Chapter Two.

After twenty minutes, Sara had stopped crying. She still rested her head gently on Gil's shoulder. Her arms were around his neck, and Grissom's arms were around Sara's waist. They sat in Sara's apartment in silence, wrapped in each other's warmth. Their breathing synchronized. Their hearts beated at the same pace, at the same time, as one.

Sara moved her head from Gil's shoulder to look up at his eyes. He was staring back down at her. Their arms were still around each other. Sara was glad she wasn't dead; this moment would never be able to be re-lived. The hardest part would be to explain it after it happened.

The moment held out, Sara kept staring into Grissom's eyes and Grissom kept staring into Sara's eyes. They both wondered what the other was thinking, but didn't dare ask. Sara had wanted this ever since she knew Gil, to be in someone's arms, arms that she trusted, arms that held her just tight enough to know that the person behind them cared. To know the person would keep her safe. No matter how much Sara wanted this, something was wrong.

She pulled away and went back to the tense, scared girl she had always been. Gil still kept his gaze on her. The best thing to do, right now, was to stay quiet and wait for Sara to come to him. Sara turned her head away and avoided Grissom's eyes, she could feel them burning into the back of her head.

"Sara, can you tell me what's wrong?" Grissom asked, his voice was soft and offering comfort. Gil waited in the quiet of the room for Sara to answer, but she stayed quiet. When Sara didn't speak, Gil asked again, "can you tell me what's wrong?"

Sara realized that staying silent wouldn't help, "I'd rather not," was her answer. Grissom broke his gaze on the brunette and looked down at the floor. A long pause followed.

"I can help if you tell me what's making you sad," Grissom said, trying to coax answers out of her. More like depressed, Sara thought to herself. She processed what he had said and laughed. Help... what a useless word, Sara thought. There wasn't anything Grissom could do to help her, unless he lied to her. Sara had figured out a long time ago that she would rather be rejected than lied to. "What's so funny about that?" Gil asked, gazing upon her again. His expression was serious.

"Help," Sara paused, "you say it as if you mean it." Sara answered coldly, she looked at him and met Gil's gaze. Grissom didn't know what to say, he lost all of his words and was left speechless.

"I... we... you... if..." Gil said, trying to get out his words, "what do you mean?"

"If only you knew..." Sara said, trailing off. She got up from the couch to walk away. Gil got up quickly and grabbed her arm before she was too far, before she got anywhere.

"Sara... I want to know," Gil said softly. Sara turned and looked at him, his expression was soft. Tears came to Sara's eyes, and she flung her arms around Grissom. He embraced Sara in his arms, and she cried into his chest.

---

Sara stayed in Grissom's arms, with her head buried in his chest. She never wanted to leave because that was where Sara felt safest. Gil kissed the top of her head, which made Sara stop crying, she moved her head to look up at Gil. She stared up at him, looking for answers. She wondered why Grissom had kissed her.

"Can you tell me what's wrong now?" Gil asked, ignoring Sara's unasked question. Sara sat back down on the couch, which meant that she was no longer in Gil's arms.

"Lots of things," Sara answered quietly.

"Sara," Gil said firmly.

"I found an old diary from when I was a kid. I haven't even read it yet and I'm already crying," Sara said.

"You haven't opened it?" Gil asked.

"No," Sara answered quietly. She got up from the couch and went to her bedroom, a moment later, she returned to the couch with the diary in her hands. A minute went by of complete silence. Sara went to open the small black book, but Gil stopped her by taking her hand.

"Are you sure you want to read it?" Gil asked.

"Yes," was Sara's answer. She pulled her hand away from Gil's and opened the small black diary. She opened to a random page and read it aloud.

"Dad hit me again today. As I ran to my room, I heard him hit my Mom too. It all happened after he came home from the bar. I wonder what death feels like, how can nothing feel? Where do I go when I'm dead? What do I think about if I'm gone? My Dad wouldn't notice, my Mom would fake cry, to give the impression to other people that she was sad.

My class made fun of me at school today, they all said that my Dad was a drunk and that he never went home. It is true, but they didn't have to say the truth, they didn't have to say anything at all. They wouldn't miss me if I was dead either."

Sara was in tears as she read the page. Grissom was wondering what age Sara was when she had first thought and considered suicide.