CHAPTER SEVEN: CONVERSATIONS
"So you're accompanying the Herald..." Sparrow heard Cullen say behind her as she took her list of supplies to Quartermaster Threnn.
"Commander," Sparrow turned to face him, and bowed slightly.
"Sparrow," Cullen muttered, a hint of irritation in his tone. "I told you to stop doing that. You are as close to Leliana like a sister, so that should be enough to make you equal with me, shouldn't it?"
Sparrow smiled and shook her head. "Despite the kindness the Commander has shown me, I remain a scout, who defers to my superiors," she said, eyes twinkling. Cullen sighed at that, acknowledging defeat.
"Was there something you needed, Commander?" Sparrow prodded.
"No, it was more on what you'd need, actually," Cullen said. "You know you need only ask me."
Sparrow smiled and gestured down at the things that Threnn was bringing out for her. "Quartermaster Threnn will be able to provide what I require." She looked up again at Cullen. "Thank you for your concern, Commander."
"Did I also hear right that you'll be going with the Herald as her bodyguard?" Cullen asked. He moved forward and took one of the daggers on the table and unsheathed it.
"Yes, Commander," Sparrow answered, watching him as he examined the weapons. "Sister Leliana thought the Herald needs to be protected, even if she is a skilled mage. She is, after all, the only one who holds the key to closing the Breach, therefore we have to make sure she is alive for that."
"I suppose," Cullen muttered, sheathing the blades and putting them back down. "And you have to be the one."
"I am a skilled rogue, Commander, as I might have proven in numerous occasions," Sparrow said uncertainly as Cullen continued to examine the weapons. "I can stay close to the Herald and protect her from –"
"Don't think I'm questioning your capabilities, Sparrow," Cullen quickly said, finally looking at her. "Please, far from it. I just thought... why you? I thought you were going to help Adan at the healer's station..."
"Sparrow is one of my most capable scouts, Commander," Leliana said behind them, startling Cullen so much that he involuntarily took a step back. "Though her healing skills are needed here, I want her to keep the Herald alive until we close the Breach." She walked up to the table and picked up the same daggers Cullen took and examined them also. "Unless you want to keep her here for something else, Commander?" she asked, glancing up at him slyly.
"I... No!" Cullen sputtered, rubbing at his neck again in embarrassment. "I'll let you two talk..." he trailed off, noticing Leliana and Sparrow holding their laughter in. With an irritated huff, he stomped away.
"Oh, Cullen. You haven't changed much since Kinloch. Solona would definitely find this hilarious," Leliana called out at Cullen while he was still within earshot. His ears visibly reddened, and he hurried away.
"You shouldn't do that, Sister," Sparrow said as she bundled up her supplies.
"You shouldn't do that too, Sparrow," Leliana replied, watching her. "You know how taken he is with you."
Sparrow laughed. "You must be joking, Sister." She thanked Quartermaster Threnn and slung her sack of supplies over her shoulder and her bedroll under her arm. Leliana fell in step with her as they walked towards Leliana's operations tent. "The Commander has many other things to do than dally with someone like me."
Leliana shook her head. "You underestimate yourself," she replied. When they reached the tent, she turned to Sparrow. "In a few days, you and the Herald's party will be going into the Hinterlands. Charter's latest find, a scout by the name of Lace Harding will be meeting you at a camp in the Hinterlands Outskirts. She reports that the fighting between the mages and templars are the heaviest there, so take extra care."
"I'm still worried about the Herald's ability to protect herself," Sparrow remarked as she put down her things on the nearest table. She faced Leliana. "As far as I can tell, she isn't prepared to see the extent of the Mage-Templar War, sheltered as she was in the Circle she was in. She needs to know how to properly defend herself, beyond the simple defensive spells she employed against those shades we encountered in the Temple."
"I agree," Leliana concurred, leaning back against a table and crossing her arms contemplatively. "I'll see to hiring possible mentors for the Herald, but it will take a few weeks, even months to gather them here. Unfortunately, we can't wait till then to train her properly." She smiled at Sparrow. "I'm afraid, it falls on you to teach her basic self-defense skills that you judge she might need as you enter the Hinterlands."
"That gives me an awfully short time, Sister Nightingale," Sparrow muttered wryly.
"You should be used to it by now, Scout Sparrow," Leliana returned with the same wry tone.
A chuckle escaped Sparrow's lips. "I suppose so," she said, smiling slightly. "I shall do my best."
