A/N: Here's the dark chapter. WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I promise, the next chapter will be lighter. I think I'm about done with the gloom and doom. But, do enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I went numb.

I turned off the phone and just stared at it in my hands.

"Is everything all right?" I looked up and saw Craig. He looked concerned and a little nervous.

"Manny," I mumbled.

"What?" he asked completely confused.

I slowed down my thoughts and focused on what I meant by Manny. Oh yeah. Craig had tried to kiss me.

"What about Manny?"

"What about her?"

Seriously, we weren't getting anywhere. I cleared my throat and continued on. "You tried to….kiss me. You have a girlfriend. I'm not Manny."

"I'm not asking you to be. Besides, I don't have a girlfriend anymore."

What? "What?"

"When I went to see her on the trip, we had a fight and broke up."

I don't understand why he never told me this.

"It was because of you."

Oh, well, that explains it. "Wait, why?"

"She was jealous of all the time I was spending with you."

Manny is such a loser. She should trust him! He's only the greatest guy ever! Oh. I got it. She thought I was going to steal him. If only!

"So, who was that?"

"Who was what?" I asked.

"On the phone."

And then the numbness returned. I remembered listening to my mother's voice. It sent shivers down my spine. "It was my mom."

"What happened?"

"M-my dad." I looked down at my hands. "He was coming home in two weeks."

"Does he have to stay longer?"

I shook my head. "He's coming back in a few days."

"That's amazing, Ell!"

"No, it's not." I sniffed. "He's coming back because he was killed in an explosion."

Saying the words made me shut down. I couldn't think, I couldn't cry, I couldn't speak. I saw my vision shift and discovered that Craig had pulled me into his arms. I didn't even feel his arms around me. It hurt too much.

The pain I couldn't control was returning.

---------------------------------------

The next few days went by in a blur. Craig flew back with me for my father's funeral. I still hadn't spoken. I barely moved. I didn't know if I even ate anything.

At the next moment, I was in the church, staring at my father's casket while a faraway voice mumbled incoherently. I glanced down and saw that someone was holding my hand. It was Craig. I looked up and stared back at the brown box which held the body of my father—the man who really understood me. Now, it seemed, that man was Craig.

Next, we were at the cemetery where we were laying my father to rest. I heard sobbing. I looked over and noticed it was my mother. She wept as the soldiers did their thing in honor of my father. Then suddenly, it was over.

Craig drove me to my mom's house and took me inside. He told me that he thought it'd be better for the both of us to be together. But it seemed like he was talking to himself. He probably didn't think that I could hear him.

He sat me at the kitchen table and kissed my forehead before he left. I felt it.

It soothed my pain for a moment, but the pain returned too quickly.

Suddenly, I heard a voice talking. It was my mother.

"…Showed no respect to any of the guests! This was your father's funeral and you had to ruin it!"

Of course, she was berating me.

"You looked as if you didn't even care! Eleanor, I thought you loved your father, but you were just sitting there, staring! You didn't say a word when people gave you their condolences. You were ungrateful."

It was as if she was stabbing red, hot knifes into my heart. I was upset, too. She just didn't experience pain the same way I did, apparently. So, obviously, I snapped.

"Don't you ever say that!" I yelled. My voice was a little hoarse because I hadn't spoken in days. "I was hurting just like you were; I just went into a hole when I heard. The pain was killing me. You know what I wanted to do, Mom? Huh? I wanted to cut myself, all right! But I just shut down. I didn't want to cut, but I didn't want to keep on hurting." I soon discovered that I was crying. I didn't know when they started, but I felt them falling. They were stinging my cheeks as they fell. More pain. More agony. But I couldn't stop it.

"You're not the only one who's broken up about this. I'm going to miss him. He was more of a loving parent than you ever were!" I gave her one last look and saw her blurry face to be hurt. I ran from the house and down the street. I didn't know where I was going. I just let my feet carry me.

I hugged my arms to my chest as I walked blindly. I still had my coat on from earlier, so it helped keep me warm. Sometime later, I had arrived in a hotel. I walked to the counter and asked for Craig Manning's room number. After he got my name and called up to his room, he told me the number.

I walked up to his room and knocked on the door. Craig answered with a concerned look on his face. "Ellie? What's wrong?"

