It had been years since Dabi had last crammed himself into a suit. He felt naked with his piercings removed. Heavy makeup covered his scars. Catching a glimpse of himself in the school window, he saw a dark-haired young man with his hair neatly smoothed down like a Japanese salaryman. It gave him cold chills.

Toga had been the one supposed to sneak into U.A. and steal a pamphlet with information on their next off-campus training exercise. In preparation, the League of Villains had busted into a hospital and stolen blood samples from several faculty members and numerous other heroes. (Including Endeavor—boy, did Dabi ever have plans for that blood.)

But right before the mission, Toga had vanished, leaving only a sticky note explaining that she needed to obtain a super-rare limited edition cake from a local bakery. She'd claimed she would be back soon. It had quickly become evident that "soon" would not be soon enough for the League of Villain's plan to sneak in during the crowd of visitors for U.A.'s parent-teacher conferences. In an insane rage, Tomura had stolen one of his sensei's suits and rolled up the pants legs to fit Dabi into it. When the pants kept slipping down, Tomura had decayed new holes into a designer belt in order to cinch it tightly enough.

In retrospect, Dabi didn't know why he'd agreed to this stupid plan. He'd gotten caught up in the moment, and then Mr. Compress had been putting on his makeup while two Twices shoved different shoes on his feet until he felt like a twisted Cinderella. In the end, none of All for One's fancy shoes had fit. Dabi was wearing his combat boots and hoping no one would notice.

He'd successfully gotten past the U.A. gate by hiding among a large crowd of parents. But now he'd ended up in the waiting room with all of them. The gymnasium had been decorated with drawings and pottery from U.A. students. Proud parents cooed over the art. Dabi inched toward the exit.

A green-haired woman entered as he tried to leave. They bumped into each other. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said.

Dabi grunted.

Unperturbed, she bowed politely. "My name is Inko Midoriya. I'm Izuku's mother. You look awfully young to be a father. Who are you here for?"

Dabi's mind went blank. He became keenly aware that half a dozen professional heroes stood around this gym, including Eraserhead just behind the woman. If he picked a parent who Aizawa had already seen, then he was toast. He said, "I'm here for Shouto Todoroki. I'm not his father—I'm his older brother, Touya."

Dabi had only picked Shouto because he knew that Endeavor wouldn't have possibly shown up for this event. Endeavor would never leave his hero agency during normal working hours. But as soon as Dabi said it, he regretted it. If he got unmasked now, then all his years of dyeing his hair would be wasted. All for a stupid spy mission to carry out Shiggy's stupid passion for killing All Might that Dabi didn't even care about.

Inko beamed. "I've heard so many good things about your little brother. He's been a true friend to my son." She turned around. "Mr. Aizawa, didn't you say that Shouto was next, but his father didn't show up? His brother is here!"

Dabi winced, regretting it even more.

Aizawa stepped forward. "Thank you for coming, Touya. Please, follow me."

Dabi was screwed. He knew it. Deep down, he even knew he had no one to blame but himself. But it would be easier to fight Eraserhead alone than all the heroes in this room at once. Dabi followed the teacher, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Aizawa opened the door to an office with a desk and two chairs. Shouto sat in one chair. Dabi's jaw clenched. Just look at that smug brat with his usual aloof expression, so convinced that he was better than everyone else and about to get Dabi arrested. Maybe Dabi would at least give the perfect masterpiece a second burn scar before he went down.

Aizawa said, "Your brother Touya came in place of your father."

Without a single change to his blank face, Shouto said, "Hi, big brother. Nice to meet you." He waved.

Dabi's mind went blank. What the hell was going on? Did Shouto think this was a joke? Had that scar of his given him brain-damage? Had Endeawhore never even told Shouto that his older brother was dead? That last one sounded disturbingly plausible.

Aizawa chuckled. "Did you mean to say 'Long time no see'?"

