"I'm a detective. It's my job to be nosey," Olivia responded, shooting an annoyed glare at Alex. She held the expression for several seconds before joining Alex in her laughter, "Okay, so maybe I am a little nosey. Never heard you complain before."
Alex leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder, pulling Adia close, "Wouldn't dream of it."
Olivia woke slowly, her neck popping as she stretched. Some how, she had ended up curled into Alex's warm body on the couch, Adia snuggled into her stomach. The baby slept soundly, her tiny fist balled up and tucked under her chin. Olivia moved slowly, sliding away from Alex's embrace to carry Adia to her playpen. The clock on the microwave read 3:24 am and Olivia hoped Adia would give her at least three hours of sleep.
She returned to the couch, eyeing Alex and debating her options. The bedroom wasn't that far away, and Alex was slender. Olivia was fairly sure she could carry Alex the fifteen feet to the bed without too much difficulty. She knew she didn't want any more sleep on the couch, and she didn't want to wake Alex.
Carrying seemed to be the best choice.
She slid her arms under Alex's knees and shoulders, pulling Alex towards her. She hefted Alex into her arms, surprised even still at how little the blonde weighed. She took quick, careful steps towards the bed, depositing Alex on the right side.
"Olivia…what are you doing?" Alex mumbled, half awake.
"Shh, sweetheart. Just moved you to the bed, it's more comfortable."
"Mmkay. Love you," Alex said, burrowing into Olivia's arms and drifting back to sleep.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Adia's babbling woke Olivia before dawn. Alex lay next to her, curled into Olivia's warm embrace. Slowly, Olivia pulled away, tugging the blanket up around Alex before padding over to the playpen to greet Adia.
Adia lifted her arms, her request to be picked up obvious. Olivia gathered the infant into her arms, carrying her into the living room to allow Alex a few more hours to sleep. Adia rooted around at Olivia's breast, seeking breakfast as Olivia warmed a bottle. She carried Adia and the bottle to the couch, tucking her feet under her and pulling a blanket over her feet. Adia studied her mother as she ate her breakfast, identical brown eyes learning the curves of her face.
"I love you, Adia," Olivia told her, brushing her finger over Adia's soft cheek, "I want you to know that. Even if I don't get to be part of your life, it's not because I don't want to be there. Your mommy and I worked so hard to have you. We did, Adia, because we wanted you so much."
They had worked hard. They had wanted a child that was theirs, not solely Alex's and an anonymous donor. So both Olivia and Alex had had eggs harvested, a procedure that was more intricate and involved than they had initially imagined. The eggs were fertilized with a carefully chosen donor and implanted into Alex, two each from Olivia and Alex.
Olivia had never really thought about Alex giving birth to her daughter. When she'd imagined their baby, she'd always pictured a tiny Alex, with those icy blue eyes and fair complexion. She'd never thought about a miniature Olivia. Adia's intense gaze left no doubt as to her genetic mother.
Olivia thought of the 16 frozen embryos at the clinic, wishing they had time to have the family they wanted – 2 little ones, a house, maybe a dog. Certainly not Alex and Adia in Wisconsin and Olivia alone in New York. That had never crossed her mind.
"Anyway, Miss Adia Grace," Olivia said, breaking her reverie, "You are loved. And you are so beautiful. I hope your mommy tells you about me as you grow up. I'll miss everything, Adia. I had no idea I could love anyone as much as I love you and your mommy. You will always be my whole life."
Lying in bed, Alex listened to Olivia speak to their daughter. Tears ran down her face freely. She buried her face in Olivia's pillow, inhaling the scent of Olivia's shampoo, letting her tears soak the pillow.
She didn't want to leave. She wanted to go home with Olivia and their daughter and be safe and happy and loved with Olivia.
Maybe Olivia could come with.
No. That would never happen. They didn't send girlfriends into the Witness Protection Program for no reason. They didn't care that they were taking Adia away from her mother. They didn't care that they were taking Alex away from her heart.
Alex wiped her face on the soggy pillow, willing the tears away. She stood up and padded into the sitting room. The held-back tears welled again at the sight of Olivia cuddled on the couch with Adia. Olivia stared at Adia's tiny hands and feet, brushing gentle fingers over Adia's nose and cheeks, memorizing miniature features.
