Ziva isn't dead.
Gibbs felt the blood drain from his face as the simple, shocking statement echoed in his head. He just stared speechlessly, shocked to his core. That was the last thing he'd expected Tony to say. Blinking against the unaccustomed sting of tears, he finally he found his voice after a moment.
"What did you say?" he whispered hoarsely.
Tony didn't repeat himself, he just nodded imperceptibly.
Gibbs believed him; Tony would never assert something like that unless he was absolutely certain it was true. Gibbs sagged back in the chair and closed his eyes. He'd felt joy at first, but joy was quickly replaced by the weight of hurt, disbelief, and confusion. Then came the guilt. It was nearly overwhelming, and Tony saw it, reading him as well as ever.
"Don't start beating yourself up, Gibbs. There was no way for you to know," Tony assured him, emphatically shaking his head.
"You did," Gibbs pointed out, his voice mildly accusing. His mind whirled with so many questions, but one pushed its way to the front of the line.
"How long…" Gibbs stopped, trying clamp down on the burst of anger and resentment he felt, not sure if it was Ziva or Tony he was angrier at. "How long have you known?"
Tony grimaced. This was the part Gibbs would not be happy about. Gibbs saw the answer on his face.
"Before you came back?" he pressed.
"Yes," Tony admitted. "For quite a while now."
Gibbs' eyes narrowed and went a flinty blue.
"You lied to me about Ziva, Tony," he accused with quiet anger. "That day in the basement."
"No, I most certainly did not lie," Tony disputed. "Mossad did declare her dead after the fire, just like I told you. I'm pretty sure they even believed it that time, since it was Eschel himself who corroborated her death...it was all part of the plan those two hatched. Anyway, I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you everything."
Gibbs scowled. "Semantics."
"Maybe," Tony shrugged. "She had her reasons, and so did I."
"Explain," Gibbs replied stonily.
Tony raised an eyebrow at the hard voice. "You ordering or asking?"
Gibbs slumped, and the anger in the blue eyes softened. "Tony. I didn't come here to spar with you."
"Why did you come? It's not like we're particularly close these days," Tony challenged.
"And I regret that," Gibbs replied, hoping Tony heard the sincerity in his voice. "I came because you asked me to and that was all I needed to know. And you need to know I always will."
Damn you, Gibbs. That surprising declaration took the wind right out of him and dampened the flicker of anger at what seemed more like a demand than a request. "But you've got to be pretty damn angry about my MOAS?" Tony asked, feeling like he'd been a willing part of Ziva's betrayal and deception himself. It probably looked that way to Gibbs. "I would be in your shoes."
MOAS. Gibbs snorted at the Abby-ism. "No," he answered, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I just want to understand what you know and your reasons for not telling us about Ziva." He set aside the bitter anger that wasn't really directed at Tony and gathered the courage to say what he felt the other man needed to hear. "Whatever is going on here, you didn't cause it to happen."
"Thank you." Tony was grateful Gibbs didn't seem to be laying the blame at his feet and reasonably hopeful that Gibbs would hear him out with an open mind. "There's much more."
Tension defused for the moment, Gibbs smirked and sipped his coffee. "I kinda figured there might be."
Tony gave a shadow of a grin in return. "Eschel is also alive, and he's been helping her maintain the lie about her death," Tony revealed. "But that's not even the half of it."
Gibbs blinked at the second revelation. He shook his head in disbelief. If Eschel were involved, Ziva's ruse was probably far more elaborate than he'd first guessed. What the hell was she playing at?
"Have you been in contact?"
"No," Tony said with a note of finality that told Gibbs that topic wasn't open for discussion.
"Okay. You said it was their plan, as if that's the way she wanted it." Gibbs asked, not hiding the despair and disappointment in his voice. Do you know the why?"
Tony saw the conflicted emotions on Gibbs' face as he absorbed that second revelation. He watched Gibbs struggle with self-control, feeling empathy for his friend. He'd already been at this rock bottom point himself, devastated at learning the truth, and struggling with the real questions. Why would she put us through that again? How could she do it…be so thoughtless and cruel?
"I know the basics," Tony confirmed. "Ari's ghost coming back to haunt us again," he muttered darkly. "Someone with a connection to Ari and a grudge against Eli and Ziva. And since Eli's not around to exact revenge on…," Tony said, trailing off with a meaningful look.
"With all the resources of Mossad at her disposal, she felt it was necessary to fake her death and go off grid to hide from this person?" Gibbs asked incredulously. "That was the only choice she saw? There has to be more to it," he insisted. "Something had to prevent her from coming to us for help."
Tony tensed and fixed Gibbs with a cool stare. He knew exactly where that line of thought was going. "You finished with that line of speculation?" he asked in a flat, impatient tone, swallowing against the sour taste of resentment. Gibbs really did still have a blind spot when it came to her.
