9: Stay

"Stay." Maggie said. It wasn't a question, but there was still some uncertainty as to whether Sydney would acquiesce. Sydney wouldn't meet Maggie's eyes, just stared down at their joined hands, breath hitched at the simple request, the simple contact of Maggie's familiar hand in hers after so long. It took a moment before Sydney looked up, shifted her weight to lean against the bed, and Maggie smiled. Maggie was cold, quite cold, as Sydney had found out when she touched her, but she'd put up with anything to have Sydney by her side for even a minute longer. Sydney caught her breath and smiled at Maggie's eyebrow quirk. She'd hesitated at the door, unsure if she'd be welcome here after running away, but the smile on Maggie's face had reassured her.

Sydney found herself staring down at that hand holding hers, a hand that had once done so much more. Her thumb grazed over Maggie's cold knuckles.

"You're still cold," Sydney remarked. Maggie sighed and reached for the call button. A nurse walked in after a few minutes of silence, Maggie still drinking in the sight of the shorter doctor.

"Warmed blankets, and turn the AC down please." Sydney said, not looking away from Maggie at the soft foot-falls entering, then exiting the room.

Sydney never was much for small talk, and Maggie was struggling to stay awake, to shrug off an insistent pounding in her skull. When the nurse came back, it was a welcome distraction.

Sydney took the blankets, reveled in their warmth, before tucking one under the existing blanket and the other over the top. Maggie stared down at her vacated hand, willing Sydney to take it once she was done. Sydney slipped her hand back into Maggie's, thumb slipping back into its previous path over Maggie's knuckles.

"Better?" Sydney asked.

"Much. Thanks." Maggie stared at Sydney, someone she used to know so well, but between the familiar face now so open and slightly foreign without the glasses and the hint of cleavage in the surprisingly unbuttoned shirt, Maggie isn't sure she knows this woman. She's lighter, brighter and even more gorgeous than Maggie had remembered. She seemed happier, freer, if a little worried.

"You ghosted me. " Maggie said, matter-of-factly.

"I put you in for a staff position," Sydney started apologetically, but was cut off.

"In Cleveland. While you stayed in Toronto, in some other hospital. Sydney…" Maggie paused, uncertain of how to continue, of how much to reveal.

"I haven't been fair to you," Sydney realised suddenly. "I should have at least told you I was leaving."

"Would have been nice to know," Maggie said, humming a little as her eyes started to drift shut. She blinked repeatedly, trying to focus on Sydney.

"It's OK, you need to rest. I'll be here." Sydney smiled down at Maggie, wanting to talk but not knowing what to say. Wanting to be with Maggie without the barrier of apologies and stilted small talk.

"You'll be here when I wake up?" Maggie asked, eyes already shut, looking so small and fragile in the big hospital bed, covered in tubes.

"I'll be here." Sydney said, pulling a chair up next to the bed with her free hand. Maggie's eyes opened and she tugged Sydney back up by the hand when she tried to sit down.

"Then come here." Maggie shifted sideways in the bed before Sydney could stop her or help her. Sydney reached over and helped Maggie settle more comfortably. She paused, just looking at Maggie, one hand on her hip, the other on her shoulder.

"What are you waiting for?" Maggie asked softly. Sydney's face was closed with consideration. There was something she wasn't saying.

"An invitation," Sydney said, smiling finally. Maggie smiled back, patting the bedside her.

"Get in here, Katz."

It took some coordination between the height of the bed and Sydney's short stature, but she hauled herself up beside Maggie. Maggie lifted the blanket, and Sydney maneuvered herself underneath it.

"You're still cold," Sydney said, half accusatory. She rolled onto her side so a large portion of her body was pressed against her cold... friend? Ex? She carefully pulled an arm over Maggie's stomach, feeling the sharp exhale filter through her hair. Sydney rubbed gently, trying to warm Maggie, trying to ignore the insistent beeps from Maggie's heart-rate monitor - now considerably faster - trying to ignore her own speeding heart.

