'll just piss me off."
"How about my reasons, will those interest you?" he demands more harshly than he wants to. Bobby just nods.
"I was young and scared. That's is. I was young and scared and angry and that's all I can tell you. And I'm not apologizing, because I'm not saying I was wrong. I may not have been right, but I wasn't wrong either. I was just...that's who I was then, but it's not who I am anymore, and that's what I came here to say to you," he finishes his speech with a defiant look at both Bobby and the wall, his fists clenched.
"And that's supposed to make it all okay? You're not that man anymore so now we're squared off and everything? Do you think it works like that, John?" John.
"It is what it is, Bobby. I can't change the past. But it got us here, standing in a dark hallway on your wedding day, talking at least, no murder attempts yet. And me and her, we're really good, so I don't know, I don't think I even want to."
"All this shit between you and me, it's not just gonna work itself out."
"I know." John responded. "We have to work it out ourselves."
Twenty minutes later, after a mildly concerned Marie and a more panicked Kitty had converged, neither able to find their significant other, they stumble across a sight that might have been ridiculous if they both didn't understand the deeper meaning behind it.
John and Bobby, standing in front drive of the school, taking turns drinking champagne and freezing and burning the poor, abused foos ball table.
"What do you think that's even called?" Kitty whispered to her friend, careful to not draw the attention of the men.
"I think that's called 'closure,' " Marie replied.