EIGHTEEN
"Sometimes you have to pick the gun up to put the gun down."
—Malcolm X
JINX
I don't like people. I don't like being around them, and I don't like walking amongst them. My place has always been in the sky. I was born in the sky, somewhere over Vermont of all places. My mother gave birth to me on a plane, and since then, that's the place I've tried to stay. Being a first generation to a nearly blind mother and a deadbeat alcoholic father, there wasn't much room for me to spread my wings as child. My days were spent trying to stop my father from killing my mother, and my mother from killing herself.
It was only when I turned eighteen that I left. I kissed my mother goodbye, left my father a six-pack and joined the Air Force. Days became weeks, weeks became months, and sooner than I could blink, I was dripping in medals of honor. Time flies when you're having fun, and it flies even faster when you live thirty-six thousand feet high. My job was second nature to me; I would have done it for free.
I got my nickname Jinx because no matter how hard someone tried to outshine me, they would fail. I would steal away their look. At bars the women would leave the other guys to be around me. In the air, no one could get near me in drills without something going wrong. To me it was luck, to them I was Jinx.
Life was good, until I found out the bambolina I was seeing was pregnant, just as I was given another assignment. The last thing I told her was to keep the baby and we would talk about it later.
Drop the package over North Korea, come home, get married, be the father mine failed to be, and live a happy middle class life like everyone else. But, that day never came, because apparently, I died…or at least the government said I did.
Moments after I dropped the package, I was shot out the sky like a duck during hunting season. They pulled me from the mangled, smoldering machine I had once called my baby, and tortured me. But I took that one for my country, thinking they would come and rescue me. They had to. Day in and day out, for four years I was beaten within an inch of my life, always asked the same questions over and over again.
"The guns! Who wants the guns?" I didn't know it then, but the package I had dropped was filled with American weapons to arm Korean rebels. America wasn't coming to my aid. They would deny to their dying breaths that I was even in Korean air space.
They had chosen me not because I was good, but because I looked foreign enough and stupid enough not to ask questions. So for four years I did my time in Hell, only to escape during a small riot. I ran for hours doing my best not to be seen, blending in with those trying to leave the country. In South Korea, it took me four more years and a fake passport to finally make it back to the "land of the free, home of the brave."
I found out that not only had the world moved on, but that I no longer mattered within it. Everything once bearing my name was gone; my identity was wiped clean. Somewhere in Vermont, both my parents were dead, my father killing my mother and then himself. The woman and child I had left behind had moved on without me. They were happy…who was I to take that away from them? So I was alone.
I wandered the streets, doing odd jobs here and there all over the country. I lived under bridges, I ate from dumpsters, and on occasion, I would shower in subway bathrooms. My luck had turned and now I truly felt nothing but jinxed.
Then, one day, as I lay at my spot behind the dumpster, I watched as a white Tahoe sped into my ally. In front of it, some poor Irish mutt looked for a way out. He begged the white Tahoe as if he were speaking to a God, claiming he would get her money back. He swore on his life, but it did him no good. Instead, it drove over him as if he were nothing but a rat. I would never forget the sound of his screams, muffled by the blood in his mouth, nor would I ever forget the look in her eyes as she stepped out of the driver's seat to look at her handy work. Realizing I was now a witness, I was pulled from my makeshift home and made to kneel before her.
She looked at me, not saying a word as she held a gun to my head; I could feel nothing but gratitude. But she didn't pull the trigger. Instead she looked at my dog tags—the meager remnants of my past.
"Why is an Air Force Lieutenant living behind a dumpster?" she asked.
I stared at her seriously and simply said, "Budget cuts."
A few of her men snickered, but not her. She didn't even crack a smile. She stared at me as though she could really see me.
"Lieutenant…"
"Jinx."
She glared. "Well Jinx, how would you like to join my army?"
"Do I have a choice?" After all, I already had a gun to my head.
"We all have a choice. Yours is simple: spend the rest of your days living in filth or join me and walk on water."
I had nothing left to lose. She saw something in me, and because of that, I had my wings back. Flying for the first time after years of being grounded was its own personal high. She gave me what I needed, and in return she had my loyalty. I would die for her and yet there were times…
JENNIE
Walking slowly through the wet grass, I came to a stop beside Jinx, staring past the cliffs into the sky, hills and lakes. I had to give it to the Thai: their country was beautiful…and green, very green.
"Thinking of jumping, Jinx?" I asked softly as the wind blew by us with a howl.
He snickered beside me, the wind blowing his dirty, blonde, shoulder length hair. "I'm sure you could find a new pilot, ma'am."
Grabbing his arm, I forced him away from the clouds to meet my gaze. The wind picked up, but we just stared at each other. In that moment, his blue eyes looked just as broken as the day I met him.
