Chapter 20 - Adore

"Ooh Rah." Unceremoniously Mac let the logs drop from her arms to a rack just outside the screened porch. She studied her handiwork, the wood that was splintered and uneven, jagged slices compared to the near perfect cuts from Harm's own hand. Not that cutting wood was a specific skill that she needed, her fireplace back home was gas-powered, but the weakness in her showed from the second she tried to raise the axe over her head.

How did she get so physically weak? She wondered yet again and wasn't surprised to discover that inside her was a truth Mac was not yet ready to delve on. Something had happened in the last three years although she sensed not all was bad but there were plenty of spots that outweighed any of the good. At the moment, she just didn't not want to know. Memories of her life as Sarah MacKenzie were prevalent now, especially the little details that made up the months of marriage to Harm; she didn't want to tarnish any of those.

"How about you get in here before you catch a cold?" She looked up to find her husband standing at the open doorway with a mug of coffee in his hand. He had a little more than a five o'clock shadow and his hair, that had grown in the past few days, had that messy bedhead look that made Mac long to run her fingers through it. He was adorable, especially when he grinned and then pulled her into the cabin. "Head to the shower and get warmed up, breakfast will be ready soon."

He tapped her backside playfully and that flyboy grin went up in wattage as Mac rolled her eyes. "Since you didn't accept the promotion, I still outrank you. Don't be bossing me around, Commander." She teased and squealed when he placed the coffee cup on the coffee table and reached for her. His lips found hers as his hands went to her sides to pull the jacket and shirt off. When she thought he would move things further, Harm began to dig his fingers into spots that were ticklish.

Amidst the sound of laughter - both his and hers- Harm raised Mac up and carried her into the bathroom depositing her in front of the shower. "Shower or no bacon."

That was a warning she would have to heed. "Aye aye, sir."

"Adore, huh?" Harm said once a freshly showered Mac popped back into the kitchen. He greeted her with a sexy smile and hot cup of coffee that she graciously took.

Mac turned to look at the coffee table where the Scrabble board sat - the word 'Adore' depicted in tiny tiles. She shrugged and took a long sip, glancing over the brim to find him watching. "Give it time. I'll have you reaching for the dictionary soon enough."

The grin widened. "Actually, I did anyway." He grabbed a small book off of the kitchen table and leafed through a few pages. "'Adore'. Verb. 1- 'to love and respect someone deeply.' 2- 'to worship; venerate.'" He tossed it back on the table and then went back to the food cooking on the stove. "6 points for that."

"Mmm." Mac wrapped one arm around Harm's waist and placed a kiss on his shoulder. She liked his domestic side of him, always did. " I think we adored one another quite completely last night." She still tingled when she thought about them, still pleasantly ached between her thighs.

Harm turned into her embrace and dropped a kiss on her head. "About that...How do you feel?..are you...are you okay?" Mac's body was much tighter than he remembered and he wasn't exactly a small man below the waist. While she hadn't complained in the throes of passion he worried about the aftermath. "We weren't too gentle a couple of times."

Her cheeks tinted the loveliest shade of pink at his implication and that fact that she had initiated a little rougher coupling. Nevertheless, it was wonderful.. "A little sore but that's expected, I guess... How about you? Your back." That she had scratched him none too softly a time or two, not that he complained.

"I'd say we're even." He kissed her, letting his lips linger for a moment and the whiskers from the hair on his face felt delightfully pleasant against her skin. It had last night as well, when Harm had rubbed his cheek against her inner thigh and she reminded herself never to chastise him for a little bit of facial hair. "I made you pancakes, eggs, bacon… I saw you worked up quite an appetite."

He motioned out the window and Mac followed his gaze. She slipped out of his arms and sat in the chair he pulled out for her. "You didn't follow me?"

"I wanted to." Harm admitted. He woke to an empty bed, something he was determined to not let happen again. The terrifying sense that Mac had left him made him run out to the living room wearing nothing but a bed sheet.

His heart nearly slammed out of his chest when he heard the dull sounds of axe versus wood. Through the window he watched her try again and again, each swipe getting closer to the perfect cut. Harm wanted to help her but thought better of it and sensed she needed the time alone. It was her moment of catharsis.

"I'm not strong anymore." Mac said softly, looking into the cup of coffee to avoid eye contact. She sighed heavily. "Not even a little bit. Even raising the axe took effort. This stupid bandage didn't help." She held that hand up and Harm found Mac had left it uncovered. "I feel weak."

"You're not weak...you're just…"

"Weak...And severely under trained...A piss poor excuse of a Marine. I wouldn't make it an hour through boot."

"C'mon, Mac. You're being too hard on yourself...And I know what you're going through." Except he was recovering from the effects of multiple bullet wounds and a broken heart all at once. "I got it back, you will too."

"Will you help me? Help me train?"

"Always." Once their food was plated and the coffee was refilled, Harm sat across from her and took the injured hand in his. "It's healing. I think you can lose the bandage. That's a step. If the weather clears maybe we can go on a hike?"

"Yes." She nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love that."