"I have no doubt that you will," Leliana said, uncrossing her arms and walking towards the mouth of the tent. Sparrow followed, noticing Leliana gaze towards the Chantry, as the Herald came out of it, talking to Cassandra.
A bitter expression marred Leliana's face as she looked at the Herald. "Is there something wrong, Sister?" Sparrow asked uncertainly.
"Why was she the only one who survived, Sparrow?" Leliana muttered, her eyes never leaving the figure of the Herald as she spoke to a few people who approached her. "The people call her the Herald of Andraste, don't they? Then, if she speaks for the Maker's Bride, could she answer me this: What does the Maker have to say in all of this? What is his Game?" She spoke with such bitterness that Sparrow fell silent. "How can He stand by and look down at this chaos we are in? The hole in the sky, the Temple ruins, the bones lying in the dust...
Leliana's eyes brightened suddenly with what Sparrow suspected are unshed tears. "So many innocent lives were lost, and even the faithful were murdered where the Holiest of Holies once stood." She expelled a harsh breath. "If the Maker willed all this, what is this, if not a Game... or a cruel joke?"
Sparrow remained silent. She had never heard Leliana speak with any emotion about anything. As long as she could remember, Leliana spoke with the cold, dispassionate tones of a Spymaster who rises above any crises, logical and detached. The destruction at the Temple, the loss of her beloved mentor and friend, and now the uncertainty hanging over the fate of the Divine's legacy must be getting to the Left Hand of the Divine. Sparrow gave a soft sigh, wishing she could offer Leliana more than companionable silence.
Gradually noticing Sparrow's silence, Leliana turned to Sparrow. "I'm sorry. I forgot that you don't even believe in a Maker." She returned her gaze forward. "Good for you. All He does is demand – our repentance, our lives, our deaths. Justinia gave everything she had, and He let her die." Her eyes glinted like hard diamonds in her anger.
"Her death shook us all," Sparrow said in a low voice. Glimpses of the Divine's kind smile passed through her mind, and she bit her lip to stop the emotion welling up inside her.
"She was the Divine. She was the heart of the Faith," Leliana continued. "If the Maker even allows the death of the best of His servants, what good is He?" At that moment, the Herald looked at their direction, but quickly paled at the expression in Leliana's face. She looked away, and walked quickly out of their line of sight. Leliana sighed. "I know it's unfair to pin all this anger at the Herald, but if she doesn't know the Maker's will, who does?"
Sparrow looked closely at Leliana's face. Usually free of any kind of emotion, nevertheless, the Orlesian bard's face showed disillusionment, anger, and frustration. Underneath all those was also a hint of despair. She reached out and took Leliana's hands in hers.
"Since the day I first saw you, I have been drawn to your dedication to your faith, to your beloved Warden, and afterwards to the Divine," Sparrow said, smiling softly at Leliana. "You have always kept that faith burning in your heart, even when you lost your beloved to the Archdemon." Leliana's eyes darkened in pain at the mention of the Hero of Ferelden. "Be brave, as you did then, now you've lost a dear friend again in Justinia. Be brave, and don't lose hope." Leliana turned to her. "We will do our best to make things brighter once more, as we have always done."
Leliana looked down at Sparrow's hands, then smiled up at her. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this," she said softly, gently squeezing Sparrow's hands before letting them go. "It was a moment of weakness. It won't happen again."
"It's not weakness to show emotion for something we feel deeply about," Sparrow said.
"Thank you," Leliana replied. "You're a good scout, but an even better friend, who I'm glad to have. Someday, I will repay you for everything you have done for me, Sparrow." She grinned suddenly. "Maybe get you and a certain Commander together?"
Sparrow shook her head again. "Really, now, Sister. Don't jest."
"I do not jest, Sparrow," Leliana said, playfully pulling Sparrow's hood back. Sparrow's silvery-blond hair cascaded down her back. Leliana moved forward to take a few locks of hair in her hands. "It's such a shame to keep all this luxurious glory hidden in that hood," she remarked. "And don't think I don't know about that wonderful figure you're constantly hiding under this unflattering scout uniform," she added, smirking slyly.
Sparrow laughed. "It's a liability, Sister," she said, gathering her hair again and pinning it in a loose coil on her head. "What kind of scout am I if I'm spotted a mile away because of this hair?" she asked, replacing the hood back on her head. "No, Sister, we're all better off if I remain this way."
"I'll find a way to make you display that glorious hair of yours, one of these days," Leliana said. "Imagine how much further the Commander will fall for you when he sees it."
