Well. After five months of self-imposed deadlines, writer's block, rewrites, and a whole lot of fun, Elsewhere is done. Who would have thought?
Disclaimer: I don't own TT or The Forgotten Arm.
This chapter is based on the song "Beautiful." And this is your last chance to listen to the song while reading the chapter, and I implore you to do so!
Chapter Twelve: Elsewhere
A lot can happen in a year. For Robin, more had happened in the past year than he'd ever thought possible.
Two days after telling Starfire he was done with Slade and Coal he'd packed his things and left for the City Protector Recuperation Center in Metropolis. Having just opened a few weeks earlier there were plenty of available rooms, doctors, and psychologists, and when Robin had called they'd told him he could come down as soon as possible. Robin had been hesitant to give them details over the phone about who he was and why he was calling, but they'd assured him that all of that could be talked about when they met in person. And so Robin had gotten on his motorcycle and driven out of Coal, hoping he'd never have reason to come back.
The drive to Metropolis had been the hardest part. Speeding down the highway, Robin had been tempted more than a few times to pull over and turn around. Thoughts about Starfire and worries about Slade alternated through his mind, in turn making him want to head to Jump or go find some other city that might have fresh leads. What he most certainly didn't want to do was go to the CPRC in Metropolis. He'd break out in a cold sweat and start panicking when he thought of the Center, when he thought of giving up on Slade and being separated from Star.
But then he'd take a deep breath and just keep going. Because he'd already messed up his life enough; if he turned back now, he knew nothing would ever be set right.
In all honesty Robin hadn't known what to expect when he parked the R-Cycle and entered the automatic glass doors of the CPRC. The building was large, at least ten stories, and was unmarked; only those who needed the services the Center offered knew of its location. The lobby looked ordinary enough. A receptionist sat behind a desk, typing at a computer, and off to the side chairs had been placed around low tables. Windows let in the dim early winter sunlight.
But still Robin was on guard, and found himself hesitating before approaching the receptionist. Looking around the room, it felt extremely strange to be wearing his uniform here. Even though he knew this place had been built specifically for those that wore clothes similar to his, he made a mental note that he wear civilian clothes the next time he was here.
When he finally got up the courage to approach the woman sitting behind the desk, she had smiled and asked if he had an appointment. When Robin nodded, she'd asked his name- simply as a courtesy, he assumed, since his apparel must have told her who he was- and then typed something into her computer before looking back up at him and pointing off to the side.
"Go out this door and down the hallway to the second door on your left. Dr. Clay will see you."
So Robin had thanked her and turned towards the door.
Entering Dr. Clay's office, Robin was again struck by how normal everything looked. If he hadn't known better he would have assumed this was just a regular doctor's office, where people could come to get treated for a cold or a broken arm. Later Robin would realize that while the entire establishment was designed to look approachable, the first floor especially had been intended to look like any other doctor's office or hospital, lest an unknowing civilian find their way inside.
"Robin, I presume?" Dr. Clay had been sitting at a desk, but stood up when Robin entered the room, offering his hand. Robin shook his hand and nodded. "Why don't you have a seat?"
"I would prefer to stand." Robin cringed as soon as he said it, the response a reflex he had picked up when dealing with patronizing officials and criminals. But Clay just smiled and nodded.
"That's fine." Clay sat down on the edge of his desk. "So, do you want to tell me why you came here?"
For a moment Robin stood there, unable to speak, let alone answer the question. Why he had come there? Was there even an answer to that question? To explain why he'd come would take explaining everything that had taken place since the Titans formed. It would take three years of history, of villains and relationships and responsibilities. It would take a long time.
"I think I'll sit down," Robin said.
TT
Everyone always says that admitting you have a problem is the hardest part. And yes, admitting that he'd let his obsession with finishing Slade take over his life was hard. Very hard. But once you admit to the problem you have to fix it. And that was hard. Very, very hard.
After Robin had given Dr. Clay the concise version of, well, everything, Clay had given him a preliminary opinion on how things would work. One aspect that Clay was sure about was that Robin needed to take a break from crime-fighting. That, while tough to hear, wasn't at all unexpected. What was unexpected, however, was that Clay thought it would be best if Robin become an in-patient- in other words, stayed at the Center for a good long time. Robin had tensed at this suggestion, but hadn't voiced his apprehension. He knew that he needed to take time off from fighting, and knew that if he was out around town he wouldn't be able to hang up his costume for even a day. It was just one more necessary step, one more necessary sacrifice.