"Hi," Alex whispered, hesitant to interrupt Olivia's time with Adia.
Olivia looked up from her daughter's face, "Hi. Come here," she requested, moving Adia in her arms so Alex could nestle in and lay her lead in the curve of Olivia's arm, "I love you," Olivia said suddenly.
The dam broke. Alex clung to Olivia tightly, sobbing into her shirt. Olivia let her cry, rubbing her back soothingly.
"Alex, sweetie, don't cry. You'll be home soon. As soon as this is done with…you and Adia. And we'll buy our house and get a dog and we'll just be…happy."
Olivia's words did not calm Alex's sobs. She wanted those things now, did not want to wait until Adia was five…ten…fifteen years old.
Adia, upset at seeing her momma cry, burst into tears and Alex pulled the baby into her arms, hugging her tightly. Olivia watched them, tears threatening behind her eyes. She blinked them back. Alex did not need her to be sobbing right now, she needed someone to take care of her. She wrapped her arms around the both of them, pulling Alex's slim frame into her lap and allowing Alex to let it out, her blonde head buried in Olivia's shoulders.
Olivia's heart broke again and again as she watched Alex cling tightly to her shirt.
"Shhhh," she whispered, running long fingers though Alex's soft hair, "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."
Alex lifted her head then, wiping her eyes, "It's not your fault, Olivia. It's MY fault and that's what I'm so upset about. I should have listened to you, I should have backed off. I didn't think of anyone when I went after Velez. I just..acted. I didn't think about Adia, or about you."
"Alex, this is not your fault. You did what any good prosecutor would do," Olivia said vehemently, "And that's why I love you. You don't give up."
"I gave up you for this," Alex sniffed, looking at Olivia with bright eyes, "I gave up you."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia set Adia carefully in her playpen, dropping a few small stuffed animals and a soft book next to her. Adia giggled, grabbing at the plushy cat Olivia had bought for her. Olivia smoothed the baby's hair back gently.
"Give me awhile with your mommy, okay baby girl?" Adia smiled brightly at Olivia and for a moment Olivia was positive Adia understood her.
Olivia returned to the couch, sliding in under Alex's still trembling frame, "Hey, sweetheart. Come here," she urged, pulling Alex back into the space between her legs, allowing Alex to rest her head in the curve of Olivia's neck. Alex wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia, holding on as though Olivia would disappear any moment.
As though she would.
"When you leave?" Olivia mumbled, pressing her lips to the crown of Alex's head.
"After the verdict," she said, her voice hitching, "After the verdict, Hammond said."
"Casey said she'd call when she knew something. Could be another day or two yet, Alex. Will you go back to Wisconsin?
"Hammond said no, it wouldn't be safe. Adia and I have to start all over someplace else."
Olivia closed her eyes against the threatening tears, "Do you…did they tell you where?"
Alex shook her head, "I don't even know if Adia can keep her name," she said sadly.
"They don't know about her, do they?"
Alex shrugged hopelessly, "I don't know. Maybe. If they were watching me. If they are watching me," she pushed herself tighter into Olivia's arms, trying to get as much contact as physically possible, "Will you just hold me?"
Olivia tightened her arms around Alex and, as Alex drifted off to sleep in the hazy early morning, finally let the tears fall.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
They woke again at 8:30 to Adia's sharp shriek.
Alex smiled, lifting her tear stained face to the noise of her daughter, "That means she's done."
Olivia wiped frantically at her cheeks, trying to hide the tear streaks, "Done?"
"Done with whatever," Alex said, "My mom used to tell me I did that when I was a baby. Wonder where Adia got it," she said, raising an eyebrow at Olivia.
"I've never shrieked," Olivia said, "not ever."
Alex smirked, finally pushing herself away from Olivia to go see what Adia wanted. As she walked towards the playpen she said, "It's okay you know."
"Okay what?" Olivia asked.