Sparrow merely shook her head and bid her goodbye.
Vanessa was looking at the horses in the stables when she heard a soft crunch of boots behind her. She turned, and found Commander Cullen looking at her.
"Commander," Vanessa murmured, not looking directly at him.
"Herald," Cullen replied. After those forced pleasantries, neither were able to say anything more, and there was a terrible feeling of awkwardness between them for an uncomfortable amount of time. To break the silence, Cullen cleared his throat and tried again. "Do you like horses, Herald?"
Vanessa was surprised by the question. "Um, yes... well enough, I guess," she answered hesitantly. "My father taught me how to ride when I was younger, but ever since I went to the Circle, I've had little opportunity to practice riding."
"It's still a good thing that you know how to ride," Cullen replied. "You can't very well travel on foot to the Hinterlands. Not that we intended you to..." He shifted uncomfortably, and for a few minutes, they were both silent again, awkwardness hanging over them both.
"That forder is a beautiful one," Vanessa ventured once more.
Cullen smiled. "She is," he agreed. "She had kept me safe throughout my travels with the Seeker, and now here in Haven."
"I... didn't know she's yours," Vanessa realized, and took a step back from the horses. Seeing her apprehension of him, Cullen sighed.
"I wanted to talk to you, Herald," he said. "In our previous meeting, I... I might have frightened you with my past as a templar." Vanessa hesitated. Cullen raised his hands placatingly. "Please, you don't have to be afraid of me. I was a templar, but while I may still be wary of mages in general, I will not hamper your work for the Inquisition by these biases, and I've given orders for the templars under my command to do the same."
Vanessa turned to face Cullen. "Thank you," she said, smiling a little. "And I'm sorry if I looked too terrified of you. It's what this war has done to us – be more afraid of each other. If only the Conclave wasn't..." she sighed as she thought again of the destruction at the Temple. Cullen looked at her pensively. She caught his look, and cleared her throat self-consciously.
"You were part of the delegation from the Ostwick Circle, were you not?" Cullen asked.
"Yes, more like as a poster girl than a real representative," Vanessa chuckled self-depreciatingly. When Cullen looked puzzled, she clarified, "They sent me because of my Trevelyan name, to show that a lord was protecting this Circle no matter what they decide."
"Do you miss it?"
Vanessa smiled. "I'm quite happy to be out, to be honest. No matter what their reason for bringing me here in Ferelden, I confess I was quick to grab the opportunity to be somewhere new." Her smile faltered as she looked at Cullen's somber face. "That might have sounded so selfish, right?"
Cullen shrugged. "It's only fair, I suppose. And not surprising, given that mages like you have so little opportunities to venture out of the Circle."
"What Circle were you in charge of, may I ask?" Vanessa asked, but she faltered at the pained look on Cullen's face.
"It's... not a pleasant topic for conversation, if you pardon me," Cullen said evasively. "Maybe another time."
"I'm sorry," Vanessa said.
Cullen shook his head. "Don't be. We are grateful for your assistance. Without you, we'd have no way of closing the Breach, never mind stabilizing it."
"Like Varric said, I don't know if it was good luck or bad luck that I got this thing," she said, raising her marked left hand for emphasis. "Look at me, a mage being called the Herald of Andraste, working alongside a templar, a Seeker of Truth, the Left Hand of the Divine, an elven apostate mage and a dwarf with a wicked crossbow, all part of a Chantry-declared heretical institution that only wants to bring back order from this chaos."
"You've just about summed up the Inquisition perfectly, Herald," Cullen smiled, which made Vanessa's heart skip a beat. "It truly is going to be interesting to see if we succeed in that or not. No matter what kind of luck you think you have, Herald, I hope it would be enough to see this through."
Vanessa smiled back. "I hope so too."
There was a soft knock on the door. "Herald, may I come in?"
"You may," Vanessa called out, rising from her chair as Sparrow came in. She walked towards the scout, smiling. "Sparrow. What brings you here?"
"I just want to check if you've packed properly for tomorrow's departure," Sparrow answered. "Also... I need to get some clothes."
"Clothes?" Vanessa asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why would your clothes..." A sudden realization occurred to her. "This is your cottage."
"Not my cottage only, Herald – Vanessa," Sparrow said, changing the honorific to her name when Vanessa scowled. "I shared with Charter before she left for the Hinterlands..."
"It's still your cottage!" Vanessa cried out. "And you've let me sleep in your bed while you sleep in a tent! Why didn't you say anything?"
