When Garrus eventually came about, he found himself laid out on the bench in the waiting room of some hospital. How he'd gotten there, he didn't remember exactly. He only remembered the most important part.

Shepard.

The immediate moment her vitals had gone down, he'd sprinted out of the apartment and run after her, fearing the worst. People had already gathered around her, someone had called for an ambulance, but he'd pushed them all away.

He'd never been more scared in his life than at that moment when he saw her bleeding out on that sidewalk, with a gunshot wound in her chest. No pulse, no heartbeat. Nothing.

The ambulance had arrived almost immediately after, but they hadn't been able to pry him away from her until they'd made it to the hospital. He'd kicked and screamed, and hadn't wanted to let anyone else near her. That had been when someone had eventually knocked him out of consciousness.

He sat up, rubbing his head. He couldn't believe this was actually happening, couldn't believe Shepard was… Shepard had been…

This feels like all my worst nightmares in one.

Damn it, she was Commander Shepard, the war hero and the most prominent political figure of her species, an N7 officer and one of the most capable people in the galaxy. She was untouchable. How could she, of all people…?

"…apprehended the shooter. Been holding…"

The three people talking in hushed voices nearby were two asari nurses and some human.

"…contact her family?"

"She doesn't have any."

Garrus listened, unable to believe, but... Did he really not know that? How could he not know that? He knew her. He knew Jane Shepard. His Shepard. She was...

Fuck. She was…?!

He quickly fumbled around his temple, frantically trying to get the inactive visor to turn on. When it eventually did flicker into his sight, Garrus could finally let out his breath.

Shepard's heartbeat was slow, but steady. She was alive.

He hid his face in his hands, breathing out with relief. She was alive. Fuck… She was alive.

"…except that turian."

His eyes immediately zeroed in on the voice, the second one of the nurses. She had been looking in his direction, but now that he looked at her, she quickly turned her gaze elsewhere.

"…would have to ask him."

He looked up.

"You're Garrus Vakarian, aren't you?" The human man was holding an extended hand in his direction and it took Garrus a few seconds for his brain to fully click with the human gestures Jane had taught him. "Shepard's boyfriend. I don't know if you know it, but she's been talking a great deal about you."

Garrus moved in to shake the man's hand, but then he remembered that he still had blood on his hands. Human blood. He settled on a polite nod.

The man was around Shepard's age and, more notably, was wearing a military uniform. Officer's cut. Clearly someone Shepard had known before her politics career.

"You have me at a disadvantage," Garrus noticed.

"David Anderson," the man introduced himself tersely. "She and I used to be close, before First Contact."

Garrus could probably inquire about that, but right now he didn't really care.

"What happened?"

"What always happens in politics." The man shrugged. "A turian with a sniper rifle."

Garrus didn't blink, coldly staring at him with his icy blue eyes.

Anderson looked right back at him until finally realizing his mistake.

"...A turian extremist," he corrected himself. "An assassin. There's plenty of anti-human groups out there, especially in turian space. It's not very surprising one found his way onto the Citadel."

"They wanted to kill her?" Garrus clenched his mandibles, trying to keep himself from growling. He wanted to kill someone right now.

"Apparently. C-Sec caught the assassin trying to get off the station. They've got him in custody now."

"Beautiful," Garrus growled. If they let him, he'd gladly have a word with the turian who'd tried to murder the woman he loved.

He clenched his fists, still stained with Shepard's blood. He sighed.

I really need to wash this off.

Garrus stood up and almost winced when he got hit by a sudden wave of fatigue. He wasn't tired, but his entire body felt weakened somehow.

"Uh, is there a washroom around here somewhere?" he asked the nurses.

"Down the hall, last door on the left." One of the asari pointed vaguely, sending a sympathetic smile his way. Garrus didn't know how to interpret it.

Once in the bathroom, he quickly locked the door behind himself.

He turned on the faucet. The water turned red very quickly once he put his hands under the stream. He couldn't help but let his nose twitch at the smell of fresh blood that hit him suddenly.

"Fuck…" He splashed some water onto his face. It didn't really do much, but he'd seen Shepard do it so many times in the morning that he'd actually picked up on the (probably human) habit. He looked into the mirror. He didn't look so great. The only upside was that at least his face wasn't bloodied.

