Chapter 10
Thor left them in silence. Loki knew what he wanted to say, but the right time didn't come to say it. Terra knew what she wanted him to say, but she knew it would never come out of his mouth. That silence deepened as she kept her back to him as her feet moved her in circles around his cell. She was searching for the words to say, but as she walked his cell, she found the words were lost to her. Loki followed right behind her, wanting to tell her that none of what just happened was planned, but she never stayed still long enough.
"Terra, please don't walk away from me" whispered Loki the words taking him by surprise as they left his lips as he tried to get close to yet always failing though he sensed she wanted that way. She was already thinking the worst. She was already assuming that he would leave this cell and leave Asgard never to return. Loki knew that was why she stayed away from him because she was protecting herself from the pain, she thought was her destiny. Because even if she didn't say it, he knew she wasn't expecting him to come back, but he wanted to prove her wrong.
"Is this because you expect me to die or you don't think I have enough reasons to come back?" exclaimed Loki voicing his thoughts as she suddenly stopped to stand with her face to the wall.
Loki knew he had caught her off guard with his words, but still she said nothing. She only seemed to stare at the wall as if it had the answers. He didn't realize how upset she was until he noticed the way her hands were balled into the fabric of her dress. That was when he came up behind her and though he wanted to wrap his arms around her shoulders, he let his hands settle on her shoulders. He did it for two reasons. One, so she couldn't walk away from him anymore, but also so he could feel her skin on his hands. He heard her breathing slow as her emotions seemed to gather on one breath and in that moment, Loki wanted desperately to know what she was thinking.
"You know I love you, Terra—" exclaimed Loki, but before he could even begin her voice was slicing through his.
"When you fell…when I found out I was to have your child and I thought you were dead…I prepared myself to raise this child without you. I always planned on your mother being there to guide me, but that can't be now. Nonetheless Loki, I can prepare myself for that once more. I can raise our child without you if you don't return" whispered Terra her voice calm. It was calmer than he expected given the emotion he felt thrumming through her. He expected her to cry or scream or something, but she only stood there saying these things to sooth him when she should be soothing herself. Loki knew her heart was heavy though by the way her eyes stayed centered on the wall instead of looking at him.
"I'm going to come back, Terra" whispered Loki wanting her to look at him, but still she didn't move.
"Don't make me any false promises, Loki…I'd certainly understand if you didn't want to come back to be in this cell again…and you don't know that you will have a choice in coming back at all" exclaimed Terra her voice beginning to quiver with emotion. Through all of this, Terra still wouldn't look at him, and Loki desperately needed that in that moment. He needed her to know that her and their child were his world now. That living in his cell meant nothing if it meant he wouldn't see her every day. He was bound to her now, not just because she was his wife, but because he loved her. Loki needed her to know that he would never leave her again, at least, not willingly. He needed her to know that, so that she would know he was coming back to her.
"This is not a false promise, my love, I am coming back. I have to because you are my wife, and this is my child and you are what matters now. I will always come back. I have to see our child into this world. You will never have to worry about being alone in that ever again" exclaimed Loki his hands still on her shoulders as she leaned back into his touch. Loki felt relief at that as his forehead connected with the back of her head. His words soothed something in her as her eyes closed. She wanted so desperately to believe him, but she was afraid to. Because if he died there would be nothing, he could do to keep it.
"You still can't promise anything, Loki, because if something happens you won't have a choice in coming back or not. If you die…I'll still be left to raise this child all by myself. If that should happen, I need you to know that I'll be alright. Because I planned for this long ago" exclaimed Terra the tears running down her cheeks now as all the courage she held within herself leaked slowly out of her.
In that moment, Loki wanted so badly for her to look at him, but she didn't think she would. Until her head turned and she was with tears in her eyes. Slowly, her body turned too, and in her eyes along with the tears he saw an uncertainty that he would ever return to her. He wanted to keep assuring her that all would be well, but he knew she was right. Any other assurance he gave could turn out to be a lie. She loved him, he could see that there, but the doubt lay with him. She was afraid he would die, but of something else too. She was afraid he wouldn't want to come back to her. That all this was an act and that he was still the man that treated her as his whore. She was afraid of everything in that moment and he knew it as he looked down into her eyes searching for the words to assure her that nothing would keep him from her.
"You're right, but I will do everything in my power to come back to you" whispered Loki his hands leaving her shoulders to travel to the swell of her belly where their child was growing. This child was his future, their future, and Loki weren't willing to miss out on that. The thought made him look at where their child grew, and he didn't look at her again until her hands covered his. That was when everything he wanted to say to her just seemed to spill out for her to hear.
