Shepard stayed in the same spot even long after Garrus had run off. She didn't know why she'd let him, why she hadn't gone after him.

He said he needed space. She didn't want to ignore it completely, not so soon. It wouldn't be fair to Garrus…

Besides, she wasn't so sure she wanted to see him right now, either. His words still kind of stung.

Thanks for letting me know what's my defining characteristic in your eyes.

That one had hurt; mostly because it had been true. It wasn't so true anymore, but it had been for a long time at the beginning of their relationship. She'd been very self-conscious about dating an alien, and not only because she was the first human to ever do that. Garrus was so different from everything she knew. She loved that. She didn't even hide that it was a big part of why she'd been attracted to him in the first place - the exhilaration of discovering someone so new and alien, the physical differences between them… She'd thought he felt the same.

Clearly, he had not. Or at least there'd been something more in play on his side.

She looked down and was shocked to realize she was still wearing the elegant outfit she'd chosen for their date.

This had started as a date? She had to force herself to remember that part. She could only remember that it had ended in the most painful argument of her life.

Why did it hurt so much?! She'd never been one to avoid confrontation, she was used to fighting with even her superiors. She was used to being yelled at. It wasn't anything new to her and she'd gotten very good at not letting it affect her… Then why? Why had Garrus's words touched her so much?! Why did it still hurt?!

Shepard touched her abdomen. She was starting to feel physically sick.

What was it about that fight that had affected her so much? Was it the simple fact that she and Garrus weren't supposed to fight at all? Was it that she'd never prepared for the possibility that they might?

No. That wasn't it. Any relationship has its ups and downs. It'd be foolish of Shepard to assume that theirs was different and she never had.

Had she come on too strong? She'd been the first one to say that she loved him, just barely a month after they'd met. She'd been the one who had first made a move to make their relationship physical. Had she been pushing Garrus out of his comfort zone all along? He had never said he was uncomfortable, but she was sure he wouldn't even if he were; she knew how strong his stupid sense of obligation was. Was this all just the fallout of her inconsideration for his feelings?

Had she driven Garrus away?

To be honest, there had been times when she didn't understand why he continued to stand by her side. With her new responsibilities, she had less time for a personal life, and even though she'd been trying to be the amazing girlfriend he deserved, she didn't know if she'd been doing a good job. No matter how ridiculous or boring or difficult things got, Garrus had stood by her. She didn't know why. She hadn't done anything to deserve that kind of unconditional loyalty.

She cared.

Of course she cared. He was the first person she'd ever connected with on such a personal level, and now she knew he was the only person she would ever get this close to. She cared what he thought of her, how he felt. She usually didn't give a damn about other people's opinions on her, but Garrus was different. His opinion was important. It was vital. It was what drove her.

That's why it hurts, Shepard realized.

It hurt so much because those hurtful words had come from a person she cared about so much. They had come from Garrus - her Garrus, the only person in the galaxy whose opinion really mattered.

She'd been absolutely terrible to him, she now realized. Tell me you aren't dating me only because I'm a turian. Why hadn't she said anything?! Did she really believe it was true? It wasn't. She loved him like she could no one else. He cared, he helped her, he didn't judge her, he was smart and funny and understanding and so, so cute… Why had none of those things come to her mind when he'd asked?! True, she didn't want to date human men, but that didn't have anything to do with Garrus! It was just her own issues with fame and recognition, he had never been a part of it! If anything, she had never felt as though she had to hide who she was in front of Garrus!

"Oh, god," she whispered. Garrus. She couldn't believe she still hadn't gone after him yet. "...I have to find him."

Garrus kicked a tin can someone had dropped onto the sidewalk. It clattered a few meters ahead, making enough noise to make several passersby turn their heads. With a metallic clatter, it eventually came to a halt—ironically enough, right by a waste bin. Garrus had thought that kicking the can would make him feel better, but it didn't.

He didn't really know what would actually help make him feel better.

He didn't know what he wanted. As to what he needed...

He did know he needed to shoot something. Or someone. Stupid Citadel had nowhere to go to shoot aside from arcades and shooting ranges. It wasn't organic. It wasn't real.

It wasn't real.

Or was it? It had been him at the beginning. He'd been the one who wanted to save her life. He'd started it all, at that moment when he decided not to shoot her on Shanxi, he'd caused the avalanche of everything that'd happened since.

But did she really... Was that really all she ever saw in me? A turian?

Garrus clenched his fists. He really needed to punch or shoot something right now.

Eventually he found himself straying to the combat simulator at the arcade. He hadn't even consciously chosen that direction; his feet just instinctively carried him to the place he usually went when he was feeling bad.

Perhaps now wasn't like those other times, because he was feeling significantly worse than in any other instances he'd come here for stress relief. He also wasn't very sure if his elegant outfit would be especially comfortable to play in, but he didn't want to go home and change. He was almost certain that if he fell onto his bed in this emotional state, he might not get up for hours.