Gibbs' eyes shot to his, widening in surprise at the sudden change in Tony's demeanor.
"What do you mean?"
Tony shook his head in disbelief. "You're bending over backward to give her the benefit of the doubt; a consideration I never got. You're looking for a reason to justify defending the indefensible," Tony answered. "Isn't everything I've told you up to this point already enough?" Tony demanded, his voice rising in volume as he grew angrier.
Tony could see that his outburst shocked Gibbs into silence, but he wasn't done. Would Gibbs allow his eyes to be opened, that was the question.
"You wanted to rip me to shreds when you thought I ditched Tali so I could, and I quote…go back to old habits," Tony reminded him resentfully, watching Gibbs flush in shame on remembering the hurtful accusation he'd made. "Ziva was the one who actually abandoned her daughter to the care of strangers for three years so she could go do exactly that. I get that you're happy she's alive, and for Tali's sake, I am too. She's not some tragic, misunderstood heroine, and Ziva doesn't deserve that pedestal you're stillkeeping her on, Gibbs."
The cynical, resentful man who'd returned to DC many months ago sat before him again. Just as he did then, Tony was telling truths that Gibbs wanted to deny at first. Something clenched and twisted in his chest at the realization that this time, he was the reason that version of Tony resurfaced.
"I believe you," Gibbs assured, anxious to let Tony know where his first loyalties lay. "But give me a break, Tony. You've had a little more time to figure out what's going on and absorb it than I have," he pointed out. "I agreed to hear you out. I'm not looking to excuse or condone what she did to you. But the fake death subterfuge part? It doesn't make much sense."
"I'd speculate that the attack on the house and ongoing threat made her…irrational," That was one way to put it, Tony thought to himself.
"Threat?" Gibbs prompted.
"To Tali," he clarified grimly. And Adam, though Tony kept that part to himself. "Getting Tali to us to keep safe, and her being presumed dead meant she and Eschel were free to pursue this person and eliminate the threat. She's not just hiding, Gibbs. She's hunting."
"Now that makes sense," Gibbs nodded, agreeing with Tony's logic and drawing his own conclusions as to why Ziva lied about Tali being Tony's daughter. He saw the still simmering anger in Tony's eyes and kept his silence, rather than keep prodding at the reopened wound. Unlike the rest of them, Tony had been cruelly deceived and used. His entire world had been rocked off its foundations, drastically and forever changed by Ziva's actions.
Gibbs again thought back to the jaded, cynical and embittered man who'd returned to DC last year. Glimmers of that man were still present, and it wasn't hard to miss that moving on from the fallout of Ziva's fateful plans remained a work in progress. Gibbs was beginning to see the truth behind what drove Ziva to do what she'd done, and Tony was justified in feeling no explanation she could give was good enough for him.
Tony fidgeted as he reached for a way to get Gibbs to understand the mindset of a woman they both thought they knew once upon a time.
"It seems like a lifetime ago," Tony began distractedly, drawing on another painful memory. "I asked Ziva once if she ever lied to someone she loved. When she admitted she had, I asked her if they ever forgave her." Tony gave a humorless chuckle. "She said they never found out; very matter of fact, as if that made it okay. If she could so easily justify lying to someone she loved, what the hell makes you think she wouldn't do it to us if it suited her purposes? Especially when she's done it and never been held accountable for it in the past?"
"She would," Gibbs reluctantly conceded. He scrubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling very old and tired. "I still owe her the chance to hear her out too, Tony."
Like that would change anything. Tony shrugged, resigned that Gibbs would have to see this through in his own way, just as he had himself.
"You've seen her in action Gibbs," Tony said in a last attempt to drive his point home. "So dig deep and find that objectivity I know is in there somewhere. Her default setting was violence and subterfuge, and trust me when I tell you nothing has changed there. She can out-stubborn you, and once she's decided on a course of action, there's very little that will convince her she is wrong. She's also completely incapable of seeing the many flaws in her plan, which incidentally, is how I found her."
"Why didn't you tell us you found her sooner? You said you had your reasons," Gibbs recalled. Then he asked the question he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. "Was it because you don't trust me?"
Tony pressed his lips together and bit back the retort about where Gibbs should be directing his questions of trust. Gibbs wasn't to blame for this situation. It was a valid question though, and in any case, Gibbs would get that chance soon enough.
"Gibbs, this wasn't about whether or not I trust you. It was about me knowing you. You'd have gone looking just like I did, and unwittingly kicked a hornet's nest because you didn't have the first clue what she was up to. She didn't want any of us to find her. Once I did, I wanted to prevent you from searching for her. That only would have endangered her, Tali, you, and everyone else ."
"Does that relate to you implying it wasn't safe to come to the house?"
"It has everything to do with it, Gibbs. Are you ready to listen to the rest now?"
"Jesus Tony, how much more is there?"
