Before I forget, I'm going to be out of town next week, and I have a feeling I won't have internet, so there probably won't be an update next Friday. Sorry!

Disclaimer: I don't own TT or The Forgotten Arm

This chapter is based on the song "I Can't Get My Head Around It."

Chapter Five: Un-centered

In the three and a half weeks that followed, Starfire tried twice a day to reach Robin.

In total, she spoke to him five times.

And each time the conversation went the same way. Robin would answer his communicator, and Starfire would again be reminded that he had disabled the visual component. She would listen to him talk eagerly and hurriedly about his progress, about the people he had spoken to or the crooks he had sent to jail. She would pretend to be interested, but her interest in his case would be dwarfed by her anxiety when he would mention that he had, again, worked all night and through meals. And her anxiety would then be drowned out with guilt when he would mention, as he inevitably always did, that he was doing this for the two of them, so they could be happy, and that when he had finished with Slade things would be better for them. But that was as far as he ever got to talking about when he would come home.

The way Robin talked about his case, about how he was doing it for both of them, and how when he was done things would be different- better- but never actually said when he would be done, had started to sound to Starfire like more than obsession- it had started to sound like an addiction.

So when she opened the Superhero Weekly- a newspaper published specifically to update superheroes throughout the country on the latest happenings and major villains; a helpful piece of media, even if the title was a bit of an embarrassment- to see a certain article, Starfire set aside her cup of coffee to read the little snippet of information.

Metropolis to Unveil Recuperation Facility for Superheroes

Metropolis is proud to be the first city to open its branch of the long-awaited City Protector Recuperation Center. Under the jurisdiction of Dr. Jonathan Swift, fifteen doctors and twelve psychologists will operate the CPRC upon its opening on Monday. Dr. Swift, long-time researcher of compulsion and post-traumatic stress disorder in both normal circumstances and those relating to work as city protectors, is excited to begin work. The CPRC will be open to all personnel with backgrounds as either city protectors or, in certain cases, criminals, and will offer medical and psychological convalescence programs.

"I've been preparing for this day a long time," says Dr. Swift, "For almost seven years. I am confident in the abilities of my staff to help those who have so selflessly helped us." Asked about how the CPRC would be different from a normal recuperation facility, Dr. Swift replied, "City protectors, or superheroes as they are more widely known, deal with many of the same problems we civilians do, but on a much grander scale. The City Protector Recuperation Center will take into account the stress and danger a job like city protector brings, and will work accordingly."

Dr. Swift has mentioned that city protectors will have the option of revealing their identities to the CPRC, but will not be forced to do so. City protectors and criminals will be treated in separate parts of the facility for minimal contact.

Starfire read the article twice before setting it down. Then she read it again. This was it, she thought. This was the answer to their problems. Somewhere Robin could go to get help, to let go of his obsession with Slade, to move on with his life. Of course, there was the problem of how she would get Robin to agree to this, and also the problem of not knowing anything about this place, this City Protector Recuperation Center, other than what the article said. As if in answer to her troubles, Starfire noticed the telephone number the article gave for the center. Picking up the newspaper and taking the cordless phone out of its cradle, Starfire walked out of the kitchen and started towards her bedroom.

Once there Starfire dialed the phone, but before pressing the last number she paused. What was she going to say? Why exactly was she calling? Starfire took a breath and finished dialing. After ringing three times Starfire heard a woman's voice on the other end.

"City Protector Recuperation Center, Jean Holmes speaking, how may I help you?"

"This is…" Should she tell them who she was? "I saw your article in the Superhero Weekly, and was wishing to inquire further into your facilities."

"Did you have some questions? Are you a city protector, or are you in contact with one?"

"I am a… 'city protector,' but am inquiring for someone else."

Sensing Starfire's hesitancy to reveal anything further, Holmes said, "In case you were worried, this is a closely monitored phone line, and all calls are strictly confidential."

Starfire smiled weakly. "I am part of a team in Jump City. I am wishing to learn more of your facility so that I may suggest your services to a… friend of mine."

"Well we'll be opening on Monday. What we'll do if your friend wants to see us is to ask them to fill out a questionnaire and have a preliminary talk with one of our psychologists so we'll be better able to match them with a doctor and their own psychologist. If need be, we'll diagnose mental or physical ailments, and prescribe medication accordingly. Sessions with psychologists or group sessions would be assigned based on your friend's schedule and how much assistance they need. Am I answering your questions?"

"Yes," Starfire said. "Please, continue."

"After we open we'll have two options for patients. One will be coming in weekly or however often for session with doctors and psychologists, much like normal therapy. The other option is for more serious cases. If your friend desired, or if we thought it best we would suggest that they take a leave of absence from their duties to the city and become an in-patient for a while. It might be for a couple weeks, or up to a year."

"I see."

