Elsewhere Goodbye is Such Sweet Sorrow, a teen titans fanfic

As I recall this was a hard chapter to write. I'm not sure why. Anyway, it's here now, so no worries.

Disclaimer: I don't own TT or The Forgotten Arm

This chapter is based on the song "Goodbye Caroline." I went to an Aimee Mann concert last weekend, and she actually played this song, along with two others from The Forgotten Arm.

Chapter Three: Goodbye is Such Sweet Sorrow

When Robin had told Starfire he was going away, she hadn't known what to think. Of course she had said she would go with him, if not because she supported his trek than because she had promised to support him. And besides, she didn't want to leave him alone, didn't think it was a good idea for him to be on his own, especially if Slade was involved. She had said she would go with him without thinking- she had had no idea what exactly was going to take place. Now, three days later, Starfire knew of only one word to describe Robin's plan: Hectic. That or obsessed.

"We need to talk to him about it. Find out what he plans on doing. We can't just send him out there." Cyborg had called a meeting between the Titans, minus Robin, who wouldn't have shown up anyway what with how busy he had been for the past few days. "We need to have a serious discussion about this."

"Yeah, like an intervention or something," Beast Boy added. Though his words sounded slightly foolish he was in reality completely serious. Robin's sudden change of mood and imminent departure plans had made them all worried.

"Starfire, you've talked to him, haven't you?" Raven asked.

"I have," Starfire replied. In fact, she had been the only one to talk to him since that fateful night four days ago when she and Cyborg had had to sedate and restrain him. It wasn't that Robin was against talking to the others, it was just that in his mind he was too busy to stop and talk. Even his conversations with Starfire had become brief, and almost solely revolved around his trip.

"What is he trying to accomplish by leaving Jump?"

"He believes he can find Slade. Or someone working with Slade. He wants… I believe the word is 'closure.'"

"Why doesn't he want all of us to help?" Cyborg asked.

Starfire shook her head slightly. "Truly, I do not understand why. He claims that too many people will slow him down. He wishes to 'move fast and work fast.'"

"But you are going with him, right?" Cyborg had again fallen into leader mode. With Robin already on edge and on the way to taking a leave of absence, Cyborg had taken it upon himself to try to bring order to the team. If Robin had noticed that Cyborg was taking over even before he left, he didn't say anything.

"He asked me to, and I told him I would. But he has not mentioned it for days."

"But are you actually going?"

Starfire dropped her gaze to the floor. "I will talk to Robin again today. If he still wants me to come, then I will. If not, I will stay here. But I do not like him going alone."

"Neither do I, Star. Neither do I."

Uniforms. Masks. Gloves. Boots. Capes. Civilian clothes. Bo-staff. Loaded utility belt. Various electronic equipment. Robin was packing just the essentials, but still he felt weighed down by all he needed to bring. He was packing two suitcases, one for clothes and toiletries, another for combat and technology equipment. If there was an emergency and only one case could be saved, he'd choose the second one in a heartbeat.

In the three days since his decision to leave, Robin had drawn up a hasty plan. His first priority was just to get moving; the details could come later. He would rent a room in an apartment in Coal City, about three hours away from Jump by motorcycle. He'd use the room to set up a base of operations, and from there would begin his search. It was true that many of Slade's past hideouts had been in Jump, but those places had been searched dozens of times over, and Coal was known for housing retired villains and for having an underground system of crime that stretched even beyond Jump and Steel. Robin was confident that many of the leads that had grown cold in Jump would still be hot in Coal. Besides, Robin was ready for a change of scenery. After all, most of his worst experiences had occurred in Jump. Coal was a welcome change of pace.

Robin was in the midst of loading his extra utility belts when he heard a knock at the door. Stepping carefully over piles of clothes and gadgets, Robin made his way to the door, ready to turn away anyone except-

"Hi, Star."

"Greetings, Robin. I wished to talk to you." Robin smiled and took a step back so she could walk past him into the room. When she was inside Robin closed his door.

"What did you want to talk about?" As he spoke he resumed his place on the floor next to his suitcase, filling his belt pockets with various weapons and bombs. Starfire sat down on the edge of his bed.

"I was hoping to discuss the impending trip."