"Stay." Maggie asked. "Just till I wake up." She's already asked, and Sydney had to wonder about the effects of the brain injury. Or maybe… maybe it's a sign that Maggie needs her as much as Sydney needs Maggie. Sydney shook her head. It could be a sign that Maggie knows she needs to ask, that people in her life perhaps haven't been around enough. And it makes Sydney sad to think she may have contributed to that.

"I'll be here." Sydney said with certainty. Maggie needed her now, and Maggie has never let her down; not for anything important or personal. And Sydney has done nothing but advance and retreat, advance and retreat like some sycophantic polka. Maggie shouldn't want her here, not after everything Sydney did and didn't do to her. While Sydney was processing, she didn't notice that Maggie actually... liked her. That perhaps her efforts to get Sydney to come out weren't just in support of Sydney, but out of an expectation. Sydney had told Maggie that her being gay had nothing to do with Maggie, but it had so much to do with Maggie, and Maggie wasn't stupid. Maggie knew this was about her, and some of that pushing from Maggie, Sydney could see now, was Maggie waiting for Sydney. So they could, maybe...

"Unless... Shelby. If you need to go to her.…" Maggie trailed off, always putting the job first and herself last.

"Charlie's her surgeon, and Bishop. They can handle her without me for a night." Sydney said with assurance, relishing when Maggie's arm slid under her torso to settle on her waist, completing the embrace.

"But if she needs you…" Maggie said, hand lazily rubbing Sydney's back.

"They'll know where to find me. And if they do, I'll wake you up, before I go. I won't leave you without letting you know. I'll let you see me off. I'll be here when you wake up, even if I have to wake you up myself."

Maggie's other hand came up to Sydney's face, stopped short, hovered a moment before resting on Sydney's cheek.

"Thank you," Maggie said finally. And Sydney flinched. Staying was literally the least she could do, and it felt like barely a dent in the debt she owed Maggie. Maggie closed her eyes, just for a moment, and Sydney watched her sleep, watched over her for a few hours, smiling quietly at the trail of people coming in to check on Maggie every so often. Finally Sydney shut down her phone and rested her head on Maggie's chest, lulled to sleep by the rhythm of Maggie's breaths, Maggie's heart beneath her head pounding out an all but forgotten lullaby.

When Alex came back to check on Maggie, she found Maggie awake, watching Sydney sleep, hand caressing Sydney's back. The sleepy embrace wasn't a surprise to Alex; she'd been checking in every hour.

"How's the head?" Alex asked, checking Maggie's pupils. She cradled Maggie's face longer than necessary, stroked her cheek with her thumb before stepping back to update Maggie's chart.

"Sore," Maggie said, turning back to watch Sydney's sleeping face. Alex handed Maggie some pills, some water. Maggie took them, hand resettling on Sydney's shoulder as soon as it could.

"So she does care," Maggie said quietly. "Enough to stay." Alex sighed. This was the first time they were talking about it; Alex had picked up on the tension between them only shortly before Sydney had left - presumably because of Maggie - had they fought? If so, why had Sydney put her career on the line to give Maggie a second chance at the boards? It seemed more likely that the formerly Orthodox doctor was scared and confused, but Alex had seen Sydney watching Maggie once, when she didn't know Alex was looking, and Alex thought Maggie deserved someone who looked at her like that. And Maggie had looked at Sydney the same way, but she'd never said anything to Alex. Never mentioned that she might have an attraction to women - or rather, Alex thought, watching the way Maggie was carefully holding the other doctor, hand rubbing lazy circles over her back - just this one woman. Alex thinks it had more to do with Maggie's respect for Sydney's privacy than it did with her not wanting to talk to Alex about it. And now they were talking about it - finally, a year later.

