"Shit."

Catherine gets up off the bed and moves away before collapsing in tears against the full sized mirror propped up against one of the four walls enclosing them. Her head falls naturally into her hands giving her a perfect view of her engagement ring, she pulls it off and throws it towards Sara. Sara moves towards her and wraps her arms around the crying form of her girlfriend.

"Shhhh baby it's ok."

"Get the hell off me."

"Catherine please, I didn't ask for this to happen. If I could turn back time I would but we can't, we can only move on from this." Sara is now crying.

"Well you can start by moving out of my house."

"No."

"No?"

"No. I won't lose you again, I can't. Baby put your ring back on, this can't be over. I walked away last time without a fight and there hasn't been a moment that's passed that I haven't regretted it. Catherine you and Lindsey are my life, my everything…without you I am nothing."

"I don't remember giving you an option."

"I'm not leaving, you don't want me to."

"How could you possibly know what I want!"

" Cath please…."

Seconds later Sara is left all alone, the front door slams and Sara falls onto their bed, crying hysterically.

I run from the house as fast as I can. I'd like to say I know where I'm going but I don't, I have no idea, I just had to leave. I had to be anywhere but there. It's raining and I'm soaked through, I believe I have found the moment and the situation where I Catherine Willows can indeed look like shit.

Of all the things in the world, I never imagined that she was pregnant, not once. I only noticed the weight gain as of today, she's been so careful to hide it. I tried to pretend everything was going to be ok no matter what she had to say to me but who was I trying to fool! Hell we haven't even had sex since we got back together, I guess I now know why she went cold every time I tried to get near her…she didn't want me to find out. Did she think the longer she left it, the more chance there would be of me staying? Well she was damn wrong.

I feel like such a bitch but you have to understand, I'm 40 years old soon to be 41, I've done my share of changing nappies, sleepless nights, school parties etc. I'm just too old to be a mother again, although I guess technically I wouldn't be a mother. Maybe I could try but if it doesn't work out it's only going to cause her extra pain, I cant do that to her.

And what about Lindsey? How is she going to feel about having a baby brother or sister. It'll be hard on her, having to share what she's so used to having all to her self. The big age gap could be difficult but then again it could help them get along. Lindsey would be the person they look up to, they could tell their problems to her if they didn't feel they could talk to Sara or me…woah hold up Catherine. What are you doing! You're imagining yourself in that perfect family of four situation that you don't want.

Damn I wish I knew what I wanted, truth is I'm extremely confused, hurt and feel somewhat betrayed.

I wonder what she's thinking right now. Maybe I should turn back and go check that she is ok, wait of course she's not ok, I just broke her heart and my own with it. Love hurts. We've made it through so much already, we've come so far and now I'm throwing it all away, our dream wedding, our happy family, our world, our….my everything.

"One Vodka please."

"Coke? Ice?"

"Hold the coke."

Catherine sighs and looks over towards the stage looking at the young girl strutting her stuff in front of a crowd full of perverts just as she had done herself many years before. She wipes a small tear from her eye and turns back to the bar.

"Make that a double."

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Lindsey walks into the kitchen to find Sara lent over the sink surrounded by at least ten empty beer bottles. Lindsey calls out to her but gets no reply so grabs hold of her arm and pulls her round to face her. Sara's eyes are blood shot and her right hand is tightly grasping a half empty beer bottle.

"What the hell are you doing? Are you completely stupid?"

"Linds, I didn't drink anything. God I wanted to but I couldn't do it. I decided to empty them all instead, I thought maybe it would help."

"And is it?"

"I'm not sure, maybe a little."

"Has Mom gone?"

"Yeah, she's left me."

Sara breaks down once more at the realisation of her own words. Lindsey prises the beer bottle from her hand and leads her over to the sofa. They snuggle up, both just happy to be held. Lindsey speaks words of comfort to Sara but soon sees it's having no effect. After having a tiring day at school Lindsey finally allows sleep to take over. Sara closes her eyes and lets her mind drift through the mass of trouble she has caused.

If only I had told her straight away at least it would have been perfectly clear where each of us stood, unlike now were I don't have a clue what's happening. All I know is that she's left me, the only woman in the world for me is gone. It's all my fault, I won't blame her. How can I expect her to bring up a child she doesn't want, a child we didn't decide to have together! Truth is I can't, it's my screw up and I have to sort this out myself.

I could go find the father but what's the point? As cruel and crude as this may sound all he was to me was a quick 'shag' to try and forget that Catherine left me. It didn't help me forget and now look what's happened because of that night. She's left me yet again, it seems to be the story of our life, well my life.

Maybe she'll come back once she's cooled down. Maybe she'll tell me everything will be ok and that she'll stand by me through good times and bad or maybe I'm just fantasising about something that can never be.

It's over……No, NO! It's not over. I will not let it be, sometimes you have to fight for the things you want, the things you need and that's what I am going to do. Catherine is my baby and she always will be, I know she loves me and I know we can work through this. She could love this baby just as much as I will, if only she'd try…..

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"Well well if it isn't Catherine Willows."

Catherine turns round not recognising the voice, she smiles at the woman standing before her.

"April, long time no see."

"Indeed. No longer married to that loser of a man you called a husband?"

"Nope, I'm getting married again though, well I was. We just ended it, well I mean I just walked out."

"Hey dude fill her glass up will ya?"

She whispers behind her hand to make it a triple before smiling back down at Catherine.

"Why'd ya walk out? What'd he do?"

"She's pregnant."

"The bastard had another woman?"

"No my fiancée, well ex, she's pregnant."

"Holy shit."

"Don't seem so surprised."

"Hell if I'd known this years ago believe me you'd have never married Eddie."

Catherine laughs a little.

"You know, I love her more than life itself but…"

"You don't know if you can handle another child."

"I don't know if I want to."

"Well babe if you love her as much as you say you do then you'll do it anyway. I think you know that. I think you also know that you'll be going back to her and apologising for your little outburst, which I'm sure was justified before you jump down my throat."

"Maybe you're right."

"No maybe about it sweetheart."

Catherine downs her newly poured vodka in one and places the glass back on the bar while motioning to the bartender that she's had enough. April watches the older woman with interest thinking why she hadn't noticed how beautiful she was before, well she had but not in the same way.

"I guess I better be heading back."

"I guess so, it was nice seeing you again."

"You too, might see you around. Take care."

Catherine gets up and starts to walk away, suddenly realizing she's had a lot more to drink than she remembered.

"Catherine….wait."

Catherine turns back around to face her friend.

"Fancy one last ride? For old times sake?"