"You're in that dark place, Jinx," I stated looking away from him, "Your daughter?"
"Yes. I should be proud, shouldn't I? She doesn't want or need my money."
Smiling, I looked up to the sky. "Feminist then."
"God forbid." He spat over the cliff's edge and I simply laughed, opening my arms and allowing the wind to blow past me again.
For miles, all I could smell was fresh grass and seawater. It made me want to fly…it was like I was flying.
"Careful, ma'am," he whispered, grabbing onto my waist.
"Shh, Jinx," I muttered, pushing his hands away. "I'm on top of the world."
It was peaceful on the edge. My life was even more chaotic than I had ever imagined.
"Wife."
And just like that, my peace was gone.
Turning, there stood my wife, in nothing but jeans and a white button down shirt. The wind blew through her hair, pushing it back, making her eyes look glazed over as she glared at Jinx.
"Go help Hanbin. Now." She snapped at him, nostrils flaring.
Jinx looked to me, eyebrow raised, before walking off toward the house. Lisa watched him like a lion stalking its prey, cautious of any sudden movements. It wasn't until Jinx was far out of earshot that she gave me her attention again.
"Have you slept with him?" she hissed through clenched teeth.
Seriously? She's jealous? "I haven't slept with him since you entered my life, wife."
Brushing the side of my cheek, she hovered over my lips, stealing the air from the small bubble surrounding us. "That's not an answer, wife."
"It is an answer. Just not the one you want to hear," I said before closing the gap between our lips. She pulled me closer to her, grabbing my ass and hair.
"You…"
"Let it go. Lisa. My past is my past. Yours is yours. You don't see me giving all the women you've slept with the evil eye." If I did, my face would be stuck in a permanent scowl.
"With the exception of Nancy."
"That wasn't my fault, she came for seconds."
"I don't want you to be alone with him."
And we were back on Jinx.
"Too bad," I replied, breaking free of her arms and walking towards the house.
"I'm serious, Jennie," she hollered. She was just going to have to get over it. I could feel her stomping through the grass behind me. I could always feel her, even when I didn't want to. The men of my past were none of her concern. She knew damn well I wasn't a virgin when I met her. The stupid double-standard-having misogynistic asshole.
"Trouble in paradise?" Nickhun asked innocently, leaning on the frame of the cabin door, wiping his hands with an old rag.
"You call this paradise?" I asked, glancing around the home that had once belonged to Shamus. It was nothing but a three bedroom stone cabin parked on top of a grass cliff with a few sheep and chickens. I now knew why Victoria hated it here and wanted the castle. It wasn't by any means glamorous; it was like stepping back into the dark ages, or becoming Amish.
All the furniture was handcrafted and the only light came from candles. This morning, Evelyn had milked a sheep, and I half expected Marco to go hunting with some form of militia. It was funny, you could always spot a cop or a mobster by where they chose to live. Shamus made sure he could see the town from his front door and nothing but open sky at his back.
"Sometimes, getting away from the city is paradise," Nickhun whispered, taking a deep breath.
"For the weak maybe." For those like me, the cities were paradise. The only place you could find heaven and hell on the same block.
He shook his head, gazing at his sister. "What have you done to her now?"
"Nothing, but remind her what decade we're from."
"Yes, the one where women fuck their employees and wonder why they don't get any fucking respect," Lisa snapped, brushing past her cousin to get inside.
Nickhun glanced at me before walking away quickly. At least one of them was smart.
Deep breaths, Jen.
"What the fuck is your problem, Lisa!" I snapped, following her.
"What the fuck is my problem?" she roared from the kitchen table. "I come outside to find my wife, MINE, laughing and smiling with another man like an airheaded teenage girl! Not your fake smiles either, your real ones. The ones you give me and me alone, not some homeless prick you hired years ago! It was disgusting—"
I didn't even try and stop myself. Instead, my fist connected with her nose and I reveled in the pop that sounded after.
"You are walking a fine line!" I screamed, as she held her nose, the blood dripping down her hand. "Nothing you say, and no matter how loud you say it, will change my past, nor do I want it to. Did I sleep with Jinx? Yes. Was in love with him? Did I draw hearts around our names and daydream about marrying him? No. It was sex. It was years ago."
"Have you slept with all of them?" she asked, wiping the blood from her face with her sleeve.
"Fuck you," I hissed as someone knocked. "Go away!"
"Come in!" Lisa countered.
We glared at each other before Hanbin opened the door.
"Have you ever fucked my wife?" Lisa asked.
"Don't answer that and get OUT!"
"STAY!"
"I swear to God Almighty, Hanbin, I will cut you up and feed you to the damn chickens if you answer that question!"
