Hi, everyone, welcome to chapter the second. I have to say, I love this chapter. It took three tries to get the first section right, but I think it came out well. So it'll explain more in the chapter, but this takes place three years after chapter one.
Disclaimer: I don't own TT or The Forgotten Arm.
This chapter is based on the song "King of the Jailhouse," and let me tell you, if you're only going to listen to one song from The Forgotten Arm, make it that one.
Chapter Two: In Love and War
This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
"Robin!"
If you join me, if you swear to serve me, if you never speak to your friends again, I will allow them to live.
"Robin, can you hear me!"
Too slow, Robin. You always were.
"Robin, wake up!"
On the contrary, Robin. This is only the beginning.
"Slade!" Robin shot up in bed, his head spinning with the sudden movement, his fingers clutching the sweat-soaked sheets so hard he felt the cloth stretching. His breath moved in and out of his lungs in a quick, shallow pattern, and his eyes looked wildly around the room, searching every dark corner for the being he was so sure he had seen, both in his dreams just now and a few days prior. Or, it could be said he was searching for the being that was only in his dreams, since apparently Slade hadn't really been there the other day…
"Robin, it is alright! It was just a nightmare!'
He jumped again, this time spinning around towards the voice to see Starfire looking anxiously at him. Since his little adventure with Slade's hallucinogenic dust four days ago, the rest of the Titans had convinced Robin to sleep in the med wing so they could keep a better eye on him and, if need be, give him further medical treatment. Now he was sitting ramrod straight in one of the pristine white beds, while Starfire stood beside him, her eyes wild with worry. This had been the fourth night in a row he had woken up in a frenzied panic, and the fourth night in a row he had woken to find Starfire standing beside him.
"Robin, you are alright?"
"Starfire, he was there! He found me again! It was real this time, Slade was back and…" He trailed off, his breath coming too sporadically to keep up with his outburst. As his breath continued to come in short bursts he began shivering, feeling like millions of icy fingers were grabbing at him.
"Robin, please! You are safe and Slade is not here! We will never let him near you!" Starfire's own chest was moving up and down quickly; she hated seeing him like this, but since the dust she had woken to his screams nightly, and it was wearing at her nerves. It scared her to see Robin, who was usually so assured and collected, in this fearful manner. She tried again to placate him, putting her hand on his arm gently. "Do you hear me, Robin? You are-"
"No! Get away from me!" Starfire jumped as Robin screamed at her, pulling her hand back quickly. "I can't do this, I can't be his apprentice, I can't let him find me, I can't, I can't, I can't…" He started trailing off again, his mind taking him elsewhere. Starfire took the moment of quiet to rush to the doorway, where an intercom was attached to the wall. When they had installed this device they had added a button that connected to all the Titans' rooms simultaneously. This was the button Starfire pressed now.
"Friends, Robin has woken again and needs medical attention immediately! Please respond!" She released the button and waited anxiously for someone to answer. Behind her, Robin continued murmuring to himself, his voice sometimes rising in fear.
Finally Cyborg's tired but alert voice answered. "Be right there, Star. Keep him calm if you can. Raven, BB, I've got it covered. You guys go back to sleep."
Starfire turned and walked hurriedly back to Robin.
"I don't want to go back there. I can't go back there. I can't be his apprentice, I can't, I can't, I can't…"
"Robin, please do not say these things. You will never have to be his apprentice ever again."
"I said get away from me! I'm not going back!" He snapped at her again. His vision was swimming before him, blending colors, and melding the picture in from of him with scenes from his past. Above all else, a black and copper haze swirled tauntingly. "I can't go back! I won't go back! I'm nothing like you!"
Starfire bit her lip and took a step back as Robin continued shouting. Oh Robin, why has this happened to you?
"Starfire, strap him down." Cyborg was walking briskly into the room, his voice and stride confident as he fell into leader mode. He opened the third cabinet from the door and started grabbing supplies. "He's hallucinating again. I'm going to give him oxygen and a sedative. You need to strap him down or he's gonna thrash around and we won't be able to help him."
Starfire glanced down at the bed Robin was sitting on. Hanging off the side were five thick restraining straps, strong enough to hold down even Robin. They had connected the straps to the bed after the first night of his convalescence, when he had started trying to fight Starfire and Raven as they treated him. They had all hoped they wouldn't need to use the straps again, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
Seeing that there was no way that, even with her alien strength, she would be able to restrain Robin alone, Starfire called over to Cyborg, who was filling a syringe with a clear liquid. "Cyborg, I cannot do this alone! I need you to hold him down while I employ the restraints!" Cyborg set his supplies down and jogged over to stand by Starfire's side.
