From my Balcony - Chapter Eleven

Notes: This is like the climax of the fic.

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June

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The sun always set more slowly when there was nothing to talk about. Summer vacation left Roxas and Axel with less excitement about school to discuss so that most of the conversation was only their game of "what are you thinking?" That distressed Roxas greatly.

"What'cha thinking?" Axel asked, just as Roxas thought to do the same when his thoughts wandered into dangerous territory. He hesitated with his answer, and that was enough. "Ha! I caught you! No lies!"

"I just… I can't tell you." he forced out.

"Nu-uh! You have to, there's no way out of it this time!" Axel was far too excited about it for Roxas' taste. The blonde sat silent for a while, trying to think of some lie that would be odd enough to pass for embarrassing, but the only thing that came to him was the truth.

"It's… I can't stop thinking about it," he started.

"About what?"

"That… thing… When we…" more hesitation. The word sounded strange in his head and felt weird in his throat, "…kissed."

"…oh." said Axel, much less excited, and more reserved, as if he was embarrassed just as much as Roxas was.

"I tried to tell myself it was nothing, because you weren't bringing it up, and I sure as hell wasn't going to mention it but… I couldn't, it just kept bothering me, it was all I could think about. God, I even broke up with Namine over it."

"Shit, are you serious? Sorry about that, man."

"No, she could tell something was up, so she said I should take time to figure it out. But… shit, it's been two months and I'm more confused than I was in the first place!" Roxas cried, digging his face in his hands, embarrassment and frustration mingling and surfacing together in his emotions.

"…I never brought it up because I didn't think you wanted me to," Axel said after a moment. "I didn't realize… that it bothered you so much." His face and voice seemed… rejected, somehow.

"It didn't… bother me so much as it just… confused me, really," Roxas replied, looking away. He thought he felt his face heat and he was sure it was just the sun's last blazing rays. "I can't understand the why."

Most of his embarrassment was covered by surprise when Axel suddenly stood. "Say, why don't you come over for a second. We could, you know, pick up where we left off." he said, he face reddening slightly. "If you know what I mean."

Roxas stared at his feet for a while. Where they left off meant kissing Axel again without Demyx coming to interrupt them. That's what had confused him the most, that he had been on the verge of kissing the red head again while he was aware of what was happening. It hadn't made any sense. So he nodded, telling his mother that Axel had something to show him real quick so he'd be right back. His mother only nodded and said not to be out too late.

Axel was all smiles and jokes when Roxas came into the apartment. He had started to think the man was backing out of his own suggestion until they came to the room he shared with Demyx.

"Hey, Demyx, um…. Get out."

"What? First I can't go on the balcony and now I can't stay in my own room?" he said with a whine.

"You can go out on the balcony if you get out now." Axel's tone was edging closer to a threat, and Demyx either realized that or was excited about the balcony, because he left quickly and without any further complaints.

If Axel had been confident before, he showed no sign of it now. They stood awkwardly in the middle of the room behind the closed door, trying not to stand too close or look at each other. Roxas thought he saw Axel's mouth move in an attempt to speak several times before he actually did.

"So we were…"

"Sitting," Roxas finished when Axel looked like he might not continue speaking.

"Yeah! Sitting…" the red head glanced around the room for a moment before settling on his own bed. Roxas followed suit, and then they were silent again.

"And we were just…" He was going to say 'about to kiss' but Axel finished the sentence differently.

"Arguing about you being a princess!" Roxas glared.

"I'm telling you, I'm not a princess." he said plainly, forgetting for a moment why they were there.

"And I'm telling you, you have no choice!"

"If you say it's because you're taller again, I'm going to punch you."

"Well, that is a large factor."

"It's not a factor at all, I could take you easily."

"Yeah right! Let's just see about that. You, me, arm wrestling, right now."

"I hope you're prepared to lose!"

"That's my line!"

Suddenly, they stopped. They pulled back and sat up straight again, eyes wide; they had unconscientiously began leaning towards each other as they were arguing.

"I think I almost kissed you again…" Axel said slowly.

"Me too…" Roxas said just as slowly. They began closing the distance between them again, this time on purpose.

"This really is where we left off." Again, Axel's hand began reaching for Roxas' face.

"And this is the part where Demyx comes in…" But there was no interruption this time, their eyes already closed and their lips already touching before the blonde even had a chance to properly finish his sentence.

The feeling was… rather ordinary now that Roxas could actually pay attention to what was happening. It was not as if he had never touched anything with his lips, and so far that was all he and Axel were doing. They pulled away slightly and simply looked at each other for a moment. That had not answered any questions, but they were kissing again before he could really contemplate anything.

This time Axel's mouth was moving against his. That felt different, better even. The taller man was kissing him harder now, almost pushing Roxas to his back so that the boy had to reach up and clutch the other's shoulders just to keep himself upright and attached to the man's lips. This time when they pulled apart the blonde's breathing was heavier. There had been no time for breath with that kiss.

"Figure anything out?" Axel asked. Roxas' brows furrowed and he shook his head slightly.

"I think… I want to keep kissing you, but I still can't figure out why."

"At least you know you like the kissing," he commented with a slight smirk.

"Yeah, but that's all I know."

"Well, I figured out why I like kissing you awhile ago, maybe knowing that will help."

"You did? Why?"

"… I have a big, fat, crush on you."

Roxas turned away in a futile attempt to hide the fact that the flesh of this skin was heating visibly. Despite having kissed Axel three times already, there was something considerably embarrassing about sitting next to the red head suddenly. He shouldn't have been so surprised, really. After all…

"Roxas? You don't have to give me an answer or anything like that, I already know you're confused," Axel was saying with an affectionate pat to the boy's head.

…Isn't that the only reason people kiss each other at all?

"Holy crap," Roxas breathed, "I must be slow, or something," he said as facts of life began dawning on him.

"What? You were just confused, that's understandable…"

"No, I think…" More and more kept filling Roxas' head, instances when he should have realized Axel's feelings, instances when he should have realized his own feelings, all bombarding him at once despite having eluded him all that time before. It was so simple, so obvious! Anyone else would have seen it instantly. "I think I've had a crush on you since I met you."

Axel's facial expression made it look as if Roxas had just said something insanely stupid. "Well, that's good to know," he said, expression not changing, but moving in to kiss Roxas again anyway. The boy met him half way and there was something undeniably different about the kisses after their short conversation.

A half hour later, Roxas managed to glance at a clock and jumped when he saw what time it was. Their kisses continued, however, when the boy figured he could tell his mother that Demyx had a new fish and that Axel's room mate had kept him from getting home like he said he would.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," Axel replied as he gently pushed the boy back down on the bed.