"I don't blame you for doubting me, Terra, no other woman would give me the second chance you have. I will not make you regret giving me that chance. My life belongs to you and our child now. You have my oath that I will return to you, one way or another for as long as I am capable" whispered Loki each word sincere as he caressed her belly until his hands lifted to cradle her face now. She was looking at him now the tears still pouring from her eyes. Her hands were still on her stomach as she looked at him letting him see the weakness that she wouldn't have before. The truth was she was thinking of Frigga in that moment and it pained her that she wouldn't be there to see their child into the world. It was that pain that had made her tell him to go even as she was afraid to at the same time. Loki saw then that the doubt had faded and within them was a tender mix of fear and love. Neither of them knew what the future held in that moment. Whether it would be their destiny to raise their child together or separate. Terra was afraid of the future. Of what her life would hold for her if he didn't come back or if he did. She was surrounded by uncertainty and it was weighing on her as she stood there in front of him with her face in his hands. Loki understood that fear because he felt it too.
"Terra never forget that you are my wife now. That very soon you will be the mother of my child. Always remember that because that is why I always come back to you. Because my love for you is stronger than anything else inside of me. I no longer want power and glory…the only thing I want is you. To have our family be happy and healthy. For those reasons alone, I will always return to you, you have my word on that" exclaimed Loki holding her face still as he looked down at her. After a moment, he drew her close, and when he kissed her, Terra knew he meant everything he said. She let him kiss her and returned the kiss slowly until she felt the fear in her bones begin to fade. He felt her fingers as she gripped the collar of his shirt, he felt as her mouth slanted eagerly against his, and when they drew apart her face remained in his hands.
"I am only doing this to honor my mother. She deserved better than what those creatures gave her. She should have lived to see our child into this world…I must honor you…and as soon as I have, I will come back to you, this I swear. Please, trust me in this" said Loki his voice low and serious all at the same time. Terra only looked at him at first and when her hands went around him that was when his answer came. She held him close and nothing was said as they merely enjoyed the presence of each other. Of being together while they still were. Terra buried her face in his chest as her arms went around him. Nothing was said between them as they held each other close, but then she looked up drawing his eyes to hers.
"I will trust you to come back in time to see our child come into this world" said Terra simply, receiving her own answer when he kissed her once more. Loki found himself seated against the wall with her straddling his hips. Nothing else was said that day. They didn't need to be, and Loki knew when she left him that she wouldn't come back. He wouldn't see her again until he returned from this quest for vengeance that he found himself on. It would make watching him go somehow easier though she didn't know how at the time. She only hoped that she would see him again.
"Please be safe, my love" whispered Terra when the breakout did happen with her sitting in her room waiting for someone to come get her to tell her when it was over.
She didn't move to investigate or ask what was happening, but she chose not to move. Terra sat on her bed with her hands one atop the other over her stomach. She listened as guards shouted outside, but the words were only an echo in the background of her mind. As she closed her eyes, Terra thought of what Loki had said to her, and in that moment their child kicked from within her.
"He'll come back…don't we" whispered Terra though she wasn't sure if she was assuring herself of that or their child even as the what if's wondered through her mind.
What if he wasn't physically able? What if he died doing this thing that he thought he must do? Those questions wouldn't leave her. Those questions scared her because she didn't know what would happen after today. She didn't know if he would return and she found herself mentally preparing herself. Because she needed to be strong now. Because if he didn't come back, she would have to raise this child alone. Terra knew that she couldn't wait around for him to return. She had to worry about their child now. Until she saw him again, Terra decided she would do as she was going to after Loki fell from the Bifrost. She would have this baby and raise it to be strong. She wouldn't show how scared she was at the thought of that, her child would never see that, but instead their child would only see how much she loved it. She would raise their child alone, a child of Asgard, and a child of Loki's blood. She had never planned to shy away from that and that had not changed. Loki would always be their child's father. He would always be the one she loved and now, her husband. What he had done in the past wouldn't matter to her or the child she carried. Together, they would learn to live with the legacy that Loki had left them. Though she couldn't say how she would manage that until the time came.
Terra knew that would make their life hard, but she wasn't afraid. Their child kicked within her again and Terra opened her eyes.
"It's going to be alright. No matter what happens, I will protect you. I'll protect both of us" whispered Terra unsure what would happen now that Loki had escaped.