"On the count on three," Cyborg said, and Starfire grabbed the straps between her two hands. "One, two, three!" Cyborg pushed Robin's shoulders back so that he was lying flat on the bed and slammed one huge hand over Robin's chest and the other over his knees. Robin screamed.
"Get away from me! I'm not going back! Leave me alone!"
Starfire pulled the straps over Robin's flailing body and attached them to the other side of the bed, pulling them taught so that Robin was barely able to move at all. He continued shouting as Cyborg stood up and got the syringe filled with Kastitax, a sedative so strong it was available only at the mayor's discretion. After the dust incident, Cyborg and Raven had made an appointment to see the mayor and, after telling him what had happened, had requested some of the drug. They had been given four vial's worth, and though they had been warned to administer it sparingly, had also been told to come back should they need more.
Not bothering with the usual alcohol-soaked cotton swab to prevent infections, Cyborg stuck the needle quickly into Robin's upper right arm. "Sorry, Rob."
"No! Please, no!"
When the medicine had all been administered to Robin's blood stream, Cyborg grabbed one of the oxygen masks attached to the machine at the head of Robin's bed. Turning it on and testing to make sure it worked, Cyborg lifted Robin's thrashing head and slipped the mask over his mouth. Now Robin's screams were muffled, but still all too clear.
"No! Stop! I'm not going back! I can't, I can't, I can't!..."
"Come on, Star. Let's wait outside for a minute until he calms down. We can't do anymore for him right now and we don't need to see him like this."
Starfire didn't hear him. Her eyes were glued to her shaking and screaming leader, his hair soaked with sweat, his eyes wide and absolutely terrified beneath his mask. She had never seen anyone look so purely afraid before.
"Star." Cyborg grabbed her arm gently and led her into the hallway, shutting the door behind them just as Robin's voice began to give out. Terrified and exhausted sobs escaped from under the door and Starfire stopped walking, standing completely still as she heard her leader and best friend break down.
Above all else, this was not how Starfire wanted Robin to be.
"Please…" Robin's voice still held immeasurable amounts of fear, but was no longer so frantic. "Don't leave me here. Don't leave me in the dark. I don't want to be alone in the dark…"
Starfire put her face in her hands and cried.
Big metal arms surrounded her, and she let her head drop to Cyborg's shoulder. "Star, he'll be okay again. I promise."
"When will he be okay?"
"He's been through a lot with Slade. Not just the dust, but everything that's happened the last three years. This is everything coming back to him right now. It's gonna take a while, but he'll be okay again. He'll be Robin again."
Starfire let go of Cyborg and looked up at him. "He will be Robin again."
Cyborg smiled. "I promise, Star."
No more could be heard from the med room. The Kastitax and oxygen had been fast acting, and now the room sounded still again.
"I would like to see him. Do you think he will be all right if I enter?"
Cyborg looked hesitant. "I guess it'd be okay. I think he's asleep, so he won't freak out if he sees you. I'm going to get something from my room. Call if you need me, alright? And Star," he added as she pushed the door open. "Remember, he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know who we are. Be careful."
Starfire nodded slightly and slipped into the dark room.
Robin was lying unmoving on the bed, his thrashing fit over and his limbs and head still. His breathing, too, had calmed, and with his eyes closed he looked almost peaceful. I wish you could be peaceful, Robin. More than anything.
She took soft steps over to Robin, careful not to wake him. Unbridled joy for flying wasn't exactly on the menu right now.
When she reached his bedside, Starfire laced her fingers through Robin's, unable to pick his hand up because of the straps. Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him, Starfire smoothed his bangs back.
"You will be alright again, Robin. I promise."
"Starfire?" His eyes were barely open, and his voice was soft, especially through the oxygen mask.
"Yes, Robin. I am here. You are alright now."
He was silent, and Starfire thought he might have fallen asleep.
"I'm sorry."
His words saddened her. "Robin, do not be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I… I didn't know where I was." She waited silently, sensing he had more to say. When he did speak, it was even quieter. "Please don't leave me alone again. In the dark. I don't want to be alone in the dark."
"I promise, Robin, I will not leave you."
"I saw him again, Star. He was coming after me. I see him everywhere. He's everywhere, Starfire."
"Slade is not here, Robin. You know that."