The weather turned pleasant enough although the sun was still obscured by clouds. Rain stopped completely and the brisk air warmed so that it wasn't uncomfortable to be outdoors. Harm had guided the boat down the river to a launch inside a nature preserve.

When he recovered well enough to travel he'd begun flying 'Sarah' to Maine every other weekend. His trips were mostly the business variety that he needed to repair and modernize the cabin until one morning he woke up with the need to move. He had to. He had to burn through the energy that kept him awake most nights.

And so he found the preserve and its winding trails that disappeared past the shoreline. They served as his therapy and although Mac was never far from his mind, the hiking kept him sane.

"You okay?" Harm asked not even ten minutes later. He was moving rather slowly and yet Mac had trouble keeping up. He would have slowed down more but once she would reach him, Mac would push past and avoid his help.

She leaned against a tree and took a long drink from the canteen Harm offered. Her breathing was labored taking Mac longer than usual to get her bearings. To think that she was once able to run six to ten miles on a daily basis without much effort. There were days she would push herself to go faster, longer and others that were short, recovery runs but, Mac was never this badly out of shape. Her lungs were burning, protesting and just from walking through the woods.

Mac let Harm guide her to an overturned tree pushing her to sit when he checked that it wouldn't snap from her weight. He stood in front of her, his hands on her waist gently skimming over the exposed skin from where her shirt had been untucked. Such a simple touch but it calmed her, eased her breathing back to normal and after another gulp of water her eyes met his. "Do you think I could ever go back?"

"Back to where? JAG?" At her nod, Harm took a breath. He'd thought of taking her home at some point and falling back into the life they once knew. That reality could one day come to fruition but, there were several mountains for them to climb and some seemed insurmountable at the moment. "We can talk to Chegwidden about your options. I honestly don't know how to go about it...legally, I mean."

She wasn't declared dead so there was never a person to resurrect. A 'missing person' came with its own legal hurdles but with the lack of good attorney's at headquarters she'd likely be let back without much difficulty, Harm surmised. "For you time has gone by. For me it stopped in Paraguay and restarted about a week ago. I can walk into a courtroom and do my job...but."

"But?"

There was one thing she wasn't willing to risk or hide anymore not after seeing that pain in his eyes. "Us. You and me."

"Ah...The 800 lb elephant in the room." Harm's eyes dropped down to a spot on the ground, the hands on her waist lost their grip. Fundamentally he understood the need for fraternization rules, they had been a barometer for enforcement when his own emotions negatively impacted their working relationship. "Mac…"

"I don't want to hide us anymore, Harm. That did more damage than good." She wedged the canteen between her thighs and brought her hands over his. A warmth spread through her and when brown eyes met blue Mac could see the hesitation in them if not a little fear. She was scared too; of the gaps in time she couldn't remember and the future that would be miserable without him. The military was such a big part of their lives. "I could try my hand at being a judge again. I actually enjoyed that."

"You sure about that? What about traveling? JAGman investigations?"

Mac shrugged, "You were always better at those than me. I hate flying in a COD or troop transport. The long hours in a plane only to be stuck on base. At least the judiciary won't have me traveling much. It'll still be a challenge, still give me that edge...I think I was pretty good at it."

"You know the law." He grinned, so much so that she obliterated all of his strategies and, for once, had him on his toes. "You definitely interpret it better than I do...I just pull rabbits out of hats with impassioned arguments."

"Or shoot up courtrooms." Her eyebrow rose and they shared a much needed laugh. That antic seemed so long ago and Mac still couldn't believe he shot a hole in the ceiling to get his point across. Ricocheting bullet her ass. "As long as I'm not presiding over your specific cases, it could work. Right? It's a long shot but…"

"And what if I don't want to be at JAG anymore?"

"Harm…"

"Chegwidden has the paperwork ready, I just have to say the word and I'm out." His hands came out from under hers and reached up to frame her face. Whatever argument Mac was going to mount stopped as he gently held her gaze. This wasn't the man she married, the one who's emotions were often so veiled she wasn't sure how to read him. This version of Harm didn't hide his feelings nor did he want to; he spent too many years learning to live with the pain of loss so profound it forced him to never take her for granted again. "Sarah, I gave up my commission to find you in Paraguay. You mean more to me than the Navy and anything else in my life…I'm ready to give it up again for you."

"You won't resent me?"

"No." He said with certainty. "No because none of that matters if you aren't in my life." A crackle of thunder echoed in the distance and the chill in the air returned but all either of them could feel was the warmth from one another. Harm's lips captured hers, sweetly kissing her with all of the feelings he couldn't express with words. Mac's arms came around his neck, her legs parted so that the canteen fell to the ground but his body touched hers.

It never felt this way before, Mac decided as his tongue slipped past her lips and dueled with hers. Yes, she always wanted him. Yes, she always loved him but something had happened in the last three plus years that had broken the dam which held them both back from giving more. He was the other half of her, the one imperfect soul designed to be with hers and she ached for him. It was the single droplet of rain that made him move away but only slightly. His hold was still strong around her and her arms remained clasped behind his neck. "We'd better go."

