What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
Lucas's heartbeat increased dramatically as the words fell out of her mouth. She'd said it in other words, but hearing the actual the words with his name at the end was a whole new feeling. All thoughts left his mind entirely. He was left speechless. His eyes wondered to meet hers only to find sadness and fear.
He didn't know how to react. He didn't want to be the guy he was last year, but he didn't want to deny his feelings for Peyton either, especially after she was so honest with him. He was certain that if something like that happened to him, he'd never have the nerve to tell her. Given, if he'd said it, they would be in a completely different situation, or so he thought. He wasn't sure what Brooke would do. Especially, if he'd proposed to her. Wow, Peyton was engaged. The thought hurt him more than he wanted to let on. Even though she confessed her love to him, she had proposed to Jake. She'd thought she was in love with him.
"I.." he began, but failed to think of anything the least bit resembling the thoughts flowing through his head. He stared into her intensely hoping that she would somehow understand what he was thinking.
Then, of all the things he could of said, he verbalized his biggest fear. One that he didn't even really want to consider at the moment. It just slipped out.
"What if you're wrong again? What if you don't? You... You prop.. you asked Jake to marry you, Peyton!" He regretted the words even before he got them all out, but there was nothing he could about it now. It would always be in the back of his mind, even if he hadn't said anything. His thoughts lead to Brooke. His girlfriend. She loved him so much, and she was so open about it. Unlike Peyton, who had to propose to someone else to realize it. The thought of telling Peyton how he felt terrified him.
If he told her, and then she shut him out again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to hand it. Graduation wasn't for another month and a half. High school wasn't supposed to be this complicated, this hard. He suddenly craved his life before basketball when it was just him and Haley. That thought was quickly dismissed when he realized that Peyton was now kissing his knuckles. He swallowed hard as he watched her try to comfort him.
"I'm right this time, I know it, Luke." she said as her tears began to dry up and a smile crept onto her face as she noticed his eyes light up with a glimpse of hope. "You're my everything."
This was too much. He had so many thoughts running rampid through his mind. It wasn't that he doubted her feelings for him, he just couldn't help but doubt how long she would keep her guard down before she shut him out again.
"I can't do this, Peyton!" he said sadly as he withdrew his hand from her soft lips. He couldn't make himself look her in the eye. He was too ashamed. He knew he would kick himself in the ass tomorrow for this, but he also knew that if they did this, Brooke would never speak to him or Peyton again. He wasn't willing to be the reason their lifetime friendship was destroyed, again.
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?
His words hit Peyton hard. She was finally willing to sacrifice everything for him, and now he was shutting down. Timing had never been their strong suit.
He forced himself to continue, praying that come tomorrow he could atleast get him to acknowledge his existence. If he never got to hold her in his arms again, he atleast wanted to always remember the way those three words sounded falling off her lips with a smile. No matter how painful the aftermath was.
"I.. I love you, Pey. You know I do, I loved you probably before you even knew I existed." he added with a small smile trying to make her laugh, even if for a moment, which he succeeded. A very small smile appeared on her face briefly before tears sprang back to action as she braced herself for the second half of this explanation.
"I can't be that guy again, Peyt. I didn't like the guy I saw in the mirror, and I refuse to be that guy again." she gave a small nodd as she wiped away her tears trying to stay strong for as long as possible. She couldn't really argue, he was a good guy.
"I hurt Brooke pretty bad last year, and somehow she gave me another chance. I can't do this to her. She doesn't deserve it. She's been nothing less than great to me." He watched as she winced slightly at the mention of his name, which he expected. He'd known that as soon as Peyton saw Brooke's face come Monday morning she would take it all back.
"I know I can't ask you to wait for me, and I won't. I just.. I want you to know that I do love you, and maybe one day the timing will be right, and by some grace of fate or karma, we can be together. I just.. I can't right now." As the last sentence left his mouth his phone started vibrating in his pocked. Both of their eyes stared at the vibrating jeans for a few moments but Lucas got up the courage to take the phone out of his pocket.
Brooke.
They both winced slightly at the memory, as well as the reality of the situation.
"Hey.. pretty girl.." he said sadly avoiding any and all eye contact with Peyton. He hated that he said it in front of her, but he'd never hear the end of it from Brooke if he didn't.
"Hey boyfriend!" she replied happily into the phone. "Where are you? I haven't seen you all day!" she whined.
Lucas looked around at the white walls and frowned. I'm in hell, he thought. "I'm on my way home from the store, actually." he replied, not willing to fight with Brooke when he was with Peyton, it'd just make the decision that much harder to carry through with.
"Oh okay. Well I was going to call you and tell you I can't hang out tonight." she said with a hesitant tone. His brows furrowed slightly.
"Oh yeah?" he asked curiously as he stared at his shoes.
"Yeah, I'm fixing to go by Peyton's.." Finally, Lucas forced himself to look over at Peyton who's face was turning a white to match her walls, and tears began to fall even faster out of her eyes.
"N.. now?" he forced out as he began searching around the room for anything he might have dropped or sat down.
"Yeah. You know, you were right. It's not like she's tried to win you over. She didn't really betray me." Lucas was suddenly consumed with guilt. He shouldn't have come over. He knew it was a mistake.
"I think that's a good idea, Brooke. I'm sure she'd love to work things out." he said sadly once again letting his eyes linger over the the curly blonde hair girl next to him who was trying to wipe away her tears.
"I hope so. I miss my P. Sawyer!" a small smile crept onto Peyton's face as her nickname echoed through Lucas's phone. That was it for Lucas, he knew he'd made the right decision. He wouldn't let himself ruin them again.
"Alright, well call me tomorrow?" he said quickly trying to get off the phone to get out of there.
"Of course boyfriend. I love you." she said happily.
"You too." he said softly before hanging up as he lowered his head back towards the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Peyt." He lowered his head not knowing what else to say, When she didn't say anything he nodded to himself and stood up and walked to the door. "Please don't hate me."
After she heard him reach the bottom of the stairs, she walked into her hallway and watched as he opened her front door and left only stopping momentarily taking in his surroundings seemingly trying to remember every detail. They both knew it would be a long time before he stepped back into her house, especially alone.
"I could never hate you, Lucas Scott. Goodbye." she said as she allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek. As she wiped it off her chin, she heard her phone ring in her room and a smile was suddenly plastered on her face. She was going to have her friend back.
Okay, that's the end guys. I know it had a kind of depressing Leyton ending, but in all honesty, things are never that easy for them two. I LOVE Leyton, so I almost cried writing the ending. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please let me know what ya'll thought. Compliments and Criticisms appreciated. It was my first song fic so any feedback would be great!
Love! Alli!