Chapter 5

Gibbs exited the elevator into the bullpen to see Palmer and Ziva preparing to leave, with Bishop and McGee standing nearby, having already said their goodbyes.

Ziva smiled widely at him, pleased to see that he'd arrived in time to see her off. He gave her a forced smile in return, before turning to Palmer.

"I'll take it from here, Jimmy."

"Of course, Agent Gibbs," Palmer answered, relieved to be spared an awkward car ride with his charge.

Ziva blinked at the change in plans, but turned to Palmer and gave him a quick hug goodbye as Gibbs stepped back into the elevator and held the door open. Gibbs' eyes sought out Bishop and McGee briefly. He received minute nods from both, indicating his earlier request had been taken care of.

A few minutes later they were in the car. There was an awkward silence that stretched on as Gibbs started the sedan, headed out of the lot and toward the Navy Yard gates. Ziva finally voiced her confusion at the change to her arranged ride to the airport.

"Gibbs, I am happy you returned in time to say goodbye, but it was not necessary for you to drive me to the airport."

Gibbs glanced at her, keeping his expression unreadable. "Recent events have reminded me that everything happens for a reason. And they aren't always the reasons we expect…or welcome," he replied.

Ziva frowned at the enigmatic statement, and her confusion grew as Gibbs drove through the gate and turned the car south toward the Anacostia River. "I am confused." She looked at the scenery flying past and felt the beginnings of unease. "We are headed away from the airport, Gibbs. Where are we going?"

"Before we go our separate ways, Ziva, there are a couple things we need to do."

"Gibbs, we do not have time for this," Ziva said a little too quickly, tendrils of agitation seeping into her voice. "I will miss my flight."

Gibbs' mouth tightened as he redoubled the effort to remain calm and detached. Ziva could be volatile enough without allowing his own feelings to come into play. "Believe me, you have time for this," he stated. He drove over the bridge across the river and took the turn toward nearby Anacostia Park. "Don't worry about your flight, Ziva. McGee has already updated your itinerary."

"Gibbs, what is going on," Ziva asked, impatience in her voice now.

Gibbs pulled the car into an empty lot and chose a secluded spot near a tree-lined path to park. The serene setting was a counterpoint to his hard and uncompromising voice as he spoke.

"We're overdue for a long talk, Ziva."

She shot him a wary look. "We have done that, Gibbs. Everything is settled, no? What else is there to talk about?"

"Oh yeah," he drawled. "We talked, but everything is far from settled. Now it's time for the truth, not your carefully crafted, self-serving narratives."

Gibbs observed with interest as Ziva paled, then her features took on a stubborn set. She wasn't nearly as good with the stoic mask routine as she used to be.

"I do not understand what you mean, Gibbs."

Gibbs sighed at the sign Ziva was going to be hard-headed about this. He cut the engine and turned in the seat, facing his companion.

"I think you know exactlywhat I mean, Ziva. You owe me an explanation for a hell of a lot, and I'm not the only one. Let's start with your faked death?" he asked, finally letting her hear the hurt he still felt over that decision. "You never once considered coming to us to ask for help instead of opting for such a drastic action…why?"

"I was trying to keep all of you safe, and it was not your concern at first."

"Not our concern?" he asked incredulously.

"I did come to you Gibbs," she pointed out, ignoring his questions.

Gibbs nodded. "Eventually, but not to ask for my help. You didn't make your grand return from the dead until my life was supposedly in immediate danger from Sahar."

Ziva felt confused and uncertain in the face of Gibbs' dry sarcasm. "It was in danger. Surely after all you've learned, that is not in doubt."

Gibbs gave her a grim look. You have no idea what we've learned…but you will have soon enough,he thought.

"Right. You showed up with a vague warning and immediately tried to bulldoze me into a safe house with virtually no explanation. You know me Ziva, you had to know that wasn't going to happen."

"I had to try."

"You knew I'd never consent to that, so why did you even try?" She didn't answer and he pressed her. "Why did you come to my house that day, Ziva?"

Ziva turned away from him. "I came out of hiding to save your life," she replied in a soft monotone, staring forward out of the windshield, her expression distant.

Her unwillingness to meet his eyes and answer the question was telling. "Still not inclined to be forthcoming with the truth, are you? Did you think that once the immediate danger passed, I wouldn't start to question all those inconsistencies?" Ziva's head whipped around at that.

"You investigated me?" Ziva asked, her temper flaring at having her version of events questioned now. She wondered how much more Gibbs knew, and began to worry where the conversation was headed. "What gave you the right to do that?"

"You gave me the right when you led all of us to believe you were dead for years and then accused me of abandoning you," Gibbs shot back. "The head of Mossad herself verified it, just like you planned for her to do. What else was I supposed to think? How could you do that to us…again?"

"We talked about this already, Gibbs. You were never meant to think that and should have known better than to believe Orli Elbaz, of all people. You chose not to look for me," Ziva doggedly insisted. "I left a trail and you could have found me if you'd only tried. I was counting on that...on you," she said plaintively.

