It wouldn't be me unless I throw you for a loop, right? ;-)
Chapter 5 - Secrets
Harm stood ramrod straight and tried to maintain an impassive expression as the berating that began over the phone in paris now continued in real life. Chegwidden had cause for grievances. Apparently punching the son of a high ranking Iranian official was a big no no but then he didn't exactly know whom he had assaulted.
He'd seen a woman being needlessly punished and just sprung into action. His hero complex getting the best of him. It may have been one of the dumbest moves of his life but it had been worth it because she'd been found.
Unfortunately Harm had been arrested when the other man pressed charges and saw to it that the police was none too gentle. He'd been pushed to the ground, punched, kicked and eventually thrown into a cop car on route to the nearest station. Many hurdles were jumped, promises made so that Harm's records remained unblemished.
He mentally cringed when the SECNAV entered Chegwidden's office without invitation. "What the hell were you thinking, Rabb?" And then came the barrage, the slew of accusations from Irianian politicians that made his head spin. "Well? Explain yourself!"
Harm remained at attention, eyes glued to the window as he spoke. "I saw a woman being attacked on a public street. I don't care what Iranian family be belongs to, the bastard was kicking a woman, slapped her so hard she hit the ground. He could have killed her if for no other reason than because she spoke out of turn."
Harm's stomach twisted at the thought, the fact that Mac had been hurt and God only knew what else. He didn't want to contemplate what the last few years of her life might have been like. "He could have killed her and diplomatic immunity would let him get away with it. The military teaches us to defend those who are defenseless...I did my part."
"There is no mention of a woman by anyone least of all Parisian police who are destroying your arrest papers only because we pulled some strings."
That made him waver, his body swaying slightly. No mention of a woman? Impossible. "There were four women, wives I believe."
"Farid Ahmadi says you attacked him for no reason there is no mention of wives, not a single one but plenty about a drunk Naval officer out of control. You have no one coming to your rescue,Commander."
"I didn't beat up a man for no reason. You know me better than that!"
"Do I?" The SECNAV eased somewhat only because he recalled what the officer before him had endured. "You are going to offer a formal apology. I have the White House press secretary drafting a speech that you will read verbatim. The only reason I don't strip a bar from that epaulet is because of Paraguay. You went through hell...And I'm sorry you were hurt but you need to keep a better hold on your emotions."
The older man made to leave, stopping with his hand on the doorknob. "I'm sorry about Colonel MacKenzie. I know you were close friends."
"Thank you, sir."
"AJ, I'll let you handle it from here on out."
Even as the man left Harm knew better than to relax. His CO was fast on him like a heat seeking missile with a wrath he hadn't seen in years. "Why? Just tell me why?!"
He took a breath and his body could no longer hold him up. Harm dropped into the chair behind him. "I found her. I couldn't tell you over the phone but I found Mac."
Chegwidden's hard exterior deflated in a moment. He couldn't go through this again of having to deal with Harm's manic obsession that superseded anything of the past. He held his breath and let it out slowly once again worried that the younger man may be too far gone.
Perhaps he sent him TAD too soon? Maybe he just needed to process the promotion to London or stick him permanently on a ship. He cleaned up a few of Rabb's messes for a year until eventually some semblance of the Commander everyone knew and loved returned. "Commander.. Harm, you need to head back to therapy...Get your head on straight."
"That's not gonna work." Harm snorted. "I'm not losing my mind. It was Mac, she's alive. Part of Ahmadi's harem, I think. I don't know if the CIA is involved, if it's a cover we're not meant to know about but…"
The door was thrown open and through it hobbled one Clayton Webb with Coates trying to block his path. "I apologize sir he got by me. Should I call the MPs?"
"No. Thank you and close the hatch." Chefwidden started between the two men; the fact rhaf Webb had arrived without warning meant there was some truth. "Why are you here?"
"Do you know the kind if shit storm your officer started?" He waved his cane towards Harm. "I thought you said he was better?"
"He says he found Mac. Claims she's in Farid Ahmadi's harem. What do you know?"