"And then some. Maggie, she was distraught. She was there when you coded and I thought... " Maggie tore her gaze away from Sydney with some difficulty.

"You drilled my head open." Maggie said in wonder. Alex shrugged.

"And she held your hand. Once I had you bandaged. She was there the whole time. She was talking to you the whole time. It was obvious, not just to me but to everyone here today, how worried she was, how much she feels for you, Mags."

"Alex, she's never said…" Maggie trailed off and finally looked at Alex, eyes filled with as much pain as Alex had seen in them after her miscarriage. Alex sighed.

"She doesn't need to. Have you seen the way she looks at you?" Alex said, not remembering that Maggie was unconscious for most of the time Sydney had been there that day.

"She never asked me. She never seriously considered me as a partner. Maybe she's right. I never even thought about it, until her. But now I don't know who I am without her, Alex."

Alex sighed, she was on Maggie's side, always, but she hadn't seen this coming, would never have imagined, or guessed even now, how deep Maggie's feelings were for the other woman. There were no signs, no indications that Maggie had any gay tendencies before Sydney, yet here she was, carefully smoothing Sydney's hair out of her face so she could kiss her on the temple, fingers trailing tenderly over delicate cheekbones. Even in her sleep, Sydney smiled and cuddled closer to Maggie.

"You're Maggie Lin, OB/GYN extraordinaire, and my best friend." Alex said, putting her hand over Maggie's on Sydney's shoulder. Maggie's hand turned to grasp Alex's.

"I'm not sure that's enough, any more," Maggie said seriously, and when her eyes met Alex's, Alex recognised the lost look in them.

"Give it time Maggie, you'll figure it out." Alex said hopefully, squeezing Maggie's hand. Maggie nodded, still cradling Sydney. Her eyes drifted closed and her hand fell from Alex's, falling back on Sydney's back, steadfast even in sleep.

Alex stayed just long enough to convince herself that Maggie was only sleeping, was not in any immediate danger before going back to the on-call room for another hour-long nap, when she'd come back and check on Maggie again.

Sydney woke up to Alex hovering over Maggie, checking her vitals again. Alex had almost lost Maggie twice in one day without even knowing it; once when Maggie went to look for the clotting agents, and once with the brain bleed. She wasn't taking any chances. When Alex noticed Sydney was awake she smiled dryly at her, then continued her checks.

"I've heard the rumours. You're leaving. Again." Alex stated. Sydney sighed.

"I have to. She's not... like me. She doesn't... " Sydney trailed off, looked at Alex, a little lost.

"I think you'll find she does. She's been incomplete since you left. Kind of lost." Alex watched Sydney's face became a mask of guilt.

"I have a job lined up, an apartment. It's all arranged," Sydney said tentatively.

"So was your marriage," Alex said bluntly. Sydney looked away and nodded. Raised a hand to Maggie's face, gently, so gentle Alex could nearly feel it herself. And it took her by surprise. Alex knew Sydney cared for Maggie, but this was so raw, so surprisingly frank and intimate. Whatever reason Sydney had to leave, it had to be more important than the tenderness Alex could feel seeping from her. And Sydney's face was filled with such concern, such love and longing that Alex could see why Maggie had fallen for the smaller, very female doctor; if that look had been directed at her she might have wavered too.

"I have to go. She doesn't need me," Sydney said with some uncertainty.

"She asked you to stay. Not me, not Zack. You."

"And I'm here." Sydney turned a blank face to Alex, and she knew she'd pushed too far. Sydney turned back to Maggie. "She's so talented. And beautiful," Sydney said, tracing the lines of Maggie's face. "Take care of her, won't you?" Sydney asked.

"Always," Alex said, not adding that she'll always take care of Maggie; not for Sydney, and not because Sydney asked. But she knew, deep down, that she hadn't been doing such a good job lately. She'd seen the look that haunted Maggie's face since Sydney left, knew she could have her around for dinner more often, knew she could say yes to Maggie more often.