"That, too," Shouto said seriously. "Up until now, I thought my older brother was—"

The brat was about to say "dead." Dabi loudly interrupted, "—too busy to attend this conference! But here I am. Nothing is more important than my cute little brother." His grin looked maniac.

A very small smile formed on Shouto's lips. Sounding sincerely touched, he said, "Thank you for coming. I felt sad that none of my siblings could attend. Natsuo has an exam, and Fuyumi caught a cold. I don't care if Endeavor comes."

This kid definitely had a screw loose. It figured, coming from their messed-up family. Dabi sat down on the free chair. "Right. So tell me all about my perfect brother's school performance. I'm sure he's as flawless as our father expects him to be."

Since he'd come this far, Dabi decided to bluff his way to the very end, steal that pamphlet, and escape. If he had to drag up his painful past, then it damn well wouldn't be for nothing.

Aizawa began, "Shouto's grades are impeccable and—"

Dabi tuned him out. Just more blah-blah about how perfect the perfect masterpiece must be with his perfect quirk.

Aizawa said, "However, I would like to talk about Shouto's hero name."

"Endeavor Junior?" Dabi joked. "God, Dad would totally try to call him that. Please don't let him."

Shouto snickered.

Aizawa said, "He wants his hero name to be Shouto."

Dabi turned to face Shouto. "Whoa, you are brain-damaged."

"I prefer the term socially inept," Shouto said.

Aizawa ground his teeth. "Please don't use insult my student again." This was accompanied by a death glare. "U.A. tries to give students complete creative freedom over their hero names. However, I've read research that suggests it has negative psychological effects to pick your own name as your hero name. It becomes harder to separate work from personal life and to maintain distance from your celebrity persona."

"Ugh, dear old dad probably would love that," Dabi said.

Shouto said, "He didn't. I'd never take his name suggestion. He wants me to pick something more marketable."

At the same time, Aizawa asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Because in Endeavor's eyes, Shouto is just an extension of himself. A tool created to become number one hero. Endeavor's got no work-life balance and I doubt he cares if his masterpiece does either. He thinks rest is for the weak."

Shouto said, "That's exactly what he told me last time I asked for a break in training."

Dabi said, "He's always kept his protégée from doing anything except training to be the next number one. That's probably why the kid talks like a robot and has the socialization skills of a corpse."

Aizawa looked disturbed. "Shouto, you can confirm what Touya is saying?"

"Yes," Shouto said. As if he'd just been waiting for a chance to infodump his tragic backstory, he then recited a truly grim list of relentless training and isolation from his siblings. By the end, even Dabi started to feel sorry for the kid.

Aizawa took copious notes, then said, "I'll arrange a home visit immediately to investigate. I promise we'll do something about this, Shouto."

"Whoa, you actually got someone to listen, big brother." Shouto stared at Dabi with starry eyes.

Dabi felt uncomfortable, especially because he'd never intended to help Shouto to begin with. "I didn't do anything. You're the one who told your teacher. I just gave you a little push."

Shouto gasped. "What a big brother-like thing to say!" He sounded deeply impressed with Dabi's supposed false modesty.

Shifting in his chair and looking away, Dabi asked, "Are we done?"

"Wait." Aizawa held up a hand. "I still need to talk about Shouto's career goals." He held up a scrap of paper. "He wrote Kill Endeavor. Before I assumed this was an analogy for wanting to surpass his father, but after what you told me, I'm starting to get concerned."

"What?" Dabi shrieked. "You can't kill our father!"

"Yes, exactly," Aizawa said.

"Because I'm going to kill him first! It's my lifelong dream! I have a dance routine planned and everything!"

"What," Aizawa stated.

Shouto tapped his chin. "I suppose you have first dibs on killing our father. You're older, after all. But if you can't do it by the time I'm an adult, then I'll ask you to step aside."

"That won't be a problem," Dabi growled. "My plan has taken me years. I'll make him suffer and despair before he dies."

Aizawa muttered, "I need to have that home visit tomorrow."