"Nothing. I came to see what I could do to save him." Webb sighed, his shoulders slumping. He'd hoped Harm was better and that at least one of the two would be saved. This too was his fault and as he slowly came to stand in front of Harm he kept his tone light. "Harm, you need help. I know you were partners...close friends and maybe there were feelings, strong ones but…She's gone, she's probably dead by now."
"She's alive! I saw her with my own two eyes! Is she working for you Webb? Is it a cover?"
"No, Rabb. I swear it. Listen to me, you need to let her go."
"Harm." Chegwidden clamped a hand on his shoulder meant to be reassuring. He had an idea thaf he'd been relunctant to put into effect out of hopes Harm was right. But now, they needed closer, all of them. "I should have done this a whike ago. We'll hold a service to honor her memory. It's well over do. I'll arrange it with your bkessing."
Harm shook his head. "A service?"
"Yes, your friendship was a beautiful thing, you knew her better than anyone. Did so much for each other. Let's remember that."
The tone both men were using, soft and friendly should have eased him but, to Harm it grated his nerves. His hand came to his chest, fingers pressing through the heavy material of his uniform until he felt the rings: his and hers dangling from his dog tags. It was a fit of rage that had him standing up so fast the chair he was in crashed to the ground fracturing some of the heavy wood.
"She was not my partner!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, his breathing so heavy with emotion. "And she was not my friend! She is my wife! My. Wife!"
Both men stared at him like he'd lost his mind which was incredibly far from the truth. Harm was still breathing heavy and his body shook over the raw emotion of the secret he kept for almost four years. "Don't look at me like that! I'm not insane, I haven't lost my mind. Mac is my wife."
He ripped open his shirt enough to give him space to yank on the chain of his dog tags ripping it off his neck. There, clinking against the metals were two matching rings: one for a man, another smaller one for a woman. "We were married in secret. No one knew."
Chegwidden stepped forward and took the chain to see the rings. The larger one was etched and embedded with some sort of vine pattern. The smaller covered in roses. "You met in a rose garden. When? How?"
"Christmas Eve almost four years ago. It started in Harriet's kitchen. Things just fell into place."
"I remember that, you were late...I walked in on you and quietly walked away." It was a sweet moment in time, suspended in the stillness of the room where everything was quiet but the gentle sound of lips meeting lips.
Mac was sitting in the living room, chatting with Harriet when she noticed Harm had gone missing. He'd arrived late for Christmas dinner without his goldwings and apologetic for his tardiness. He never did explain what had happened but Mac knew something was wrong.
Excusing herself, she searched for him through the house and found him in the kitchen. His jacket hung on the back of a chair and Harm stood wearing his white dress shirt with rolled up sleeves; he waa washing dishes.
Seeing this domestic side of him always warmed her heart and reminded her that he would make a good husband to someone, someday. "Are you alight?" Mac asked softly, not wanting to startle him.
Of course he'd know when she walked in. The energy in the room became electric and his nostrils filled with the welcoming scent of her perfume. "I was wondering when you'd come looking for me." He smiled and continued to diligently clean Harriet's China. "Gives me an excuse to hide from Big Bud."
"He's been on a roll tonight." She grinned. They had long come to terms with Bud's father's quirky behavior that they put up with for their friend's sake. At times it was just too over the top.
"Can't pick your folks. Kinda envy Bud, though."
Mac nodded in agreement, at least Bud had his father. And, on occasion, they could count on him. Changing the conversation, she approached Harm and leaned a hip against the kitchen counter. "So, what happened?"
"You knew something was up didn't you?" He turned his head and looked at Mac and the sad smile she offered. "Why am I not surprised?"
Mac sighed. Yeah, she knew and had spent the entire night worrying. How many messages had she left him? Four? Five? She must have sounded desperate. "What went wrong?"
"Hit a weather balloon, lost control for a bit." He deadpanned. All Harm could think about was that night a year and a half ago when he was flying back for Mac's wedding.
Ejecting in the middle of nowhere. The parachute chords choking him. The cold of the ocean water. Mac, would he even see her again.