He could only stare wide-eyed between us before turning to Lisa. "We found the McDonie's, they're in the foothills just north of here. Chanyeol went ahead to make sure they didn't try to flee."
With that, he left as quickly as possible, leaving only silence between us.
"You want me to be ashamed of myself? You want me to say I'm sorry? No. I won't, because then I would be lying to you."
"If you will excuse me, wife, I have to go find out about my mistress, at least with her I can expect to be screwed over," she said before leaving. "And I'm taking Jinx with me!"
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair. "Aren't I supposed to be the hormonal one?"
"Don't mind her," Marco laughed, walking down the stairs with Evelyn at his side. "She's cursed with the Manoban jealousy."
"First, the what?" I asked. "And second, where are you both going?" It was the middle of the afternoon and they were both dressed as though they were going to see the queen.
"We're going to the festival tonight in town and the curse is more of an excuse Marco uses to justify why he always lost his mind when another man touched me when I was pregnant." Evelyn laughed, as she slipped her ruby earrings into their place.
"I did not lose my mind," he huffed, trying to fix his bow tie, "I expressed my displeasure with those who came too close."
"You almost broke the hand of a host who took my coat!" Evelyn chuckled.
"The only reason why a man would take that long to help you out of your coat is if he had a shoulder fetish."
"I was seven months pregnant, Marco, it took him so long because I could barely move."
Shaking my head, I took a seat at the table. "I'm sorry I asked."
They both turned, as if they had forgotten I was there. They very well could have on their stroll through memory lane.
Gliding over to me, Evelyn kissed my cheek. "What we're trying to say is, Lisa is going to get a little more possessive of you with your child on the way. She doesn't mean to be, and she probably has no idea why she's acting this way."
"Can't I just sedate her for the remaining six months?" If not, I might not make it.
Marco snickered. "And deal with all of that rage at once? You're safer taking it in doses."
"If that fails, marijuana cookies work wonders," she grinned, causing Marco's face to drop.
"You drugged me?" he yelled.
Standing quickly, Evelyn strode towards the door. "Come, love, we don't want to be late. I'm sure Jen would love some quiet time."
"Evelyn." He stalked forward, but she was gone, running as quickly as she could, laughing all the way. He winked at me before running after her.
"This is one fucked up family," I alleged, rubbing my stomach. I tried to imagine its future with us, but I couldn't. I just couldn't see how this would work…especially if I killed its mom.
"You're not allowed to be crazy, you hear me?" I murmured down to it before standing. However, I froze, staring wide-eyed at my stomach.
"Jen?" Nickhun and Victoria called, stepping in also dressed to impress. What kind of festival was this?
"Are you okay?" Victoria exclaimed, rushing beside me.
"No. Yes. I'm fine, the baby just moved… I think it heard me." No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the large smile from blossoming.
It felt weird, but a good kind of weird.
"Can I feel—"
"No," I snapped, harsher than I meant to. "Lisa's already in a prissy mood, she should feel it next. Nickhun, is the Internet working again?"
"Yeah, so are the phones. The wiring in this house is shit, but it should be more stable now."
"Well then, when you're done dancing in the streets, check up on our friend Roy."
LISA
I could easily slit his throat from here, I thought as I stared daggers into the back of his skull.
He touched her. He was with her at one point before me, and it made my blood boil. The way he stared at her on that cliff, and the very fact he had touched her waist was enough to make me want to rip his head from his neck.
"This is it." Hanbin parked and Jinx stepped out, opening the door for me with no emotion displayed on his face. He stood shoulder to shoulder to me.
"I'm inclined to kill you," I told him, rolling up my selves.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Give me a reason not to."
"I was so drunk I don't remember a thing," he stated. "And I'm a damn good pilot."
Chanyeol stepped outside the sorry excuse for a house, holding the door for me to enter. "So you say, but this isn't over."
Walking forward, I couldn't help but notice that the McDonie's had downscaled quite drastically. It had taken us a week to find them because we had thought a family as uptight and aristocratic as the McDonie's could not bear to spend time in the countryside. And yet, here they were, in a tiny one bedroom, rat infested cabin with a hole in the roof and floor. It was as if they were hiding from Hitler. Gone were the opulent foyers and gilded frames. Now they had nothing but the clothes on their backs and I needed to know why.
They sat quietly in the living room, facing the door as I walked into the kitchen. Sighing, I grabbed the last beer in the fridge and took a seat before the very stupid family who had tried to run from me.
"Nancy is dead, Mr. McDonie," I told him, popping the top of my beer with the edge of his table.
The aging man frowned and simply nodded. "Did you come all this way to tell me that, Lisa? A letter would have sufficed."