"For you to cry," Alex bent down to pick up Adia, "It's okay. You don't have to be strong for me. We can get through this, Liv, together," she dropped the subject, turning her attention to the baby, "You, my dear, stink."
Adia smiled widely, almost proudly at her momma, "Olivia? Do you want to come give her a bath?"
Olivia nodded, sliding off the couch and following Alex to the bathroom. Alex was already kneeling on the floor, taking off Adia's onsie and diaper while the water ran to fill the tub. When there was two inches of water in the base, Alex shut the water off and deposited the giggling baby into the water. Adia yelled with delight, slapping her little fists on the surface of the water and causing it to ripple.
Olivia laughed, "That's adorable!"
Alex nodded, "I think she wants to be a fish. She loves the water."
"I always did, too," Olivia said, still watching Adia splash.
"Here," Alex said, handing Olivia a tiny bottle of baby shampoo, "You want to wash her hair, and I'll go get some clean clothes for her?"
"Sure," Olivia said, taking the bottle from Alex and kneeling down next to the tub. She grabbed a plastic cup from the counter, pulling off the hotel provided plastic covering.
"Adia," she said, causing the baby's attention to move from the water to her mother, "Let's wash that hair, okay?" Olivia dipped the cup into the water, filling it. She placed a careful hand on Adia's forehead, tipping her head back and blocking the water from pouring into the baby's eyes. Once Adia's hair was wet, she smoothed a dollop of shampoo into it, giving Adia a tiny baby Mohawk. Laughing, she rinsed the shampoo from the child just as Alex came into the bathroom with Adia's clothes. Olivia pulled the baby from the cooling water, wrapping her in a towel and drying her before handing her to Alex. Alex laughed as Olivia handed her the diaper.
"You don't want this job?" she questioned, smiling
"I would mess up that job," Olivia said, trying not to think about her lack of diaper proficiency and her one year old. How if she and Alex hadn't been separated, she'd be a pro at the little details of parenting. Now she was lucky to know the basics of her daughter's personality.
Alex dressed Adia quickly, obviously practiced. Scooping the baby into her arms, Alex followed Olivia into the living room.
"Are you hungry?" Olivia asked, eyeing the room service menu.
Alex nodded, "Why don't you call and get something, and I'll put away the stuff in the bathroom."
Olivia had just placed their breakfast order and hung up the phone when her cellphone chirped. Alex came out of the bathroom with Adia's bathing supplies in one hand, her tooth brush in the other.
"Who is it?" she asked through a mouthful of toothpaste, dropping Adia's bag on the counter.
Olivia looked up, face pale, "It's Casey."
As Olivia spoke to Casey, the color slowly draining from her face, Alex tried to stay upright and keep her knees from buckling.
I'm not ready; she thought frantically, I can't lose her yet. I can't lose her again. Oh god…
As though she were watching this unfold on a movie screen, she saw Olivia shut her phone. She saw Olivia drop her phone, as though it were too heavy to grasp.
She raised tear filled eyes to Alex, "Casey says we have two hours to get down to the courthouse."
Alex crossed the space between then in two long strides, throwing herself into Olivia's arms and kissing her as hard as she could. Slim fingers tangled in brown hair, pulling Olivia's mouth closer to hers, tongues sliding into each other roughly. Olivia's hands pawed at Alex's shirt, tugging it up her waist until they finally released the kiss and Olivia pulled it over Alex's head.
Alex stared at Olivia, lips swollen, "Make me forget this isn't forever," she whispered, lips brushing against Olivia's ear.
Olivia's chest heaved painfully as Alex's hands pulled open the clasp on her jeans and slid two fingers in, rubbing Olivia through her panties. Olivia moaned, unclipping the clasp of Alex's bra and sucking a pale nipple between her teeth and biting gently. Alex moved elastic aside and shoved two fingers into Olivia's drenched cunt, thrusting hard. Olivia growled around Alex's breast, sucking harder as Alex's fingers found a rhythm inside of her.