Dabi said, "I'm a bit surprised Endeavor's perfect masterpiece wants to kill him too…although, less so after what you told me."

"He's very murderable," Shouto said with a grin.

Dabi actually found himself smiling back. For some reason, he couldn't help liking this weird kid.

Desperately, Aizawa asked, "Can you come up with a new goal besides patricide? I need something for my records."

Shouto frowned. "But I have no reason to become a hero besides spiting my father."

"Why do you have to become a hero at all?" Dabi asked. He was starting to think maybe Shouto would make a cool villain. Just imagine how much it would piss off Endeavor if his perfect masterpiece turned to the dark side! That would be so much better than killing Shouto. Dabi should have thought of it years ago!

Shouto said, "I don't know. My father told me that I had to become a hero from a young age. I never had any other paths open to me."

"That sucks." Dabi frowned. "Do you have anything else you like?" He had more discretion than to bring up the villain option in front of a hero teacher.

Shouto said, "I like cooking."

"That's pretty good too!" Dabi laughed to imagine the look on Endeavor's face if his genetically engineered masterpiece dropped out of hero school to become a chef. That would be possibly an even better revenge on his father than murder. "You don't have to decide right away. You're just a kid, you have loads of hilarious—I mean, fulfilling career options."

Shouto's shoulders shook. A tear rolled down his cheek. He whispered, "No one has ever cared about what I want to do with my life before. Thank you, big brother."

"There, there." Dabi awkwardly patted him on the back.

"I'm so happy." Shouto sniffled.

Caught up in the drama of the moment, Dabi whirled on Aizawa. "It's shitty that U.A. forces a bunch of high school kids to be locked into one career. How many people truly know what they want to do with their lives at age fourteen? Ridiculous! Do you even give your students a background in regular studies if they change their minds about being one of your child soldiers?"

Aizawa looked harried. "We do, actually. We expect high dropout rates. Also, it's quite normal for heroes to have more than one career, like Best Jeanist's interest in fashion. I could put Shouto in touch with a cooking hero. The lessons would be useful no matter what he decides to do with his life later."

"Thank you, big brother and Mr. Aizawa!" Shouto cried, drying his tears.

Aizawa said, "My sanity meter is rapidly falling and I need coffee, but before I can let you go, I need to raise one last issue. Shouto has been spreading a rumor that Izuku Midoriya is All Might's lovechild. He even posted a video blog with all his evidence. This came up during Izuku's conference, and his father was very upset. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal because Izuku himself said he doesn't mind. But Hisashi Midoriya claimed to be contemplating a slander lawsuit. I'm not sure if he's serious, but I had to warn you."

Dabi snorted. "How can he sue for slander when it's true? Bone-breaking kid is All Might's son, end of story. ColdSobaLover has a great video proving it."

Shouto said, "Yes, that's me."

Dabi whirled around, looking at his little brother with new eyes. "You're the internet's greatest conspiracy theory master?"

Shouto blushed. "That means so much coming from my big brother."

"I'm such a big fan! I mean, your video on the HPSC's child soldier program got me into conspiracies—" Dabi stuttered to a halt, embarrassed that he'd admitted to being a fan of his own younger brother.

"Almost no one saw that video before it got taken down," Shouto said. "Wait, are you Blue Flame?"

Dabi flushed. "Haha, no, why would you say that?"

"Because you commented on that same video saying that I'd gotten you into conspiracy theories." Shouto's eyes gleamed. "You were the only friend I had before I started at U.A. What a wonderful surprise, to find out that you're my brother!"

Dabi felt rather strange about the brother reveal, especially since ColdSobaLover had been the closest thing he'd had to a friend for a long time. He definitely couldn't ever harm his online bestie. In this brief space of time, his feelings toward Shouto had so drastically changed that his old plan felt like a distant dream.

Shouto said, "Our conversations kept me going during a very dark time in my life."

"You know…same here," Dabi admitted. "Hey, does this mean that your latest video about the Seven Mysteries at your school was based on U.A.?"