Only going through the motions, Garrus bought a round at the simulator. In the stead of his visor, he put on a pair of AR goggles and then selected some combat scenario or another.

He took a small handgun and a sniper rifle from the armory. These didn't fire real bullets, of course, but when he shot a virtual enemy, it was realistic enough for him to throw himself into the fight and finally focus on something else than how he'd screwed up the best relationship in his life.

Not thinking about that.

He started up the game. It didn't take him long to fall into a rhythm and gather more ammunition and upgrades as the enemies grew stronger with every stage.

Garrus jumped back, avoiding the zombie turian who'd charged at him. One bullet to the back of its head was enough to make the virtual enemy disappear.

For a short moment while he took stock of his supplies, Garrus idly thought that the zombie apocalypse was the only combat scenario that didn't include enemies with firearms. He didn't have much time to reflect on that thought because another zombie, this one a human, had started running towards him. He shot it and quickly looked around. Another human was approaching from behind him. Garrus pointed his pistol at it, but he didn't shoot.

It was Shepard.

Garrus blinked. It took him a few seconds to discern that she was real and not part of the simulation.

He lowered the gun. The game paused as soon as he did.

They stood in silence for a while. Shepard kept her eyes on the ground.

"Knew I'd find you here," she said shyly.

Garrus flared his mandibles.

"Of course you did." He tried to avoid looking at her. "I told you everything about myself. You should know me better than anyone else by now."

If she felt bad about that, good. If she didn't... Well, he wasn't so sure if he could trust someone like that.

Shepard carefully walked up to him. "Got room for one more?"

He paused, deliberating. On some level, he wanted to hold on to his anger, however childish that was. He wanted to be angry at her, shut her out. But on another level, he just wanted this to be over. He wanted things to go back to the way they'd been before.

He sighed.

"Of course." He tossed her a simulator handgun.

"What scenario we doing?" Shepard put on the AR goggles.

"Zombie apocalypse," Garrus replied tersely. "It's a new one. They added it since there've been more humans coming here. Apparently, it's a popular theme on Earth."

"A classic." She reloaded the gun. Garrus saw her logging in on the display and immediately saw her digital avatar overlaying over her body. A custom-designed repaint of the standardized human armor, with red-and-white stripes on the arms and legs, similar to the one on her N7 armor.

Shepard looked at him from behind the glowing glasses.

"Ready?"

He nodded. "Starting up. I'm on wave four already, so get in gear."

"Come on," she grinned. "It's me."

Garrus unpaused the game. He covered Shepard for a moment, while she got into the rhythm of the simulation. When he saw that she was feeling confident with playing, he backed away, letting her do her thing while he focused on the large group of zombies approaching from the other side of the room.

"They designed non-human zombies?" Shepard noticed, surprised, after shooting a decaying krogan.

"Apparently so. Wanted it to be more inclusive, I guess. Also, it's probably not the best policy to have a game centered around just killing humans." He shot two zombies creeping up on them from behind a corner. "Some people might see that as offensive."

It was easier with Shepard. While he'd never really used a sniper rifle in the combat simulator, now that she was there, he switched over to it immediately. He didn't have to ask to know he could trust her to have his six while he picked off the farther enemies. He dove into his trust for her like it was the most natural, simplest thing in the world.

He kept close watch to Shepard's vitals displayed on his visor, too. They weren't in real danger, of course, but that was of little importance to him. He just needed to know she was alright. That was all he needed to be at peace.

He shot another human zombie closing in on their location.

Knowing she was fine was enough. It had always been enough.

Garrus smiled as he watched Shepard make easy work of four enemies circling her as if it was nothing. She moved like an angel of death, her every move swift and carefully calculated, every graceful kick and jump executed to perfectly compliment gunfire.

He'd never seen a turian fight like that. Come to think of it, he'd never seen a human fight like that, either. Whatever this merge of martial arts and military training was, it was something that was entirely and exclusively Jane.

He was so focused on watching her that he'd completely forgotten about the game. Before he had the chance to aim and fire (and now, a pistol would have been very preferable to his sniper rifle) a large zombified asari had bit into his carapace. It didn't hurt, of course, but he saw his HP bar drop all the way to zero.

"Damn!" Garrus put up his arms. "I'm out!"

Shepard kicked another zombie off herself. Her health bar was still at eighty percent.

"Oh, crap. Really?!" She turned to him with a disappointed expression. "This was just getting good!"

"You can still keep playing by yourself," Garrus noticed.

Shepard shook her head.

"It's no fun without you." She dropped a frag grenade and waited until it exploded, killing her on the spot. Her virtual avatar flickered over her real body.

Garrus took off his AR goggles. The room looked empty without the virtual environment and the enemies they had been fighting.

"So… Are we okay?" Shepard was looking at him somewhat shyly, an uncharacteristic look on her.