Olivia's hands moved down Alex's waist, tugging at the waistband of Alex's pants, grinding her hips into Alex's hand. Alex pushed Olivia hard, never slowing her fingers, into the wall and pushed her body against Olivia's. Olivia's hand, trapped between their stomachs, inched down until she reached silky curls at the apex of Alex's thighs. Olivia released Alex's nipple with a slick pop and crushed her lips to Alex's, moaning into her mouth. Increasing her speed, Alex pushed a third finger deep into Olivia and Olivia screamed her release, leaning back against the wall so she wouldn't fall over.
Olivia rested a moment, taking deep heaving breaths before grabbing Alex's shoulders, shoving her against her previous place against the wall and slipping her hand further down into Alex's dripping pussy. She slid one long finger into Alex, teasing at her center and causing Alex to release a guttural moan. Olivia shoved Alex's pants down around her ankles, pushing Alex's hips against the wall and kneeling in front of her lover. She licked Alex, long and slow, loving the taste of her on her tongue. She sucked Alex's clit into her mouth, running her tongue over the soft skin before nipping at the flesh. Alex's head slammed back against the wall as Olivia slid two fingers deep into her, rubbing her hard until Alex's thighs quivered and her knees buckled. Olivia stood up, catching Alex's slender body and pulling her over to the couch. She laid Alex on the couch, pulling the jeans bunched around her ankles off and dropping them on the floor. Olivia lay next to Alex, breathing in her scent.
"We should shower," Alex murmured, "Adia won't be content in her playpen for very long."
Olivia nodded, her forehead flushed against Alex's soft skin, "Shower with me?"
"Mmmhmmm," Alex said, draping her arm across Olivia's chest and not making much of a move to get up from the couch.
"I love you, Alex," Olivia said, "I just want you to know that. No matter where you and Adia end up, no matter if you have blonde hair or red hair or purple, I don't care. You will always have my heart," she stood then, unwillingly pulling away from her lover, "hold on," she requested, moving naked around the room to her purse. She took a small box from the center pouch and moved back to Alex.
"I'm not asking you for a commitment," she said, noting Alex's shocked expression, "I just wanted you to have something to remember me by…when I'm not there," she snapped open the box, revealing a simple diamond ring, "You are my forever, Alex. Even if it's not how we imagined it."
Alex held out her left hand, shaking, "Are you gonna put it on me?"
Olivia slid the ring onto Alex's finger, breath hitching slightly.
Alex ran the fingers of her right hand over the ring, "I love you Olivia."
Olivia smiled sadly, "We should get ready. Casey will be waiting."
They showered together, Olivia washing Alex's hair and sliding the soapy washcloth over her slim body. They kissed sweetly, gently, under the spray of water and Alex moved into Olivia's arms, letting her tears mix with the water running down her face.
They stepped from the shower when the water began to cool. Olivia wrapped the plush towel around her lover's body, running her fingers through Alex's damp hair before stepping out of the shower herself, moving into the bedroom to dress while Alex put on her make up. Adia was curled around her stuffed kitten, thumb in mouth and sound asleep. Olivia stared at her while she dressed.
"I've only known you a few days and it seems like you've always been here," Olivia whispered, running her fingers over Adia's baby soft hair, "And I don't know what I'm going to do without you when you have to leave." Adia smiled in her sleep, and Olivia's heart broke.
Alex came into the bedroom, hair blown dry and make up carefully applied. She padded to her suitcase, pulling out a purple shirt, sliding into the clothes that came from Emily's life. Olivia tore her eyes away from Alex, taking her turn in the bathroom. She had to get ready or they would never leave.
Just as she had finished the last of her makeup, there was a knock at the door. She cocked her gun and moved towards to door, heart in her throat.
"It's Andrew." The man spoke from the other side of the door and Olivia remembered the man who had been caring for Adia the day she'd met her.
She kept her gun up, opening the door slightly until she was sure it was Andrew on the other side. The tall man stepped through the door, smiling at Olivia, "I'm here to take care of Adia while you two go down for the verdict."
"Okay," Olivia said, "Let me just get Alex. Thanks."
Andrew nodded, "No problem. The less Velez and any of his men know about Alex's personal life, especially as it pertains to Adia, the better."
Olivia walked slowly to the bedroom, opening the door, "Alex? Andrew is here. He said he can stay with Adia so she doesn't have to come down to the courthouse with us."
