Yuffie and the Homeroom Quest of Gayness

Chapter Four: A shameless Yu Yu Hakusho Rip-off

Basically a pointless side story

A/N: First day of summer! WOOOOOO! Ahem, anyway. Sorry I have neglected this story for…a few weeks, but I had a case of serious writer's block on what to do next. And I had lost pretty much ANY inspiration that I had once had…but never fear! My seemingly endless hours of boredom during finals have inspired this fic once more….and a whole lot of one shots and ANOTHER fic (o.0)! I've already posted two, but expect another soon.

Oh, and one other thing. Just because our BELIEVES that all the boys in her homeroom are gay does not mean they actually are. As you have seen she IS a bit addled in the head. Just warning you. Some of you have reviewed for certain pairings that probably won't be in the story. AT ALL.

The poor, FAT ghost of Pence floated sadly about the town of Twilight Town. He had been dead for only two days and already he was bored out of his mind.

There really wasn't anything to do when you're dead and nobody can see you.

I mean, it only lasts so long to spy on everyone and learn their deepest, darkest secrets before you get bored of not being able to tell anyone. And freaking out little spiritually aware kids pretty much sucks when the only one you can find is some big, orange-haired gang oaf with the brain of a hamster and a disturbing love for kittens (1).

So, there he was floating above his one true love's house: Namine. When he was alive, she hadn't really liked him. Actually, she downright hated him. Once, she had drawn a picture of him being shoved off a cliff and missing three of his limbs and given it to him…Pence had treasured it always.

Pence loved everything about Namine. Her hair, her eyes, even her slightly disturbing snorting laugh. He loved her so much he would watch her in her bushes twice a week.

…

Isn't true love wonderful thing?

"Bingo ol' chap! AHAHAHAHA!"

"AHHH! OH MY GOD!" Pence squealed girlishly. "IT'S THE GRIM REA-"

He stopped.

There on an oar was the most… not grim reaper thing he had ever seen. A hyper looking GIRL in a kimono with a British accent. Weird. (2)

"Um…who are you?"

The girl giggled shrilly for one, two, three minutes!

Pence wondered how she was able to breath.

"I'm the grim reaper, here to tell youuuu…"

"That I get to go to heaven?"

The grim reaper snorted. "As if! Oh, oops that was bit mean. Bad me!" She hit herself. Pence floated about an inch or so away. "No, I came here to tell you that…there's no room for you heaven OR hell! AHAHAHAHA!"

Pence sat and stared.

Opened his mouth.

And stared some more.

"No room?"

The girl laughed again. "Nope! So, now you can either get someone to dig your body out of the grave and kiss it before noon and bring you back to life orrrrr….WONDER THE EARTH FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY! AHAHAHA!"

"Ummm…okay. How many people do I get to ask?"

"Uhhh…four!"

"Four?"

"FOUR!"

"Okay!"

The girl blinked, whacked Pence the head with her oar, and disappeared.

TRY ONE: YUFFIE

Pence couldn't ask Namine to dig his body out of a grave. She was too pure. But, somehow he could see the would-be ninja digging hiss body out of a graveyard at night with a rusty shovel.

Go figure.

Yuffie sat in her room that night thinking. She thought of many things: how to prove all of the boys in her homeroom's TRUE sexuality, what to wear to Pence's funeral (lime green maybe?), and how to acquire Cloud's ferret in her NEXT quest…WORLD DOMINATION!

It was during these deep, life-altering thoughts that Yuffie…fell asleep.

And it was during this sleep that Yuffie had very very strange dreaaaaaaam….

YUFFIE'S DREAM:

Everything was all sparkly and shiny and PINK.

Yuffie twitched. She HATED pink.

Wait a minute.

She saw herself…about to make out with the pudgy sixth grader Pence! Strangely, Pence was glowing a shimmery gold colour and still looked quite dead (which was even more gross then just regular Pence), but Yuffie didn't pay much attention to that.

…

SHE WAS MAKING OUT WITH PENCE!

OH, THE UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS!

END DREAM

"AHG! MY EEEYEEES! THEY BUUUURN!"