Damn it. When had it suddenly gone to this? This isn't the life we wanted… Not the life we'd chosen.

He'd thought that, since they'd both quit the military, that it'd mean there would be no more danger of getting shot at work. That this life was… maybe safer, somehow?

He'd just been kidding himself, hadn't he?

He couldn't believe this. Not Shepard. Of all people, she was the last person he'd expect to get taken down like this.

Once more, he made sure the door was locked. He shut his eyes. He could feel his chest vibrating with unvoiced grief, and when he eventually couldn't take it anymore, he fell to his knees, a loud keening sound escaping his throat despite his best intentions to keep quiet.

Garrus hadn't cried for years. Not since that accident his mother had been in… And wasn't this situation so painstakingly similar.

He envied Shepard. He envied all humans, envied the salarians and the asari who could cry silently, channel their sadness into tears. Turians didn't do that. His only choices now were to either soldier on or to wail here in the bathroom.

He inhaled sharply. I have to keep it together. For her. There would be plenty of time to grieve later, but for now he needed to be strong.

Is it appropriate to say you're grieving when you haven't really lost anything? Garrus had no idea how else to name those emotions he was feeling. It was grief. Grief over almost losing Shepard to some idiot with a gun and no brain, grief over almost losing her so soon after they'd made up. He hadn't properly appreciated the time they'd had; he hadn't realized how easily it could be cut short.

Garrus almost couldn't believe that just a few hours earlier, he'd been carefree and happy. He couldn't imagine it now. Everything had fallen apart so quickly…

With a heavy sigh, he unlocked the door. He had no idea what was going to happen now, and that scared him more than anything. Even if he'd been making a lot of risky decisions in the last months, he'd never been in a position where he hadn't known, at least roughly, what to expect. He'd known what to expect from nearly all the political moves and choices, but now? He was lost.

And his heart ached because he had no idea if Shepard was alright. He knew she was alive, but that wasn't nearly enough to calm his nerves.

He nervously tapped a talon against his thigh.

"She'll be fine."

Garrus jerked his head to where the voice'd come from.

"She's going to be fine, you know." Anderson repeated, looking up at the turian with what was probably supposed to be a reassuring look. "Shepard's about as tough as they come."

"You don't have to tell me that." Garrus massaged his nape nervously. He flared his mandibles. "Doesn't mean I'm not worried."

"You really do care about her, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Silence.

"Most humans don't really like turians," Garrus noticed. He realized how it must have sounded just a second after the words had left his mouth. "I don't mean it in a bad way! I work with humans— Hell, I'm dating one. I just meant…" He sighed, defeated. "I… You've been very friendly to me. Why?"

"Jane Shepard trusts you and that's worth more to me than anything else." He closed his eyes, smiled. "I've learned to trust Shepard with not only my life but with everything. She's nothing but extraordinary—the man she chose as her partner could only be remarkable. She's not the type of person who would settle for less, you know."

If turians could blush, Garrus would be completely blue by now.

"You have that wrong...! I mean, she's only— We're just... She's the— I would never say that... I mean, Shepard..." What the hell had she been saying about him?! He wasn't special! The only thing that made him special in any way was that he knew her, because she was the extraordinary one and she was special and it was her... It had always been her.

He let a quiet wail escape his throat. She was hurt. She was hurt and he couldn't do anything to help. He'd never felt this helpless before.

The human sent a curious look his way, so Garrus quickly covered up his emotional turmoil with a cough and a change of topic. Which wasn't difficult, since he still had plenty of questions he wanted answered.

"What do we know about the assassin? Was Shepard the only target? Do they have an agenda? Are they part of an organization? Was it an isolated incident? What can I do to help?"

That last question had rolled off his tongue completely naturally, but Garrus had not intended to ask it. Not aloud. Thankfully enough, Anderson didn't seem to notice.

"I don't have as much information as you think, Lieutenant. You'd have to ask someone from C-Sec; they've been handling this case. All I know is that so far, no other assassination attempts against human politicians have been made. The assassin is part of a turian separatist group known as Ordo Veris. They're responsible for several terrorist attacks on Palaven and nearby colonies."

"I know," Garrus said quietly. "They've got a rep."

