Author: fraidy bat

Rating: T

Pairings: Olivia/Viola, Viola/Duke, Sebastian/Olivia

Summary: We see things from Olivia's POV, and all may not be well.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from She's the Man. None of it belongs to me.

Notes: This was the hardest part to write so far. And it's a bit longer than the other chapters. I hope it turned out well. Next chapter will be a big one, I promise. :)

Chapter 4

I think I was cool once, a long time ago. I had lots of friends, I had great fashion sense, and I was widely regarded as being fairly attractive. I don't acknowledge this out of conceit. It's just…true. I used to be pretty put together all the time; I was very in control of my life and my destiny. I remember what that felt like.

So now, with Viola standing in my doorway, flashing that smile at me, I did everything I could to tap back into the cool and confident Olivia of old. To my great surprise and relief, it worked. How long I could keep it up was another story, but I didn't have energy left to worry about that. I concentrated on being the socially masterful girl I knew was still in there somewhere underneath all the tension, nerves, and self-loathing.

"Uh, hey Vi. I was just on my way to meet you guys at Cesario's. What's going on?" I asked very casually and smiling my little head off.

"Oh, nothing. We decided to kidnap you and drive you to dinner and the concert with us in case you suddenly remembered that you had to study, or alphabetize your CD collection or—or wash your hair or something, and not come after all," she said very matter-of-factly.

"What, am I riding in the trunk? Will there be a gag involved?" As long as Viola was joking around, so would I.

She playfully narrowed her eyes at me. "Not if you come quietly."

"Then by all means, let's go," I said, grabbing my purse and stepping out into the hall. As I shut the door behind me, I couldn't help but think of it like the lid of a coffin closing. After tonight, my friendship with Viola was probably dead, and this concert was the last nail.

While I silently fretted about the odds of my having a breakdown by the end of the night, Viola dug into her purse and pulled out a strip of paper.

"Here," she said, holding the thick cardstock paper out to me as we headed for the dorm exit and Duke's waiting car outside. "Your ticket."

"I can pay you back tomorrow, okay?" I said, taking the doomsday ticket and depositing it in my purse.

"Pfft, don't even worry about it." She opened the door for me, and we made our way down the steps of my building. "This came from my dad's monthly 'I'm sorry my relationship with your mother is so screwed up' stipend. There's waaay more where that came from, seeing as he and my mother aren't planning to be normal anytime soon."

"Yeah, what's up with your parents? Aren't they still divorced?"

"Of course," she replied flatly, again opening a door for me as I got into the backseat of Duke's car. Duke smiled hello at me over his shoulder. I smiled back. Viola got in the passenger seat and continued trying to explain her parents' bizarre relationship. "They just go out sometimes, and have, ahem, sleepovers—" and here she made air quotes with her fingers, "at each other's houses. But they're not officially back together."

"Weird," I said, shaking my head in genuine disbelief. Viola and Sebastian did have some really strange parents.

The rest of the car ride was pretty uneventful. Duke and Viola got involved in a heated discussion of some unfair yellow card at a recent soccer game. I used to go to every game to cheer them on. I had several friends on the team, and soccer was fun to watch. Sebastian sometimes came with me, and sometimes didn't, usually when his band had a gig or some important emergency practice session. Regardless, I enjoyed myself at the games. That is, I enjoyed myself until I realized that I was going to the games less to cheer for Duke, Toby, and Andrew and more to cheer for Viola. So I stopped going altogether.

As I covertly watched Viola rattle off some obscure soccer statistic to Duke, I wondered if she had noticed my absence in recent weeks. Various people had made it clear to me that Viola noticed my general avoidance of her, but it hadn't occurred to me before now that she might also have seen that I no longer attended the soccer games. Her soccer games. I felt a pang of fear that I might have already hurt her feelings pretty badly. My mind instantly rewound to the comment she made only minutes earlier, that she was afraid I wouldn't come tonight. That's why she showed up at my room. She really thought I might back out. Viola was pretty good at masking her feelings; she'd proven this to all of us by successfully pretending to be her brother for two weeks. The possibility that she was more upset than she let on began to gnaw at me.

Toby and Eunice already had a table at Cesario's when we arrived. Andrew, Kia, Paul, and Yvonne arrived minutes after Duke, Viola, and I did, and we all crammed into the booth. By the time Andrew and Kia scooted into the booth seat, I had a horrifying realization. Paul and Yvonne had yet to squish into the seat, and I was already uncomfortably wedged in between Kia and Viola. By the time everyone was seated, my whole left side was pressed firmly up against Viola's right side. I could see Duke making eyes at her in my peripheral vision, and I suddenly felt ill. Be cool, Olivia. Be cool. I relaxed a little bit and focused my attention on the people to my right, but I only ordered water. I did not trust my digestive tract this evening.

The topics of conversation covered the things that teenagers usually discuss, and I started to feel safe as the minutes ticked by. This might be okay, I tried to assure myself. Viola finished her slice of pizza before glancing at me and then at my lone glass of water.

"Oh, don't tell me you're torturing yourself with one of those diets," she said despairingly.

"No, no. I don't really feel that great," I replied quite truthfully.

"Well, good. I mean, not good that you don't feel great—good that you're not on some ridiculous diet. Like you would ever need one!" she added in mock annoyance and giving me a quick appraising look that traveled up and down my body. I stifled the shudder that threatened to ripple through my body. Viola was so close right now that she would definitely feel me trembling under her gaze. I settled for rolling my eyes and smiling at her. She smiled back and then turned to Duke, who was trying to get her attention. I felt the now familiar pain flare up in my stomach. Sipping my water, I prayed for time to speed up so the night could end that much sooner.

