Ziva followed the trail until it opened into a clearing. She saw Tony there, seated alone at a picnic table under a tree. He put down the phone he was holding and watched as she approached. There were a few more lines in the handsome face, but he looked just like she remembered. Her heart sped up as she reached the table, and she gave him a nervous smile.
"Tony," she breathed. "It is good to see you."
Tony had placed himself at the table rather than one of the nearby benches, which would have implied an invitation for her to sit next to him. It was a very conscious decision to maintain distance, both literally and figuratively.
"Ziva," he greeted dispassionately, gesturing at the seat across from him.
Tony watched her smile falter at the flat greeting. As she settled herself on the seat opposite him, her features warmed again and she turned on the charm. Ziva seemed to still think herself quite the actress, and he figured she might dig herself in deeper if he played along.
Still smiling, she looked around as if searching for someone. "Where is Tali?"
"She's with family," Tony replied vaguely.
"Your father," Ziva guessed. Tony didn't correct her, letting the assumption stand. She'd learn where Tali was on his schedule, not hers.
Her expression changed again, and it removed any inclination he had to play along and see how deep a hole she would dig for herself. She had the nerve to flash him that coquettish look, head tilted slightly and expression hesitantly flirtatious. He wondered many times that look had been used to her advantage. Countless times, probably. Well, she didn't have the advantage here, she just didn't know it yet. It was time she did.
"You're mistaken if you think that look works on me, Ziva," he warned.
Ziva straightened, alarms bells going off in her head, but she wasn't sure what it meant yet. Now unsure of where she stood, she decided to tread more carefully around Tony.
"You are not pleased to see me? We are reunited...all that is missing now is Tali."
"Reunited?" Tony snorted. "That would imply that at some point we were united. That's hardly the case. As far as me being pleased, what exactly did you envision from this meeting?"
There was no trace of Tony's usual warmth, humor and animation. She'd never seen him so cool and detached before, at least not with her.
Seeking a safer topic, she broached a question hopefully. "You came all this way. We are here to clear the air and decide what comes next for the three of us, is that not so?"
"Is that what you think?"
"Well…yes." Ziva answered, watching him expectantly.
"You have a very interesting read on why I'm here," Tony observed. "Let me see if I have this right; we clear the air and then the three of us have some sort of hallmark movie happy ending." Tony shook his head in disbelief. "What fantasy are you living in?"
Ziva flinched back at the curt question. "You are right to be angry."
"I damn sure don't need your permission to be angry about what you've done, Ziva."
Though Tony's body language was calm and composed, his voice held notes of bitter resentment. "What I've done…" Ziva parroted, stalling as she considered how to proceed.
"If you need a review, we can start with the fact that you seem to think there's an acceptable explanation for not telling a man he's going to be a father," Tony said tersely. "Why didn't you tell me about Tali from the beginning?" he asked, interested in how she would respond. "By all means Ziva...clear the air."
Now even more off balance, she felt her face flush as her temper flared momentarily. Covering the anger by feigning shame, she looked down. "I was alone and confused." Ziva let her voice drop to a whisper. "I convinced myself you would not want to be burdened with the responsibility."
Alone my ass, he thought. She'd practically moved Eschel into her house while they plotted and planned. And of course she doubled down with another in a long line of lies.
"Seems plausible doesn't it? DiNozzo's aren't father material, right? Thanks for that vote of confidence," Tony said sarcastically. "You just decided you knew what was best without bothering to consult me, is that how it went? It's strange that you were suddenly fine giving me that burden once you decided to fabricate your death so you could secretly chase after terrorists. Which obviously didn't work."
"I can explain everything that has happened. I know you must have more questions. I will answer them."
"Like you answered Gibbs' questions? No. I already have all the answers I need about why you did what you did." Tony half laughed. "What's more, I don't have the least bit of faith you'd tell me the truth any more than you did Gibbs."
Ziva looked up sharply. "Gibbs has talked to you about me?"
She was fishing. Tony picked up his phone and waggled it. "No, I was listening when you talked to him."
Ziva cringed inwardly, wondering how much more Tony knew. This was unexpected; her sources had told her Tony and Gibbs had had a falling out. She was disconcerted by learning Tony and Gibbs were on good enough terms that he allowed Tony to hear their conversation. There was more going on here than she knew.
"Tony, there is much more to it than what you heard. It is complicated."
"You made it complicated, and it didn't have to be." Tony saw the calculating look and would bet everything in his bank account she was wondering how much he knew and how he knew it.