Robin smiled. "This is going to be it, Star, the last stand. I'm going to find Slade or whoever is working for him and end it."

Starfire bit her lip. "How do you plan on finding him… or them?"

"Not sure yet. After I get to Coal City I'll start looking around, see if there's been any criminal activity lately with Slade's name on it."

"You mean after we get to Coal City."

Robin looked up at her. "What?"

"When you told me of your plans a few days ago, you asked me to come with you. Do you not remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. I'm glad you're coming, Star. I'll be happy to have you around. Can you pass me that flashlight?"

She picked up the tiny silver flashlight and turned it over in her hands before tossing it to him. It was surprisingly light for a quality flashlight. "I…" Starfire trailed off, unsure of how to begin. "I have been talking with the others and there were some… concerns they wished to discuss with you."

"You shouldn't be concerned. I'll keep in touch with you whenever I can. Were there any extra batteries on the night table?"

Starfire picked up the package of batteries from the small cream-colored table. "We will keep in touch with them."

"Right."

"It is just that…"

Robin glanced up at her. "It's just what?"

"Why must we leave Jump? Why must we search without the rest of the team?"

Robin bent back over his suitcase. "I don't want to be gone longer than I need to be. Too many people will just slow me down. Can you pass me those batteries?"

"'Too many people' have never slowed you down before. Would more of us not help with the search?"

"This is different."

"How is it different?"

"How many belts do you think I should bring? I was thinking four."

"Four is… four is fine." Starfire walked over to Robin and dropped the batteries in his hand before resuming her place on his bed.

"I need to make sure the R-cycle will be able to hold this much. I've never gone long distance on it before."

"You have gone all the way to Steel City on it before."

"But I didn't need to bring clothes and stuff. All this equipment. Besides, Coal is farther than Steel, and I won't just be staying in Coal the whole time."

Starfire raised an eyebrow. "How far are we planning on going?"

"As far as need be. Anywhere in California, anywhere in the world. I'll go anywhere."

"If your horizons are so broad, will that not delay our getting back? What about the rest of the team?"

"I'll be in contact with them periodically. Cyborg's taken over in my absence before."

Starfire sighed. She was obviously not getting through to him. "Perhaps Aqualad or Speedy would be willing to help. They live in Steel City, on the way to Coal, so they would not slow you down."

"You think they can handle Slade?"

Starfire was tempted to say, You think you can handle Slade? but held her tongue. "I think we will be stronger in numbers. Is that not what you told me the first time we met?"

Robin laughed, grabbing an extra pair of boots and fitting them beside his belts. "That was different."

"How was it-"

"Alright, I need to finish packing. I'm hoping to leave by tonight, so I've got to download all the information from our computers onto my communicator."

"Tonight?"

"The sooner the better."

"Robin, this makes no sense!"

He looked up at her from where he was sitting, his arm poised in midair over his suitcase. "What makes no sense?"

"None of this makes any sense!" Starfire stood up and began pacing around the room. "You are leaving the Tower to track down a villain who has been the cause of your misery for years, a villain who is dead, and you do not wish your team to help you!"

Robin stood up. "Starfire-"

"I do not understand how you can believe Slade is truly alive! That was the outcome of the dust, Robin: Now we know Slade is dead. Now we know he is really gone. It does not matter is someone was working for him, because he is no longer alive and no longer after you!"

Robin stood in silence, regarding his fuming Tamaranian girlfriend.

"Slade is not immortal, Robin, no one is immortal, and that includes you! I do not want you spending the rest of your life alone searching for a villain and I do not want to spend the rest of my life searching for him with you!"

"I just-"

"There is always something you just have to do! And we have always just let you do it! We let you look for leads for Slade on your own and you became the Red X! We let you fight Cinderblock alone and Slade was able to capture you! We let you search for Slade on your own and you began threatening us!" Starfire stopped pacing and turned to look at Robin. "When will you just be done?"

They stood in silence, searching each other's eyes. Starfire crossed her arms over her stomach and held her upper arms close to her body, her face revealing how worried and tired she really was. Robin swallowed and spoke quietly.

"I didn't know you felt like that."

Starfire shrugged. "That is because you never stop and listen."

