Oh NO school starts on Monday! Sigh... Well, this is almost over, so thankfully school won't have a chance to interfere with updates.

Disclaimer: I don't own TT or The Forgotten Arm.

I'm going to say what song this is based on at the end of the chapter. I'm worried the title might give too much away.

Chapter Eleven: It Couldn't Hurt

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A pile of shredded paper was forming at Robin's feet, his hands steadily working their way through piece after piece of blank paper. A pile of loose paper sat at arm's length on the table next to him, and was easily reachable from where he stood in front of the window.

He'd been standing here for almost thirty minutes, ever since waking up and getting dressed this morning. After finishing putting on his belt and cape, he'd stopped for a moment, looking out the window into the sprawling, dirty city of Coal. He couldn't remember exactly how the first piece of paper had made its way into his hands, but the steady sound and motion of ripping had proved calming. He hadn't yet moved from this spot.

His conversation with Starfire yesterday was on constant repeat in his head, and with each repetition he felt himself grow more exhausted and dejected. Everything she'd said, everything she'd implied, everything he'd evaded, he knew to be true. And it was causing him more pain than if it'd all been lies.

After half an hour of standing here, Robin had come to a single conclusion: If there was one thing he wasn't sure of anymore, it was everything.

Robin was beginning to feel like his life was one big tug-of-war; not just between him and his team, but between him and himself. He wanted to go back to Jump, but something was making him stay in Coal. He wanted to see his team, he wanted to see Starfire, but something was telling him they were distracting him from his work. He wanted to find Slade, but… something was telling him that the battle was already lost. And something was telling him that Starfire already knew this, too.

The look in her eyes, the way she'd spoken, the way she'd kissed him, had told Robin everything he needed to know. She no longer believed in him, but it was more than that- she no longer believed that he believed in himself. And the truth was, she wasn't far off. Weeks of high-energy research and carefully planned interrogations had turned up nothing. And even though he'd barely acknowledged it to himself, the leads were drying up. Even the paper he'd found in the factory, the paper with the dates on it, had proved of no use. Inputting the dates into a simple search engine had shown what the dates really were: the days that different banks in the Coal City vicinity had been hit by a now disbanded criminal group. In other words, completely unrelated to Slade, and completely useless.

But for some reason- even though there was little more to be found in Coal, and even though he desperately wanted life to go back to normal- a part of his mind wouldn't allow him to give in. And it was this same part of his mind that wouldn't let him tell Starfire about his doubts.

So he was forced to lie to her, or at least to not tell her the entire truth. She'd told him Cyborg said he seemed lonely, and what Robin hadn't told her was that while he may have been lonely then, he wasn't lonely now. Now he was way past lonely.

She'd remarked about how tired he looked, and Robin had told her he'd been having trouble sleeping for no particular reason. He'd somehow failed to mention his latest nightmares and the voices he'd heard in the factory.

She'd asked him to come back to Jump with her for a visit, and he'd told her he couldn't. He didn't reveal that he had no idea why.

Robin crumpled up the scraps of paper in his hand, crushing them into tiny balls. This whole scenario was unbelievably aggravating- why couldn't he just tell her the truth? Why couldn't he confide in her like he used to? She'd asked him earlier if he still believed Slade was alive, and he'd said yes. But now…

"Do you still believe he is alive?"

"Of course I do."

...he wasn't so sure.

He could tell that when he'd promised to think about the City Protector Recuperation Center she'd written it off as an empty promise, but how could he blame her? He'd been lying to her so much lately- what reason did she have to believe him now?

Taking a step forwards, Robin put his hands on the window and looked more closely at the view. What had seemed like a city teeming with prospects was now no more than a crime-infested city full of empty possibilities. And while it was true that there was plenty of low-level, and even higher level crime around here that needed to be dealt with, Jump City was also crime ridden. Coal City may have been in desperate need of authority that the police couldn't pull off, but Jump City was, too, and Robin had made a pledge to Jump City. And, more importantly, everything and everyone Robin cared about were in Jump.

Then why not just go back? He asked himself. Why not leave right now? Pack up your stuff and go back to Jump, back to the Tower, back to the Titans?

Why not?

It was the million dollar question, the one he still didn't know the answer to after all this time. It was the tug-of-war, the desire to go back paired with the need to stay. Friends vs. work. Happiness vs. duty. Longing vs. responsibility.

The only way Robin could really put it into words was when he thought of the manual merry-go-round he and Starfire had ridden on the day before. Robin had started pushing the bars, and for a while he was able to determine how fast or slow it went. But then it had picked up its own momentum, one Robin couldn't break, and he'd jumped onto it. And once on it, there was no getting off. Even if he'd wanted to, the merry-go-round would keep spinning, and if he'd jumped off he would've fallen to the ground and scraped his hands and knees. At the beginning he'd had control, but soon enough he was at the ride's mercy.