Yuffie jumped up and ran, fully clothed, into her shower to wash her eyes and mouth out.

Hmmm…guess she didn't exactly like the kissing Pence part.

Oh, well.

Guess he would have to try again.

TRY TWO: SORA

Maybe Sora would. He liked to help others, right?

Sora was already asleep at 9.30 PM. Can you say goody two shoes or what?

He had picture of a silver-haired girl conspicuously hidden under his pillow and randomly muttered, "Fuuuuuu…."

Pence wondered quite off topic…what was a fuu?

So Pence made the dream happen however it was supposed to be done. He didn't really get himself. Then, he waited. And waited. And STILL waited. Wait, Sora was starting wake up…

"AHHHHHHH!"

Sora bolted up and ran screaming from his room. Pence watched him disappear downstairs and scream, "MOM! GET THE HOLY WATER! GET THE HOLY WATEEEEER!"

Ooookaaaay.

Who else was there?

(A/N: For the sanity of the readers I'm just going to skip the rest of the dream sequences.)

TRY THREE: HAYNER

Hayner was supposed to be his friend. He would help him! (Pence does not know of Hayner and Olette's marriage in Las Vegas)

Pence was quite surprised to see that Hayner was NOT asleep in his room, but…somewhere else.

Well, that sucked.

But, wait!

Maybe he could send the dream-thing without being able to see him. So, he tried.

Waited.

Nothing happened.

Pence sighed.

"Oh well. Guess I'll have to find someone else…"

IN LAS VEGAS WEDDING CHAPEL

Wow.

Hayner had just had the most disturbing daydream right before his marriage to Olette that he was kissing Pence.

"I'm sorry, Olette, but I can't see you anymore!" Hayner exclaimed as he ran out of the chapel.

Olette burst into tears and hugged the preacher wailing, "WHYYYYYY?"

"I don't know who I am anymoooore!" Hayner wailed, in tears.

Some random guy in the pews jumped up. "RUNAWAY GROOM! RUNAWAY GROOOOOOM!"

TRY FOUR (THE LAST):…SELPHIE

Pence just…couldn't think of anyone else. His reasoning: maybe she was crazy enough to do it.

Mere minutes after the dream the romantic brunette had jumped out of bed and gotten a rusty shovel from her closet exclaiming "DUTY CALLS!"

She ran out of her house. "Mooom! I'm going to dig Pence's body out of his grave and bring him back to life with the kiss of life!"

"Okay, honey! Have fun!"

Pence followed after her, all the while thinking of what horror he had unleashed upon the war.

The following morning Selphie was till attempting to drag Pence's coffin out when the police came and dragged her off.

They ignored her frantic, wild reasoning and put a piece of duct tape over her mouth to silence.

Some random gravedigger filled his grave back off and whistled his way on home.

"NOOOOOO!" Pence cried. "WHAT WILL I DO NOOOOOW?"

"Wooooow," Pence nearly died again at the grim reaper's sudden appearance. "That's really too bad. Guess you'll have to wonder the earth for all eternity, huh?"

Pence sniffled. "Isn't there ANYTHING else I can do?"

"Weeell…you could hatch open this egg." She pulled out a golden egg. "If it's good then you come back to life. If it's bad it'll eat you."

"Okay!"

Pence hatched it open.

A giant man-eating monster that was about a million times larger then him popped out and ate him.

The grim reaper laughed and clapped her hands. "Oh, that's might favorite part!"

And, nobody EVER learned the true demise of Pence.

And frankly, nobody would have cared.

Moral of the story: Pineapples don't have sleeves.

A/N: Okay, after finishing this I have discovered that this is more of a side story then and actual chapter. But, who cares? It's still an update!

1-Botan from Yu Yu Hakusho. She's actually pretty cool, but I sort of….screwed up her character. Oh well.

2-Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho. He's an idiot, is in a gang, and has a kitten that was held hostage by a bad guy in one of the first episodes. Nobody likes him including me. He's probably the most pathetic character ever on ANYTHING.

I told you this was a shameless Yu Yu Hakusho rip-off.