"I know what you're thinking...don't attempt to walk back anything you told Gibbs." It was time to get down to business and steer this conversation toward its inevitable conclusion. "Have you guessed why Gibbs took it upon himself to have McGee change your flight to Paris?"
Ziva slipped and let her annoyance at the question show. "Clearly because you and Tali came here."
"Hmm. What about when Gibbs said he didn't need to look for you, did you wonder what he meant? Did you notice when you first showed up, he wasn't very surprised to see you?"
She considered the questions, but was uncertain what response Tony expected from her. Her mind focused on the last one, something that actually had occurred to her before. She'd noticed Gibbs was not surprised by her appearance, but attributed it to Gibbs being his usual stoic self.
She wanted to know what Tony was getting at. "You're leading up to something, Tony. Stop beating around the shrubbery and tell me what it is."
He wasn't amused by her attempt to lighten the tension.
"Your need to intentionally mangle American idioms isn't remotely charming any more. I'm not Gibbs and I'm not going to bend over backward to give you a chance to redeem yourself with the truth, even if that were possible. I am going to enlighten you on a few things you don't seem to be aware of, then we can revisit that question of what's next for the three of us."
That sounded ominous. Trying to project acceptance, she nodded and asked, "What are these things you want me to know?"
"Gibbs knew you were alive when you showed up. He knew you were going to surface because I told him. Gibbs didn't need to look for you, Ziva, because I did."
Ziva couldn't manage to hide her shock. "You looked for me," she repeated through bloodless lips.
"That's right. As for Tali, she isn't here and I haven't been in Paris for a very long time. It also wasn't me that finally answered your increasingly desperate text messages."
"But the video of Tali that you sent me..."
"I know all about how you used that text to lead the others to believe you and I had been in contact. You were never talking to me, you were talking to Bishop on the untraceable phone I gave her. I sent the video to her and she sent it to you."
"Why would you deceive me like that?" she asked, beginning to recover her composure.
"That's a rather ironic question, Ziva," he replied sardonically. "The short answer is you needed to see your self-appointed tasks through. I was trying to give you something to live for; a light at the end of the dark tunnel you buried yourself in. You didn't need uncertainty about me and Tali. I wanted you focused on what you were doing."
"You did that to help me?" she asked.
"Not entirely. I did it because removing that distraction was the best way to keep you from screwing up any more than you already have, and getting Gibbs or someone on his team killed."
Ziva bristled at the slight. She fit the puzzle pieces together in her head, considered what she was learning. And not just about Gibbs and Tony. Both men had proven formidable opponents in their own right, and each dangerous in their own way when provoked. When they allied themselves and their team toward a common goal, they'd proven virtually unstoppable. It was a dynamic that often mystified and stymied her in past years, especially those whole conversations they seemed to have merely by exchanging meaningful looks. All too often, she felt it threatened her standing with Gibbs and her response was try and drive a wedge between them. Gibbs, Tony, and the others all stood together now; to what end though? A sudden realization struck her.
"You have been here the whole time. They all knew….Gibbs knew."
"Yes," Tony shrugged.
"They lied to me…all of them. Why?"
"Because I asked them to do it." It was incredibly satisfying to see her dumbfounded look. "How's it feel?"
"Why...why would they hide this from me?"
Toy gave a harsh chuckle. "Why are you so shocked? Maybe it's because they finally know that you never stopped manipulating all of us to get what you want. Maybe because we were doing a far better job of protecting Tali, and each other than you ever did, despite your assertions otherwise."
Tony let that sink in for a moment before continuing. "You used Adam and got him killed. You used me, then Gibbs, preying on his guilt over Ari and his paternal feelings toward you. Not for the first time, I might add. You've always known he has a weak spot when it comes to you and you used it to your advantage."
"Gibbs chose to help me willingly," she disputed hotly.
"You're lying to yourself now, and not just about that," Tony shot back. "Then there's me," he continued. "You're thinking we can just clear the air, collect Tali, then take up where we left off the last time we saw each other on the tarmac in Israel. That was never going to happen, Ziva. Nothing, including love, grows in salted earth and that's what you've done."
"You don't really believe that, Tony," Ziva entreated, feeling her plans for her future were on shaky ground. She felt sure she could sway Tony's stance. "Everything I have done was to protect you and Tali," she insisted. "Gibbs and the others as well. For Tali's sake, it is important that we work this out."