Shouto grinned. "Yes, would you like to see them?"

"Of course!"

Aizawa said, "Perfect timing—both of you get out of here while I down a gallon of stomach ulcer medicine before my next conference."

Shouto guided Dabi around the school, showing off each mystery. Naturally, this allowed Dabi to further elaborate on his own theories. He had to show off for his little brother.

Gesturing at the storage room, Shouto said, "This is haunted by the ghosts of past U.A. students who died."

Dabi dropped to his knees. "Yes! I feel the ghostly energy!"

Shouto said, "The latest spirit is Chihiro Yamada—"

Dabi wagged his finger. "No, not her. She secretly defected and ran off to America to become a villain, but the HPSC covered it up with a fake death."

Shouto gasped. "Amazing! You're so smart, big brother. I'll get to work on my next video immediately." He entered notes into his phone.

Dabi beamed. He liked how Shouto hung off his every word and looked at him with such wide, worshipful eyes. It made him feel calmer than he had been in years. Finally, he had a younger sibling who adored and admired him as he deserved.

A blond kid waved. "Hey, Shouto, I'm gathering all the students and parents who signed up for the cooking contest. Who's this?"

"This is my brother, Touya Todoroki." Shouto gestured.

The blond bowed. "I'm Denki Kaminari. Nice to meet you. The contest starts in five minutes, so you'd better hurry. I know how much you were looking forward to it."

Shouto turned pleading eyes on Dabi. "Please, big brother? Before Fuyumi got sick, I was so looking forward to the competition because we're making soba. There's even a coupon to my favorite soba restaurant as a prize."

Dabi was in a good mood. He laughed. "Why not? I'm sure we'll win."

Shouto jumped up and down. "Thank you, big brother!" He kissed Dabi's cheek.

Just how much more adorable could this kid get? Dabi smiled. Some other goal nagged at the back of Dabi's mind, but he pushed it away.

Alone, Denki muttered, "I didn't know that Shouto had another brother. Is he a hero? I've never heard of him." He pulled out his phone and googled Touya Todoroki. He found an obituary.

Face paling, Denki cried, "The haunted storage room finally summoned a real ghost to walk the earth!" He ran away screaming.

The gym had three tables set up with cooking ingredients and portable stoves. In front of them lay an obstacle course made of benches, tires, and tubes. An audience of parents and children sat in the bleachers.

Shouto pulled Dabi over to the cooking area. "Everyone, I want you to meet my big brother, Touya Todoroki." He sounded so proud, it made Dabi stand a bit straighter. "Big brother, this is my friend Izuku and his mother, Ms. Midoriya. And this is my friend Ochaco and her father, Mr. Uraraka."

From behind the tables, both sets of parents and children smiled and exchanged greetings.

Pulling Dabi over to their table, Shouto lowered his voice. "Team Midoriya will be the team to beat in this competition." At the adjacent table, Inko opened a box containing an impressive array of cooking knives. "Just look at her tools!" Shouto sighed with longing. "Mrs. Midoriya is a much better chef than me, but I'm a soba specialist. In this one area, maybe I can win."

Dabi looked over the flour. They were supposed to make the noodles from scratch? This could be a problem. He'd been living off instant ramen for years. Reluctantly, he admitted, "Uh, I don't know how to cook."

"That's okay, big brother. We're divided into teams: one to cook and one to retrieve the ingredients we need from the other side of the obstacle course." Shouto pointed. "Most of the teams have the hero student running the course. But I figured you'd be better at that than me."

"Of course I will." Dabi beamed.

"Thank you. There may be some overlap in which ingredients each the team needs, and you're allowed to steal from an opponent but not hurt them." Shouto looked over his table. "I need chili oil, balsamic vinegar, and green onions. Can you remember that?"

"Chili oil, balsamic vinegar, and green onions," Dabi muttered. "Got it!" He had some concerns about competing with the bone-breaking kid who'd obliterated every league member he'd encountered, but remembering they weren't allowed to directly fight each other reassured him.