Robin listened to the rest of Clay's diagnosis, and when Clay asked if he had any questions Robin had asked the question that had been on his mind since his arrival at the Center.
"How long do you think this will take?" Robin held his breath as he waited for an answer.
Clay folded his arms. "It depends. Up to eighteen months." Then he looked Robin in the eye. "How long do you want it to take?"
"One year." Robin had never sounded so determined in his life.
Nodding, Clay responded, "If that's your goal, we can make that happen." Then he scribbled down some notes on a piece of paper and handed it to Robin. "Take this to the receptionist. She'll help you make the necessary arrangements."
Taking the paper from Clay, Robin thanked him and was about to open the door when he stopped. Turning back to Clay, he repeated, "One year. I want to be done in one year."
Clay laughed. "You know, I think the attitude that got you in here is going to be the same one to get you out."
TT
Starfire slowed the T-Car down as the light changed from yellow to red. Waiting for the light to change back to green, she let her hands loosen on the steering wheel, and let her eyes wander to the landscape outside.
She hadn't known that on the outskirts of the bustling city of Metropolis the skyscrapers and hurried businessmen were replaced with long stretches of empty road and land. For a moment it reminded her of the deserted amusement park and surrounding area where she and Robin had talked a while back. In the hours following her departure from Coal that day the bittersweet tone of their conversation had been piercingly painful. But that day was now synonymous with Robin's decision to put the past in the past, and because of that the good memories from that day outweighed the bad. And enough time had passed to dull the feeling of defeat that had emanated so readily from Robin.
In fact, a year had passed.
And now those unhappy mind-sets were purely in the past.
The light turned green and Starfire hit the gas pedal, eager to get to her destination.
The last time she had seen Robin in person was a month ago, in the beginning of November. They'd talked daily, but because Robin had his communicator permanently turned off- the doctor's suggestion, as a precaution against him getting pulled back into the Titans- they'd needed to use the phone- secure lines, of course- to talk, and so hadn't been able to see each other while doing so. So both because their communications were strictly auditory and not visual, and because even if they had had use of their communicators seeing each other in person was better, Starfire had traveled to the CPRC almost every two weeks to see Robin. But although he missed them desperately, and even talked to them on the phone pretty regularly, Robin wouldn't let the other Titans visit him at the Center. Robin had admitted to being addicted to crime-fighting, but it didn't mean he was any less ashamed of where his problems had landed him, and he was adamant that his friends not see him here.
During Starfire's last visit she and Robin had sat on the benches outside the Center and gone through the usual routine of what they discussed. Starfire would tell Robin about anything and everything that was happening in the Tower and in Jump- crime had been up slightly lately, but it was nothing to get concerned about- and then Robin would fill Starfire in on what he'd been doing in the Center.
His weekly schedule didn't usually vary, but his day-to-day activities were different, one to the next. He'd been nervous to talk to a psychologist about his life as a Titan, not the least because certain actions he'd taken, such as becoming Red X and working for Slade, were things he was not only extremely un-proud of, but were blatantly illegal. But the confidentiality agreement he'd read before signing the necessary papers had stood firm; instead of getting in trouble about his disquieting past, he'd actually gotten the chance to explain why these events had occurred and to express his immense regret about them. And best of all, no one had judged him.
So three times a week Robin "talked his problems out," twice a week he met with a doctor, and once a week he met with someone to discuss his future as a hero and as a normal person. That left one day open to do whatever he wanted. Granted, there was a limited amount of available activities at the CPRC, but in the first few days after his arrival he'd met some of the other patients, and spent most of his free time chatting with them.
The last time Robin had finished telling Starfire about all this, he'd remarked on how he had one month left to fulfill his promise to her. And Starfire, not because she didn't believe he could do it, but because she knew he was working hard and didn't want to pressure him, had told him that she didn't care how much longer it took him, as long as he was confident that he'd ended that disastrous part of his life when he left.
And Robin, in true Robin fashion, had insisted that he would be out of the Center by December first. Worrying that this attitude was too similar to the one that had begun the whole mess, Starfire had started to assure him that he could take more time if he needed it, but was promptly cut off when he'd kissed her.
And three weeks after that visit, on November twenty-fourth, Robin had called to tell her that in exactly seven days he was due to be released.
So today, on December first, Starfire eased the T-Car into the parking lot of the CPRC to see Robin waiting for her, his bags on the ground by his feet, his motorcycle, which he'd repaired a few months ago, leaning on its kickstand next to him. Starfire smiled brightly and got out of the car.