He didn't know what his girlfriend had done to get the attention of one of the most prominent terrorist groups in the galaxy, but he did know he didn't like it. He'd have to ask her about it. And maybe he should start paying more attention to what exactly she did at work - and who it pissed off.

Garrus looked up at the sound of footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. One of the asari nurses from before, the ones responsible for handling Shepard from what he gathered. He was just a tad dubious if they were suited to treating human patients. He hadn't seen any human doctors on the Citadel.

"Is Shepard…" He trailed off before he could finish that sentence. Is she alive? Is she alright? Is she awake?

The nurse nodded her head at the door.

"She's stable now. You can go in to see her."

Garrus didn't know what to expect, but he braced himself for a sight of Shepard lying in a hospital bed with life support machinery wired up to her. He didn't know how bad it was, but he couldn't help but expect the worst. She probably wouldn't even be conscious...

His own train of thought trailed off when he saw her, leaning on the windowsill behind her, her arms crossed across her chest in a completely relaxed position. She looked at him and smiled widely.

"Garrus!"

"Shepard."

She didn't complain when he immediately embraced her; she actually hugged back.

"Hey there," she whispered. Her voice was more husky than normally, but she didn't seem sad. Garrus hid his face in her hair, messy and tangled as it was, and took in a deep breath of the scent that was no longer alien to him, the scent that was now just Shepard. Nothing more, nothing less. Familiar and calming.

She smelled like home.

Garrus took a few steps back, slightly abashed now that he remembered the human officer was still in the room. Granted, this man seemed to know of the nature of his relationship with Shepard, but that didn't mean he wasn't still a stranger.

"You're… looking good," Garrus managed to choke out in an attempt to be casual.

She really was looking good. Dressed in a tracksuit instead of a hospital gown, walking around on her own, smiling, and talking, Shepard didn't give the impression of a person who'd been legally dead just a few hours earlier.

"I guess I am," Shepard agreed, still not breaking the lighthearted attitude that was unnerving Garrus so much. "I'm feeling pretty good, too. The doctors said I'll be cleared to go home as soon as today."

Garrus flared his nostrils. Why was she being so flippant about it?

"Shepard, you were shot." It may have sounded patronizing, but he didn't care, because she was acting as if she didn't know it.

"Bullet went straight through." She smiled at him and he hated her—he hated her so much right now, because how could she smile?! How could she act as if everything was okay, as if there hadn't just been an almost successful attempt on her life?! "It's fine."

"It's not fine!" Garrus stomped his foot on the floor. The volume of his voice actually surprised him. He hadn't planned to be quite so loud. "It's not fine. You keep saying it's fine, but then you almost die! It's not fine!"

"I'm fine now." She shook her head. "Really. I am. Calm down."

"How can you ask me to calm down, you—Are you insane? You were dead! You actually died, Shepard!" He grabbed his head. "Fuck!" He stopped, but she didn't seem very fazed. "You can't act like this is okay!"

"It was just clinical death. It happens all the time."

"Shepard." Anderson crossed his arms and he at least seemed to share Garrus's concerns.

"Oh. Oh, my god." She quickly stood to attention. "I had no idea you were here, Commander!"

"Clearly. You only had eyes for this one." Anderson was looking at Garrus, a small smile playing on his lips. That smile disappeared quickly, though, replaced by his previous frown. "Shepard, you're not thinking clearly. I believe you if you say you're alright now, but that doesn't mean you should dismiss the implications of what happened."

"I know," she admitted hesitantly. She turned to Garrus. "I'm… sorry I worried you. And for other things too." She cleared her throat. "And, um… I'm sorry for leaving the Alliance, David. I mean, sir. Commander. I—" She winced. "I'm still on painkillers, I'm sorry if I'm not making sense…"

Garrus looked from her to Anderson. The questions he hadn't bothered asking before were now burning in his mind. They were definitely close - very close. And was he actually feeling… jealous? He caught himself before he could consciously think that thought. That's absurd. They're clearly just friends. Besides, Shepard doesn't date human men. He didn't know why he was even thinking about this. It wasn't even important. It shouldn't be important.

"It's fine. You were forced out of the Alliance more than you left." Anderson put a hand on Shepard's forearm. "No one's holding it against you. Especially since you're doing a great job out here."