I broke down and felt him pull me into his arms. I cried against his tee shirt as he hugged me close. Later, when I started to calm down, I realized that I was lying on his chest on the bed. I felt one of his hands around my shoulders stroking my back, while his other hand was in my hair, stroking it smooth. I took a few deep breaths and let his body heat, my exhaustion, and the rhythm of his movements lull me into a dreamless sleep. Right before I fell into it, though, I whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," was whispered back, but I didn't hear it because I had fallen asleep.

---------------------------------------

Any annoying electronic ringing woke me up from my sleep. I looked over at Craig and felt peace. I soon realized that it was my cell phone that was ringing, so I reached into the pocket of my coat which I was still wearing and answered it. "Hello," I said sleepily.

I felt Craig start to shift as he was beginning to wake up. "Is this Eleanor Nash?" a powerful voice responded.

"Um, yes. Who is this?"

"This is Sergeant Unger with the Toronto Police Department."

What the heck? "Ok…"

"Did your mother have a past experience with alcohol or drugs?"

I sat up. "She's a recovering alcoholic. Why are you asking me this?"

"Was there a traumatic experience that happened recently?"

"My father died."

"Oh."

"Why? What happened?"

"Miss Nash…your mother was in a terrible collision about three o'clock this morning." I couldn't breathe. "We believe she was under the influence of alcohol or some kind of drug."

"Is she all right?" I felt a hand on my shoulder. Craig was awake.

"I'm sorry Miss Nash, she was pronounced at the scene."

The man may have said more, but I didn't hear him. I ended the call and felt completely empty. I had lost both of my parents in a matter of days.

"Ellie?" A voice behind me said.

God, the pain hurt. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop. I looked down at my covered arms. I could end the pain forever. It's down the street, not across. I'm sure Craig had his razor in his bathroom…

I stood up quickly and ran for the bathroom. Craig called my name again, but I shut the door before he could stop me. Damn. The lock was broken. I put my weight against the door to keep him out. "Just leave the room, ok?" Again, I was crying, and I hadn't known I was.

I think he caught on because he started pushing on the door. "No, Ellie. Open the door. What's going on?"

I silently sobbed as I reached for his razor that was resting on the edge of the sink. It was an easy grab. Now all I had to do was finish it. I pulled up my left sleeve and stared at the scarred skin and placed the razor against my skin. But I stopped. I stopped because Craig was not pounding on the door anymore. He had really left. I was going to be alone, just like each of my parents were.

I prepared again for the fateful cut, but I just couldn't push the blade. I didn't want Craig to find me. If I survived, I'd be too ashamed to face him again. I decided that I could run out of the room as fast as possible and find a place where he wouldn't discover me.

After a deep breath, I stood up and placed my hand on the knob. I hid the utensil in my coat pocked and turned the knob. I ran as soon as the door was open.

I didn't get very far, because apparently Craig had the ability to read my thoughts. He grabbed me and made sure I couldn't get away. Yes, I kicked and screamed, begging him to let me go as I continued to cry, but he wouldn't relent.

"Why, Ellie? Why do you want to do this?" I suddenly stopped flailing. His voice sounded as if he was crying. He placed me down on the ground but kept a firm grip on me. I looked at him and saw the tears streaks on his face.

"It hurts," I said as a rush of fresh tears surfaced. I placed my face in my hands.

He embraced me and smushed my face into his chest. "I know it does. I lost my dad, too, Ell. It hurt like hell. But you'll get through it."

"But I didn't just lose my dad…"

"Is your mom drinking again?"

"She was…until the moment her car crashed."

"Oh, God," I heard him mumble. He squeezed me tighter. "I'm so sorry." He kissed the top of my head and held me as I cried.

I don't know how long I was standing there before all my tears were gone. I looked up at him and he stroked the hair away from my face. I probably looked worse than I did last night.

"Ellie, you can't do this. And I know what you were going to do."

I glanced away from him. "I just don't want this pain anymore."

"Too bad." I looked at him. "You're alive, so you're going to feel it. But it's better to feel alive and go through the pain than ending it just so you can't feel one stupid emotion."

"It's powerful."

"Yes, it is. But it's not permanent. If you were going to do…that, it would have been."

Craig talks to his psychiatrist too much. But he was right. I can overcome the pain. I smiled slightly. "I don't deserve to have a friend like you."

"What? A true friend?" He smiled. "Ell, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me."

I looked him in the eye. "Thank you."

He ran his hands through my hair. "Anytime."

"Just don't leave me, too, ok?" I said.

He brought me close to him again and said, "Nash, I'm going to be around you so much, you're going to want me to leave you." He chuckled. I breathed in his scent. It was very soothing, and it made some of the pain disappear.