"What about your friend made you decide to contact us?"

Starfire sighed. "He has been consumed with a villain for the past three years, and his fixation has caused many terrible occurrences. This villain was killed a year ago, but Ro- er, my friend continues to believe he is alive and haunting him. He has refused our help and left us temporarily to find this villain."

"That's a problem I've seen in a lot of city protectors. Many have a distorted sense of responsibility, and have trouble letting go of past events. The addiction of crime-fighting is comparable to any other addiction, such as alcohol or narcotics. It isn't uncommon for city-protectors to turn to vices like these to escape the stress of their jobs. We have counselors trained specifically in the area of obsession and addiction." After Starfire had assured Holmes that Robin suffered from no addiction other than his obsession with Slade, Holmes added, "I want to again stress that the CPRC is completely confidential, and that all of our staff are specially trained to work with city-protectors. Would your friend be disclosing their identity?"

Starfire smiled. "No, he would not." In all the years they had known each other, even after he and Star had become a couple, Robin had never revealed his identity to the Titans. They'd never even seen his eyes. "I am afraid he is a very private person."

"No trouble at all. In my experience, most city protectors are. Feel free to give us a call if you have any further questions."

"I will. Thank you."

Starfire hung up the phone and stared at the receiver in her hand. She thought back to the day this had all started, the day of the dust incident. She thought of the days following that, of the night Robin had woken to think he was still under attack, and of how she and Cyborg had had to restrain him. She thought of Robin's sudden idea to leave the team and to venture on his own to bring down an arch-nemesis that was most likely dead. She thought of the way he had told her he loved her and the way he had kissed her.

Starfire let her gaze drop to the newspaper she was still clutching, to the communicator on her bedside table, that she knew wouldn't be answered if she tried calling him.

She thought of how much she loved him, but at the same time, how much he hated Slade. And she knew that unless he would let her help him, there was no way she could keep vying for his attention.

Picking up her communicator, Starfire pressed the button to connect to Robin, and waited for him to answer.

TT

Robin wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, including himself, but there was a part of his mind, however small, that knew that what he was doing was crazy. It was the voice in the back of his head that told him to stop turning his communicator off and to stop skipping meals and to stop going for days with almost no sleep. But that voice, whereas in anyone else it would have made them reconsider their actions, only encouraged Robin to work harder and to put more of a distance between him and his team. He had learned long ago that in order to get more done faster, it was best to ignore that voice, or even do the opposite of what it said.

And while one small part of his mind was telling him to rethink his plans, there was another section, bigger and more powerful, but still subdued, that was focused on Starfire. In the short interludes between fights, when he was making his way across the city or in the shower or taking a survey of his remaining weapons, his mind slipped away from the dark, crime-infested streets of Coal City, away from the run-down, unfurnished room he was renting, and away from the way his body begged him to sleep and eat, the requests almost never being granted. All those things would fade away, just slightly, and he would think of her.

Robin would find himself picturing her eyes, her hair, her smile. And his heart would ache, both because he wanted nothing more than to be with her, but also because he knew she was distracting him, and that was why he needed to distance himself. Focus, he'd tell himself, Focus on bringing down Slade, and then you can see her again. Do all you need to do to make sure Slade is taken care of permanently, and in the meantime erase all other distractions from your mind. Had Robin been more aware of what he was thinking, he would have been appalled at himself to be terming Starfire as a distraction.

Besides, she had told him she'd never leave him, would be there when he got back. There was no time stamp on that promise, and she knew how much it meant to Robin to defeat Slade. She'd seen what Slade had done to him. Hell, she had been the one to fall into his arms when Slade first activated the probes, the one to use a starbolt on him when he'd threatened to attack the team, the one to strap him to the bed and give him a sedative when he'd starting hallucinating… again. She, more than anyone else, knew why Robin had to do what he was doing.

From his place on top of a building, perched in wait of a man whom Packard had said had links to Slade, Robin thanked for the hundredth time whatever force had given him Starfire. Without her, he didn't know if he could go on.

But on the same token, his work, his need to defeat Slade, came first.

Upon seeing a man with a slim but sturdy build, light brown hair, and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses exit the building, Robin turned and started following him down the street, leaping from building to building. Packard, the man Scatto had told Robin was the one spreading rumors about Slade, had in turn directed Robin to this man, William Broker. Scatto had been right to describe Packard as a "shady guy," as he'd told Robin weeks before. Packard had required none of the roughing up that Scatto had, and in fact had seemed rather amused at Robin's request for information. He'd written down three names on a slip of paper and handed it to Robin. Though suspicious that Packard's hospitality was due more to a want to elevate tensions between the various Coal City gangs than a desire to help the famed Teen Titan leader, Robin had taken the names and been on his way.

