Chapter 5: Time for a Chat – Remus
Amy perched on one end of the large couch, filling only half of one of the three cushions. Remus sat nervously on one of the big armchairs.
"Remus, anyone could tell you're much nicer than either of your friends," she spoke finally. "Why did you three do this?"
"I knew this was going to mess up. Now all three of you will hate us all."
"Oh, no! I don't hate any of you." Least of all you. "Now, Lily and Kara might be slightly angry… but they'll get over it. They might really bruise James' and Sirius' egos, but they have big enough ones anyway."
They both laughed at that, and how true it was. "I guess you're right." He remembered watching her all these years, seeing who no one else did – the pretty, smart girl who liked to fade away into the crowd. He loved the color of her eyes… so soft a brown, and so expressive. He also hated what the stupid prank had done to her hair. It was still as silky-looking as ever, but the red didn't suit her at all. Her normal chestnut color was beautiful. He was always so surprised he was the only one who noticed her. Sure, she's quiet, but so was he.
"Remus…" She spoke softly.
"Yeah?" His head jerked up from his dream-like state, thinking about her.
"I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I don't want to kiss someone I barely know." She smiled. "I wouldn't mind being friends, though." Maybe more.
"I understand." Inside, his spirit was dying rapidly. "I'd like to be your friend." And so much more, if I could only find the courage.
Why can't he just say it? Why can't he just say, "I like you," she thought. How can I just say friends? I'm just as shy as he is. I wish I could be brave for one second…
"We… could still go to the ball, as friends, you know."
"Right."
She smiled. "I'm serious." She looked right into his eyes, hoping he'd get the message. "I'd love to be your 'date' to the ball."
No. He noticed a trace of something, but… he just couldn't understand! "I'd be honored," he said, smiling and wishing he could just tell her the truth.
Why could I automatically get so mad and feel so outgoing when I was angry at James and Sirius, but when it comes to Remus… I can't do anything? "We'll fit in well, don't you think? I mean, I know that Lily won't be so willing to kiss James, and same with Kara and Sirius."
"Yeah," he said, looking at the floor below his feet.
"Do you think it will bring together other people here?"
"I think so. I mean, it may break up a few couples, but that's only if they weren't happy together, anyway. Besides, there may be some people too shy to say anything to their crush, and this is their perfect chance."
She smiled at him. "That sounds a lot like you, doesn't it?"
"I guess, but I'm happy being your friend." For now.
"Do you want to take a walk outside, maybe freak out some people?"
"Sure! It could also make James and Sirius mad that we got along so well, while…"
"Oh! An added bonus, then, isn't it? Let's go." She got up quickly, and walked over to him, taking his hand.
Once they were outside, she still didn't let go of his hand, and said, "I know this sounds silly… but I used to watch you three and Lily and Kara and want to be your friends. I was just too shy, and I wanted to stay invisible."
"It doesn't sound silly. I used to wish you would come and talk with us."
"Really? You… saw me?" She almost laughed at how silly it sounded, but it was the truth. So often, she'd felt truly invisible, though she knew she really wasn't.
He grinned. "Since first year. I think I was the only one, though, so don't worry."
"I can't believe it." She raised her eyes from the ground to meet his eyes. "I never thought anyone saw me… ever."
Why not? You're so beautiful and sweet and kind. "I did." Their faces were so close… if he just moved a little closer… but that wouldn't be right. He had agreed on friendship. Besides, if he did… he'd be no better than James or Sirius.
Just then, Lily ran by, and James was walking dejectedly not too far behind her. They both stopped and stared. "Do you think…?" she asked James.
"Can't be. Remus isn't that… bold." He couldn't believe himself. "How about Amy?"
"I just met her, but she seemed to be about as bold as him."
A little closer… a little closer, she thought. Friendship is so unfair.
"Remus," she whispered. "Would you like to rethink the friendship thing?" I sure know I do.
"I'm sorry," he said, backing off. "I shouldn't have done that."
"There's nothing to be sorry about. Nothing happened," she said bitterly.
He misunderstood her bitterness. "I really am sorry."
"And so am I." There were tears welling up in her eyes now. She ran back to the common room and up the stairs.
"I messed it up, I always mess everything up, I can't do anything right!" She lay on her bed, yelling at herself.