Behind these hazel eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Buffy slammed the door shut behind her, hoping the violence against the innocent piece of wood would make her feel better. It didn't. She slumped down on the bed, the feelings and confusion of the situation overwhelming her.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

How could he? How dared he, no, make that both of them, keep it from her? She knew Angel thought he had the right to make life changing decisions for her, but Spike? She had thought that he knew better.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

He wasn't supposed to leave, he was supposed to be the one that stuck around, not like her dad, or Angel or Riley. Granted, at the time he didn't exactly have a choice, with the being burnt to ashes and all. But now, he had been back for a while and no-one had bothered to tell her. Andrew had even said that Spike had been very clear about him not telling her that he was back. Had Angel's sick idea of how she should live her life rubbed off on Spike as well?

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

But what if that wasn't what this was all about? What if he hadn't called her or come to see her simply because he didn't want to have anything to do with her? Buffy felt tears form in her eyes at the thought. Was that it? Did he just not love her anymore? Buffy shook her head at the idea. No. Not Spike. Not him, never him. He would always love her, no matter what. He had promised. Yes, at the time it had been more of a threat, but still.

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

She hadn't exactly given him a reason to love her. Not until it was too late, and then he hadn't even believed her. What if it had been too little, too late? What if he had moved on with his life, well, unlife. He could be involved with someone else for all that she knew. Buffy shivered at the thought of Spike with someone that wasn't her. No, that wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be the only one he wanted to be with, but what if that wasn't true anymore?

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Buffy got up off the bed and walked to the window, sitting in the large window sill. She pulled up her legs to her chest and rested her cheek on her knees, staring out over the quickly darkening streets of Rome, coming to a conclusion. If he didn't want to be in her life anymore, then she had to get over him. Really get over him. The only question was; could she?

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Buffy let the tears flow freely now. She already knew the answer to that question.