Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Olivia/Viola, Viola/Duke, Sebastian/Olivia

Summary: We see things from Olivia's POV, and all may not be well.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from She's the Man. None of it belongs to me.

Notes: I'm not sure how long this will end up being. I guess I'll just write until I can't anymore. :)

Chapter 2

At least Maria isn't here to see this, I thought as I paced up and down the length of our room at Illyria. I had the phone receiver in my hand, and I was gripping it so hard, my fingers were starting to ache. I'm sure I must have looked pretty stupid, fidgeting and acting like an idiot over a phone call. Maria was gone at a study group meeting and wouldn't be back for hours, so now was the time to make this call, but I was seriously considering chickening out. The silliest part about it was that it wasn't the talking on the phone that worried me; it was the particular topic of conversation.

Finally, I willed my fingers to dial the number and pressed the receiver against my ear. Don't pick up, don't pick up—

"Hello?"

There was a momentary silence on my end as I contemplated being a coward and hanging up. Eventually, courage, or perhaps desperation, won out.

"Paul? It's Olivia."

"Hey, Liv, what's happening?"

"Not much, just hanging around in my dorm room."

"How're those highlights doing, by the way? Still beautiful, or do I need to give them some attention?"

"Oh, my hair is great, but, uh, I need to talk to you about…something," I stammered, loathing the fact that my voice was shaking.

Paul astutely caught on to the serious turn the conversation had taken. "Are you okay, Olivia?"

"Yeah…well, no. I don't know. Maybe."

"Do not move a thing, I am coming over there right now." And Paul hung up.

I turned the phone off, sat down on the edge of my bed, and waited. I took deep breaths and tried not to focus on how ill I felt. Just as I got myself mostly calmed down, the phone rang. It's probably Paul. I pushed the button to answer the phone, wondering if Paul had changed his mind about getting in the middle of my problems.

"Paul?"

"Huh? No, Olivia, it's Viola."

A great lurch in my stomach region. "Wha—oh, uh, hey Vi. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Kia, Yvonne, and I are gonna go out and get crazy, that's all. Wanna come?"

I froze. Find an excuse, any excuse! "Aw, thanks for the invite, Vi, but I have a really big test this week and I have to study—"

"Come on, Liv. Clearly you'd rather hang out us than with a stack of books. Just for a little while, okay?"

"I really can't, Viola. In fact, I have to go, so I'll talk to you later, okay?"

She hesitated and sounded a little surprised and hurt by my abruptness. "Oh—okay. Bye then."

I hung up and resisted the urge to whack myself over the head with the receiver.

A little while later, there was a knock on my door, and it was a grim-faced Paul. He had a box of tissues under one arm and a box of chocolate under the other.

"Hi," I said weakly, ushering him into the room with a wave of my hand.

"Ooh, your hair does look great," he remarked, stepping in and handing me the chocolates on his way past me. Placing the tissues on my bed, he plopped down on Maria's bed and turned to look expectantly at me. "Spill."

Inhaling deeply, I sat across from him and tried to decide how to proceed. A certain measure of tact was required for the kind of confession I was about to make. Again the notion of changing my mind and keeping my mouth shut surfaced. Is it even worth it?

Yes it is.

Sighing, I looked at Paul with a rather pathetic expression on my face. "I really appreciate you coming here to talk to me, Paul. You're probably wondering why I called you and not—someone else. Like my boyfriend, for example."

Paul gave me a kind and knowing little smile. "I figured you wanted to talk to me because you can't talk to anyone else who's close to you, because what's bothering you has something to do with them. Does that hit pretty near the target?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. I shifted to a different sitting position, trying to stall. Oh, enough already. I looked Paul squarely in the eyes. "I think I have to break up with Sebastian."

Paul looked mildly surprised, but not that shocked. "Why? I thought things were going well with you two."

"Oh, they are. Mostly. Lately, I've discovered that—" I stopped, feeling awful about what I was about to say. "That my heart's not in it."

"Is there someone else?" Paul said in such a gentle and disarming way that I felt for a moment that he already knew everything I would say and was asking the questions that would help me express it.

I nodded, finding a spot on the carpet to focus on. "You know, I tried really hard not to be affected by…what happened. I decided to grab the silver lining and forget about everything else. Sebastian was a great silver lining, and it worked really well for a little while. But now, no matter how often I tell myself to snap out of it, it doesn't seem to do the job."

I felt rather than saw all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place for Paul. He exhaled slowly and didn't say anything for a little while.

"So this is why you've been avoiding her lately." My head snapped up as I looked sharply at him. We both knew exactly which 'her' he was referring to.

"Avoiding? I haven't been—did she say that?" I asked, feeling a sudden swell of anxiety.

"No, not in those words. She does know that something's up, though. She asked me yesterday if I knew anything was wrong. With you, I mean. She says you aren't around as much as you used to be."

I opened my mouth and tried to form words. I was unsuccessful. She was totally onto me. I had hoped to subtly avoid having too much contact with her over the last few weeks, but apparently stealth was not one of my talents. This was quickly becoming a huge mess, and I could only see it getting bigger and messier.

"I tried not to be obvious about it," I finally managed to say. "Guess that's a big, fat 'F' for me in being inconspicuous. Sebastian probably knows something is wrong, too."

"I'd say that's a good bet."

I felt a lump form in my throat. I did everything I could to force the image of her face, both of her faces, from my mind, but it was useless. "It's getting so hard to be around her. She'll make a joke or say something that completely reminds me of—or she'll smile at me with that smile, and I'll almost have a heart attack." I lost my voice just then. I swallowed a couple times and still couldn't get past the lump. "I've never been in a situation like this before. I'm really not sure what to do."

Paul was thoughtful. "Olivia, I think we all learned from the soccer-themed fiasco a few months ago that honesty is the best policy. If you know things are over with Sebastian, then let them be over. I know you care about the boy enough to not lead him on. And as much as it scares you, I think you should tell her the truth. Otherwise, she might start to think you don't want to be her friend because you don't like her, and I don't think hurting her feelings is quite what you're aiming for. If it means you can't be friends anymore, then maybe that's how all of this was supposed to work out."

I nodded and blinked away a tear. Defeated and resigned to my fate, I opened the box of chocolates and ate one. This sucks.

Sebastian stared at me, dumbstruck. It only took a second for the hurt to creep into his eyes. "But…why? Did I do something wrong? Is it the band? What—"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, I promise," I said, feeling sick to my stomach. "You are…a wonderful, talented, caring, amazing guy, and I was lucky to be with you, Sebastian. Any girl would be lucky."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" he asked, confusion mixing with the pain in his voice. The look he gave me then brought tears to my eyes. When he spoke again, it was just above a whisper. "You're my dream girl."

I am such an idiot. I must be the stupidest girl on the planet for doing this. I couldn't find air enough to speak, so I just shook my head. And right then, I hated her for doing this to me and to Sebastian, and I hated myself for hating her. I wanted more than anything to go back to the way it was, with all of us friends and happy for each other, wanted it so bad that it made my chest ache. If only I could return to that blissful state of denial, then Sebastian wouldn't be heartbroken right now.

"I think I deserve an explanation," he said softly, calmly, but with a strong undercurrent of pain that stabbed at my heart. "Even a half-explanation would be good."

I blinked, and two tears fell from my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I don't want you to hate me, but…" I stopped to breathe. "I'm sort of in love with your sister."

Stupidest girl on the planet. I really am.