"I'm not interested in whatever you've come up with to explain. When I looked for you, I learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were never a family."
Ziva inhaled sharply at the implication. "Tony, you can't mean that," she pleaded. Her eyes watered and she was growing desperate to salvage the situation.
"I meant every goddamn word. Are you really so self-absorbed that you have no idea what you've done? Do you believe I left NCIS so readily because of Gibbs…or having to care for Tali?" Tony's voice rose in volume as the fury at being so callously used returned. "Do you know why I never went back? I traded everything I stood for; everything I valued for you…I killed for you."
Ziva shook her head in silent protest as Tony continued speaking.
"We hunted Trent Kort down like an animal, thinking he killed you. When I learned otherwise, I couldn't go back to law enforcement after what I'd done. Oh sure, no one will say it wasn't a righteous shoot. I know better. I killed him, and I did it because of you."
"Kort was no innocent!"
"I don't doubt he deserved it, and no one was going to shed any tears over him, but it wasn't my place to be judge, jury, and executioner. Vigilantism is more your style. And once upon a time Gibbs'."
"I never asked you to do that!" Ziva cried.
Tony stared incredulously. "Seriously? What did you think we would do? You wanted us to think you were dead. You sure as hell succeeded in that. And once we thought you were dead, what did you think would happen next? You knew, because you'd seen it before."
"What do you mean?"
Tony fixed her with a hard stare. "I'm the wildcard, remember? The guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it. I went looking for you, and the truth, just like I'd done twice before."
Ziva frowned at the reminder of another painful time. "Twice?"
"When you disappeared in Israel after Bodnar's death. And Somalia," Tony said. "Surely you haven't forgotten the first time we thought you were dead? We went looking for justice for you then too, and nearly got killed for our trouble. But you weren't dead then either, were you? We brought you home and the reasons we were there got lost in all that. You used us all, and I have no doubt you'll do it again if given a chance."
"No, things are different now," Ziva refuted. "Everything has changed. I have changed."
"Not from where I'm sitting. How many more enemies like Sahar are hiding in the woodwork, waiting to come out and take revenge on the big bad Mossad assassin? And when they do, maybe you'll go back to Mossad again. You'll lie if it suits you; deceive, disappear off the face of the earth if it suits you."
How did he know she went back? She thought. "I went back to Mossad because I needed access to their resources in order to begin my search for Sahar and keep you all safe from her."
Tony gave another one of those brittle laughs. "You were never that noble, and the only person you were trying to keep safe was you. I found you though you never intended us to until you decided otherwise, no matter what you told Gibbs. You left a trail for him? The only trail you left was dead bodies in your wake. I have no desire to become another one. Did you really think I'd be as easily deceived as Gibbs? You aren't the only one with connections and sources. I've known you were alive and been following your movements for quite some time. That wasn't even your biggest lie. There's nothing you can say to explain about Tali, because I know the truth about her too, Ziva."
"What truth?" she asked, hopelessly lost in the face of these revelations. Tony had somehow found out he was not Tali's father. Ziva's blood froze in her veins. Would Tony try to keep her away from Tali now?
"Don't insult my intelligence by attempting to deny it. A DNA test was one of the first things I did after Orli brought Tali to me. You spent more than a decade now misjudging, and more importantly, underestimating me. I may not have always acted on it, but there was never a time that I didn't see through you. After what you've done, did you really believe you were just going to walk back into my life as though the last three years didn't happen? That I'd let you walk back into Tali's life and we'd all live happily ever after? Think again, Ziva."
It was as she feared, Tony was implying he would keep her from seeing Tali again. Ziva saw red as the irrational anger that she so often struggled to keep at bay took over again.
"Where is Tali?" she asked coldly, giving up any pretense of warmth and familiarity.
"I told you already."
"With family is not an answer." Ziva stood up and loomed over him threateningly. "Tell me where Tali is now," she demanded, a dangerous edge to her voice.
Tony looked up at her and smiled, and he could see it only angered her further. In Ziva's mind, there were very few matters that couldn't be resolved with a suitable application of evasiveness, outright lies, or her default of violence. So much for 'I've changed'.
"Threats are also not going to work with me," Tony warned. "Not only is Gibbs still listening and will back me up," he said, pointing at the phone. "But I'm armed and I won't hesitate to shoot you if you don't put the ninja back in her box and sit your ass down.
For the first time, Ziva noticed the still-open call on Tony's phone. She shot him a frosty look and lowered herself back to the bench.