"Maybe he isn't…" Robin's words were barely audible over the oxygen mask.
"If you are alright I will remove the oxygen mask. I feel you no longer need it." When he made no move to object, Starfire pulled the mask off and turned off the machine, hanging the mask beside it. Now that his voice was no longer impaired Robin repeated what Starfire had failed to hear.
"Maybe he isn't here, Starfire. And maybe he is."
Starfire clutched his hand tighter.
"He is not here, Robin. I promise you he is not."
"I'm not going back…" The drug was beginning to take hold over him, and his voice and eyelids were dropping.
"No, Robin. You are not."
"I love you, Star."
Starfire's eyes widened. Her heart beat a little faster, and she was unsure whether this was Robin or the sedative talking. She got her answer when he whispered something so softly it was almost silent.
She lowered her head down to hear his hushed voice, and when she did so, leaving an inch or two between them, Robin closed the distance, lifting his head up to capture her lips with his. Starfire barely had time to respond before sleep grasped Robin completely, his head falling back on the pillow.
Starfire's voice was as soft as Robin's had been. "I love you, too."
TT
Three years ago when the Titans had formed, Robin had been the only one to worry about what was to come. Because while Starfire had faced enslavement for years, while Raven had been ingratiated with the knowledge of demons and destruction, while Cyborg knew how unfair life could be, and while Beast Boy had even been on a team before, Robin was the only one who knew things could always, always, get worse.
The first few weeks were the easy ones. They had chosen the name Teen Titans, had held press conference after press conference, had drawn up blue prints and started building Titans Tower, and had gotten used, more or less, to being around each all day every day. Those weeks had gone by in a flurry of camera flashes, handshakes, and promises to the city. They had been the fun weeks, the weeks where everything they said was golden, and where they had been bright eyed and ready to face anything. Even their first fights had gone smoothly- at least considering they were just that, their first fights.
But the day they had moved into the Tower, about five weeks after forming, Robin had laid awake at night, feeling as if the walls were pressing in on him. For days he wouldn't be able to sleep, instead staring at the ceiling and folding and refolding his capes. Finally he realized what the problem was.
A little over a month ago, Robin had been on his own for the first time in his life, free to fight and live the way he wanted, free to do things his way. He had had just himself to look out for, and if things had gone badly, he would at least die knowing no one had been taken down with him.
But now Robin had four other people to look after. Four teenagers were counting on him to make literally life-threatening decisions for them. He knew by this point that he had their complete and absolute loyalty; if he had told them to run headfirst into a flaming building, they would have. And it scared him.
It also worried him because he knew he would never let anything happen to these new friends and teammates. He could almost feel his life expectancy drop a few years for each person he would take a gun shot for. That scared him, too.
So for a while- for a long while, actually- Robin had viewed his friends more as liabilities than assets. Though in awe of their powers and abilities, and reliant on them for things he could never do on his own, such as flying or unlocking a door by crawling through a hole just the size of an ant, he found himself constantly looking out for them when his entire focus should have been on opponents. But that would change when a certain one-eyed villain hit the scene.
Obsession had never been in Robin's vocabulary before. It was true that he had been intent on perfecting his fighting skills and the skills of his teammates, and of bringing any and every villain to justice, but the deceivingly smooth word obsession had never rolled around on his tongue before, its hauntingly bitter scent never invaded every crevice of his mind.
But the first time they fought Slade Robin had been far from obsessed. He had been more annoyed than anything, annoyed that he had just recently pledged to lower the crime rate and already faced a villain who seemingly wouldn't back down. Those early days would be looked back on with fondness once the real battles began.
His obsession hadn't even begun when he became Red X… At least, Robin didn't think it had. It was a bad move- Robin knew that and regretted it- but the stunt had been an honest attempt by a relatively new hero to capture a dangerous crime lord. He hadn't realized when he was forming the plan that it would have such huge negative impacts upon his team. He hadn't realized it would lose him major trust points. But then again, Robin hadn't realized he could fail.
It was after that that Robin couldn't get Slade off his mind, couldn't go a day or an hour without thinking about new ways to bring him down. It had worried his team, yes, but what secretly worried them even more was that Slade continued showing up, day after day after day, with no obvious motive. They all knew Slade wasn't the type to steal or destroy something without a reason, but after so many skirmishes with the villain, all of which had ended with a mocking taunt or clue and the masked man vanishing into the shadows, they were no more aware of his plans than they had been when he had made his first appearance.
None of them could have guessed he was going after Robin.