Alex turned from the window, eyes bright with unshed tears, "I didn't now I could cry this much," she muttered, wiping at her eyes.
Olivia took Alex's hands in hers, "This will be over soon," she said softly.
"I hope so."
"Bye, Adia. Mama will see you in a few hours," Olivia whispered to the sleeping baby, touching her curls one last time before moving with Alex to the door.
XXXXXX
"On count two, the attempted murder of Alexandra Cabot, what is your verdict?"
"Guilty."
Olivia watched Alex's shoulders visibly relax and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the blonde. She tensed when she saw Hammond come up, touch the small of Alex's back and lead her from the courtroom. She assumed that Alex had details to clear up and relaxed, knowing that Alex would be at the victory party tonight.
XXXXXXXX
Let's get this party started!" Olivia shouted, bursting into the room with a bottle of wine in each hand. She chatted cheerily with her coworkers, jumping excitedly when she heard footsteps down the hall.
"Is that her? Is that Alex?"
The door opened and Hammond appeared. It seemed odd that he would accompany Alex to the party, but if he wanted to be there, Olivia didn't mind. She only had eyes for Alex. Alex…where was Alex? She looked around Hammond for the blonde of her lover's hair, for Adia's inky locks.
"Where's Alex?"
"Marshalls are moving Alex, Adia and Antonio to new identities. She wanted me to say goodbye."
Olivia's glass slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor.
Just like the pieces of her heart.
Hammond led Alex from the courtroom, hand on the small of her back. As soon as the door swung shut, Alex turned to Hammond, a bright smile on her face.
"We did it!" she exclaimed, "He's really done this time!"
Hammond nodded stiffly, "We need to go."
"To the hotel? Why can't we wait for Olivia?"
"Not the hotel. Miss Cabot, we have your new identity ready."
Alex shook her head, coloring draining from her face, "No, Velez –"
"Has men everywhere," Hammond said, "Are you willing to put Olivia's life in danger," he paused, "Are you will to gamble with Adia's life?"
Alex's eyes closed against overwhelming tears, "I need to tell Olivia."
"We're leaving now," Hammond stated.
"I'm not ready," Alex said firmly, arms folding across her chest, "I want to see Olivia. She needs to say good bye to Adia," at Hammond's uncaring look, she hurriedly added on, "Besides, everything is still at the hotel. Andrew is there with Adia…"
"Andrew, Adia, and your suitcases are in the car out back. A car that is leaving in 60 seconds, with or without you," Hammond said, before turning and walking away.
Alex's rapid blinking did little to help her tears. She stared at the courtroom door for a moment, willing Olivia to come through the doors.
Nothing happened.
Inhaling deeply, Alex turned and walked away without looking back. She could not leave Adia. She would not leave Adia.
She paused for only a moment at the end of the hallway, finally giving into the urge to turn back and look towards the closed courtroom door.
"Please, Olivia," she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks, "Please…"
The door didn't move.
"I love you," she whimpered, turning around and leaving Olivia – and Alex Cabot – in the hollow courtroom.
Alex opened the car door, sliding in next to Adia's carefully buckled in car seat. The baby giggled, stretching her arms out towards her mother. Alex wiped frantically at her cheeks before smoothing Adia's hair away from her face. She focused on her daughter's face, focused on the beautiful baby who had no idea what had just happened.
"Utah," Hammond said, "Suzanne Marie Graham," he glanced at Adia, "and take the Benson out of her name."
Alex turned her head to look out the window, swallowing the sob that was building in the back of her throat. She hated her tears. She nodded, not bothering to argue. It would do no good.
A flash of light caught her ring and Hammond's eyes went to her left hand, "Take that off."
"No," said Alex firmly, "I won't."
"Fine," Hammond said curtly, "Married six months. Car accident. Make up your own damn story."
"Mama!" Adia chirped, shoving her bottle into her mouth and interrupting the rapidly building tension. Alex ran her hand over the baby's hair, thankful she at least had Adia.
Silence echoed in the SUV as Hammond settled in. Alex stared out the window, and watched New York once again fade into oblivion.