Between Israel and a hard place
Sydney cuddled gratefully into Maggie, awkwardness dissipating.
"I'm sorry," Sydney started, but Maggie cut her off.
"I get it. Well, I get most of it. You were scared, and from what I've seen of your family you had every right to be. It would have been nice if you'd just… talked to me. Even a little. Or let me know you were leaving."
"Do you know how hard it was to talk to you? I was so confused and disoriented, I was sure you weren't interested in me," Sydney said, burying her face into Maggie's shoulder.
"No, I get it, I always have sex with women I'm not interested in," Maggie said sarcastically.
"I convinced myself you did it because you felt sorry for me," Sydney said, playing with her sleeve as Maggie rubbed her back. "And then I came back, and I was so wrong, and you were so sweet with your head injury but I'd already made my mind up. My family…"
"They pushed you away, I understand. But you pushed me away." Maggie squeezed Sydney's shoulder, her free hand reaching for Sydney's hand in her lap. Sydney turned her hand palm up, entwined her fingers in Maggie's.
"I left the first time because my life was a mess. I was so… dispirited. I had nothing left, and I didn't even know if you liked me, let alone if you liked women. I couldn't stay there and be your friend, and I couldn't ask because if you didn't… if you weren't… I was going to have to leave anyway."
"I was still figuring it out. That time… I hadn't done anything like that before. Not emotionally. Or with a woman. And it was amazing, and you were amazing, but I was confused. I'd never wanted to be with a woman before, and suddenly there you were, all the time, being adorable and knowledgeable and passionate, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I never felt sorry for you; I'd never have had sex with you because I felt sorry for you. I wanted you."
Sydney dropped Maggie's hand so she could cup Maggie's face, index finger coming up to trace a barely perceivable scar just on Maggie's right eyebrow. Maggie dropped her head a little, and Sydney kissed the spot.
"When I came back, you were so… forthcoming. So… obvious, in a way you hadn't been before." Sydney smiled, slid her arm around Maggie's waist.
"I thought you left because you didn't know how I felt. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice." Maggie said, pulling Sydney closer.
"But I did. I'd already made up my mind. I was so stupid. Why didn't you stop me?" Sydney asked.
"It seemed like something you wanted. I didn't want to get it your way. I said everything I could. If you wanted to stay, you would have." Maggie said, trying not to sound bitter.
"I couldn't, though. You met my family. Living here, with their judgement…. I wasn't strong enough then. I'm still not strong enough, but I have to be, for Beca." Sydney sighed, rested her cheek against Maggie's shoulder, her forehead against Maggie's cheek.
"I get that now. And before you left, you said… you said I wasn't alone in what I felt." Maggie said.
"I had to let you know. I thought I was alone in what I'd felt, all that time." Sydney said, still in wonder that she was wrong.
"I had sex with you. I kissed you, I held you when you cried, I held you after you broke up with your finance. How could you not know how I felt?" Maggie asked, punctuating the question with another squeeze of Sydney's hand.
"I… I was too scared to ask. I wanted to, I really did, but I was so scared that you didn't… that it was all just an… experiment for you, that I'd just thrown myself at you and you'd just given it a go in case I could help you with boards or something."
"You did help me with boards," Maggie pointed out.
"But not because… I wasn't returning a favour." Sydney said, a little flustered.
"So you'd do that for any resident?" Maggie teased.
"Any resident stupid enough to leave the boards to save her best friend and her unborn baby, yes." Sydney said seriously. "Any resident good enough to deliver a difficult birth like that, yes."
"I did thank you for that, didn't I?" Maggie asked.
"You can thank me now," Sydney says a little breathlessly, biting her lip.
Maggie laughed, and Sydney pouted.
"Not even a kiss?" Sydney asked.
"Not yet," Maggie said, settling Sydney more comfortably against her. "We're not done with this talk you promised.
Sydney sighed, impatient.
"Unless this was just a ruse to get me to come home with you, get me into your house, your… bed?" Maggie queried, not adverse to the idea but not willing to make the first move.
"It wasn't, I swear it wasn't but now that you're here… Maggie I've been waiting two years, nearly." Sydney said quietly.
"I thought you had a girlfriend in Israel?" Maggie asked tentatively, surprised.
"It didn't last," Sydney said shortly. "She wasn't you."
"But you didn't… with her?" Maggie asked, remembering how certain Sydney had sounded a year ago.
Sydney shrugged. "It didn't seem… worthwhile… I didn't… respond to her that well."
"You must be 30 now…. Once, in 30 years?" Maggie asked incredulously.
"Look, I know I never promised you anything, and you certainly didn't either, but any woman I'm with deserves me to be able to be think of her instead of someone… else." Sydney said. "And so far you're the only one I think of."
"And you didn't deserve to go out and explore your newfound sexuality?" Maggie asked. It's not like she had been very active herself, but she had put herself out there, had tried to move on – even if it hadn't worked. The thought of Sydney alone in a foreign city, watching women she found attractive and not making a move because of her – well, it was flattering.
"I'd done all the exploring I needed. Well, almost. I never did get your pants off," Sydney said, pulling back to look at Maggie, smiling nervously.
