Yuffie and the Homeroom Quest of Gayness!

Chapter Two: Kairi's Revenge

Akikami: Hello! Two weeks and another chapter. This one is a bit of a filler because I haven't really figured out what the permanent pairings are yet. And pertaining to that girl asking if I was Ashley R (or something like that) um….nooooo. My name doesn't even begin with an A. I don't think I know an Ashley R either.

Kairi watched Axel laugh obnoxiously at Yuffie chasing Demyx out of the cafeteria.

She twitched.

She was STILL angry about Axel's stunt during science class. The forms of her revenge were slowly falling into place in her mind. Soon VENGEANCE WOULD BE HERS!

"HEEEEEY KAIIIRIIIII!"

And now it was gone.

"What. Selphie?

Selphie giggled hysterically at absolutely nothing. "Nothing! I just wanted to come and say hi to my bestest friend in the world…est! AHAHAHA!"

Since when were they best friends?

Yuffie was a closer friend then her and the only reason she talked to Kairi was because she wanted her help in exposing all of the homeroom boys' gayness!

…

Wow. That sounded a lot weirder when actually put into words.

"Oh." Twitch twitch. "Great."

Now she had to think up her revenge all over again!

"YEAH! AHAHAHA!"

Twitch.

Wait. Kairi suddenly got ANOTHER idea for revenge.

It was pretty stupid but the effects would be immediate!

"Yesss…yeeeessssss…" Kairi muttered evilly.

"Uh…Kairi, no offense but you're sorta acting weird! AHAHAHA!"

"Uhg…" Oh my god. What a freak. "Hey…" Okay, she could do this. "Bestest friend, could you do me a favor?"

Selphie's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the bestest friend part. "Yeah! Of course BESTEST FRIEND!"

Cue bone-crushing, suffocating bear hug.

"Ack…Selphie…can't…breath…"

"Hey Demyx!…Dem-Demy…oh whatever!" Huffing and puffing Yuffie blew a raspberry at Demyx's laughing retreating form. "I'll-I'll get…you yet!"

Sighing, she dragged herself back to the cafeteria…

Only to find that pandemonium had struck again!

"And than-Oh my god!-Roxas was like 'Aaaaxeeeel-'"

"I WAS NOT!"

"Oh, don't deny it Roxy-puuu! I have it allllll on video!"

"Selphie!"

Axel and Roxas were in vain trying to subdue the unstoppable romantic demon that was Selphie which everyone knows is impossible because not only is she a hyperactive nutcase she was also so obsessed with romance that no current or would be couple was safe from her wrath! Actually, she would probably be a good ally…but, I digress.

Selphie was laughing hysterically as she usually did as she screeched something that sounded suspiciously like-

Yuffie grinned.

Axel and Roxas!

"What were you doing in the BOYS' bathroom anyway?" Axel was yelling, bordering pitiful.

"Oh-ho! Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Seeelphie!"

Everyone seemed quite disturbed.

Kairi was grinning evilly and stroking the charred ends of her hair.

Hmmm…

For some reason Yuffie was starting to think Kairi had something to do with all this.

Kairi began to cackle evilly before erupting into a coughing fit.

Oh yeah…

"Um Kairi…"

"THE APOCALYPSE HAS COOOOME!"

And then for no reason in particular Pence ran screaming through the cafeteria.

Naked.

"AHHH! MY EEEYESSS!" Olette wailed and proceeded to run straight into a wall.

"Heart…can't…breath!" Hayner passed out, falling on top of Olette's unconscious body.

And the rest of the cafeteria just ran as fast as they could.

THE NEXT DAY:

"Now let us have a moment of silence for Pence…something who died yesterday when the cafeteria lady accidentally dumped a bucket of kerosene on him to stop him from streaking. (1) We are all very sad."

One millisecond later…

"On a lighter note, Hayner and Olette are no longer with us because they went to Las Vegas and got married after becoming conscious again…that is all."

Yuffie didn't really care.

Pence was a 6th grader.

A PUDGY 6th grader.

Therefore, he didn't exist in her eyes.

She was in homeroom again. Nobody seemed that sad…well, except for Roxas. But, that was just because Rikku (the girl. Two ks not one) was teasing him about what Selphie said before Pence's streaking (or as Yuffie liked to call Prestreak).

Cloud was making sure nobody saw his ferret's big tail sticking out of his bag even though it was pretty obvious.

Jasmine was interrogating everyone else about 'how they feel' about Pence's death…and Hayner and Olette's marriage.

All in all it was a very boring morning.

So, let's go see what someone else is doing!

IN SELPHIE'S HOMEROOM"

"Do you really think I should tell her?"

"Yessss! You should! You should! Her deep, hidden love for you is evident in her eyesssss!"

"Ummm…okay."

And that was how Beast (strange name huh?) was talked into confessing his love to Belle, the prettiest girl in their homeroom. Not that he was UGLY or anything, but people tended to say he was bit on the hairy side (2).

"Um, Belle?"

The brunette turned around and smiled. "Yes?"

Beast swallowed. "Um..I…I…"

He gaped like a fish. Swallowed again.

"I…"

"He's doooomed!" Selphie sighed.

"I…"

"Um..yes?" Belle said in a confused (but polite!) way.

"I…ILOVEYOU!"

Silence.

"Oh…" Not polite! Oh my god!

"Oh? Oh what?"

"Weeelll…I'm sorry Beast but I'm in love with Xaldin!"

Beast blinked and gaped like a suffocating fish.

Selphie gasped, "An unlikely romance! How scandalous!"

Belle laughed nervously.

All three simultaneously turned to the back corner of the room where Xaldin, the Chinese hippie, and his friend Xigbar, the resident emo, sat.

Their conversation went a bit like this:

Xigbar: Hey dude!

Xaldin: What man?

Xigbar: I'm gonna cut myself with this safety pin RIGHT NOW!

Xaldin: Righteous man man!

Xigbar: -cutting himself with a safety pin- AHHH! THE PAIIIN! IT'S SOOO GOOOD!

END CONVERSATION

"NOOOOOOOO!" Beast wailed, falling to his knees.

"Shut up fool!" Ansem the teacher screamed.

Everyone ignored him.'

"WHY AM I ALWAYS IGNORED? WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS!"

Still ignored.

TBC

Akikami: a bit shorter then I normally write but oh well. I need some ideas for the pairings I'll use. I'm going to make this basically ALL crack pairings so vote for which cracktastic pairings you want featured in this fanfic!

(1)-This is taken from a book I had to read in LA Out of the Dust. The main character Billy Joe accidentally dumped a bucket of kerosene on HER mother and she died giving birth to her brother (who also died). EVERYBODY DIED! Even people who didn't get names died! It was mind numbing to watch.

(2)- I combined the Beast's beginning ugliness with his ending attractiveness! FUHOHOHOHO!

Now read and review my readers.

Read and review.