Gibbs glared at her attempt to play on his emotions again. He said nothing while Ziva's eyes darted about as if she was looking for an escape. Her hand twitched toward the door.

"Just stop it," Gibbs snapped, watching her hand hover over the door handle. He didn't want to hear her attempts to shift blame, to lay yet another helping of guilt on his shoulders instead of where they really belonged. "And don't even think about leaving this car until we're done. You expected me to go searching for your breadcrumbs and come to your rescue? Bullshit."

Ziva started in surprise at the atypical profanity and let her hand fall away from the door. She opened her mouth to protest. Gibbs stopped her with one word, delivered in a voice icier than she could ever remember him using with her.

"Enough." Gibbs cut her off harshly, his voice reverberating loudly in the confined space.

"You are becoming angry now," she observed. "I do not understand why."

"Don't be obtuse. We're both far too experienced for a game of pretense, Ziva. You took actions that had a profound impact on people who are supposedly important to you, and don't feel the need to explain them," Gibbs continued, letting her hear the quiet fury in his voice. "That is why I'm angry, among other things."

"Game?' Ziva asked, frustrated and angry now. "I did what I thought was necessary to keep all of you safe. You would have done the same. You have done it."

She couldn't have been more wrong. "Don't cloud the issue with misdirection. This isn't about me, Ziva," Gibbs countered. "Did you really do that?"

"Do what?" she asked, brows crinkling in confusion.

"Keep us safe," Gibbs repeated. You said you didn't want our help and at the same time, you're feeling betrayed because we believed you were dead. You said you were trying to keep us safe, but your actions say different and I know why."

Ziva bit her lower lip in worry. "Whatever you think you know Gibbs, there is an explanation for all of it," Ziva said, growing more desperate to divert Gibbs from the topic with each passing moment.

"I've given you every possible chance to explain, Ziva," Gibbs said, shaking his head at her.

Ziva felt the beginnings of fear and panic stirring, and went on the defensive. "What have I been untruthful about?" she asked, bringing an affected anguished look to bear, on the defensive now.

Gibbs saw through the charade and felt no trace of the connection he once had with Ziva; he didn't know who this woman was any more. In all the time before or since the fire, Ziva had never even considered coming to them for help until the situation escalated beyond her ability to contain it. Worse, she never tried to let any of them know they were potential targets or in any kind of danger. She'd said nothing, even when Sahar had been hiding in plain sight and using Phineas to get close to him, keeping him unsuspecting.

"Let's review how you kept us safe." Gibbs ignored the pleading in the dark eyes and charged on. "You've known about Sahar since before the fire, thanks to Eschel infiltrating her cell in Cairo, and you didn't come out of hiding to save me. I know all about Eschel warning you to leave the house, and that Sahar firebombed the house, not Kort. You knew who you were looking for all along and you came to my home that day in an attempt to draw Sahar into the open."

Ziva's thoughts raced as she tried to recover another situation that was spiraling out of her control. "None of that is true!" she denied in a shrill voice. "Who has told you these lies?"

Gibbs recalled Ziva's absolute panic when she realized Eschel was Sahar's prisoner, how she'd endangered them both to try and get to him, and her very real grief that they'd been unable to save him. Gibbs knew why now, and that Tony had been right Eschel's place in Ziva's life too. Odette had unwittingly confirmed Ziva's compelling story about Paraguay had been untrue as well. So many evasions, secrets, and outright lies he'd lost count. Gibbs' stomach turned as he considered the extent of Ziva's deceit.

"Lies? Do you even remember how to tell the truth? You knew there was no way in hell I'd go to a safe house, you counted on it in fact. You used me as bait, Ziva. Even if your gamble failed, you knew the threat to you would influence me, and everyone else to be on your side from then on."

Gibbs paused to let the accusation sink in. Ziva stiffened, but didn't deny it.

You were so determined to keep everyone convinced of your death, I was supposed to believe you abandoned your elaborate deep cover to leave the Middle East for Paraguay? That you risked staying there for weeks, drawing attention to yourself by tracking where McGee and I were held and gathering resources to mount an unavoidably public rescue mission?" He pointed to her wrist, "I know that those scars came from a Mossad mission that took place before McGee and I even went to Paraguay, and that you were never there."

Ziva gaped with shock. "You did not believe me?" she demanded, while internally cursing Orli Elbaz and Odette. They had to be among Gibbs' sources.

"Trust but verify, remember? Did you really think all the incongruities in your story wouldn't raise questions?" Gibbs asked. "That I wouldn't try to answer those questions? The truth is you wanted Sahar to believe you were dead for no other reason than it allowed you and Eschel to hunt her covertly. You led us to believe you were dead and manipulated Tony into caring for Tali for the same reason, when otherwise he never would have known she existed."