The first two names had been dead ends, one quite literally when he found that the first man on the list had been killed in a shooting three days earlier. This had made Robin wary of trusting Packard's information, but the second name had led him to a well-known lawyer in James City, next door to Coal. The lawyer, Adam Bright, had once been suspected of unfair play in the courts, but had met agreeably with Robin, and had answered all his questions pleasantly if guardedly. Robin, already making a note in his head to check further into Bright's background, was further perturbed by the scowl on the lawyer's face as he left the office.

This had left Robin with the third and last name on the list, William Broker. Robin's research had shown that Broker had been officially unemployed for the past ten years, but residential records revealed that for those same ten years he had been living quite comfortably in one of the more upscale areas of Coal. Even if Broker hadn't been a possible collaborator with Slade, Robin would still have felt compelled to check him out once his current operation was over.

Robin had been around Coal enough times in the past four weeks that by now he knew the geography of the city well. So when he saw that Broker was heading in a direction that would take him past a short, deserted alleyway, Robin ran ahead and jumped into the alley, landing silently. He stood next to the brick wall that Broker would pass, keeping in the shadows. When Robin heard Broker's footsteps becoming louder he got into position, and when Broker passed by him Robin lunged. Broker didn't have time to say anything before Robin had him pinned to a wall, having grabbed him from behind and pulled him into the alley.

"William Broker, pleased to meet you," Robin said in a fake, condescending voice. "I have a couple questions for you, I hope you don't mind."

"W-what do you want with me? You work on the other side of the bay, over in Jump! I'm not in your territory! Leave me alone!" Broker tried to squirm his way out, but Robin held fast, his tone becoming more menacing.

"Like I said, I have some questions for you, and even if you do mind, I don't really care."

Broker glowered. "You superhero types are all the same. Going where you don't belong, picking on the guys with no jobs. I should call the-"

"If you don't have a job how can you afford a house on Ash Boulevard? Seems to me like a pretty expensive place to live if you're living off of unemployment."

"My… wife has a lot of money. She pays the bills."

"And which wife would this be? The one that you got arrested for assaulting, or the one that doesn't exist?"

Broker stuttered for a minute before Robin interrupted him. "Who do you work for?"

"I- I don't work for anybody, I just do jobs around town, you know? I just-"

"Who. Do. You. Work. For?" When Broker didn't offer any information Robin helped him along. "Do you work for a man named Slade?"

Broker's eyes widened and then he shook his head quickly. "No, I never worked for Slade."

Robin pulled Broker forward and then slammed him back against the brick wall. "Do you work for a man named Slade?"

Broker seemed to turn the question over in his head, and was about to shake his head again when Robin started reaching for something in his utility belt. "Okay, alright!" Broker sighed. "A little while ago I did some work for a guy named Wintergreen. He gave me lists of what to steal and who to get rid of, but I always figured he got his orders from someone else, 'cause I'd never heard of him before. But I didn't really care, 'cause he was paying me well." Broker bit his lip and carefully considered his words before continuing. "One day I was hacking into some files at the police station when I came across Wintergreen's name. I wasn't sure it was him 'cause I'd never seen him before, but the information fit with everything I knew about him, which wasn't much, but it was enough. His files said he worked with a guy named Slade, but all Slade's file had was a real shadowy picture and some of the heists he had pulled off. Nothing else, but I'm not stupid, I know who Slade is. I got a little…" He measured how to phrase his next words. "Concerned for my life, so I quit." He looked at Robin. "That's all."

"When was the last time you spoke to Wintergreen?" Robin made a note to remember that name.

"I think it was… a little less than two years ago."

"What kinds of things did he ask you to do?"

"I told you, he gave me lists of-"

"What specifically did he ask you to do?"

"Uh," Broker pursed his lips in thought. "Mostly he told me to steal technology, you know like computer chips and weaponry. And to get a few people out of his way."

"Did you kill those people?"

Broker shook his head. "Uh-uh. I beat 'em up and then put them on planes to Africa or Australia. Without passports or memories of how they got there, it took them a long time to get back home." Broker smiled, apparently proud of his accomplishments.

"And you never spoke to Slade?"
"I wasn't even supposed to know I was dealing with Slade. Last I heard he had died in some fire or something."

Robin sighed and dropped Broker, the older man falling to the floor.

"Lava," Robin said. "It was lava, not fire." And then he shot his grappling hook to the roof and swung away.

This was how it had been going since he had come to Coal. A lead, which led to more leads, which always ended up with the same outcome: Slade was dead. But Robin knew it couldn't be that easy; besides, why would run-of-the-mill, small time criminals know anything about Slade's current status? Landing on the top of a building and surveying the city, Robin realized he'd have to stop counting on getting information from others. He'd have to start finding the trails himself, unassisted.

Turning up the street that would lead to his apartment, Robin found himself consciously wishing, for the first time in weeks, that Starfire would call. He needed to know someone still believed in him. He needed the support.