"After two years I think you deserve another shot," Maggie said smiling, then grew serious as she turned to finally face Sydney. "I've never missed anyone the way I've missed you. You can't just… take off on me again. And you have to talk to me."
"I accept the terms and conditions," Sydney said, straight faced.
"Where did you get a sense of humour?" Maggie asked, jostling Sydney.
"From you," Sydney said seriously, cupping Maggie's face. "Everything good in my life has come from you." They'd kissed beside the river, under fireworks that evening, but here, alone finally in her own home she was nervous again. Maybe Maggie was right. Perhaps she couldn't live up to Maggie's expectations.
Maggie just watched Sydney, not pushing, letting her process, and Sydney knew Maggie must have changed, that she couldn't be exactly the same person she was when they first met, but this reminded her of the patience Maggie had always had with her and it made her chest ache.
Sydney brought her mouth to Maggie's waiting lips.
Maggie's mouth opened to Sydney's without hesitation, tongue hungrily seeking Sydney's. Sydney couldn't believe she was so close to what she'd been waiting for so long, can't believe Maggie tasted exactly the same, couldn't believe this was real yet, after all the waiting, all the questioning.
Maggie's mouth left Sydney's eventually, kissed its way across Sydney's cheek and her lips wrapped around Sydney's ear lobe, teeth pulling gently.
Sydney gasped and pulled back.
"Don't tease me," she pleaded. "I need you,"
"I want to take my time with you," Maggie said, low and close to Sydney's ear. "Last time felt… rushed."
"It felt very thorough to me," Sydney said, kissing Maggie's neck. "But what would I know. You can take all the time in the world later, just, please. Don't make me wait any longer."
Sydney pulled back, looked at Maggie, lips parted and reddened from kissing, hair tousled, and a look in her eye Maggie could remember – except this time there was no shame, no hesitation.
"I've waited two years. Don't make me wait another minute." Sydney said, not demanding but still firm.
And with that Maggie's hand slid down the waistband of Sydney's pants, Maggie's forehead rested against Sydney's. She'd been expecting Sydney to be excited, but Sydney's underpants were soaked – still cotton, still functional, and once again completely drenched. Sydney moaned as Maggie's hand found its way between her underwear and her skin, gently feeling its way down, and Maggie pulled back to watch Sydney's face. Maggie hadn't really done this a lot, just that one time with Sydney and once with that girl she took home a year ago, but it's still familiar because it's Sydney, and they've been here before.
Maggie remembered where Sydney's clit was hiding, teased it out of its hiding place, rubbed gently, and Sydney moaned and Maggie had to lean in again, swallow that moan, and Sydney's teeth pressed into her as she moved forward, pressed herself against Maggie's hand, still moaning. Sydney was so wet, so ready, and Maggie's always heard that women are meant to be harder than men to please but yet again Sydney proves that wrong, coming noisily against Maggie's hand, into her mouth, pulsing and twitching. Sydney's hands, hands that were previously grasping Maggie's forearms, moved to pull Maggie into her as she collapsed back against the sofa.
Sydney caught her breath slowly, eyes unfocused as she looked at Maggie.
"Oh, Maggie," she breathed out. "You can take all the time you want, now."
Sydney lead Maggie to the bedroom, they kicked off their shoes at the door, and Sydney paused next to the bed, suddenly shy again.
"Can you… I never got to see you…" Sydney blushed, unable to finish her request.
"You want me naked?" Maggie teased.
"I want you every which way." Sydney said seriously. "I already owe you."
"Owe me what?" Maggie asked curiously.
"Three orgasms." Sydney said. Maggie looked confused. "You're three behind, I owe you."
"If I'd known that a year ago…" Maggie said, quirking her brow "I would have given you more than a kiss when you left."
Sydney rolled her eyes, pushed Maggie onto the bed. She climbed into Maggie's lap, a position they both remembered, and Sydney's mouth found the mole on Maggie's neck as her hands dove under Maggie's shirt, tugging it up. Maggie raised her arms, let the shirt come off.
Maggie lifted Sydney's shirt over her head, pulled their bodies together. Some of the urgency had left now that Sydney had already come, she was ready to let Maggie be slow and tender – and she was equally careful, slow and meticulous. Sydney was focused, sweet and responsive.
Maggie fumbled with Sydney's bra, feeling like the least smooth teenage boy in the world. Eventually Sydney reached back and undid it herself.
"It's harder, backwards," Maggie said defensively. Sydney nodded, and somehow undid Maggie's bra first try. "You've been practicing," Maggie accused, but Sydney shrugged.
"Dumb luck," Sydney said. "Like you. After everything, you're here with me, it must be dumb luck"
"It's just you." Maggie said, lifting her hand to Sydney's breast. "Hello, old friends," she said, cupping both, rubbing her thumbs over both nipples.
"They're pleased to see you," Sydney said, trying to be sexy but coming off a little awkward.
Maggie didn't notice, too involved with the heft and weight of Sydney's breasts in her hands, the nipples hardening under her thumbs. Maggie dropped her head, took a nipple in her mouth.