"None of this is important any longer, Gibbs. What's important is that I'm free to live in the open with my family now. I thought you'd be happy for me…for Tony," she added.

Gibbs' anger and disappointment rose again at her brazen last ditch attempt to employ more manipulation by bringing up Tony. "It's not important to you, not now that Sahar's dead, right? It's important to me. You misled me, Bishop, all of us to get what you wanted; help in eliminating a threat to you. Your ruse could have gotten us all killed. You've done it before, and I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. If you think I would have done the same, you don't know me at all, and I sure as hell don't know who you are any more."

"Everything I have done was necessary. I had no choice."

Gibbs shook his head ruefully, thinking back to something Tony said. "The fact that you didn't see any other way tells me he was right about you. Violence and subterfuge are so deeply ingrained in you, that you really couldn't see any other option, could you?"

Ziva nodded, even as she wondered who Gibbs meant by 'he'. She grabbed at the last part of what he said; what she thought was a lifeline, an indication Gibbs at least understood, if not entirely approved of her actions. "I am sorry, Gibbs."

Gibbs snorted at the insincere apology, only given because she thought that was what he wanted to hear. She still didn't quite get it; that if she'd only asked for help in the first place, all the damage that had been done could have been avoided. The regret at what was lost weighed on him.

"So am I," Gibbs said. "You played on my feelings for you and crafted these fallacies, all so I would feel guilty and indebted to you. You played us all, and there was no need to."

"I do not wish to discuss this any longer, Gibbs." Ziva crossed her arms over her chest, and her eyes narrowed in defiance. "It is in the past. I must move on."

Tony had been right. She either hadn't learned a damn thing they tried to teach her about family, or discounted it as unimportant. Ziva opted to keep her secrets instead of turning to them for help. And now he'd keep his own counsel on the rest of it. She needed to hear the rest from Tony.

"True, it's all in the past," Gibbs agreed. "As for moving on? Eschel can't be held to account for deceiving his family, but that's not the case for you, Ziva."

Ziva sighed impatiently at Gibbs' unwillingness to let it go. "What else would you have me do Gibbs?"

He saw nothing of the Ziva he remembered in those dark eyes, devoid of any real emotion or empathy. "There's nothing left to do but live with your choices," Gibbs said, regret weighing heavily on him. "Just like I will."

"What does that mean?"

"I killed Sahar for you, Ziva. Because of your secrecy and lies, I was forced to orphan a child to save your life. Do you know how that feels?" Gibbs fumed. "You made this personal by drawing me into your little crusade, Ziva. That day when I found you cleaning out your old apartment, you said none of this with Sahar would have happened if you hadn't killed Ari to save me. You've exploited that before to take advantage of me. Eli's files proved you didn't Kill Ari to save me; you killed Ari on his orders."

"Do not bring them into this!" Ziva cried angrily.

Gibbs shrugged. "I didn't do that; you did. Then you accused me of abandoning you to some cruel fate. Let's be very clear, Ziva, any debt I ever owed you has now been paid in full…and then some."

"We are clear, Gibbs." Ziva replied flatly.

"Do you remember what else I said? That I couldn't bear to look and find out you were really dead?" If I had looked, I'm not sure which Ziva I would have found even back then, he thought.

Ziva looked at him hopefully. "Yes?" Was there a chance of getting back in Gibbs' good graces?

"I didn't need to look."

"What are you saying, Gibbs?"

Gibbs didn't elaborate, preferring to leave that little revelation to Tony. "I told you I wasn't the only one you owed an explanation to," he reminded her. "I want you to think about the impact of your actions on Tony. I really don't think you've ever stopped to do that."

Her mood shifted back to combative and defensive again. "I will explain everything to him, if you will only let me leave," Ziva said, her slip confirming again that she'd lied about speaking to Tony already.

"Did anything I just said register with you at all, Ziva?" Gibbs shook his head in disappointment at her attitude. He'd had his say and felt no regrets that he was about to cut ties with her. "We're done Ziva; with this conversation, and in every other possible way you can interpret that."

"Gibbs, please," Ziva began, beginning to see she was losing the support of the man who'd always been one of her strongest allies.

Gibbs shook his head, unwilling to be dissuaded. "I said we're done. Now it's time you talked to Tony; told him your truth if you can manage and he's willing to hear it," he said, inclining his head toward a nearby stand of trees. "And it's past time for you to hear his."

"Tony is here?" Ziva's face lit up, animated and hopeful once again. "He came all the way here for me?"

Gibbs nodded somberly, unsmiling. "In a manner of speaking, I suppose he did." He pointed at the entrance to a tree-lined trail near the car.

"Tony's waiting." Gibbs paused, wondering if she'd really convinced herself this 'reunion' was going to go any way other than badly. He decided to do Ziva a final favor and give her a clue as to what was coming. "Word of warning…," he cautioned, as Ziva moved to exit the vehicle.

"When you see him, don't expect miracles."

~.~