TT

Starfire had been trying all day to reach Robin, and it wasn't until five o'clock, seven hours after she had first seen the article in the Superhero Weekly, that he finally answered his communicator.

"Hello?" Robin sounded tired, but, Starfire noticed, not annoyed, as he usually was when he answered his comm.

"Robin, it is Starfire. How have you been?"

"Star?" Not only did Robin not sound annoyed, he sounded almost… pleased to hear her voice. "It's good to hear from you."

Starfire smiled, but her lips turned downward again when she remembered her reason for calling. "What have you been doing?"

Robin sighed, sending a little wave of static over the line. "I'm having a little… trouble. I keep on picking up dead ends."

"Are you not finding adequate sources of information? Perhaps if you were to continue your search in Jump you would be more successful." It was a long shot, but worth a try.

"No, I'm finding plenty of leads, they just all say the same thing."

"And that is…?"

"Everyone seems to think Slade is dead."

There was silence as Starfire waited for Robin to continue. When he didn't, she spoke up. "And there could not be truth in their words?" She spoke delicately, careful not to sound like she was insinuating anything.

"I can't take the word of a bunch of low-life criminals. None of them had ever even seen Slade." He sighed again. "No, I can't keep going off what they're saying. I've got to continue on my own, go back to the whole detective thing."

"Would you not consider coming home, even for a single day? I would very much like to see you."

"No, Star, I can't. I miss you, too, but I need to finish this up first. I'll be back soon."

After she had made sure he wasn't reconsidering cutting his mission short, Starfire took a breath and recited the lines she had perfected over the day. "I was reading the newspaper today, the Superhero Weekly, and I saw an article that was very interesting."

"What was it about?"

"It was about a new facility opening next week in Metropolis. 'The City Protector Recuperation Center.'"

"What about it?"

"I spoke to a member of their staff. They have many doctors and counselors there, Robin, that are trained to help heroes who have ailments. Even ailments like… obsession."

Starfire could almost hear Robin's eyes narrow. "Starfire, what are you trying to tell me?"

"Robin, do not get angry. I am simply requesting that you look into the center. I am worried about you, we are all worried about you, and I thought that-"

"I am not obsessed!" Robin yelled. "I'm trying to catch a psychotic villain that destroyed more lives and more people's sanity than anyone could even imagine! How can you call that an obsession!"

"It is an obsession because you do not see what everyone else can!" Starfire had resolved to be calm, but found herself quickly matching his tone. "The entire world believes Slade to be dead! Everyone in the world but you! You are running in circles trying to catch someone that is no longer living!"

"How do you know he's not alive? He could just be in hiding! He could be waiting for me to let my guard down so he can strike when I'm unprepared! I can't just let it go!"

"This is what he wants, Robin!" There were tears in Starfire's eyes now. "He wants you to spend your life looking for him, watching behind your back. He wants you to never sleep or live peacefully or be happy! You are letting him haunt you, Robin!"

Robin breathed heavily. "I'm not letting him do anything ever again. That's why I'm trying to bring him down."

"There are people at the Center who can help you, who know how to treat ailments and-"

"I don't need help because I'm not sick!"

Starfire put her face in her hands and let the tears make rivulets down her face. Then she said, "Robin, I cannot continue to compete with Slade for your attention." When he stayed silent Starfire continued. "You know I will always be here if you need me, but I can see that at the moment you do not need or want my help."

He sighed. "Starfire, don't-"

"You will not even consider getting help?"

Robin clenched his jaw. "No, Starfire. I won't."

"Then I guess I will be… talking to you."

"I guess." He kept his voice disaffected, unconcerned. But Starfire knew him better than that, could tell when he put up barriers to keep others out.

"I love you, Robin, but I cannot assist you if you will not let me. I wish you luck in your search."

And then Starfire closed her communicator and lay back on her bed.

In all the weeks Robin had been away, Starfire had never felt so far from him.

TT

Robin snapped his communicator shut and dropped it on the bed. Walking over to the bathroom, he splashed some water on his face and then grabbed a towel.

So what if Starfire had left him? Besides, she hadn't really left him, had just implied it under a thinly veiled shroud. But either way, it didn't matter. Robin hung the towel back up on the shower and walked back to the bedroom, where his cape and belt were lying on a chair. He picked up his cape first, fastening it around his neck, and then buckled his belt snuggly around his waist. He took a glance back at his communicator and shrugged before heading outside towards the R-Cycle.

It was better this way. Now he wouldn't have to think about her so much. Now he wouldn't get so distracted. Now he would be able to put his full focus on his work, and take down Slade that much quicker.

Robin got into the seat of his motorcycle and revved the engine before pulling away from the curb at breakneck speed.

She didn't leave me, Robin told himself.

But even if she had, so what?

And besides, he had work to do.