"No, your turn," Sydney said, pushing Maggie back on the bed.
Sydney's assault on Maggie's chest was… sloppy, a little aggressive and completely perfect. Maggie ran her fingers through Sydney's hair; it'd been a while for her too and somehow Sydney has always managed to push all her buttons. Sydney undid the button on Maggie's pants. She paused.
"Are you sure?" Sydney asked seriously.
"I'm three behind, remember. We stop now, I'll never catch up." Maggie said lightly.
"Seriously?" Sydney asked. "You want me…"
"You'll see in a moment. Just keep going." Maggie said gently, removing her hand from Sydney's hair to run it down Maggie's face.
Sydney unzipped the fly. She peeled off the pants, Maggie lifting her hips obligingly. Sydney paused at the sight of Maggie in just her underpants.
There was a large damp patch on the crotch of Maggie's purple, satin and lace, underpants.
"Oh," Sydney said. She tugged off Maggie's underwear, eyes fixed on the prize beneath. "Oh," she said again, breathless.
Maggie's was feeling a little self-conscious now.
"No, no, good 'oh'," Sydney reassured her, then dropped to her knees, pressed a gentle kiss against the inside of Maggie's knee, then up her thigh, fingers trailing up the other thigh keeping pace. Maggie was tempted to tell her to hurry up but she felt like she'd earnt the luxury of every tantalising moment. She knew Sydney knew what she was doing, or had known at least once. She knew she'd come eventually but for now, the sweet, hot lips of a passionate redhead creeping up her thigh ever so slowly was as close to heaven as she'd ever known.
Then Sydney's tongue flicked out, grazed Maggie's clit and oh God, she was wrong. A hot mouth enveloped her vulva, tongue running wild, and Maggie sat up on the edge of the bed, hands latched firmly onto Sydney's head again, holding her in place as she looked up at Maggie. Sydney's tongue eventually focused on Maggie's clit, working insidiously until Maggie came with a short cry. Sydney crawled up Maggie's body, kissing her with the passion that had originally drawn Maggie to her, the taste in her mouth familiar but different – she had only tasted Sydney before but this was somehow more exciting. One of Sydney's hands slid between them, Sydney's fingers running between Maggie's labia, palm grinding on her clit until Maggie came again, this time with an extended moan that Sydney swallowed.
When Maggie could breathe normally again, she lay down properly on the bed, pulling Sydney with her. She touched Sydney's face gently, running her fingers over her cheeks and lips, following her fingers with her own lips. Her hand slid down Sydney's neck, traced her clavicle, spent a great deal of time on Sydney's breasts, alternating between the two with mouth and hand, making sure they got equal attention. She caressed Sydney's ribs, then her back, then waist, then followed the line of Sydney's hips back to her core, kissing Sydney's willing mouth again.
Maggie slipped a finger inside Sydney, hesitated when she felt resistance. Sydney was still so wet, so it couldn't be friction. It had to be…
"You're…" Maggie started to ask.
"Technically, yeah." Sydney said, blushing.
"Are you sure? I don't think I can." Maggie said, the seriousness of the moment overwhelming her. She wanted to have sex with Sydney, but she didn't want to… break ground, so to speak. Not when things were still so uncertain between them.
"You took my virginity two years ago. You just left out one detail."
"I don't want to hurt you" Maggie said, withdrawing, resting her hand on Sydney's thigh instead. There were other things they could do, until at least a few dates, until they settled the tension still between them.
"Did it hurt you?"
"A little. I was young, and there wasn't a lot of foreplay." Maggie shrugged, having had enough sex that that first time 14 years ago didn't have much of an impact on her memory any more.
"Can't say that here," Sydney said, moving Maggie's hand back toward the apex of her thighs.
Maggie hesitated, and Sydney grabbed her wrist.
"Please." Sydney bit her lip, then pulled Maggie down to kiss her again. And Maggie pushed forward, tasted Sydney's flinch against her mouth. Then she was inside Sydney, properly, wet velvet warmth surrounding her finger, and she moved to the front to find that rough patch covering the g-spot, gently rubbed slowly with her fingerpads until Sydney moaned again in her mouth. Maggie brought her thumb back to Sydney's clit and Sydney trembled, fell apart clinging to Maggie.
Later they talked about awkward and careful pap smears Sydney has had, the disbelief she'd faced at the hands of women less qualified than her.
Maggie fell asleep first, exhausted by the stress of the day. Sydney too had been stressed and exhausted, but she'd been waiting for this for two years; it was worth waiting up to watch Maggie's face, slack in sleep, to feel Maggie's breathing under her head, to run her fingers over a ribcage she'd all but forgotten.
And when Sydney woke, she woke to Maggie's fingers in her hair, a kiss on her temple. When she looked up, Maggie was there.
"So much for just talking," Maggie smirked, and Sydney kissed that smirk right off of her face.
"I still owe you two," Sydney said.
"And my shift starts in half an hour, I have no idea how far away you live from Hope Zion so you've got your work cut out for you."
Sydney smirked this time, and they made it to work only a little late, disheveled and smiling.