Standing on top of a table, Present Mic bellowed, "Let the soba contest begin!" As he pointed his finger at the sky, a cheer rose up from the bleachers.

Dabi raised his arms and summoned a wall of blue flame. The entire obstacle course was incinerated.

In a more subdued voice, Present Mic said, "Uh, I'm not sure that's allowed. Let me consult with the other teachers."

The crowd cheered wildly. Dabi struck a pose. They cheered even more. Unfortunately, while he was distracted, Izuku and Ochaco shot across the ashes toward the ingredients.

"Hey!" Dabi bellowed, chasing after them. He arrived third and collected the chili oil and green onions. The bone-breaking kid had already grabbed the only bottle of balsamic vinegar. Dabi flashed back to Muscular lying beaten and mostly dead on the ground, and decided to see if his little brother could use white vinegar instead.

The three of them raced back toward the tables, with Izuku in the lead.

Denki ran into the gymnasium holding a sack of salt. He screamed, "Begone, foul ghost!" as he threw the salt at Dabi.

Dabi slipped and fell. He crashed into Ochaco. Their heads impacted painfully. They both went down in a flurry of limbs.

"Ochaco!" Izuku cried, turning around. Ochaco lay supine on the floor, groaning and bleeding from where she'd bitten her lip. Izuku ran over and held a handkerchief over the cut.

Dabi swayed. His head felt like he'd impacted with a truck. Something wet dripped down his forehead into his eyes. He didn't know how much longer he could stay conscious. But he was determined not to let his little brother down. He stumbled across the floor, stopping only to steal the balsamic vinegar from where Izuku had abandoned it.

From the cooking area, Shouto waved. "I'm not allowed to help you bring the ingredients to the table. You can do it, big brother! I believe in you!"

With a roar, Dabi summoned all his might and slammed the ingredients down on the table. Then he collapsed to the floor. "Call an ambulance…I'm bleeding…" He moaned.

"Actually, it looks like you just broke the white vinegar bottle and it spilled all over you." Shouto handed him a towel. "Luckily we still have the balsamic vinegar."

Dabi tasted the liquid. "Oh, you're right." Suddenly, he felt much better. He realized that most of his supposed pain had been just psychological because he'd assumed he was bleeding to death. "Do you know if vinegar washes out hair dye? Because mine is super-sensitive."

Shouto tilted his head. "Yeah, your hair is starting to turn white."

"Crap." Dabi wrapped the towel over his head.

"Please chop these onions." Shouto pushed them at him. "Thank you, big brother. You're the best brother ever."

It was like music to Dabi's ears. He basked in the admiration. "Of course, that goes without saying. I even fought off this absolutely feral terror for your ingredients—"

A green blur shot by their table and vanished. Dabi blinked. "Uh, I think your friend just stole our balsamic vinegar. If you want it back, you're going to have to fight him yourself. I have survival instinct."

Shouto said, "That's okay, I already measured out what I need. It's the cooks' turn to battle now."

Ochaco had also reached her table. Except for a red mark on her forehead, she looked unharmed. She was smiling again as she helped her father stir their pot.

After three bowls of soba had been laid on the table, Present Mic announced, "The competition had several hiccups. However, all the chefs got all the ingredients they needed, and upon consulting with the competitors, we found that no one felt unfairly disadvantaged. Thus, we will continue the judging. The staff at U.A. would like to commend Izuku Midoriya for putting his desire to help his classmate above the competition."

More cheers came from the crowd. Izuku blushed.

Present Mic was blindfolded before he sat down. The audience watched in solemn silence as he sampled each bowl of soba. Present Mic licked his lips. He said, "This was a truly difficult decision. All three bowls taste marvelous. But I must narrowly give the victory to Team Number One."

"That's us!" Shouto leapt up in the air and cheered. "We won! You did it, big brother!" He jumped on Dabi and hugged him.