"If you want I can put off leaving until tomorrow morning."

"We can put off leaving until tomorrow."

"Yeah." Robin walked slowly over to her and put his arms around her from the back, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I worry about you," Starfire said, putting her hands on top of Robin's.

"I know."

"We all worry about you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

They stood silently, holding onto each other. Starfire let her head fall back onto Robin's chest, feeling his heart beat and his breath go in and out.

Moments later he spoke again. "You know, Slade might have had some connections in Steel City. Maybe I should stop there on the way to Coal."

Starfire's shoulders slumped.

Robin continued, "Anyway, if you're going to come with me you should probably pack."

Starfire nodded, and Robin gave her a kiss on the top of her head before letting go of her. "I probably should."

"See you later, then."

"Yes. I will see you later."

Starfire walked slowly up the hallway to her room, her eyes cast down at the floor. Up until now, it hadn't hit her: She and Robin were leaving the team. Yes, it was just temporary, but still. Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy had become like sister and brothers to her, and she couldn't imagine leaving them. But if she didn't leave them she'd be leaving Robin. It was a hard choice, but in the end she knew that at least the rest of her friends would be able to take care of themselves, while Robin in all likelihood would forget to eat and sleep if not constantly reminded.

"Starfire, did you talk to Robin?" Starfire looked up to see Raven standing in front of her. Starfire nodded.

"And?"

"And he cannot be persuaded not to go."

Raven sighed. "Great," she deadpanned.

"But I was successful in delaying him."

"So when is he leaving? In a few days?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow morning?" Raven raised an eyebrow. "How is that delaying him? Unless he was going to leave today…"

"Those were his original plans."

"Are you still going with him?"

Starfire sighed as she spoke. "I am not sure. He does not even remember asking me to accompany him. I am afraid to go with him and see him obsess over someone who is dead, but I do not want to leave him alone." Robin's words echoed in her mind.

Please don't leave me alone again. In the dark. I don't want to be alone in the dark.

Raven frowned. "Well then I guess we should find Cyborg."

Starfire nodded her consent and the two went in search of their unofficial temporary leader. They found him in the garage, working on the T-Car. It would have been strange to some people, to see the Titans' provisional leader fixing up his car in a time of crisis, but it was known and accepted that Cyborg dealt with his frustration and anxiety by oiling, waxing, and sprucing up his car. Next to him, Beast Boy sat on a work bench with his arms crossed. They both looked up when they heard the girls enter the room.

"He's leaving tomorrow morning." Never one to sugarcoat, Raven said this as soon as they were all together.

"Dammit," Cyborg muttered under his breath.

"Tomorrow?" Beast Boy jumped off the work bench. "He's leaving tomorrow?"

"Had I not talked to him, he would have left tonight." Starfire took a seat on the bottom of the steps leading down to the garage.

"What is he thinking?" Cyborg shouted, throwing the wrench he was holding down on the ground, the cement emitting a sharp clanging sound. The metal man ran a hand over his face. "Okay, first of all, Starfire, are you going with him or not?"

Starfire bit her lip. "I told him I would."

"Alright, I'm taking that as a maybe, which is really too vague for this kind of situation, but we've got other things to worry about. And anyway, even if you are there, Star, we need to keep an eye on him in case he needs backup. Do we know anyone in Coal City?"

"Isn't that right near Steel City?" Beast Boy asked. "Can't we contact Speedy or Aqualad or something?"

"Yeah, but they've got their own city to take care of. Are there really no heroes in Coal City?"

"I believe that one of the reasons why Robin wishes to go there," Starfire said.

"What?" Cyborg asked, perplexed. "Why?"

"So that no one will interfere with him. So that he'll be the only hero the villains in Coal have to answer to," Raven replied. "So that no one will be there to remind him that what he's doing makes no sense."

"Looks like he's got it all worked out." Beast Boy crossed his arms and frowned.

"He's Robin," Cyborg said bitterly, turning back to his car. "When does he not?"