"What a coincidence to see you here," Robin said, fake surprise in his voice.
"I was just passing through," Starfire responded with a shrug.
"Any room in that car for one more?"
"You know, I do not believe there is."
Robin pretended to pout for all of two seconds before taking the distance between them in long strides and pulling her into a close hug.
Laughing, Starfire said, "I feel like I have not seen you in ages." Then, putting her head against his shoulder, she added, "I have never been so happy to see someone in my life."
Robin nodded. "You're not the only one."
She lifted her head and looked at him now. "You are really… This is truly done?" She didn't need to say that she meant both Slade and the Center.
Robin nodded seriously for a moment, but then lost his composure and let a grin spread across his face. "Yes," he said, and then he kissed her. "No more. I am done."
Bringing her hand up to his face, Starfire pushed some jet black hair out of his eyes. He wore his mask, just like he had every day for the past year, though his uniform was still packed away. Instead he wore jeans, a red t-shirt, and tennis shoes. Starfire, too, wore civilian clothes- a grey v-neck shirt, a denim skirt, and, although she still found them uncomfortable, tennis shoes. Robin's hair was freshly gelled in its trademark spikes, a habit he hadn't dropped.
Eventually they were able to tear their eyes off each other, and Starfire helped Robin load his suitcases into the backseat of the T-Car before carefully placing the R-Cycle in the oversized trunk. After everything was securely inside, and after arguing over who would drive, they got into the car, Starfire winning out and getting into the driver's seat and Robin sitting down in the passenger's seat next to her.
"I can't believe it's been a year." They had barely pulled out of the parking lot, and Robin was looking intently out the window. "It doesn't feel like it's been a year."
Starfire stole a quick glance at him from out of the corner of her eye. "What does it feel like?"
"More than a year. Less than a year. I don't know. Both." He turned to her and smiled. "It just feels weird." He let his head fall back on the headrest and closed his eyes. "But it feels good."
"I am glad of that." Taking her first good look at his outfit, Starfire smiled lightly and shook her head. "I never thought I would see you wearing something other than your uniform."
"Me neither." Opening his eyes and sitting up, Robin said, "I haven't worn my uniform since I got to the Center." He looked down at his shirt. "But I had trouble deciding whether or not to wear it today."
"Why did you decide not to?"
"I guess I just wanted to ease back into things. Besides," he smiled, "I can't wait to see the looks on everyone's faces when they see me out of costume."
Starfire laughed. "Well, you know I have been wearing normal clothing whenever I came to see you."
"Yeah, but I don't think anyone ever expected to see me in civilian clothes."
"It will be a welcome surprise."
Over the past months and especially during October and November Robin and Starfire had started talking about what they would do after Robin left the Center. They'd decided first of all that Starfire would meet him at the Center instead of Robin driving to meet her somewhere on the R-Cycle. That had been the easy part. The more difficult part, although not as difficult as they had expected, was figuring out where to go from there. And what they had come up with was this:
The day that Robin checked out of the Center Starfire would pick him up from the Center and the two of them would drive back to Jump City, back to Titans Tower. By this time Robin was looking forward to going home, and more than that, was eager to see his friends again. He'd begun to miss them after he started telling the doctors about his life at the Tower, about Cyborg's brotherly attitude, about Beast Boy's health morals, about Raven's dry humor. And of course about Starfire, always about Starfire, but since he talked to her more often than the others and saw her pretty regularly, his longing to see his friends was now almost equal to his desire to be with her.
From there Robin wasn't sure what he would do. He wanted to fight with the Titans again, and knew for certain than one day he would, but it was not the same need he'd felt to fight before. Whereas before he'd fought with an unstoppable drive to wipe out the entire criminal population of Jump, and the urge to stop Slade never leaving his mind, now he missed the companionship he felt when going into battle with his friends and teammates. He missed the feeling of being a part of something. He missed the feeling of belonging.
So eventually Robin would again become the Titans leader in more than just name, but how long that would take- and what he would do in the meantime- was anyone's best guess. But there was time to figure that out later. For now Robin was content just sitting next to Starfire, watching the empty roads gradually turn into skyscrapers and speeding taxis, and knowing that in a few hours he would again be at home and be with his friends.
TT
The drive from Metropolis to Jump City took five hours, but neither Robin nor Starfire noticed. During those hours they felt the previous year melt away, until it seemed almost impossible that anything out of the ordinary had ever taken place. They're conversation drifted from topic to topic, flowing easily and never lingering on anything uncomfortable, including the recent past.