"Are you going to answer me? Where is my daughter?"
"Your daughter. Interesting that you put it that way," Tony deflected, pretending to scratch his chin thoughtfully. "Did you ever tell Eschel that Tali was his daughter?"
Ziva's breath hitched in her chest, knowing now that events she herself set in motion had destroyed any chance she had of making a life with Tony as well as Tali. Somehow, he really did know everything.
Tony went on, seeing she wasn't going to answer him. "Like I said, Tali is with family and more importantly, is loved and well cared for. She's with the Eschel's," Tony revealed. "Good luck explaining to them how you used their granddaughter as a pawn and got their son killed to boot."
"I did no such things," Ziva protested furiously.
"Didn't you? You never told Adam the truth about Tali either. You knew he would never hand her over to Orli to give to me if he'd known Tali was his. You needed him to help you kill Sahar, and used his feelings for you to suck him into your crusade. You knew Adam might not have helped you if he'd known he was her father, instead of being the child of the man he viewed as competition for your affections."
The anger gone now, Ziva looked pale and shocky. Her breathing was erratic and Tony almost felt sorry for her as he twisted the knife. Almost. "Tali's old enough now to know the truth too, that her mother abandoned her to strangers so she could go back to being an assassin and spy."
"That is not true!"
"You keep telling yourself that, Ziva."
Ziva shook her head and covered her ears as Tony's blunt words brought back flashes of those nightmare images to play behind her eyes. The judgement, and the accusations from all directions that she'd abandoned her daughter. She'd struggled to suppress them, even to the point of using anxiety drugs to dull her mind and her senses. Those images plagued her for nearly three years, stealing sleep and peace of mind. Because deep in her heart of hearts she knew it was true, but was still unable to look beyond her hunt for Sahar and feel remorse about any decision she'd made to that ultimate end.
The images banished for the moment, Ziva dropped her trembling hands to her lap and spoke softly. "None of you understand…I had no choice."
"None of that soul searching and redemption you were seeking when you left NCIS and us behind has sunk in," Tony pointed out. "For the record, your idea of family and mine are entirely different. You run to family when you're in trouble, not away from them. You didn't have to concoct this elaborate plan to fabricate your death, or convince me Tali was my daughter to ensure I'd protect her. All you ever had to do was come to us and ask for help."
"I did not see any other way, Tony," Ziva admitted in a whisper.
"That's the crux of the problem. In spite of our efforts to get you to live in the light, let us be your family, time and again you've chosen a different path. The shadow world you walk in is one you've made for yourself and I want no part of it." Tony paused. "If you want a different outcome for your life Ziva, you have to do something different," he added, letting her hear some of the regret he still felt in spite of wishing he didn't.
"And if I do? Will I see you again, Tony?" she asked, hoping to eventually salvage something out of the friendship they'd once shared, if not something more.
"Back to the question of us?" Tony asked. "You should have valued Adam a little more highly, because I was not going to accept being your second choice even if Tali had been mine. She's not and you aren't going to find forgiveness or redemption with me. He's dead and you destroyed the life I had. I started over building a new life; one where there's no place for you."
Ziva sighed in resignation as her world and all she'd planned collapsed around her yet again. "If it means anything Tony, I am sorry for what I did to you."
Tony inclined his head in acknowledgement. "I can't begin to guess everything you've been through, but most of it was self-imposed. I'm no therapist and I can't give you the help you need, even if I wanted to. I don't. If you want to convince the Eschel's to let you be part of Tali's life, I suggest you find someone who can."
"What happens now?"
"Now you're free to disappear back into the ether once more, or figure out how to start over, just like I did." Tony's phone chimed and he glanced down briefly to scan a text from Gibbs. Tony looked back to Ziva and pointed to the path she used before. "You have a taxi to the airport waiting; Gibbs arranged a flight for you to Tel Aviv."
Ziva rose wordlessly and was about to start back toward the parking lot when Tony spoke again, his parting words one last condemnation of her actions.
"You've had ghosts as long as I've known you, Ziva. Sometimes you chase them, and other times they chase you. From now on, when you're alone and the ghosts of your past rise up to haunt you, maybe we'll be among them," Tony said, regarding her somberly. "If you get to feeling resentful, angry or upset about where you are, stop and recall you made your choices, and that you took it upon yourself to decide for us too. I don't speak for the others, but whatever path you follow from here on out, take care that it doesn't cross mine again. This is goodbye, Ziva."
~End