Dabi's arms went limp, then he slowly hugged back. This felt nice. Like years of rage and tension were melting away. He smiled. "We did it together."

Looking up with wide eyes, Shouto asked, "You'll come with me to the soba restaurant, won't you, big brother? We both earned this gift certificate, so we should eat the prize together."

"Of course I will. I love spending time with my cute little brother," Dabi said, forgetting all about how at some point Shouto would probably figure out that he was a villain.

The door of the gym flung open. Endeavor ran in, shouting, "I'm here for D—I mean, him!" He pointed at Dabi.

Deep down, Dabi knew that he wasn't ready to fight Endeavor in a one-on-one match. But with his little brother watching, he couldn't admit it. Flames igniting around his body, he charged. "I'll kill you!"

Just before he struck, Endeavor hissed, "Stop! It's me, Toga!"

Dabi screeched to a halt so fast he nearly fell over.

Toga whispered, "I'm sorry I left you to infiltrate on your own! I came to save you."

Dabi crossed his arms. "I was doing just fine without you. How could you have wasted our only sample of Endeavor's blood on this? I had important plans for that! I was going to use your transformation to humiliate and discredit him. Quick, do something embarrassing."

Toga hugged him. "I'm so happy you're all right! I was afraid you'd been captured."

Dabi shoved her away. "Embarrass Endeavor, not me!" Even when he knew it was Toga, it disgusted him to be hugged by the image of his father.

Toga skipped over to the table. "Oooo, just look at all this soba. The one with the egg decorated to look like a chick is sooooooo cute." She clasped her hands together in a girly fashion and giggled.

"Yes, like that!" Dabi cackled as he whipped out his phone and started filming Endeavor talking and gesturing like a high school girl.

Toga laid eyes on Ocacho. Her eyes lit up, which looked rather disturbing on Endeavor's somber face. "Ochaco-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! You look so adorable today! Did you get a manicure? Let me see." She tried to grab Ochaco's hand.

Mr. Uraraka leapt between them. "Get away from my daughter, you pervert!"

"Haha! This is perfect!" Dabi howled with laughter as he filmed. This would make a wonderful video entitled, Endeavor harasses a high school girl. Dabi's tears of laughter eroded his makeup, revealing his scars.

Behind them, Shouto snuck over to the table and started eating all the soba as fast as he could. He muttered, "Delicious. Truthfully, I would have given the prize to Ms. Midoriya. I still have a long ways to go."

Toga ran back over to Dabi, whispering, "I think they're on to me. Uh, and your makeup dripped off. Do you have what you came for?"

"Yes," Dabi said.

"Then let's bring the pamphlet back to Tomura!" Toga picked up Dabi, slung him over her shoulder, and ran.

Belatedly, Dabi remembered that he'd been supposed to spy, not win a soba gift certificate. Oops. Maybe he could tell everyone he dropped the pamphlet while Toga carried him. Yes, that sounded like the perfect plan.

As Toga carried him out the door, Dabi shouted, "Shouto, I'll call you! I haven't forgotten about our soba eating plans! We're going to be an unstoppable villain-chef-conspiracy theorist brother team!"

Aizawa stared after the escaping duo. "Uh, that was clearly Himiko Toga pretending to be Endeavor, wasn't it? Then the man with the scars must have been Dabi!"

Shouto took another sip of soba. "Yes, it appears my older brother Touya is actually Dabi from the League of Villains. I was surprised too when he showed up at my parent-teacher conference wearing terrible makeup. Previously, I believed him dead."

From the look on Aizawa's face, he was reconsidering who was the biggest problem child in his class. "If you knew all along, why didn't you say anything?"

Deadpan, Shouto said, "I overheard that you had All for One on speaker phone during Izuku's conference, so I assumed villain relatives were fine."

The room went dead silent except for the sound of Shouto slurping up the last bit of soba.

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: Competitiveness

Dabi: Word on the street has it that you're writing Big Brother stories for Tomura. I want one, too. I can be a much better big brother than him!