"Until I get shot, that is," Shepard said dryly. From her tone, Garrus suspected she intended it as a joke, but no one laughed. In fact, they all fell deadly silent.

She looked down.

"Thank you for coming in," she said eventually, after an agonizingly long minute had passed. "Both of you. It means a lot."

Garrus glanced over at Shepard while she filled out another form releasing her from the hospital. She'd changed from the hospital-issued tracksuit into her own clothes, and now that she was only wearing a more fitted shirt, the extent of her injury was more apparent. He could clearly see the medical dressing below the fabric.

He hummed softly, trying to calm himself with the knowledge that she was right there by his side. She was alive and well, and she would be okay. It did little to quell the grief coursing through his subharmonics. He was hoping it wasn't too loud.

"Finally." Shepard scanned the last form with her omnitool. She looked up at him. "Let's leave this place. It smells too much like death here."

Garrus didn't point out that they'd both been to their share of deathly places already—places that were far worse than a fancy hospital on the Presidium.

He found himself quietly humming with sadness again when they were waiting for the elevator. He stopped as soon as he realized it, but he had no idea how long he'd been doing it.

They stepped into the elevator and that was when he finally couldn't keep it in anymore. Now that they were alone, he let out a short, quiet wail.

Shepard looked at him, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

"You've been making this sound a lot," she noticed.

"Can't exactly help it," Garrus answered quietly, his voice just for a short second rising above the miserable hum of his subvocals.

He glanced at her again. The amount of bandages around her chest was comparable to back on Shanxi. If the shooter had known just a bit more about human physiology... Too close.

Once more, his throat tightened and a short keening wail came out.

"This is how you cry, isn't it?" Shepard wasn't looking at him anymore. She was just staring at the floor, a deep frown chiseled into her face. She seemed angry.

"Cry... Turians can't do that. We don't even have a word for that. There is something similar, but... This isn't it." He grabbed her hand, gently stroking her palm with his thumb. She looked up at him. "This is just... something I'll be doing for a while. I'm not crying, Shepard. I'm just sad."

"Crying is what you do when you're sad."

"You really don't want to hear turian crying. Trust me. I've heard it once and I don't want to ever again. It's the kind of sound that will just stay with you forever. Haunting."

She clenched her fists.

"Shepard?" Garrus took a step back, completely unprepared to see her with shining eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks. Had he seen her cry before? He couldn't remember if he had. This was wrong. Shepard wasn't supposed to be…

He wiped her tears away with the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Garrus felt his throat tighten when he heard how choked up she sounded. "I'm sorry. I… I'm so sorry."

Garrus clenched his mandibles. How could she be blaming herself for this? He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Jane, this wasn't your fault."

"Not what I mean. It's just…" She bit on her lower lip, her fingers nervously dabbing on the jacket she was wearing. "It was so close and your last memory of me would have been what an ass I was. I… I'm sorry, Garrus. I'm so sorry. I can't even… I don't know how I can make it good."

Was she really still thinking about that? After what'd just happened, their fight seemed almost inconsequential in Garrus's eyes. Certainly it wasn't what he focused on.

"Shepard, I—" He nervously clicked his mandibles, his hand reaching toward her face. "I don't care about that anymore! You're... It doesn't matter anymore, I'm just glad you're okay! I—"

Garrus grunted with surprise when Shepard pressed her lips against his mouth, the kiss effectively silencing him. He closed his eyes, letting her press him up against the wall and not fighting back. He felt that maybe she needed this. (And all things considered, it was a much preferable way of channeling her emotions than a fight.)

"Say you won't let go," she whispered against his mouth plates.

"I won't," Garrus promised softly. He let his hands rest on her waist, pulling her in, keeping her close.

"I love you. I'm sorry." Shepard nuzzled up to his neck, resting her head under his chin. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She repeated it a few more times, her breath gradually going from a ragged hiccup to a steady, calm rise and fall. Garrus didn't say anything, holding her like she'd asked him to even when she eventually lost consciousness. He didn't know if she'd fallen asleep because of the emotional toll on her or if she'd passed out from the stress of the day, and honestly, he didn't care. He picked her up as gently as he knew, softly purring in hopes maybe the steady vibration would help keep her calm.

He really didn't want to wake her right now.