They were forty minutes away from Jump before Starfire breached the question that she knew she had to ask, if only to get it out of the way.
"Robin, there is something I want to ask you," she began hesitantly.
"What is it?" Robin turned his head slightly to look at her.
Starfire bit her lip. "I am afraid it is a rather redundant query, as you have already assured me that all of this," she waved her hand vaguely back in the direction of Coal and Metropolis, "is over. But I feel as if I must ask you more specifically." Robin still looked at her intently, but Starfire wouldn't take her eyes from the road. "Am I correct in assuming you no longer believe Slade to be alive?"
Starfire's heart pounded in her chest as Robin turned his gaze back to the road ahead of them, sitting for a moment in silence. When he spoke his voice was firm. "I'm not going to keep chasing him."
When he didn't continue Starfire said quietly, "You did not exactly answer my question."
"I don't believe he's alive." Starfire had let out a relieved breath when Robin continued. "But I don't know what exactly I do believe."
Starfire raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps if you were to explain…"
"It's like this, Star." Robin turned towards her again, and Starfire glanced at his expression, relived to see it wasn't one of anger. "I'm not going to spend all of my time chasing after him. He died. I know that. But there's still so much I don't know. I still don't know who he is. I still don't know where he came from. Those are things I still want to find out." Robin shrugged. "Those are things I will still try to find out. I'm going to put Slade on the back burner for a while. For a long while," he added with a smile, "but I'm not going to forget about him completely. And that way…" Robin sat back, a slight look of determination on his face. "That way if that bastard ever does come back I won't be out of practice." A moment later Robin asked, "Does that answer your question?"
Starfire nodded. "Yes." She smiled. "And it does so very well."
TT
Twenty minutes later the T-Car was winding through Jump City, and Robin couldn't tear his eyes away from the window. He'd lived in Coal for six weeks and in Metropolis for twelve months, but no where could ever be like Jump. Jump was his home.
They passed street signs and shops he hadn't seen in over a year, and Robin wondered how he could have ever left this place behind. As they drove past the park, the pizza place, the mall, Robin made a mental list of everywhere he wanted to go. But before that, Robin wanted to go to the one place he'd missed more than anywhere else while away.
As they curved a bend, Titans Tower came into view, and Robin smiled, hundreds of days of being away finally catching up with him. The Tower loomed tall and majestic on its island, the windowed walls reflecting the early December sunlight, and the waves of the bay crashing against the rocks below. There was no other word for it; it was beautiful.
They drove to the tunnel that would take them underground and let them back up on the island, and once parked the two of them took the R-Cycle out of the trunk and rolled it to its spot next to the wall, untouched after all this time. Leaving his bags in the car to be unpacked later, Robin followed Starfire to the front door of the Tower, the door through which he'd left all those months ago. Before she opened the door Starfire turned to Robin, a soft smile on her lips.
"Welcome home."
TT
Robin folded another shirt and placed it on top of the pile in his dresser drawer. The idea had been to leave unpacking until tomorrow, but after getting home and seeing his friends again Robin had been too wound up to sleep, and began to empty his suitcases tonight.
The Titans had been in the common room when Robin and Starfire entered, and the picture before them was exactly how Robin had remembered it. Next to the window Raven hovered in lotus position, eyes closed in meditation. On the couches in front of the TV Cyborg and Beast Boy clutched game controllers, trying to outscore each other in a video game.
"I guess I'm the only that dropped old habits," Robin said with a smile.
At the sound of his voice, the other three stopped what they were doing and looked up at him. For a second there was absolute silence as the four regarded each other. But that would be the last piece of quiet to be had that day.
After the initial "Welcome back's" and "We missed you's" they all sat down again, and eventually the excitement calmed down enough that everyone wasn't talking over each other anymore. Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy made Robin give them the details about his time away, questioning him the most about his time in Coal, as at that point their communications with him had been practically nonexistent. Robin had been uncomfortable to talk about Coal at first, but soon the comfort he felt from being at home with his friends took over and he was able to tell them the whole story- or most of it, anyway- from start to finish. When he told them about the factory he'd visited, he conveniently forgot to tell them about his nightmares later that night.
After Robin had given them his accounts of Coal and the Center they told him everything that had happened in Jump and around the Tower since he left, about the low crime rate in the first couple months, about the string of muggings that had popped up and eventually been stopped, about the government functions that had asked for security assistance. They also told him about the press conference they'd held the week after he entered the Center, in which they'd told the public that Robin was taking time away from the Titans for personal reasons and to assure the city that he would be back in no time at all. This reminded Robin that they'd need to hold a press conference in the next few days to announce his return, but Cyborg assured him a time slot had already been set up for four days later.