Robin's apprenticeship, short-lived, but not short enough, had changed him. There was a time, for months after he escaped, that he wouldn't laugh, wouldn't smile, wouldn't even speak unless it was absolutely necessary. For better or for worse it never affected the way he fought. If his new, solemn attitude had rubbed off on his battle there were three possible outcomes: One was that he would have taken his anger out on the unlucky soul who happened to cross his path. But more likely than that, because Robin seemed more somber than angry, was that his fighting abilities would have taken on new, intense focus. The third outcome was that his fighting would have slipped and put him and his teammates in danger. No one had expected that to happen, but then again no one had expected Robin to be coerced into working for Slade. The Titans had learned a very important lesson, one that Robin had learned long ago: In love and in war, anything- and everything- is possible.
So Robin began to close in on himself, a tactic he had learned from Batman and a tactic he would learn to perfect. It would be his first major downfall, but by no means his last.
And while Robin was drowning in his own dark thoughts, Starfire was realizing she cared about him. A lot. But it would be years before her thoughts turned into actions, though much sooner before she realized she loved him. She would wait, until days turned into weeks, months, years… Knowing but never admitting that she flirted constantly with him, and waiting continually for him to make the first move.
She made up excuses. Reasons why she wouldn't approach him first, though in reality she let him know every day how she felt about him, with a look, a brush of her arm against his, a few words. Her most common justification was that Robin had too much to deal with even without needing to think about her feelings. She certainly wasn't going to tell him while he was mourning over his lost days as Slade's apprentice, or when Slade reemerged months later when Terra came into the picture. And when Slade had died, his body melting under the three-digit heat that only lava could create, she had, yet again, not wanted to bother him, whether it was because Robin was busy celebrating Slade's demise or because he was regretting it wasn't he who had caused the death. Either way, she didn't say anything.
Fast forward to three years since the Titans had formed, and two years since Robin had escaped Slade's grasp.
When Robin had claimed to see Slade, Starfire had been torn between wanting and not wanting to believe him. Wanting to believe him because Robin had lied to her only once before, and not wanting to believe him because, if just for Robin's sake, she wanted Slade gone.
So she had been both relieved and heartbroken to find that Robin had not exactly been lying, but had not been correct, either. Robin really had seen Slade- there was no getting around that, but Slade hadn't really been there. And Cyborg's words had renewed her fears. Someone had triggered the dust. Someone wanted Robin to believe Slade was still alive. That just couldn't be good.
Like Robin's escape from being Slade's apprentice, the dust incident was followed immediately by overwhelming relief and happiness, but was followed in the later days by a downward spiral. A spiral that had taken Robin to a different memory every night, a different nightmare every time he closed his eyes, a different battle he fought every time he turned off the light.
But at least that spiral had led him to Starfire.
TT
After Robin had fallen back asleep, Starfire had considered asking Cyborg to stay with Robin for the night. But she had felt too guilty to go through with it. She had promised not to leave Robin alone. Alone in the dark.
But Starfire had also felt that she needed to put some distance between herself and Robin. She needed to remove herself from Robin's side to work out what had just happened. To work out if it was real, and, if it was, if it meant anything. But she couldn't- wouldn't- leave Robin alone, so she made do with lying down on a bed next to the window, first undoing the straps that held Robin down. She felt confident he wouldn't need to be restrained anymore. The sedative would put him out for hours, and hopefully let him sleep dreamlessly.
Outside, the sky was still dark, stars twinkling in the moonless night. Starfire found herself wondering whether Robin would even remember what had transpired when he woke up hours later. She had heard somewhere that people often didn't remember waking to nightmares, the memory erased by the time they woke in the morning and replaced with just the slightest sense of a lack of sleep. But she had seen the way Robin acted in the mornings after a nightmare- even more troubled and dejected than usual. She found it hard to believe these night terrors were erasing themselves from his memory.
But almost more important than that- would he remember what he had said to her? What he had done? She lightly put her fingertips against her lips, trying to remember the brief moment when they had been pressed against his. It hadn't felt like something done in the aftermath of a panic attack. And as much as Robin acted impulsively when it came to taking down Slade, it was known far and wide that Robin did not act that way when it came to matters of romance. He had known what he was doing. And he had done it for a reason.
Starfire said a silent prayer that she was right before closing her eyes and falling asleep.
