Title: 50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION
Rating: T
Author: ZukoKrazy
Summary: Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction.
Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon and everyone who suffers abuse.
Special thanks to: marsnmonkey, SaturnSetoSilvertail, Miss Ninja Kimi, Kuroune's Forbidden Lover, EKI-ember, Lyemi, ChildOfLily, k4g0me, Ms.Shigure Sohma, Sora. The angel of the sky, 2stupid, AnimexFreakx4xEva, LaZyEnErGeTiC, SoundCloud, demon-ice-mirror, rurousha, EvilFuzzy9, NoCareChakara, DesertRoseTemari, Shizuru-kun, inkyblack5290, A1Steakmanyeah, imthatimportant, Meekers, and Iloveinuyasha44.
A/N: Yay! Thanks for the reviews everyone! Also, some important news.
I asked HarvestMoonRacoon if I could do Iruka and she said…
Yes! Yup, I'm going to do Iruka after I finish Kabuto. Cheer with me!
On with the story…
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Kabuto's anguished screams sounded through the entire base.
Kimimaro, Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon, Kidoumaru, Kin, Dosu, Jiroubou, and Zaku all roared with laughter as they watched the poor glasses-wearing boy run into walls trying to get off the flypaper.
Jiroubou, who was usually quiet in this matter, pointed to the next prank.
Kimimaro shook his head and pointed to a different one, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
Jiroubou scowled and said, "Kimimaro, don't you need your daily glass of milk right about now?"
"Shit!" Kimimaro swore, racing out of the room.
The others looked to Jiroubou in confusion as he slowly got up, walked to the door, closed it, and locked it, smirking slightly.
Tayuya rolled her eyes and said, "Jiroubou, Sakon, and Ukon, you cover the first floor. Kin, Dosu, and Zaku, you cover the second. Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, and myself will cover the third. Meet back here in-…"
"Um, excuse me Tayuya," Kidoumaru interrupted.
"What?" Tayuya asked, annoyed.
"I'M THE LEADER!" he yelled.
Tayuya's eyes narrowed in frustration as she let out a steady stream of curses.
"You are not the leader!" were the only words spoken that weren't swears.
"Yes I am!"
"Not-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!
"Not-uh!"
"SHUT UP!" Dosu roared. They immediately shut their mouths and Sakon told everyone what to do.
Five minutes later, Kidoumaru and Tayuya were yelling at each other once more. However, this time both were yelling at each other on radio talk!
"I FUCKIN' HATE YOU, OVER!" Tayuya yelled.
"ROGER THAT CRAZY BITCH!" Kidoumaru yelled back. He then proceeded to sing crazy bitch by Buckcherry.
Tayuya, on the other end, turned completely red at the chorus and turned off her radio, swearing revenge on the Spiderman mini.
"Tayuya, Kidoumaru, shut the hell up!" Sakon chimed in.
"Tayuya turned off her radio," Zaku said, deadpanned.
"You know what, this has gone too far. This isn't even funny anymore!" Kin yelled at the author.
"Hey, it's not my fault," the author responded, glaring.
"JUST START THE STUPID FIC!" all the Sound nin yelled at the author.
Silence.
Five minutes later, Jiroubou was standing looking grumpy in a pink and frilly tutu, Sakon and Ukon were trying to lite a alcohol-drenched Kin and Tayuya on fire, Kidoumaru was two-armed, Kimimaro was lactose-intolerant, Dosu was wearing a school-girl's uniform and was skipping around Jiroubou in circles, giggling his merriment, Zaku was talking animatedly to a plant, and Kabuto was eating a bran muffin.
The author smirked and said, "That's for messing with me."
THE NINTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!
42. Gather all the toilet paper in the entire hideout, and hide it under Kabuto's bed.
Jiroubou, Sakon, and Ukon were sneaking around the first floor, looking for toilet paper. Once they had acquired it all, they dashed back upstairs and quickly stashed it under Kabuto's bed.
"Mission accomplished, over," said Sakon into his radio.
"Copy that, over," came the staicy voice of Zaku.
Zaku, Kin, and Dosu crept quietly around the second floor. After the got the toilet paper, they as well stored it under the medic-nin's bed.