"I kept thinking about you." He squeezed his eyes tightly, wanting to forget those particular memories and the hurt that came after. "I had flashbacks of that night. Didn't think I'd get lucky twice.
Emotions that he usually fought with ease wouldn't rest and Mac saw the fear in his eyes.
She rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back but, her comforting touch wasn't enough.
Her arms circled his waist from behind and her head came to rest against the center of his back. She hugged him to her, felt the warmth of his body soothe her concerns. Mac didn't want to break down in front of him when she thought about the crash. She never wanted to experience that again.
Harm rinsed his hands and shut off the faucet. He dried himself on a kitchen towel and then brought his arms against Mac's. He tensed when she pressed a kiss on the center of his back and held on a moment longer before turning in her arms. There was a look she gave him undeniable an alluring and in the span of a heartbeat everything finally clicked into place.
"I want to kiss you." He said suddenly his eyes descended to her lips.
Mac stared up at him and couldn't help the smile. He looked so sexy and serious at once and her heart fluttered when he pulled her closer. "Permission granted."
It was a soft and tentative kiss, a soft brushing of his lips over hers until Mac's arms came around his neck. She leaned into him, soft feminine curves meeting the hard, male planes of his body. She tasted of hot chocolate and cinnamon and for the life of him Harm could never recall anything sweeter when her tongue met his.
That was how AJ Chegwidden found them as he went in search of coffee. He smiled at his two senior officers and stepped away quietly whispering a soft, "Merry Christmas."
They didn't stay much longer, Mac had asked him over so that they could talk. He was happy to oblige not wanting to spend Christmas alone. And so they'd driven to Georgetown in silence, he at the wheel of her Corvette, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest when Mac reached over and took his hand.
His thumb caressed her delicate wrist pressing down to find her heart beating just as wildly and it eased him somewhat but as she let him into her apartment they both seemed to freeze.
Mac was lovely that evening, the blouse she wore was pretty and wrapped around every curve he longed to be lost in. The simple necklace draped down over the swooping collar of her top and he wanted to drag his tongue along the seam, to taste her - a fact that forced him to heel when they entered her apartment together.
He locked her door and leaned against it feeling a familiar tension swirl around them which hadn't been there hours ago in Harriet's kitchen. A tension that only stretched and grew every mile they got closer to her apartment. Damnit, he was going to back peddle himself out of this again, Harm knew it although his conscience kept calling him a coward.
What was it about Mac that brought out every insecurity he buried deep inside? Why did she scare him so badly? The answers were simple, really, a concept he thought of so much - she was everything to him. And the only reason why he kept her away was because falling for her would make him feel so much more than he knew what to do with.
Instinctively, his arms folded across his chest a sign of both strength and insecurity. The desire that coursed through his veins for this woman was forcing a rough staccato from his heart that he could hear in his ears. Funny how something that seemed so right and so sure earlier that evening now confused him. He hated that she could do this to him - play with that control that he held onto for dear life.
If he gave in, Harm knew, part of him would be gone - it would belong to her forever. "What are we doing here, Mac?"
Other than to remove her jacket, she hadn't moved and simply stood in the center of her living room waiting. Gone was the bravado Mac felt that had prompted to ask him over to her apartment - a promise lingering in her voice over where she expected the night to go. He'd been a gentleman, of course because that was his way. Never pushing, never demanding just that ever present control that prevented him from doing what the desire in his eyes dictated. She wanted that flame back, that feel of kissing him because even though it was soft and sweet the promise of so much more beckoned her to him.
Memories of a ferry boat in Sydney passed through her mind and his rejection over her proposition to simply love him and be loved by him. It terrified Mac that Harm would suddenly be disinterested again and it would be a blow she'd never recover from. "I thought I knew."
Nervously she shifted from side to side finally finding the guts to look him in the eye. She couldn't read him although Mac knew she was like an open book at the moment. "I didn't make up what happened earlier, did I?"
"The kiss? No."
"Was it just one of those awkward moments of ours?"