Robin had decided to start his search for Slade with good intentions and a thorough plan in mind. He would go to Coal, hunt down witnesses and hideouts, travel wherever he needed to, and in the end, finish Slade. He would take as much time as he needed, but hoped his mission would be concise. Starfire had thrown him for a loop when she'd stayed back in Jump, but he'd soon gotten over it, and in the back of his mind knew she'd be there when he got back. So he'd packed up his weapons, gotten on the R-Cycle, and driven to Coal.

That was when the control ended. That was when the momentum set in.

Soon, Robin's entire life began revolving around his duty to find and take down Slade. Starfire and the Titans had been pushed to the side, along with his own well being, and as the days progressed, Robin found himself getting sucked deeper and deeper in. Even now, when he wanted immensely to call Starfire, tell her he'd given up on his mission, and go back to Jump, he couldn't break free of the routine he'd built for himself. Robin was spinning in circles, and he didn't know how to stop.

That was when Starfire's words ran through his head again.

"Will you just make me one promise, then? Will you promise me you will think about getting help?"

"Star, you know you and the team need to be in Jump."

"No, Robin. Not that kind of help."

"What, then?"

"The City Protector Recuperation Center in Metropolis."

Robin swallowed.

He hadn't thought about it, not seriously, until now. He still had his doubts about the place. Starfire had told him she'd read about it in the Superhero Weekly, and that in itself was a credential, and Starfire herself had called the place. Knowing this Robin was harder pressed to assume the Center was a fraud, but the idea of telling someone he'd never met before- be them specially trained doctors or not- everything about the inner workings of his mind and the lives of the Titans still made him nervous.

But the fact was, Robin trusted Starfire too much to think she would send him down a potentially dangerous or compromising path. And he knew that she would not have suggested it to him unless she felt strongly that it would be the right thing to do.

Wanting to at least be able to truthfully tell Starfire he'd though long and hard about it, Robin closed his eyes and attempted to make a mental list of the pros and cons of going to the Center.

Pro, He thought, It would mean finishing with Slade.

Con: If Slade really is out there I wouldn't be ready for him.

Pro: It would get me out of Coal.

Con: It would take me all the way to Metropolis.

Pro: It would make Starfire happy.

Con: It just might drive me crazy.

Robin groaned and put his forehead against the window. This wasn't getting him anywhere, and it was just delaying whatever the outcome turned out to be. Eyes still closed, his memory fell upon a conversation that had taken place three years ago.

"Your eyes… They are most strange. Can you not see?"

"No, it's a mask. It covers my eyes. I can see alright, and the mask doesn't get in the way."

"Why is it necessary to cloak your eyes?"

"A superhero is someone that fights crime, but not like the police. It's someone that fights the villains no one else will fight. They wear masks to hide their identities."

"Why would you wish no one to know you fight villains? Is it not something to be proud of?"

"It… Well, I guess it is. But if a bad guy knows who you are they can hurt your family and friends. You need to protect the people you care about, not just the city."

Had it really been just three years ago he and Starfire had exchanged these words? It seemed like so much longer. So much had happened; more than any of them had counted on happening to five teenage heroes. So much had changed, both for the better and the worse.

But what hadn't changed was the responsibility they had all signed on for.

"A superhero is someone that fights crime, but not like the police. It's someone that fights the villains no one else will fight."

That was not, however, a superhero's only job. Because while being a hero meant stopping criminals and protecting civilians, the good citizens of Jump or Coal or wherever else weren't the only ones you needed to think about. There were other responsibilities that were expected not only of superheroes, but of every good person.

"You need to protect the people you care about, not just the city."

And it was this that Robin had not done. His hero responsibilities had overtaken his moral responsibilities to his team, to Starfire, and to himself. And all this time later, Robin wanted to fix that. And at this point, he knew of only one way how.

Without giving himself time to change his mind, Robin picked up his communicator and, after messing around with the settings, pressed the button that would connect him to Starfire.

TT

Robin waited for Starfire to answer her communicator. Later he would talk to the rest of the team, let them know what the plan was, but for now he only wanted to speak to her.

After the second ring she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Star."

"Robin, I am glad to hear from…" She trailed off, her full attention on the screen. "You have restored your communicator's ability to project images!"

Robin's smile was as broad as hers was. "I reinstated the visual component a few minutes ago. It's good to see you, too."

"But will this not deplete the amount of information your communicator can hold?"

"Yeah, it will. But I don't think it'll really matter."

"Why is that?"