Sparrow shook her head. "I'm accustomed to staying in a tent, Vanessa. Besides, how can we have the Herald of Andraste sleep in a tent, while a lowly scout stays in a cottage? What would the people say?"
"Hang what people say," Vanessa said.
Sparrow shook her head again. "May I get my things?"
"Please," Vanessa said, waving her hand around. Sparrow walked up to a chest in the corner, pulled out a key from her pocket and unlocked it. Vanessa watched her, until Sparrow noticed her looking and looked back.
"Yes, Vanessa, do you want to ask me anything?" Sparrow said.
"I just wanted to ask why this cottage smells of elfroot so much," Vanessa said.
"I brew healing potions whenever I can," Sparrow said. "I'm a scout, very prone to injuries, so I have to have a stash of healing potions always."
"I see," Vanessa said.
"Why do you ask?"
Vanessa shrugged. "Nothing," she said. "I just thought it was something elfy."
Sparrow laughed. "What, all elves smell like elfroot? Whatever gave you that idea?" She shook her head.
Vanessa looked apologetic. "Did I offend you?" she said, a hint of fear in her eyes.
Sparrow grinned. "Not at all," she said. "It's just hilarious." Vanessa grinned back at the easy smile on her face.
After a while, Vanessa walked over to the bed, on which several articles of clothing lay with a chest open beside it.
"It was fortunate that we were able to salvage your personal belongings from the ruins of the cottage you were staying in," Sparrow said as she looked at Vanessa folding some clothes and putting them inside a knapsack.
"Though I am lucky to have this, it doesn't have my dresses," Vanessa said, pouting. "If I remember right, I had two more chests, one of which had all of them. Ah, at least this one has one." She pulled out a blue dress and put it up against her body. "What do you think?" she asked, twirling a bit to make the skirts swish.
"It is pretty, Vanessa," Sparrow remarked, smiling at the simple delight on Vanessa's face. If the world had gone a little bit differently, this small person could have lived her life as carefree as she would have wanted. If not for the Mark... Her smile melted away at the thought.
Misunderstanding what she saw on Sparrow's face, Vanessa stopped twirling and folded the dress hastily. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I must have looked too frivolous, given the state of things."
Sparrow shook her head and sighed. "Don't apologize, Vanessa," she said. "You have a lot of burden in front of you for being the Herald already. If it's any comfort, you can be frivolous or silly in front of me."
Vanessa smiled. "Then I don't always have to correct you to call me Vanessa when we're alone, all right?" She extended a hand towards Sparrow, who took it.
"All right." After putting aside the clothes from her chest, Sparrow moved over to where Vanessa was. She helped her fold her clothes more compactly in her knapsack, and to advise her on which clothing to bring with them.
"Let me keep this dress, Sparrow," Vanessa pleaded when she tried to put in the blue dress she showed Sparrow.
"It won't fit in your knapsack, Vanessa," Sparrow said wearily.
"We never know what we're going to do, or who we're going to meet in the Hinterlands," Vanessa reasoned. "I need to be prepared if I'm going as the Herald of Andraste." She gestured and pronounced the last few words so exaggeratedly that Sparrow laughed despite herself.
"But it's the Hinterlands, Vanessa, who are you going to dress up for there? The templars? The rebel mages?" Sparrow whined, but in the end, the blue dress was packed, along with several other articles that Sparrow didn't really think was needed, but Vanessa insisted on.
Sparrow looked at the two bags that contained Vanessa's personal belongings and sighed. "It seems that with you, I'll take any kind of victory whenever I can." Vanessa laughed.
When Sparrow made a move to leave, Vanessa pulled on her hand. "Stay first," she pleaded. "I'd like to have some company before we do whatever it is that needs to be done."
"You do know I'm going with you, right? You might grow weary of my company before we even reach the Hinterlands," Sparrow remarked.
"I won't," Vanessa declared.
Sparrow chuckled. "Let me get us snacks, then, if we're going to talk the night away," she said, rising. "I think Charter may have some of those fancy Orlesian tea stashed somewhere here."
"Charter likes Orlesian tea?" Vanessa marveled.
Sparrow put a finger on her lips. "That's a scout's secret. You mustn't tell it to anybody else."
They passed a pleasant evening talking about trivial things, mostly about Vanessa's life before the explosion at the Conclave.
"I've been meaning to ask you," Sparrow said after Vanessa described her family, "Would you want us to send a letter to your family informing them that you survived the explosion at the Temple?
Vanessa's face clouded slightly. "You can, but it wouldn't make much difference to them," she replied in a subdued tone.