That night, as Starfire slowly began to pull clothes from her drawers and fold them into her suitcase, she found herself realizing that if what Raven had said was true, her being there was not going to make a difference. Robin was leaving the team for Coal because he wanted to be on his own. And even if Starfire was there, Robin was going to act like she wasn't. She was sure she would not be privy to his plans until they were well underway, and would not have the freedom to veto his ideas. And if four teenagers weren't able to get Robin to sleep, eat, and relax, what chance did just one stand?

But more than that, Starfire couldn't bear to see Robin work himself ragged again. She was afraid that once he started on his search he would never stop, and with his constant thinking about Slade, she was concerned that his nightmares would never go away. She didn't want to have to be the one to wake Robin up when he started screaming in his sleep, or the one to catch him when he collapsed from exhaustion. If she had to do those things at the Tower, where her friends were nearby and she was able to live in the city she had come to call home, fine. But out in the world, where she and Robin would be alone and away from all friendly faces, Starfire didn't want to be the only one to see Robin fall apart. She didn't think she could handle it.

Starfire sat down next to her suitcase and put her head on her knees.

She knew what she had to do.

The previous afternoon when Starfire, Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy had had their impromptu meeting in the garage, they had agreed to set their alarm clocks for five AM in hopes of catching Robin before he left. They had been planning to talk to him once more at dinner (an "intervention," as Beast Boy called it), but Robin hadn't shown up, and the four had eaten in a gloomy silence.

But after dinner, after she had begun to pack and just before she went to bed, Starfire had set her alarm clock to four AM. She wanted to be sure beyond any doubt that she saw Robin, and also wanted to have some time with him before the others were up.

So at four in the morning, Starfire's alarm let off a shrill ring that promptly ended when she tapped the "off" button. Dressing quickly, Starfire prayed that Robin was still downstairs, drinking coffee or taking a last look at the computer files.

The common room was empty when Starfire arrived there, the still dark sky and the humming computer monitor her only companions. Her heart started beating faster in her chest. What if Robin had already left? What if he had left just before she got downstairs and she had just missed him? What if… what if he had left this early on purpose so that he wouldn't have to see anyone?

"Hey, Star." Starfire snapped her head to the door, where Robin was standing next to a suitcase. "I didn't think you'd be up this early."

"Would you have left without me?" It wasn't a fair question, but Starfire wanted to hear his answer.

"What? Oh, no, of course not. Are you coming? I've just got to load my bags and then we can go."

Starfire started walking towards him, biting her lip. "Robin, I am not coming with you."

Robin put the bag he had started picking up back on the ground. "Why?" His voice sounded hurt, but Starfire persisted.

"I cannot watch you spend your life this way, searching for something that may not be there. And we cannot leave the others alone to defend the city." She looked up. "I am sure you will do fine on your own."

Robin frowned. "Why can't you trust me on this?"

"Because I have trusted you on matters involving Slade too many times before. I trust you, Robin, but I do not want to continue fearing for you."

They stood silently, neither one knowing what to say. Finally Robin spoke again.

"Then I guess I should get going."

Starfire nodded. "I guess so."

Robin picked up his bag and turned towards the door. "You'll still…"

"I will be here when you return, Robin."

"I'll give you a call when I get to Coal." He paused and turned his head back to look at her. "Bye, Star."

"Goodbye, Robin."

Shouldering his bag, Robin pushed his way out the door and walked out into the cool, early morning. Starfire turned from the door and stood silently, the sounds of Robin loading his bags and starting the R-Cycle keeping her glued to the spot. When she could no longer hear the R-Cycle's humming she sighed and started slowly walking away. The sound of footsteps behind her made her stop.

In one movement, Robin turned her around and kissed her, briefly but passionately. He put his mouth next to her ear and whispered.

"Are you sure you can't come with me?"

Starfire nodded her head. "I will be here when you come back."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Robin pulled her closer and hugged her tight. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Robin."

And then, just as quickly as he had reappeared, Robin was gone again, the distant sound of his motorcycle engine warming up even as Starfire's body cooled from his touch.

As Starfire began walking again, she felt a pang of guilt as she remembered the promise she had made to him.

Please don't leave me alone again. In the dark. I don't want to be alone in the dark.

I promise, Robin, I will not leave you.

Starfire dropped into a chair and let the tears make streaks down her face.

I promise, Robin.

I will not leave you.