"I've been thinking a lot since we saw each other yesterday."

"As have I."

"And I realized that a lot of what you said- well, everything you said- was true."

Starfire opened her mouth to speak, but Robin cut her off.

"I don't want to keep doing this," Robin continued, speaking quickly so that he wouldn't hold back. "I don't want to keep going nowhere. I don't want to keep hurting you. I don't want to keep chasing someone who might not be there." Robin sighed. "But I feel like the moment I stop chasing him, he'll start chasing me." Robin shook his head. "But I don't want to chase him anymore, either."

"What do you propose to do?" Starfire asked, almost in a whisper, as if afraid to scare him away.

"I didn't know at first." He pushed some hair off his forehead. "But then I thought about you. You've always helped me in the past and I know that you've been trying to help me all this time, since way back before I even got to Coal. You told me about that place in Metropolis, Starfire." Robin paused, biting his lip. "It couldn't hurt to give it a shot."

Eyes widening, Starfire asked, "Do you truly mean that?"

"You've promised me so many things, Starfire. You promised to never leave me alone, and you promised you'd be there when I came back to Jump. I'm going to promise you something." Taking a deep breath, Robin spoke. "Today is December first. I promise you that by a year from today this will all be over."

Starfire's face shone with the happiest smile Robin had ever seen, and he couldn't help but mirror it. For a moment she put her hand over her face, trying to compose herself, but when she pulled her hand away she was still glowing. "Robin, this is wonderful!" She laughed. "I am so happy."

Robin couldn't take his eyes off her eyes and her smile. "I'm glad."

Struggling to calm down, Starfire took a deep breath. "When will you leave Coal?"

"I haven't called the people at the Center yet. I don't even know if they'll take me. But I'll leave Coal as soon as possible." Suddenly the constantly overcast sky and grimy sidewalks of Coal seemed unbearably grotesque.

"They will take you."

Robin smiled grimly. "You think I'm that messed up?"

"I believe the term is 'your words, not mine.'"

He laughed. "Okay. But really, I haven't contacted them yet." Robin hadn't even thought about what he'd do if he couldn't get into the Center. Now an edge of panic crept into his voice. "How do you know they'll take me?"

"You remember I told you that I spoke to a member of their staff?"

"Yeah."

Starfire paused, as if hesitant to tell him something. "I told them about you."

Robin raised his eyebrows. "You told them about me?" He wasn't angry, just surprised.

"I did not tell them who you were, merely what about your actions was concerning me."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them that you have been fixated on the termination of a certain villain for three years. I told them that you declined offers of assistance. I also told them you would be quite unwilling to reveal your identity."

"I guess that sums it up pretty well," Robin said quietly, looking away from the screen.

"The woman I spoke to assured me that they could help you."

Robin nodded. Then he met Starfire's eyes again. "Thank you."

Starfire tilted her head to the side. "For what?"

"For watching out for me."

Starfire smiled. "Thank you for finally allowing me to."

Sighing and sweeping his gaze quickly around his apartment room, Robin said, "I can't wait to get out of here."

"Are you planning to come home first?"

Robin lowered his eyes. "I'm not sure." He paused, and then continued. "I'm afraid that if I go back to the Tower and see everyone I'll never want to leave."

Starfire nodded, seeming to consider this possibility. "I believe that is not an unnecessary concern."

"I'd really like to see the others. I mean, the last time I saw Cyborg was over a week ago, and I can't even remember the last time I talked to Raven and Beast Boy." He opened his mouth and then closed it again, trying to decide if he wanted to ask his next question. "Do you think they'd even want to see me?"

Starfire smiled lightly. "Of course they would. They are your friends, Robin. We are all your friends."

"Would you just tell them that I miss them and that…" Robin trailed off, unable to come up with the right words.

"I will tell them that you wish to put this part of your life in the past as fast as possible, and after that we will all be together again."

"Thanks, Star."

"I welcome you."

"I really do miss all of you."

"Our friends will be delighted to hear you will be receiving help."

Suddenly Robin felt immensely homesick. When he'd decided to give himself a year to fix his problems it'd seemed like he would never be able to accomplish everything he needed to in such a short time. Now a year seemed like an agonizingly long time away.

Robin turned his head away from the comm., gazing out the window. Yesterday it had been cold but brutally sunny. Today the sky was covered by a thick coat of fog. "What's the weather like in Jump right now?"

Starfire turned away from the screen for a moment, presumably towards the window. "This morning it looked as if it would rain. But the sun is coming out a little bit now." She turned back to the screen. "I believe it will be a warm day."

"It sounds nice."

Nodding, Starfire replied, "It will be."

This chapter was based on the song "I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up For Christmas."