The insecurity in her voice tugged at his heart and after the night he had, he wasn't willing to let this opportunity pass by. A wrong move and he may not have made it back and as he pushed off her door, everything began to click. "I hope not. I don't...Damn Mac, I don't want to presume what you want."
"You're not presuming anything I'm not. I don't think." Mac stepped towards him slipping into his arms effortlessly and as her hands moved up his chest, her fingers rubbed over the dark fabric specifically the spot where his goldwings should have been. Her heart was also beating so hard it made her breath catch. "Harm?"
His mouth was inches away from hers descending downward so that her eyes fluttered closed in anticipation. "Can I kiss you?" Harm's voice was merely a whisper when he spoke out of fear that this was a dream or that she wouldn't want this anymore. His hands had already started to trace up her spine and downward pulling her body impossibly closer into his.
"Yes."
They weren't in Harriet's kitchen this time with the prospect of prying eyes catching them in a lover's embrace. In the privacy of her home that tiny line that both of them were too scared to cross erased the second his lips met hers.
It was soft at first, a tame brush of his soft lips that only grew as passion consumed them. Soon she found herself slipping the jacket off his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground as shaky fingers worked to pop each button of his dress shirt. She cursed the Navy for requiring so many layers and that damned fabric of his undershirt that separated her hands from his skin once his dress shirt joined the jacket.
Harm's own hands were not idle as they carefully parted each button of that lovely blouse she wore that one that forced him to fixate on her all during dinner. He stopped for a moment once he reached the last button and stepped away just to look at her. "Mac…"
She was breathtakingly beautiful especially with lips that were freshly swollen from his kisses. His breath was ragged as his eyes followed the parted line of her open blouse as if asking for permission for him to see her, to really see her.
It was Mac that took his hands and brought them under her top to rest just below her breasts holding them still so that she could feel the warmth of his palms. "It's okay. I'm nervous too."
"Are you sure?" Harm's hands shook the moment they touched her and his eyes took on a dark shade she'd never seen before. He was still breathing heavy and the racing of his heart would not be tempered. Dear God, he wanted her so badly that backing away now would surely kill him.
She guided his hands upwards to the clasp that tied just in front, her eyes never leaving his when his fingers snapped it open and her breasts spilled free. "I want you, Harm. I want you to touch me. I simply want you and no one else."
"Oh Mac." His mouth crashed onto hers in a kiss that was no longer gentle. Harm's warm tongue parted the seam of her lips only to find Mac was equally willing to kiss him back with fervor. They moved quickly, the rest of their clothing melting away as they stumbled into her bedroom and dropped into her bed together. She was surprisingly wet for him, Harm found as his fingers parted her folds and Mac begged for him to fill her.
He didn't even bother suggesting any type of protection because he trusted her and she trusted him. It had been too long for the both of them.
The second their bodies joined in the most intimate of ways an overwhelming peace settled between them. Harm stopped for a moment, his eyes holding her gaze as she urged him to move, to complete what had begun from the moment they first met. This was inevitable, he knew and held back for so long until he felt her surrounding him, enticing every single one of his senses. She was his sweetest sin and there was no going back after that night. He didn't want to.
Harm found himself sitting on the leather sofa in Chegwidden's office with a glass of some alcohol in his hand. The memory of their first time still vivid as if he were still there. He wasn't sure what had happened or how he wound up where he was now. The Admiral was hovering over almost like a protective father and Clayton Webb was nowhere to be found. He stared up at his commanding officer. "What happened?"
"I don't know. You didn't black out but it was almost like sleepwalking. You kept mentioning her name like you were hallucinating."
Harm sighed and placed the half empty glass on the table in front of him. "You don't believe me do you? Don't believe we're married."
"I honestly don't know what to believe. But then the two of you have always thrown me for a loop."
"There is that." Harm couldn't blame the man, the last few years he'd been broken, manic and on the brink of becoming addicted to alcohol. He would never let him fall that bad but there were nights when a few drinks were the only thing that allowed him to sleep. "You saw the rings."
Chegwidden nodded. "I did but a pair of wedding rings don't add up to much."
"A marriage certificate and witnesses do."