"No, not yet." Her legs wrapped loosely around Harm, holding him against her as Mac pulled him down for another kiss.

Mac rolled over to find Harm's side of the bed empty and cold. After their hike they settled in for a nap one that had knocked her out for longer than expected. She frowned at that lack of warmth beside her and padded out into the living room to find him folding laundry. "Hey."

"Hey, I assume you slept well, you didn't even hear me get up or run the washer." He motioned to the kitchen where the combo unit sat in a corner.

"Guess I needed it." She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand and stood watching him. On the coffee table Mac potted the Scrabble board and the tiles that had been arranged using the 'R' in 'Adore' to spell a new word.

"Fervor."

He lifted his head up and grinned. "Intense and passionate." Harm stated while folding his boxers and setting them on a small pile on the corner of the table.

She remembered this as well, a specific snapshot of time at their apartment in Washington when she'd come up with a basket of laundry to find him holding her underwear. It wasn't one of the most flattering of underthings that she owned, more like the 'granny panties' that were standard issued USMC undies that she wore on TADs. They were just un-sexy, in her opinion and yet he curiously held them up as if studying how they were built or how she fit into them - whatever the case, it was amusing.

His cheeks tainted at least three shades of red when she'd caught him although Harm tried to hide the panties behind his back which only made Mac's teasing worse. She pushed him onto the bed and wrestled away her unmentionables which led to other 'activities' that required him removing her current under garments. If only that levity had lasted longer. If only he hadn't lied. If only she hadn't left.

"Whatcha smiling about?" Harm asked, as he straightened, finding Mac had walked up to him with a silly grin. He turned to face her only to have her hand come to his chest, lightly pushing him onto the sofa.

"Memories...Good ones." As Mac settled herself in his lap, strong arms wrapped and tightened around her. She was looking at him, finding the scruff that was far past being a five-o'clock-shadow. Her hand came to his face, fingers lightly skimming over the whiskers that were quite becoming on him in a look she hadn't seen before. Yes, she liked her flyboy freshly shaved but this rugged look could work too, Mac decided.

His gaze was intense watching her eyes when fingers moved from his face to the shell of his ear, tracing the part where it bent slightly. She was slow about it and although it wasn't the most erotic of touches, Harm felt his body responding to her. A low moan escaped the back of his throat when her hand threaded through the silky strands of his hair. A touch that was so heavenly especially when Mac's fingertips found their way to his scalp.

He'd never had his hair this long and usually trimmed it bi-weekly to keep his regulation cut. Now it was a little longer, enough that the ends stuck up with that messy, bed-head look that had to be the most sexy thing she'd ever seen. It felt wonderful to run her hand through it and a little exciting to find his eyes going half mast each time her finger tips scraped his scalp.

"It's a little long." He whispered.

"I don't mind."

"And I need to shave." Harm punctuated when she rubbed her cheek against his.

"I don't mind that either." Mac's hand dropped to the nape of his neck, massaging the tight muscles which contracted from her touch. She pressed into each trigger point that made him groan when she released each tender spot. "It makes you look rugged...maybe a little dangerous too….I like it...I like it a lot."

Shifting to sit astride him, her bottom came down on his thighs feeling the erection that was straining against the rough fabric of his jeans. "Dangerous?"

"Oh yeah, and so very sexy." Mac's hands came back to his shoulders, slipping her hands under his shirt to knead the taut skin. He pulled his shirt off, tossing it to join the pile of clothing still on the opposite side of the sofa. She bent down to kiss his chest, specifically the area where a bullet had marred his beautiful skin and let her lips linger for a moment. Mac felt his heart racing when her hand came over the same area and she began to dig gently into the muscles on his pecs.

"We can stay here." Harm said suddenly because whatever magic this corner of the World held he never wanted to leave. This was their safe haven, a place where he knew they would never be found. He couldn't give a damn what happened in the outside World only the woman in his arms held his interest. "I guess we'd need a bigger house…"

"Are you trying to keep me all to yourself?"

"Yes. I am. I don't give a shit about Washington. There's something about this place, you can feel it can't you?"

"I can." She nodded. "And I don't need much…" His palms came to her thighs, moving up so slowly that Mac felt the warmth of his hands beneath the fabric of her pajama bottoms. Her breath caught when his hips pushed up and his trapped erection became even more evident. "I need you, only you."

The back of his hands skimmed over the skin beneath her t-shirt, inching higher and higher so that he could cup one breast while his mouth came down over the other. He suckled her nipple through the fabric and eventually pulled it off so that skin could meet skin. "I'm incapable of keeping my hands off you." Harm spoke between kisses and licks to the valley of her breasts.

He nibbled at the slope of where Mac's neck met her shoulder, his hands roaming across the span of her back and down to squeeze her six. 'Fervor' The word echoed in his mind as the perfect description when they were together like this. Intense and passionate, indeed and he really couldn't get enough of her.

"I want you...I want you so bad." Mac's words were said in a plea and second later Harm stood up, her long legs wrapped around his middle as he walked them to the bedroom.