"Second floor complete, over," said Dosu into the radio.
"Ok," said Kidoumaru, who was immediately scolded by the Sound nin to talk in the cool radio talk because, after all, that was the whole reason they got the radios in the first place.
While the two other teams crept quietly around, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, and Tayuya stomped around like a herd of massive elephants on a wild rampage to food/water/pot.
"Um, guys, we have some trouble," Tayuya said to her two teammates as they rounded a corner to see Orochimaru's bathroom occupied.
What was worse was that they heard the snake man singing.
Rock, paper, scissors. Tayuya won. Rock, paper, scissors. Kidoumaru lost.
Quietly he crept in and stole all the toilet paper in the bathroom while Orochimaru belted out the K9 Advantix song.
They quickly ran back and stuffed the toilet paper under the bed.
Five minutes later, they heard an anguished scream as Orochimaru discovered the lack of toilet paper.
Ten minutes later, a towel-clad, sopping-wet, and mad-as-hell Orochimaru burst into Kabuto's room where he was currently working on the cure for the common cold.
However, at Orochimaru's dramatic entry, he dropped the potion and sighed.
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asked, looking like he was trying hard not to laugh at the wet man.
"Where is the toilet paper, Kabuto-kun?" Orochimaru whined.
"...In the bathroom...?" Kabuto answered, slightly disgruntled at the fact that his potion had gone to waste because of the idiocy of his master.
Yet again.
"NO IT'S NOOOOOOOOOT!" Orochimaru whined/screamed.
Suddenly he stopped as he spotted a small piece of white paper poking out from under Kabuto's bed.
Three days later Kabuto found himself in a cocoon made of toilet paper with a sign in front of him saying, "DON'T STEAL THE TOILET PAPER YOU BRAT!"
Poor Kabuto only sighed and worked on getting himself down.
43. Tattoo your name on Kabuto's forehead while he sleeps.
Kabuto stretched and yawned. A good night's sleep, finally.
Kabuto forgot his glasses on the bedside table and walked into the bathroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
He stared into the glass of the mirror, blinking uncomprehendingly. Suddenly he screamed and ran to get his glasses.
He hastily shoved them on and peered into the mirror once more.
And once again he screamed.
Tayuya, Jiroubou, Sakon, Ukon, Kin, Dosu, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, Zaku, and Sasuke's names were all tattooed on his forehead!
Quickly he got his forehead protector and slapped it on over his forehead.
Unfortunately, he didn't notice the bright pink heart that showed to the side of his forehead, under his protector.
He bounded to the breakfast table and stopped as he saw the Sound ninja all sitting around the table, quietly eating their breakfast and discussing battle tactics.
"Hey Kabuto," greeted Ukon, stifling his laughter. Then he held out a object worthy of the bingo book.
"Care for a bran muffin?"
Later that day, while Ukon and most of the other Sound ninja sat in the infirmary, Kabuto sat on the counter in his bathroom, scrubbing at his forehead vigorously.
"Stupid Sound ninja," he muttered, putting more soap on his forehead.
"Kabuto-kun? Kabu- HAHAHAHAHA!" Orochimaru nearly fell over laughing at the site of his right-hand man scrubbing tattoos of his guards off of his forehead.
"What is it Orochimaru-sama?" the white-haired boy asked, rubbing his face with some blush and various other makeup products.
"I-...Well, uh...Oh yeah. Sakon wanted you in the kitchen," Orochimaru choked out, trying his best to control the bursts of laughter escaping from his mouth.
Kabuto looked annoyed and brushed past his master without another word.
Orochimaru noticed that on his way out, Kabuto picked up some poison and weapons including kunai and shuriken.
Orochimaru shrugged and fingered the twenty dollar bill in his pocket.
Poor Kabuto.
44. Make a sandwich, and place it on the floor. Make no other movements or comments about it. When Kabuto throws it away, yell and refuse to speak to him for a week.
Sakon hummed a random tune as he constructed a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
As Kabuto entered, he finished it. He turned and placed the beautiful sandwich on the floor.
Then he walked away.
Kabuto raised an eyebrow in confusion and looked after the boy.