"It's not my show, Gibbs. I've just been watching it play out from the way back in the cheap seats." Tony gave a ghost of a grin. "Maybe you should have brought bourbon instead of coffee."
"Very funny."
They talked well into the early hours of the morning. Tony revealed everything else he'd learned from his network of contacts and unobtrusively following Ziva's movements for over two years.
Almost everything.
Aside from being deceived about Tali, there was one more thing he'd never get past. The one thing that couldn't be fixed no matter what anyone said or did. The fact that he, supported by the rest of his team, had entrapped and essentially executed Trent Kort for something he hadn't done would occur to Gibbs in due course.
By the time Tony finished telling his story, Gibbs felt leaden and exhausted. He watched as Tony rose, stretched and made his way to the coffee bar on the other side of the room. Feeling the need to move and stretch his legs as well, Gibbs joined him. They didn't speak as they occupied themselves with the mundane task of preparing coffee and then retook their seats.
He considered the younger man, who seemed content to drink his coffee and patiently wait as Gibbs worked through everything he'd been told. They'd all just gone on with life as normal while Tony had had his whole life turned upside down. As much as he'd achieved the appearance of a sense of normalcy, beneath the surface, Tony's life was anything but.
Tony had been carrying this burden alone and kept his life in limbo to watch over them all, knowing Ziva would have to reveal herself at some point in order to catch her prey.
Gibbs considered the strong, flavorful coffee and finally broke the silence. "Good thing tomorrow is Saturday," he said, signaling his readiness to continue the conversation.
Tony gave an amused snort and looked at his watch. "I hate to tell you Gibbs, but its Saturday now."
"So it is," Gibbs smiled then regarded Tony seriously. "The investigator in me has to question your timing, Tony. Has something happened for you choose to tell me now, after all this time?"
"Oh yeah," Tony drawled. "Ziva is back in the states now and has been in the area. My contacts think your house is being watched Gibbs, at least some of the time," Tony added. "Maybe it's her, maybe it's who she's after. It's not that I've wanted to keep my distance; I had to. Ziva doesn't know I'm here, and I've got no interest in her finding out until she's done with her self-appointed crusade. That doesn't mean I'll stand on the sidelines and let anyone else be hurt by it."
Gibbs was humbled by the realization that Tony was sacrificing so much to keep watching his six, even though Gibbs had given him plenty of reasons in the past to walk away and not look back. "It's a hell of a thing you've done, Tony. I'm not sure I deserve your loyalty any more than Ziva does."
"That's a conversation for another time, Gibbs, and I'm invested in making sure we're both around to have it." Tony replied. "That's not the only reason I'm telling you now. Ziva and this unidentified terrorist she's after have been circling each other for three years. They're both getting tired of the long, slow dance and escalating their agendas."
"Meaning?"
"Ziva's going to surface soon, and it's you she's going to come to first."
"Not you?" Gibbs questioned.
"No." A fleeting, bitter look came and went. "She never bothered to verify if I stayed in France, so that should speak to where I am as far as her priorities. She's convinced herself I'm oblivious about her being alive, and that by staying away she's protecting all of us as well as herself. As far as she knows, Tali is still with me, and I'm splitting my time between France and Israel. It's crucial that everyone keep it that way for now."
Gibbs sighed and leaned his head against the leather chair back. "I just don't get why she never came to us for help in the first place."
"That's a question you're going to have to put to her, Gibbs," Tony answered. There were just some things Gibbs was going to have to learn on his own, without Tony's own view influencing the outcome.
"You're sure I'm going to get that chance?" Gibbs asked, meeting Tony's eyes again.
"As sure as I've been about anything in a long while."
Gibbs nodded tiredly, feeling older than his years. Tony noticed that too.
"Just remember when she comes, none of this was your fault. Don't let your feelings for her blind you to the possibility that I'm not the only one she used. Or will again if given a chance," Tony advised. "Don't let this fuck with those guilt complexes you have a tendency to nurture."
"I'll try. You've lost far more than any of us, Tony," Gibbs heaved a resigned sigh, not forgetting the extent to which Tony had been hurt by Ziva's actions and questionable decisions. He had been carrying this load for some time and Gibbs wanted him to know he wasn't doing it alone now. "Whatever happens next, we'll deal with it together. I hope you know none of this was your fault either."
"I know," Tony replied quietly. "Thanks, Gibbs. If you need to contact me, use this."
Tony handed Gibbs a slip of paper with one of his untraceable numbers on it, and his expression was grave as he continued. "You all need to be prepared…especially you. When she does surface, big trouble is going to be right behind her, and it's going to land right on your doorstep."
Gibbs pocketed the number and went home, knowing circumstances dictated none of them would see Tony around again. Not until this was over, however long it took.
A few weeks later when Ziva appeared at the top of the basement stairs, bringing with her a cryptic warning that he was in danger, Gibbs wasn't at all surprised.
~.~
Chapter 4 coming soon.