It didn't. An eternity went by before I was finally able to peel myself away from Viola and put some space between us. The parts of me that had been touching her felt like they were burning (so did my face), either from embarrassment or…something else. Fortunately for me, Paul latched onto me and made me ride in his car instead of Duke's, so at least I had a little time to recover.

As we drove on the freeway, Paul seemed to be itching to ask me something.

"Okay, what?" I finally said, breaking the quiet atmosphere.

"What do you mean, 'what'? Did you—"

"Did I tell her? Would I even be here right now if I had? No, definitely not."

"So…are you going to tell her?"

"No, Paul, I don't think I am. After seeing how Sebastian reacted—"

"You broke up with him."

I sighed, not wanting to relive that conversation right now. "Yes."

"Okay." And that was all Paul said about it. We sat in companionable silence the rest of the way to the arena.

"Isn't this awesome?" Andrew yelled in my ear while bouncing up and down like he was on springs.

"Yeah!" I yelled back, but without much enthusiasm. The band was great, of course, and the thousands of people all around me were screaming and dancing and thoroughly enjoying themselves. I, however, was not, and that depressed me. I wanted to have a good time, to sing all the words to "Move Along," my favorite All-American Rejects song, but I was unable to stop thinking about the fact that Duke and Viola were making out in the row behind me. Besides the usual painful turmoil in my stomach, there was a new feeling, a slight burning somewhere underneath all the anxiety. I wrestled with that feeling, trying to figure it out so I could make it go away, but once I discovered exactly what it was, that only made things worse.

Duke was a foot or so behind my right shoulder, and he was kissing the hell out of Viola. And I hated it. I didn't want to see that, see him with his hands all over her. I wanted him to disappear forever. A very quiet voice deep in my heart informed me that this meant that I was jealous of Duke. Jealous. Following that epiphany was another one in which I was the one kissing the hell out of Viola, and Duke was nowhere. I shut my eyes and forced that mental image away from me. This is exactly what I didn't want, I thought. I never wanted to get in the middle of their relationship. Jealousy seemed like the first step on a very dangerous path, and I felt terrible.

If there is a point of emotional exhaustion that everyone reaches, I reached mine in the middle of the last set of songs. I slipped into a blank numbness, and thought thoughts about nobody.

I had hoped that Paul or someone else would drive me home, but Viola grabbed my arm and dragged me to Duke's car. I fully expected them to start in on soccer again as I fumbled with my seatbelt, but Viola turned in her seat to look at me.

She was smiling brightly and didn't seem to pick up on my less than great mood. "That was amazing! They are so—amazing!"

"Very descriptive, Vi," Duke teased as we got onto the freeway. The two of them seemed to forget about me as they began to verbally spar in the front. I watched the headlights of all the cars traveling in the opposite direction. I wanted to be in one of those cars.

I don't know how long I spaced out like that. When Viola brought me back to my senses, I was surprised to find that we were almost back to Illyria.

"Hello? Olivia?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled, staring into Viola's wide blue-green eyes.

"I asked you what you thought about a double date with me and Duke," she said excitedly. "I'm sure we could find an evening when Sebastian isn't writing sensitive rock or tuning his precious guitar."

"Oh, uh—" I sputtered, frantically trying to come up with an excuse, a lie, anything that wouldn't require me to tell Viola I had broken up with her brother. I'd have to eventually, but I was not ready for it right now.

"We could go to a movie," Duke offered from the driver's seat. "Or mini golf. I know that's kinda junior high, but I like mini golf."

"Of course you do, sweetie," Viola said in her best baby talk voice as she reached over and pinched Duke's cheek.

"I don't—" I tried again, but was interrupted.

"We don't have to play mini golf, Liv, I promise," Viola said reassuringly as we pulled up to my dorm. "I think it would be cool to play pool. Sebastian thinks he's some kind of hustler, but he's really, um, not. It's actually very amusing."

"Look, we can't—"

"Make fun of your boyfriend? Yes we can, I have sibling's rights to that." Viola glanced at my dorm as though just realizing we had arrived. "Hey, we're here! And anyway, we'll probably just end up going to Cesario's like always, but I'll ask Sebastian if he has any super cool ideas and when he might be available—"

"No." It was my turn to interrupt. They weren't going to let this go. They would keep at it until I agreed to the double date, and that was impossible. I would have to tell them the truth.

Viola was slightly puzzled. "What, 'no'? No, I shouldn't ask him?"

Deep breath.

"No, we can't go on a double date with you," I said, doing my best to keep my voice steady. I unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled on the door handle, pursed clutched in my hand, preparing to run for it if necessary.

"Because of Sebastian's schedule, right? I don't care what he says, Olivia, he's not that busy," Viola reassured me.

"No, not because of that." I paused to breathe once more. "Because…Sebastian and I broke up this week."

Viola was dumbstruck, and Duke's head snapped around to look at me so fast that I heard his neck crack. Before either one of them could say anything, I bolted from the car and ran as fast as I could for the safety of my room.

Just as I stepped inside the main entrance to the building, I heard the distinct sound of quick footsteps behind me, and the person who belonged to those footsteps was wearing heels.

Something tells me it's not Duke.