"We're okay." Garrus wrinkled his nose. "You know I can't keep mad at you, Shepard… Are you okay?" Now it was his turn to bashfully look down. "I'm sorry. For what I said. Who cares how we started? We got here. And I'm pretty damn partial to here."

"Can't lie to you, I like where we are too." Shepard looked away. "But you had every right to be mad at me. I'm… sorry for how I handled things. I should have been honest with you, but I wasn't and…" She sighed. "I really screwed up. I just want you to know I don't see you as a turian soldier who saved my life. You have no idea how incredibly glad I am it was you and not anyone else who found me there."

"Maybe I was just at the right place at the right time…" Garrus felt bad for still feeling hurt by that idea. "But it worked out so well."

"Maybe you were. I don't care if it was circumstantial that we first got together; because now I know you're the only person I could ever want. I want this, I want us."

"Shepard…" Garrus had started purring at some point, his chest softly vibrating when he looked down at her with all the love in the world. "I love you."

"I love you too." Shepard smirked, raised an eyebrow. "...Hey. There's an upside to a big fight, you know."

He grinned. "Make-up sex?"

"Make-up sex."

"You read my mind." He offered her a hand. "M'lady?"

She smiled widely, putting her hand in his.

Just a few hours later, Garrus was resting his head atop Shepard's stomach while she absently scratched his chin.

It felt peaceful. (Although they barely fit on his bed when sprawled out like that.) He didn't even pretend not to purr anymore, especially when Shepard did that stuff she did with her fingers, around his chin or under his fringe.

He closed his eyes and nuzzled up to her, mindful not to poke her soft parts (which was most parts) with his crest.

All was right in the world again.

If it were up to him, they could stay like that forever. Her hand on his chin, his head on her stomach, her chest steadily rising and falling under his cheek. No words. Just love.

"I didn't mean it about myself."

"Hm?" Garrus lazily propped himself up on his forearms. "What do you mean?"

"When I said that you didn't know who I am," Shepard said quietly. "It wasn't just about me being famous."

He didn't answer. He didn't care anymore. They'd moved past that difficult moment in their relationship and he didn't feel like coming back to the conversation that had started their fight. He didn't want to come back to it.

"Garrus?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't know who I was." Her eyes were shining. "You saved my life when you had no idea who I was. This means that you didn't save me only because I'm Commander Shepard, but it also means you would have saved anyone. You saved the life of an enemy soldier, Garrus, you made the kind choice I never would have made in your place, and I can never forget that. You are definitely a better person than me. And you... you make me want to try to be a better person."

Garrus was dumbfounded.

"I..." don't know what to say. I don't know what to say to that.

Shepard folded the covers nervously.

"Listen, I'm not... great at emotions. I prefer to keep to myself. It's easier that way. I can be who people expect me to be. The decorated war hero and the leader. I try not to show my feelings. Maybe I..." She smiled sourly. "Maybe that wasn't a great choice. You saved my life. I will always be grateful for that. No matter what... I'm glad I got to meet you, Garrus." She looked him in the eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too," Garrus whispered. He leaned in to kiss her.

He decided not to say that his decision to save her life back then had been largely impacted by how fascinated he'd been by her red hair.

They lay like that for a while longer, Shepard tracing some invisible lines along his arm while she held his other hand, and Garrus only wished that this moment could never end.

It did, of course, because that's what moments do.

"Well... It's getting late. I should go." Shepard sat up.

"Can't you stay over?" He grabbed her hand, knowing fully well that she couldn't stay over, that she had that speech tomorrow, but still not ready to end this peaceful moment.

She smiled, shaking her head at him. "Garrus. You know I have to work on that speech for tomorrow's meeting with the salarians." She let go of his hand. "I really need that to go well."

For a moment, he watched in silence as she put on her clothes, but then he sighed and reluctantly pulled on his own pants and shirt.

Shepard ran a hand through her hair, trying to get it to settle and look like it had earlier.

"Did I take everything?" She looked around, patting her pockets to check for personal items. "Okay... Okay!" She opened the door. She laughed nervously as she turned back "And hey, wish me luck."

Garrus touched his forehead to hers. "Good luck."

She kissed him on the cheek. "Now I really have to go. Alright... I'll see you tomorrow!"

She walked off quickly and Garrus couldn't help smiling. He still sometimes couldn't believe that he got to be so lucky. That she chose to be with him, to love him like he loved her. It was nothing short of wonderful.

Still smiling, he walked back to the living room and sat down at the desk. He still had plenty of his own work to do, even if it wasn't as important as Jane's own.

He rifled through the reports, unable to find anything interesting among them. He filled out some forms without much enthusiasm, but he kept his eye on the data displayed on his visor and his terminal nearby all the while.

He hadn't told Shepard about it, but he'd synced up her vitals with his visor—only as a precaution, not because he was expecting her life to be in danger anytime soon. Nonetheless, he'd gotten used to seeing that data in the corner of his vision. It always calmed him to see her steady heartbeat.

Until now, when it suddenly fluctuated and flatlined.