Reading Vanessa's expression, Sparrow shifted the topic. "Did you like it much at the Ostwick Circle?" she asked.
Vanessa smiled. "Commander Cullen asked the same question, you know."
"Of course he would," Sparrow said. "He's bound to inquire into everyone's backgrounds as the Commander. Plus, he's an ex-templar. He must have gotten curious about a Circle mage like you."
Vanessa nodded in agreement. "I was sent there when I was ten years old," she answered Sparrow's question. "It had been pretty much my home for half of my life. If I have to compare it to Trevelyan Manor, the Circle was more my home than my family's home. There, I was free to practice my magic in peace and safety." She turned wistful. "My mother didn't like my magic, actually. She was quite mortified when I started to show my magic, and packed me off almost immediately to the Circle. My father didn't stop her, but then, neither did I." She looked at Sparrow. "I like my magic, to be honest. I like to conjure ice, to summon fireballs, to strike lightning and see the light dance with just a thought. I like to draw on the energy from the Fade and make something materialize if I focus hard enough. I like the feel of the warmth of a healing spell easing the pain of a broken arm... but I can only safely practice my magic away from my family, from other people, and in the presence of a Templar." She glanced apprehensively at Sparrow. "Tell me, am I wrong in thinking that way?"
Sparrow looked down at her teacup. "Magic is made to serve man. That was how your Chant went, right? Even your Chantry recognizes that magic is a reality that we can't deny. In the ancient times, magic was something the elves of Elvhenan considered as part of their lives. It was as natural as their breathing, and if they saw how you use your magic now, they might even scoff at how little you understand and use it." She smiled, and noticed Vanessa's relieved expression. "So, no, I don't think you're wrong for wanting to like your magic. I think this world is wrong for condemning magic as something shameful and evil when it should be something to be cultivated and nurtured carefully."
Vanessa smiled at her. "I'm happy you think so," she said. "Most people would shun me for merely being a mage, but you see me as simply another person. I am so glad."
"I am not most people," Sparrow said. "And I'm glad someone sees me as a person too, not merely a pair of pointy-ears."
"To be honest, I really thought you were human too," Vanessa said. "You're quite tall for an elf."
"Am I?" Sparrow asked. "I didn't notice."
"You're with Charter, and you didn't notice?" Vanessa remarked, chuckling. Sparrow smiled uncertainly. "Please forgive me for what I said before, with Solas. I really didn't think elves were very different from humans, but other people tell us differently. Society tells us differently. I really wish it didn't, but that's what the world is now, that we have to be wary of each other instead of accepting each other."
"I am... quite pleased you think that way, Herald," Sparrow said softly. Vanessa frowned at the honorific, but Sparrow shook her head. "With that kind of view regarding the people we deal with, you might truly turn out to be the real Herald of Andraste that this world needs." She smiled warmly.
"Thank you," Vanessa said, warmed by Sparrow's compliment. "I hope too that you will always be at my side, not just as my bodyguard, but as my friend."
Sparrow looked down at her teacup again. "I hope so too." She set it down on the table. "It's very late now, and you have to wake up early tomorrow. I'll leave you to rest."
"All right," Vanessa said, standing up as well. "Wait, before you go, I want to ask something." She pulled out a ring from her pocket and held it up for Sparrow to see. "I found this, tucked in one of my clothes. That blue dress, actually. I think this is something elven, but I'm not sure."
Sparrow took the ring, and gasped. "This is..."
"What is it?" Vanessa asked, alarmed at the reaction Sparrow had towards the ring.
Sparrow looked at her curiously. "This is... a Dalish ring. Something... special, actually," she said. "Do you know any other elves here? Or were you... friends with any?"
"I... don't think so," Vanessa replied. "Besides you and Solas, I don't know any other elves here. At least, I don't think so. Thinking about what happened in the Temple of Sacred Ashes, maybe I just don't remember."
Sparrow returned the ring to her. "Keep it," she said. "It's a special ring. Someone may come along and would want to see it on you, even if you don't remember them."
"What do you mean?" Vanessa asked.
"Just keep it." Sparrow bowed slightly and took her leave.
In her dreams, Vanessa saw a figure, clad in light, in front of her.
He smiled, but his eyes glistened with tears.
Suddenly waking up, Vanessa found her pillow drenched in tears. What's happening? she wondered as she wiped her tears away from her cheeks. The second time she closed her eyes, she slept deep and fully.
She never saw the figure again.
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