TT
When she woke up the med room was empty. At first, seeing Robin's deserted bed sent a wave of panic through Starfire. She imagined Robin waking in the night to another nightmare, and without the straps pinning him down, making a mad dash for the door, hoping to free himself of wherever his mind had taken him. Starfire took a deep breath. That couldn't possibly have happened. She would have woken up if Robin had risen, and besides, it was rare that he woke up twice in the same night.
Pulling her bathrobe tighter around herself and smoothing her hair down with her hand, Starfire slipped into the hallway and made her way to the kitchen. It was the most likely place for him to be. Or at least that's what she told herself.
When she saw him at the counter, already washed and dressed and drinking a cup of coffee, Starfire let a breath go. But finding him had just been the easy part. Talking would be the hard part.
She shuffled her feet as she walked up to him so he would hear her and not get surprised. Even when he was awake Robin was quick to be startled, oftentimes pulling out of bo-staff at inhuman speed at the sound of someone approaching him from behind. It was something the Titans had had to learn to deal with in the dust's aftermath.
He looked up when he heard her walk towards him. His face was tired, his mask unable to hide the fatigue lining his eyes. But his face broke into a small smile when he saw her.
"Morning, Star."
"Good morning, Robin." She had to stop herself from asking if he'd slept well. It was a custom she'd picked up on Earth, but knew now was the not the time to ask. Instead she said, "How are you this morning?"
Robin shrugged and turned back to the counter. "I've been better."
"Do you… wish to discuss it?"
Again he shrugged, this time remaining silent. After a moment he looked up at her again. "Come on. Let's go to the roof to watch the sunrise."
Starfire smiled. "That would be most enjoyable." Robin took her hand and led the way to the stairwell. He paused after opening the door, the dark stairway an unwelcome intimidation. Starfire squeezed his hand lightly and they ascended the stairs quickly, reemerging on the roof where the sky was streaked with pink and orange and the morning air was crisp and cool. They stood looking out at the rising sun, the pale light dissipating the shadows that had covered the city overnight.
"Starfire, I meant what I said last night." Robin spoke quietly but confidently, his eyes never leaving the horizon. "I really love you. I'm sorry I had to tell you last night when everything else was going on. But I needed to tell you, Star. I needed to tell you that I love you. Because I do love you, so much." He looked at her and caught her eyes. "I need you, Star."
She didn't think as she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. Robin put his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, deepening the kiss before they pulled apart, Starfire putting her head on his shoulder. He held her close to him, breathing in her scent, feeling her heart beat against his chest, closing his eyes and for the first time in what seemed like ages being happy.
"I love you, Robin." Starfire whispered into his neck. "I will always love you. I will always be here for you. I will never leave you alone."
"I want to get past this, Star. I don't want to see his face anymore. I can't keep seeing his face whenever I turn off the light."
"You will get past this. I will help you get past this. You are strong, Robin. I know you can do this. Let me help you and things will be alright again. I promise."
Robin pulled back from Starfire just enough so he could see her face. Her sparkling green eyes. Her beautiful red hair. Her exhilarating smile. "I'm going to finish this, Starfire. I'm going to finish what he started." He paused. "I'm going to find him."
Starfire felt her face drop. "Robin, Slade is gone. Slade is dead."
"Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. I heard Cyborg say someone triggered the dust from outside the Tower. That means someone's still working for him."
"Robin, please, you do not need to-"
"And if someone's working for him there's a reason. Maybe Slade's still alive. I don't know how. Or maybe someone took his place when he died."
"You are not making any sense."
"Just listen." Robin took a breath and held Starfire's gaze. "I need to find Slade. I need to. I need to finish this once and for all. I can't keep living like this. With him watching me."
Starfire shook her head. "But Robin, Slade died. We saw him fall into the lava. Terra was his apprentice, and she is no longer with us, either. Who else would be taking his place? Please, Robin, do not do this. Finish this by putting it behind you. Leave it in your past and move on."
Robin looked out past Starfire, eyeing the sorbet-streaked sky. He swallowed. "I need to do this, Starfire. I will do this." He brought his hands from her waist and reached around his neck to take her hands in his own, pulling them in front of his chest and holding them tightly. "I'm going away for a while, Star. I'm going to take some time to go and find Slade or whoever is working for him. I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe in a month or two." He squeezed her hands. "Starfire, I want you to come with me."
Starfire could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She had promised to stay with him, to never leave him alone again. But she hadn't imagined he would want to leave the Tower to track down the very evil that was haunting him day and night.
She smiled weakly and fought to keep in the tears. "Of course I will come with you."