"You really do love her, don't you?" Alex asked, repeating herself. It took Sydney a few moments to tear her gaze away from Maggie's face.

"Always," Sydney said, meeting Alex's eyes. This time Alex looked away first, acknowledging the honesty she could feel in that gaze.

Alex nodded, stepped forward to check Maggie's vitals again, patted Sydney's shoulder gently and excused herself. Sydney propped herself on an elbow and watched Maggie sleep, her hand occasionally brushing over Maggie's face, memorizing the features with her fingers, stealing the quiet moments to store away for future moments when Maggie wasn't pressed against her, relaxed in sleep and so, so preciously fragile. She pressed a soft kiss to Maggie's cheek, and another to her sleeping lips before she let her head rest on Maggie's chest - her new favourite pillow - breathed in deeply the comforting scent of Maggie, and went back to sleep.

When Maggie woke again, Sydney was still there. Sydney's phone was still on the side table, still turned off. Sydney's forehead was pressed against Maggie's cheek, Sydney's cheek encroaching on Maggie's breast. Maggie raised the hand that wasn't attached to an arm full of tubes, ran her fingers gently against Sydney's temple and into the soft red hair. Her head hurt, but she didn't reach for the call button. She inhaled the smell of the hair beneath her nose and wished that the moment would never end.

There was a difference between the angular, fast-talking Sydney that Maggie met and slowly fell for, and this relaxed, calm, soft Sydney that Maggie was still falling for. Maggie continued to slowly run her fingers through Sydney's hair as she slept, and Sydney, still asleep, squeezed Maggie tighter, hummed against Maggie's chest. Sydney woke slowly, and Maggie stashed that knowledge away like a hoarder with a tiny morsel of gold. Sydney was also adorable upon waking, lifting her head with confused eyes finally focusing on Maggie's face, a genuine smile spreading across her face at the sight of Maggie.

"How you feeling?" Sydney asked, and Maggie smiled.

"Warm. Warm and..." Maggie paused before she said the word 'loved', but she felt it in a way she hadn't felt before. "Safe," she finished instead. Sydney hummed in response, nodded and lifted her head a little higher.

Maggie's hand filtered through Sydney's hair before she cupped Sydney's face. Maggie leaned in.

Sydney stopped her.

"Maggie," Sydney said slowly. "I'm moving to Tel Aviv. I can't.. I can't. Not when I'm... leaving."

"Oh," said Maggie, leaning back, resting her head on the pillow again, her hand still cupping Sydney's face. She slipped her index finger under Sydney's ear, let her thumb run over Sydney's cheek, straying dangerously close to Sydney's mouth.

"But you were here. You stayed," Maggie said, smiling sadly. Sydney smiled back.

"Just a scratch on the surface of things I would do for you. Maggie, I was so worried."

Maggie's face lifted, then dropped. "I can't ask you to stay, can I?"

"I wish I could. But I'm here now," and with that Sydney dropped her head back on to Maggie's chest, hand slipping across Maggie's waist to rub gently across Maggie's ribs, the accelerated beeping of her heart-rate monitor betraying Maggie and giving Sydney pause. Some of Maggie's friends came in then, bearing coffee and painkillers, and Maggie fully expected Sydney to slink away, frightened off by the possibility of people knowing there was something between them.

But she stayed, wrapped around the taller doctor, her former student, the woman she loved.

Author's note: I love the Sydney and Maggie storyline, and if it must end on Maggie's puppydog face watching Sydney walk away, there can at least be an interlude. Related very loosely to 'Last Call'. Please let me know how you feel about a) this b) Lintz.

In other news my doctor - who is actually good at doctoring - I can climb stairs again! Is an adorable tiny Jewish redhead and I cannot use the words when I see her because she is too goddamn cute.

Update 15/05/2017: Loosely related to 'After All The Dust has Settled'. Based on season 4, episode 10.