Before I could speak, Hanbin's pistol connected with his jaw, unleashing a small river of blood and a tooth from his lips. I felt his pain. Jen's punch hurt like a bitch and it would look worse in the morning.
"It's Ms. Manoban to you," Hanbin sneered, pulling his head back up.
Whoever said good help was hard to find obviously wasn't looking in the right places.
"Let me rephrase my question: why is your daughter dead?" Not that the bitch wasn't playing with her luck anyway.
"You killed her." Mr. McDonie spit out another tooth and blood at my shoes.
"Sorry, wrong answer." I nodded at Hanbin, who took his cue to bash Mr. McDonie's face in with his fist.
"Let's try this again. Why is your daughter dead?"
"I don't know! If you didn't kill her, I don't know! Just leave us be," he begged. Grown men shouldn't beg. Not even for death.
"Hanbin."
Hanbin drew his gun and fired into the man's stomach. I sat back and sipped my drink impassively; he didn't know anything, and as my wife would say, he was wasting words. His wife and second daughter all stood by the stairs watching in horror as he fell back in to the chair.
"DORAN!"
"DAD!"
They screamed. I'm not sure why though. "He will bleed out and die right here if I don't get answers, ladies."
"You MONSTER!" his wife yelled.
"If I got a dollar for every time someone called me a monster, I could end world hunger."
"Just leave us alone! Whatever you want, take it, just leave us the hell alone!" She sobbed, falling to her knees near her husband's body. His blood soaked her jeans and jacket, while her daughter seemed too shocked to even move, let alone speak. She just sat there, staring at the pool of blood as it crept closer to her.
Rising, I pulled her to her feet by her hair before turning to her mother and father; she was shaking against Jinx's knife so badly, it was cutting into her neck.
"I want answers!" I declared stoically in her face as her daughter struggled against me. "I swear to you, you will not only have to bury your husband, but your remaining children as well, so find your fucking voice!"
I released her daughter, and she fell to the ground, sobbing as she went. Stepping over her, I glared into the withered old eyes of Nancy's mother as tears ran down her cheeks.
"He…he said… he said he would kill us all," she uttered to me.
Putting Jinx's knife away, I wiped her tears. "He won't hurt you like I will if I don't find out what I need to know."
"It's all your father's fault!" She declared wide-eyed. "He was supposed to marry me. Shamus made a deal with Ivan. Everyone made a deal with Ivan DeRosa because that's what you were supposed to do!"
She began to shake, dropping her head as she wrapped her arms around herself. Fuck, I was losing her.
"Go on," I spoke, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to meet my gaze. She looked right through me. "What do you mean, that's what you were supposed to do?"
"To keep order. The drug business is a big one. No one man can control it all. There has to be a balance; you can only be so powerful. There is only so much crime the world will ignore before they call for justice. Ivan is the scale. He has the power and allows you to have pieces of that within reason. Shamus was too powerful, too cocky, and the feds caught him. But Ivan made it go away, he can make anything go away, all Shamus had to do was get Marco to marry me." She whispered to herself as she rocked back and forth.
This made no sense!
"Why? Why you?"
"Because my family knew the game but weren't players. We couldn't make him any more powerful than he already was. But he married Evelyn. Ivan didn't like that but Evelyn's family wasn't anything. He let it go because there was balance. But you Manobans always marry the wrong people!" she yelled, spitting in my face as she did.
Stepping back, I wiped the side of my cheek and allowed myself a moment to think. This was the craziest shit I had ever heard. Both Jinx and Hanbin stared at me waiting; they were not really fazed at all by her words. But they should have been. Everything we had been fighting to figure out was because of this.
"Ivan doesn't run a mafia monopoly!" I couldn't help but laugh. Not only was this stupid as fuck, but just unrealistic!
"And not only did you stupidly marry his granddaughter, but you married the head of the Italian mob! Every single cop, lawyer, and judge you pay off around the world, he gets a cut. If you and your stupid wife control everything, you will be placed on everyone's shit list! It's a chain reaction…"
"Jinx. Hanbin. Clean up this shit, I'm heading back to my wife. This was a waste of my time." Grabbing my beer, I stepped out just as she yelled.
"Ivan's the game maker, not you!" she said. "You're a player, find a way to meet him halfway."
Turning, I raised my bottle to her. "I'm Lisa Fucking Manoban! I don't meet anyone halfway. They bend my way, Mrs. McDonie."
Chanyeol stood outside, holding open the door to the Range. Sitting back in my seat, I finished my drink.
"Well, this was anticlimactic," I whispered, staring at the fading brick house among the green hills. I wasn't sure what I expected, but this wasn't it. My "mistress" was a bitch, my wife was driving me insane, and all I really wanted was an aspirin.