Walking towards it slowly, he pulled out a kunai.
He crouched down, a bead of sweat going across his face.
He reached out with his kunai and...
...poked it.
When it didn't blow up, Kabuto peeked out from around the side of the table.
Nothing.
Kabuto looked disgusted as he picked up the sandwich and tossed it into the trash.
He turned around and found himself face-to-face with a very angry Sakon.
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" the extremely angry boy asked.
"Yakushi Kabuto," Kabuto replied icily.
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW AWAY THAT SANDWICH! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I SPENT ON THAT? AGES! AGES, KABUTO! AND NOW YOU'VE RUINED IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! THE SOUND NINJA AND ARE ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN!" Sakon yelled. Kabuto actually shrunk back in fear...oh wait, that was to avoid Sakon's acid spit.
Said mutant boy turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen.
Kabuto nearly cried with relief.
So he started dancing. He danced away through night and day, ecstatic that the Sound Ninja were finally leaving him alone.
One week later...
45. Chatter incessantly to make up for the lost time.
"So do you want to know what I says to him? I says to him, 'There's no way that I would ever,' I put emphasis on the ever, 'ever want to be with you, Hunter.' Then you want to know what he does? He does this. He walks away! I mean, can you believe the nerve of that man? I'm tellin' you, sweetheart, boys can be so aggravating!" Kin was saying.
Meanwhile, Kabuto slammed his head repeatedly on the desk.
"Hey Kabuto, Kin," Jiroubou greeted, nodding to his fellow shinobi.
"Jiroubou!" Kabuto cried, flinging himself away from Kin.
"Kin!" the large man called out. "Can you believe that Kabuto loves Tayuya?"
"I know!" Kin practically roared.
Kabuto sat down while the other two had a talking battle.
He then proceeded to bang his head continuously on the desk.
"Kidoumaru, don't you think we're taking it a bit too far? I mean, this next one could be very serious," Dosu said to the six-armed boy.
"Nah, fan girls can be bad, but I don't think he's in any REAL danger," Kidoumaru shrugged.
"Ok," Dosu said, not really caring.
46. Sell him on Ebay.
"Kabuto-sensei? Kidoumaru wants you in his room," Kimimaro said before walking away.
Kabuto shook his head and walked down to Kidoumaru's little sanctuary.
"Kabuto, look! The highest bid has just come in! 25 dollars!" Kidoumaru called out.
"What?" Kabuto asked, slightly curious.
"The highest current bid is 25 dollars! Woah! Look at this! 45 dollars!" Kidoumaru exclaimed.
"What are you selling?" Kabuto asked, truly interested.
"All right, the bidding has closed with 45 dollars," Kidoumaru said with a smile.
Kabuto rolled his eyes and left.
A couple of days later, their doorbell (?) rang.
"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" Kidoumaru cried.
"Kabuto!" came the cry of the six-armed boy. "Someone's here for you!"
Kabuto leapt from his desk and raced towards the front door, praying that it was the tattoo-remover kit he had ordered.
He rounded the corner to find a girl about 17 years of age.
"Is that him?" the girl demanded, hand on hip.
"Yup," Kidoumaru smiled.
"Wha-..." Kabuto started. Suddenly he was pushed into a large box from behind.
"45 dollars, please," he heard Kidoumaru say.
"Here. Now can I have him?" came the girl's voice.
"He's all yours," was the last Kabuto heard Kidoumaru say.
Then he heard an evil cackle and the box being lifted.
Then it was black.
A couple days later he woke up in a strange room. He was lying in a bed covered with...muffins?
He bolted up and looked around. Everything was muffins! He recognized the type of muffin and almost died right there. Suddenly the door covered with pictures of muffins opened and in walked the girl, holding a batch of freshly-baked muffins.
"Bran muffin, Kabuto-kun?"
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A/N: Oh how I love to torture Kabuto so. This chapter stunk, but I needed to post it before summer ends. I hope to have chapter 10 out by tomorrow, seeing as it's my last day of freedom. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone with this chapter. Anyways, next time you see this update symbol, it will be the last time we torture Kabuto :(
Please review and don't be mad at me, after all, I'm tired and it's 10:30.
As always,
-ZK