Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, PowerPoint, or the concept of taboo. I just find it really fascinating, and was bored. A slight AU, takes place after Whisper to a Scream, as thought Paige never told Ms. Suave about Ellie.

A/N: I got a couple reviews stating that Paige's reasoning seemed a bit nonsensical, so I'd like to quickly address that. Paige's reasoning was just that: her own. Not mine. I am fully aware how unlikely it would be if both Paige and Dylan were gay due to genes, simply because the dominate alleles would have to be such a rare and unlikely mix… but I digress before I start a lecture on genetics. Paige was just trying to think of a rational, logical reason as to why she's a lesbian. She's more than a little scared, and being able to definitively say, "There, that's why I am this way," makes it a bit easier for her. So yeah, her thoughts, not mine.

Anyway. This chapter was really hard for me to write, simply because there is only two lines of dialogue… Usually I write each chapter in one fell swoop, edit it, and post it, but this one was written over several days. I'm still not happy with it, mainly because I wasn't sure where to stop it, but yeah. Here it is, enjoy.

Chapter Eight

Ellie glanced at the clock resting on her bedside table. 9:37. "Prolly should've eaten dinner…" she muttered to herself, not bothering to untangle herself from the covers of her twin bed. After Paige called, Ellie had returned to her room furious with both the blonde bimbo and herself. After adding several more cuts to her left arm around her inner elbow (she was beginning to run out of room, and would have to start tracing old wounds in a couple of days) Ellie finally got her mind into enough of an order so that she could think. She knew that she wasn't all right – who would be in her situation? – and knew that eventually she'd probably need help. And help kept being offered to her, and she kept pushing it away.

Ellie wasn't sure why she continued to bitch out Paige whenever she showed concern; she didn't know if it was because she wasn't ready for help yet, or if because it was Paige doing the helping. Ellie was reluctant to open up to the blonde, lest she start telling Paige about how lonely she was and have everything else spill out as well. There had already been one time when Ellie had been dangerously close to telling Paige everything, but luckily Paige had distracted her by giving her a sideways hug-of-sorts.

Ellie had always known she liked boys and girls equally, but didn't find out there was a name for it until she was eleven. There had been a Family Life lesson in her sixth grade PE class (an introduction to sex ed, basically) and the topic of homosexuality had been brought up. All the girls had made gagging sounds or said "Eeeeewwwww!" in their high-pitched sixth-grade voices, but Ellie hadn't said anything. That night she went home and looked on the internet, where after a few very naughty web-sites that only made her mentally ask more questions, she finally found a concise, G-rated explanation of what she was feeling:

"Bisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by aesthetic attraction, romantic love and sexual desire for both males and females. It is usually contrasted with homosexualityheterosexuality, and asexuality."

Ellie had printed the definition out and pasted it into the inside cover of her diary. She hadn't been sure why she embraced the definition so much, although in hindsight she suspected it gave a very clear interpretation of all the feelings she had jumbled up inside, and that had comforted her.

However, Ellie was no longer confused about her sexuality: she was bi, and that was that. She had told her parents when she was thirteen, and after they had convinced themselves it was a phase she would grow out of, they decided they might as well be supportive. Ellie didn't hide her sexuality, but she didn't shove it in everyone's faces, either. As luck would have it, the first boy she had ever loved came out to her, but since he didn't ask her about herself, Ellie didn't tell him how she could relate fairly well.

And although Marco had been the first boy Ellie had ever loved, he wasn't the first person. Before Ellie started at Degrassi, she had staunchly disputed the 'love-at-first-sight' theory. But sitting at her computer in Media Immersion on the first day of school, the walking definition of 'gorgeous' had approached her and asked her to switch seats. At first, Ellie had been too busy fiddling with her online locker page to really notice what the bitchy prep standing next to her seat looked like, but as she glanced up she was taken aback by the beauty standing in front of her. Luckily she maintained consciousness long enough to give a witty reply before freezing in her spot and not moving for the rest of class.

As Ellie became friends with Ashley, she realized what a horrible person Paige was: not only was she a self-important cheerleader, she also refused to forgive Ashley for something totally understandable. Ellie had almost convinced herself that she didn't like Paige. But then that song… watching Paige up on stage, glistening in the stage lights, totally belting out that really tough song… In hindsight, Ellie realized that Paige had been singing about her own rape, which just made Ellie even more attracted to the blonde: that had taken courage.

Ellie rolled over onto her stomach with a slight groan: what was she going to do? The closer Paige got to Ellie, the more likely Ellie would tell Paige about her feelings. But that was bad, so Ellie kept pushing Paige away. But that just made Paige more determined to get closer to Ellie. It was a paradox if Ellie had even seen one.

As it were, Ellie just naturally had trouble sharing her feelings with anyone except her father. Experience had taught her that emoting towards her mother would merely result in an apathetic shrug, and she had previously thought that no one at school would be able to relate. But, Ellie thought grimly, students at Degrassi seemed to be a little more screwed up than those at her old school.

A loud growl from Ellie's stomach reminded her that eating would probably be a good idea. Sighing again, she sat up with a bit of difficulty and pulled the covers away from her legs. Standing up, she padded barefoot out her door and through the hall, over to the kitchen. She tried not to look into the living room, where her mother lay passed out on the couch. Pouring herself a glass of milk, Ellie spooned a serving of the Chinese food she had brought home at her mother's request and, being careful to only breathe through her mouth, tip-toed into the dark living room. Setting the plate and a set of cutlery on the coffee table in front of her seemingly-comatose mother, she picked up the empty bottles off the table, floor, and couch and carried them back into the kitchen.

Dropping the plastic bottles in the sink, Ellie sat down at the table with a carton of chow mein and the newspaper. Reading helped Ellie block out the moans her mother made in her sleep, but also made it so she didn't hear someone on her front porch until they rang the doorbell.

Moving quickly and quietly so as not to disturb her mother, Ellie darted to the front door and opened it as much as the chain would allow before who it was could ring the bell again. The second the door was open, Ellie saw a flash of blonde hair and mentally cursed herself for not checking the peep hole before answering.

"Paige, I already told you I'm fine. You didn't need to come check to see if I'm still alive, but since you did, and you can see that I'm still walking and talking, you can go now." And Ellie shut the door in Paige's face before she could get a word in edgewise.

A/N: And that's that. Or is it? It may be quite some time before I'm able to update again, since I leave for college in four days, but I'll do my best. Reviews will help! ;)