The five of them had talked for hours, until Beast Boy had complained that he was hungry and Cyborg had offered to order a pizza. When the pizzas were delivered thirty minutes later it was the best thing Robin had ever tasted.
Now, at eleven o'clock, the sun had long since set and Robin was putting the last of his clothes and belongings away. While hanging up his costume he'd decided that tomorrow he'd wear it, and the idea had filled him with excitement and trepidation. It'd been a year since he'd last worn his uniform.
A light knock sounded from the door and Robin stood up, stretched his arms over his head and walked over to the door, opening it to find Starfire on the other side. Robin smiled when he saw her.
"And what might you be doing here?" he asked.
Starfire smiled. "I wanted to do this," she kissed him quickly, "and I wanted to find out how you were doing."
"I'm doing fine." He turned back to look at his bedroom, which strangely enough he hadn't missed as much as other parts of the Tower. Looking back at her, he said, "It's good to be back. It's really good to be back."
"I am glad." Starfire pursed her lips, as if trying to decide how to phrase her words. "I was worried that you would have difficulty sleeping tonight. Do you still suffer from the nightmares?"
Robin shook his head slightly. "No."
A weight that he hadn't noticed before seemed to lift from Starfire's shoulders. "That is quite good to hear."
"Tell me about it. No, I don't have nightmares anymore. Actually, I don't dream at all anymore. Or at least not that I can remember."
Starfire's eyes widened slightly. "Do you not miss having the dreams?"
Shrugging, Robin responded, "I don't really notice it." Then he added, "I'm happy just being back here with you. I don't need to dream to be happy."
A smile shone on Starfire's face at his words. "Good night, Robin. I will see you in the morning."
Robin caught her before she left and returned the kiss she'd given him earlier. "I love you, Star."
Starfire smiled against him. "I love you, too."
"Good night, Starfire."
"Good night, Robin." Starfire turned down the hallway. "I wish you the sweet dreams." Then she turned the corner and was gone.
Closing his door again, Robin changed into a pair of sweat pants, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and combed the gel out of his hair. Then he turned off the light and got into bed.
In the time before he fell asleep, Robin let his eyes drift over his bedroom, over the suitcase in the corner, over his cluttered desk, over the bare walls where he'd asked Starfire to remove the newspaper clippings about Slade. His eyes fell on his closet, and Robin felt a spike of adrenaline at the notion of putting his uniform on tomorrow. Then his gaze wandered towards his dresser, on top of which his utility belt, bo-staff, and communicator lay dormant. Robin sighed and rolled onto his other side.
In the rooms farther down the hall he knew Cyborg would be recharging, Beast Boy would be sleeping haphazardly on his bunk bed, and Raven would breathing softly in the grip of sleep.
And in one of those rooms he knew Starfire was sleeping. Or maybe she was still awake, lying in bed and thinking idly just like he was. Robin liked that thought, and closed his eyes with that image in his mind.
That night Robin slept soundly.
And that night Robin dreamt, his problems in the past, his mind blissfully elsewhere.
Oh. Man. I can't believe it's done! Actually, I can't believe I wrote this entire thing from start to finish. I can remember way back when I sat down to write the first chapter, and I honestly never thought it would get this far. This fic has been one of most intense and rewarding projects I've ever undertaken. Before I let you guys go, there are a few things left I still have to say:
1) I really can't say it enough- thank you to everyone who reviewed. You've all made me smile more times than I can count, and I really appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback.
2) A lot of you said in your reviews that you thought Slade should kidnap Starfire, and I feel like I should give an explanation as to why that didn't happen. In short, Slade couldn't kidnap Star because he wasn't around to do so. You've all seen Aftershock II and Haunted- Slade was somewhere in the fiery beyond. The reason I couldn't bring him back was because the point was that Robin was obsessed with someone who wasn't there. If Slade had made an appearance it would have made the entire story obsolete.
3) While writing there were several instances when I had to cut huge chunks from the story for various reasons. I saved all of these passages, and if you'd like to see these "outtakes" let me know and I can e-mail them to you.
4) And finally, none of this would have been possible without the inspiration I've had from Aimee Mann. If any of you have listened to any songs from The Forgotten Arm I'd love to know your thoughts on how I did superimposing the album on this fic. Just a reminder that there's a link at the bottom of my profile that goes to a website with lyrics for all of TFA.
It's been a blast, guys. See you around!