Author: You tried to kill your little brother in canon.

Dabi: Tomura tried to kill Izuku too.

Author: And frankly did a better job of it than you. Point taken, I'll get started on your story.

Dabi: Hey! Who the hell did a better job at fratricide than me? My plan was years in the making! I danced and everything!

#

Omake: If Izuku and Inko had Won

Izuku: Hey, Shouto, I know how much you love soba. Do you want to go with me and my mom to use the gift certificate? You can bring your brother too if you want. There's enough money on the certificate for four sobas. My mom also offered to give you some cooking tips.

Shouto: (Incoherent sobbing of gratitude.)

#

Omake: Parenting is Suffering

All for One: Tomura, do you know what happened to my favorite suit?

Tomura: Dabi left it on the chair over there. Ever since he got back from U.A., he's been bragging about his little brother. It's insufferable. But I have to admit the Todoroki boy is adorable. Sensei, do you have any spare children lying around so I can show Dabi up?

All for One: My best suit is covered in vinegar and ashes! This is going to stain! And why are all my shoes in a jumbled pile?

Tomura: If you don't have a son, then maybe I could kidnap that Bakugo kid. I've been thinking about it ever since the Sports Festival.

All for One: (Holding up his maimed belt) I'm throwing out all your video games.

Tomura: Fine, not Bakugo. You can pick any kid in Class 1-A to adopt except the bone-breaking one. He kinda scares me.

All for One: Wait, I wasn't paying attention to anything you were saying. When did you find out that Izuku is my son?

Tomura: What?

All for One: What?

#

Omake: The Younger Generation Surpasses the Older One

Dabi: All for One, I have the greatest respect for you as a villain, a monologuer, and a snazzy dresser. I need advice. How can I persuade my hero younger brother to become a villain with me?

All for One: (Total silence as he enters a PTSD flashback.)

Dabi: Your evilness?

All for One: I either feel an unusual, uncharacteristic sympathy for you or I want to relive my youth through you. Even though you're a laughably pathetic edgelord far below my league, I've decided to help you. First of all, do you have any idea where your brother is hiding from you?

Dabi: Ha, Shouto doesn't hide from me. We meet up once a week for soba. He sends me cute little texts every day about how much he loves me. Here, just look at how many emojis he uses! He's adorable. He doesn't want to let the hero-villain divide come between us.

All for One: (Has received one hundred points of emotional damage.)

Dabi: (Waving a hand in front of All for One's face) Anyone in there? Are you going senile?

All for One: Go ask Dr. Garaki.

Dabi: Why, does Dr. Garaki have a younger brother?

All for One: No, but he'll turn you into a Nomu if you bother him.

#

Omake: Shouto's Defense

Shouto: Are you telling me that Izuku can have Japan's greatest villain at his parent-teacher conference, but I can't even have my super-incompetent villain brother who probably never committed a crime except by accident? I protest this double-standard! More importantly, I'm not giving the gift card back. The soba is all mine.

Author's Note: Shouto has not given up on his beloved "Izuku is All Might's lovechild" theory. Instead, Shouto thinks that All for One and All Might had a child together, followed by an acrimonious breakup. (This was how Aizawa discovered that no one ever gave Shouto The Talk…)

Me, in the mood for some good big brother Dabi content: canon what canon? Lalala.

Credit for this prompt goes to my sister, who is also in denial about canon Dabi. You're a far more awesome sibling than Dabi and I love you!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's. I spent the weekend marathoning the Lord of Rings movies with my sister, then afterward I went looking for Lord of the Rings fanfiction. I discovered that is heavily dominated by Legolas X Female OC and Archive of Our Own is dominated by Legolas X Gimli. There are two types of Lord of the Rings fanfic writers: those who want to fuck Legolas and those who want to watch Legolas and Gimli fuck. The Legolas thirst in that fandom is unreal. I respect that. Even though I'm disappointed by the severe shortage of Samwise Gamgee content.